The Pretty Psycho (St. Vasili’s Academy #2)

5. Vega

5

VEGA

There were people in my hospital room, and yet the only person I truly wanted to see was nowhere to be found.

After waking up for the first time just hours ago with Adrian by my side, I was in and out of sleep several more times, until I finally woke up in the afternoon hours, Yolanda next to me, screaming like a banshee when she finally realized that I was looking at her.

But he wasn't here.

I thought I had dreamed him, but his scent still lingered on the sheets, telling me that his words, his touches, his little kisses were as real as Yolanda and Dante standing in front of my bed, talking animatedly about the things happening at the Academy. Jax sat on the couch located right underneath the window, quiet, observing, and I didn't miss the way his eyes lingered on my friend, or the way they flared every time Dante placed his hand on Yolanda's shoulder.

I guess I wasn't the only one keeping little secrets, and I actually needed to talk to Yolanda about it.

As much as I liked Jax before I found out the truth, I didn't want him taking advantage of her. I didn't want him leading her on when there would be nothing serious happening between them. Yolanda lived her life wearing rose-colored glasses, waiting for her Prince Charming, and I had a feeling that Jax was very much the opposite of the prince she deserved to have.

I thought I'd be annoyed when the three of them pushed inside, after Adrian called them, but their presence was soothing. Their rambling took my mind off of the events that put me inside the hospital and every single time the little box I shoved all those memories in started opening, I slammed it closed, refusing to acknowledge what had happened.

My body felt like it belonged to another person. Every single part of me hurt, though it wasn't the physical pain that made me want to give up and never move again, but the scars seared into my soul I couldn't remove. Even when I tried pushing them inside that pretty little box along with all those memories.

I could see his face, his wild eyes, his stench, and every time those memories threatened to resurface I turned my head toward the pillow where Adrian slept not so long ago, inhaling his clean, woodsy scent, calming down at least momentarily.

I hated that I sought him out in my darkest moments, because after what he did, he did not deserve even a simple glance from me. He didn't deserve my touch earlier this morning, but like a moth attracted to the flame, I sought his warmth because basking in his darkness was better than drowning in my own.

This weakness taking a hold of my soul was not something I was used to. It wasn't something I ever wanted to feel, but how could I move on when every single atom in my body screamed in a pain that had nothing to do with the wounds on the surface of my skin? Those wounds would heal, but the shuddering realization that the ones that ran soul deep never would had me closing my eyes and slowly inhaling and exhaling, ignoring the soft lullaby Yolanda's voice had created. Had it been anyone else, any other guy, maybe it wouldn’t have felt as if my own soul cracked with every new inhale, but it was Adrian.

It was the man I was starting to… I was starting to feel something. Something I haven’t felt before, and he… He betrayed me.

"Vega?" my friend, my little sunshine, called out my name, her fingers slowly wrapping around my hand. I wanted to both push her away and bring her closer.

I wanted to bury myself inside their hearts, under their skin, because my own was too tight to wear right now. There were goosebumps all over my flesh, and they had nothing to do with the colder temperature of the room. This kind of cold, this soul-deep chill could not be erased with a soft blanket and the arms I could call home.

Not even Adrian's presence could erase the stain now marring my soul, and I had no idea how to move on from this. How to breathe without choking. How to see the world as anything but the purgatory we were all stuck in.

The sound of feet shuffling on the marble floor had me opening my eyes, but I only saw the back of Jax's jacket as he and Dante went out of the room, closing the door with a soft click behind them. I kept looking at the place they just vacated, refusing to look at Yolanda, because I knew what I was going to see.

The same thing I saw when I just opened my eyes after her screeching had stopped the first time.

Pity.

Fear.

Sadness.

I didn't want them to pity me. I didn't want them to be sad for me.

I wanted the anger I could control. I wanted the rage simmering deep inside of me, because I had no idea how to dominate these other… emotions living inside my bones. I had no idea what to do with the sorrow clinging to every inch of me.

But anger… Anger I could wield, use, and abuse, just how it abused me. I could turn it into the most lethal weapon without even trying. It was what had kept me moving all those years while I was lost in the dark pit of The Schatten, trying to crawl out and end on top.

My fists clenched, my teeth biting into my bottom lip as the pain from my fucked-up hand rocked through my body, but I didn't stop. Pain was better than the thoughts rushing through my mind. Pain told me I could still feel something, because sometimes it felt like I was dead and I just haven't realized it yet.

"Vega," Yolanda murmured again. "Look at me." I could feel her eyes on the side of my face. I could feel the unspoken words mingling in the air around us, yet I couldn't look at her.

I was more afraid of what I would see there. At least in my darkness I knew what to expect, but to see this girl I thought I could save looking at me with pity… I couldn't take it. I couldn't bear the fact that I thought I was her savior when I couldn't even save myself.

The scraping of a chair over the floor had me wincing, and the moment her hand left mine I wanted to beg her to come back. To give me just a little bit of the warmth I was lacking.

What I didn't expect was for her to jump on top of the bed, and whether I wanted it or not, I turned to look at her, my eyes wide as this Viking-sized girl pushed at my body, trying to make space for herself, looking at me with so much anger.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I rasped, hating how weak my voice sounded. I missed the control I always used to have. It kept slipping and slipping through my fingers, like fucking Jell-O, just dripping down my hands with no way to catch it. "Yolanda?"

"Shush," she bit out, pushing one of her arms under my neck and the other one over my chest, pulling me to her as if I weighed nothing. "I'm gonna hold you now, okay, and you're not gonna say a single thing but let me hold you."

Fuck. FUCK.

My eyes filled with the unshed tears I was keeping at bay for those moments when I was alone.

I didn't want to cry, not in front of her. She already saw all the fucked-up pieces of me when I fell apart after I came back from Adrian's place. I didn't want her to see me like this.

All these emotions were a weakness I couldn't afford. I had to suppress them. Erase them. Remove them from my existence, but as Yolanda started humming “You Are My Sunshine”, tightening her arms around me, I broke.

A wail erupted from my throat, tearing through my very soul, latching on to these sterile, white walls in the room that felt more like a prison than a salvation. My eyes closed as Yolanda spread her fingers over the back of my head, pulling my head onto her chest, holding me when I couldn't hold myself.

I wanted to disappear.

I wanted to evaporate into thin air just like the sobs breaking my heart, piece by piece. My entire body shook, but she didn't budge. She held me as if her life depended on it and not mine.

I had no idea how starved I was for human touch until I came to the Academy. Until I met her and I let Adrian shatter all those walls around my heart.

My God, I fucking hated him, but I hated needing him more than I hated the things he hid from me. I needed his strength to pull me out of this hellhole, even if I would never admit it out loud. Because one thing was certain—I couldn't trust him. I didn't fucking want to trust him.

This weakness would pass. It had to fucking pass.

I refused to live my life burdened by the past, I just needed time. Time to heal, to move on, to get the fuck away from this godforsaken town and that fucking Academy.

Time to disappear and start somewhere new. Somewhere no one knew my name. Somewhere I could just be, just exist. I wanted to wake up every single day mesmerized by the sun, without all this darkness holding me back. I wanted to get the fuck out of this life, and I couldn't do it if I kept waiting for someone else to give me their approval.

This betrayal from the only family I'd known since I was a little girl hurt more than I dared to admit, but I would survive.

I would survive, goddammit, because none of these people were worthy of my tears or the tearing out of my heart.

There was a new weight pressing on my lungs that hadn't been there before, and every single time I closed my eyes, I could see him. Every single time I was back in that nightmare, seeing his face as he took and took and took… Why did I not see it before?

How could I have missed the depravity living in those dark depths, thinking that Tyler only ever saw me as a little sister?

There was nothing good in him. Nothing worth saving, and I was a foolish girl spending years mourning the man that would turn out just to be another monster in my life.

"I know it might not feel that way right now," Yolanda's voice caressed my tormented soul, "but you are going to be okay. You are one of the strongest people I know, Vega, and while we might not have been in each other's lives for long, I know a warrior when I see one." I looked up at her, ashamed more than anything else that she had to see me like this. "Just like I once told you, I know a monster when I see one." She smiled softly, taking a hold of my chin in her hand, pulling my face just an inch from hers. "And you, my friend, you're not a monster. You're the one that destroys monsters, and I know you're going to destroy the one who did this to you."

But didn't she understand? I couldn't. I couldn't fucking move, let alone go out and destroy Tyler. The mere thought of seeing him again had the long talons of panic wrap around my lungs, slowly inching up my throat.

I prided myself on my fearlessness, yet the first obstacle I had to face had me tucking my tail and wishing I didn't even exist.

"And that destruction might not come today or tomorrow or even this year, but you will do it, because you're Vega Konstantinova and you're no one's bitch." Her words held a conviction I couldn't feel, but I held on to them, tightening my fists around each word as if I could claim them as my own, because this girl I had first thought as just a weak spot her family wanted to get rid of was stronger than most of the people I knew.

Yolanda's strength came from a place that didn't need fists, knives, and guns to win. It came from the place where she had to learn how to be strong mentally, because that's what mattered the most in this messed-up life we lived.

"Thank you," I rasped, suddenly feeling exhausted even after all the sleep I got. "I needed to hear that."

"I know." She grinned. "And I'll say it a thousand times more until it reaches those parts of you that need to hear it. You're a fighter, my friend, and fighters don't give up when things get difficult. They push through the walls if they need to, but they continue fighting, because the only other option is to succumb to the fucked-up things living inside our heads, and you know what happens then?"

"What?"

"Death." She took a deep breath, her eyes locked on the wall behind me. "And death is not something any one of us should wish for. Trust me." She looked down at me. "I'd know."

My eyebrows shot up as she peeled off yet another layer of who she truly was, shocking me even without trying. But as soon as those walls she had around herself came down, they shot right back up, and I knew now wasn't the time or place to ask what she meant by that.

There was one thing I was good at and that's reading people, and Yolanda definitely didn't want to talk about the demons haunting her dreams.

"I do need your help," I dared to say, cringing internally, because asking somebody else for help felt like shredding a piece of my own soul. But I could set my pride aside and admit that I couldn't do this on my own. I couldn't escape this place without others knowing.

I just couldn't go back to that place. I couldn't look at Adrian and pretend I wanted to be at the Academy. While I loved seeing Dante and Jax, I couldn't ignore the stabs of disappointment that their mere presence brought, because I knew they were aware of all the secrets Adrian had kept away from me.

"Anything," she said. "I'll do anything for you, you just need to ask."

"I need to get away," I blurted out before I could change my mind. "I need to get away from here, from him, from?—"

"I can assure you, Vega," a new voice boomed from the direction of the door, and it took me a second to turn around and look at the intruders. "That isn't going to happen."

A tall man, almost as tall as Adrian, walked inside the room, smiling the entire time. And while that smile was supposed to reassure me, it was his eyes that sent chills straight through my veins. I pushed away from Yolanda, withdrawing into the backrest of my bed, and it wasn't until the new face entered my room that the panic shot through my body, making me shiver almost involuntarily.

"We need to talk, printsessa ," the tall man spoke, looking between me and the newcomer.

I could barely hear him, my eyes drawn to the Devil who just kept staring at me with a blank look on his face.

Arseniy Morozov stared at me as if he had any right to do so, and I was incapable of doing anything but looking straight back at the man who was most probably here to kill me.