The Pretty Psycho (St. Vasili’s Academy #2)

10. Vega

10

VEGA

He was insane.

In-fucking-sane.

Certifiable.

Unstable.

Jesus fucking Christ.

This was the second time he just scooped me up like I was a little kid and started carrying me around as if I were key chain-sized. I was fuming. FUMING. And what did he do? The fucker kept grinning the entire way toward his cabin, even when we entered. He still held on to me as he walked through the place, lowering me gently on top of the bed we shared not too long ago.

God-fucking-dammit, Adrian. I didn't want to be here.

My eyes automatically fell onto the now empty desk, remembering all those files he had on me. I didn't want to be reminded of the betrayal and the hurt he caused. There were only so many wounds I could patch up on my own before the other ones started opening up, and the wound he left me with could not be patched up.

It was bleeding, raw, and the more time I spent in his presence, the more I wished I had never seen those papers. Call me a fool, but for once in my life I wanted to have something good, someone to call my own, even if they lied to me. I wouldn't have known about it had I not gone looking around, snooping through his place, finding things that weren't for my eyes.

Adrian walked away from me toward the kitchen and came back moments later with a glass of water and something else in his hand.

"What's that?" I asked, looking at the little plastic box in his right hand.

"It's your meds," he murmured, setting both items on top of the nightstand.

"W-What do you mean, my meds?" I frowned. I didn't have meds. Or did I?

Yet, he never answered my question. He simply dropped it down and stood there, staring at me with an unreadable look on his face. Goosebumps erupted all over my skin at the fire in his eyes, and something else I didn't even want to touch with a ten-foot pole.

Something that shone like love and admiration.

Something that made my heart pitter-patter.

Something that was so far out of my reach.

"Don't look at me like that, Adrian."

"Like what?" He smiled.

"You know." I shrugged. "Like you're…" I couldn't bring myself to say those words. At least not out loud.

Like you care about me.

Like you love me.

Like you need me more than I might need you.

Like you're terrified to lose me.

Like none of what we did matters if we have each other.

I couldn't think with him standing so close. I couldn't fucking breathe, because every single time I inhaled, it was the fresh scent of his detergent with something like the aroma of the forest that trickled through my system. He was everywhere—around me, in me, and all I wanted was to run far away from here, because what I wanted was something I would never be able to get.

"I just want to shower and go to sleep, Adrian. I," I stammered. "If you're not gonna allow me to go anywhere else, then please. Just leave me be."

His eyes narrowed, those dark depths eating me alive. I halfway expected him to argue, to tell me what I should do, but he didn't. He nodded slowly and came closer, pulling me up into his arms just like before. I didn't have it in me to protest.

Instead I wrapped my arms around him, looking at this man, this fucking enigma, as he carried me toward the bathroom, keeping his mouth shut the entire time. He set me down on my feet, slowly removing his arms from my body, and the moment he stepped away I felt cold, the bone-deep chill spreading through my body, but it didn't last too long.

His fingers landed on the hem of my sweater, sending a completely different kind of chill all over my body. His dark, fiery gaze landed on my face, as if he was asking me for permission, making me choke on the emotions threatening to swallow me whole. Bobbing my head I let him undress me slowly, carefully, as if I were the most precious thing in his entire life.

My throat was filled with the sob threatening to erupt, choking on everything attacking me at once. He wasn't supposed to be kind. He wasn't supposed to look at me as if I was a shining star in the night sky. None of this was supposed to happen.

I wanted to disappear, to go far away from here and lick my wounds in private, but he obviously wouldn't allow it.

The tic in his cheek appeared the moment those eyes landed on the bruises on my ribs, and as my leggings dropped down, that tic only became more prominent when he saw the carved-up place that piece of shit left behind.

His fingers trembled as he lifted his hand, reaching toward the bruises first, his touch featherlight, careful not to hurt me. My breathing hitched, alerting him to my distress, and the moment his eyes slammed into mine, I knew I wasn't going anywhere.

He owned me—body, mind, and soul. He fucking owned me and I never wanted to be owned up until this moment. I hated this and loved it at the same time. I hated him for breaking me, for making me fall for him only to find all those things. But I knew my anger wasn’t because I didn't want him to win.

It came because I wanted him to win me over, so fucking badly. I wanted him to show me that pretty things were still possible for people like us. I wanted him to let me dream with him, because he was my dream and not another nightmare. He was the tether that held me to the now in this world, and I just wanted to get lost with him.

His sorrow ate me alive. The sadness I could see in the dark abyss staring at me was my unraveling.

He dragged his fingers over my bare stomach and all the way to my hip. Seconds passed as he stared at that spot, his gaze laser sharp as if he could erase it by the sheer power of his will. I wished he could. I wished I could go back in time and change what happened to me, but I couldn't.

"I'm not a victim," I rasped, hating, just fucking hating how weak my own voice sounded. He looked up, his fingers flexing as he gripped my hip in his hand, bringing me closer to him. "He didn't break me."

"I know," he grunted.

"I'm not a victim," my lower lip wobbled, my eyes filling with tears. "I'm not."

"I know, baby."

"He didn't destroy me," I said as the first tear fell. "He didn't." Adrian stood there, keeping me upright, holding me, loving me with his eyes even when he couldn't say the words. I wasn't sure I was even ready for his words, not right now. Maybe not ever, but especially not now.

"I know," he said again and again and again as I went on and on, rambling, convincing both of us that I wasn't broken. I wasn't fucking broken!

"I'm not a victim!" I bawled, fisting my hands against his shirt, feeling my entire body tremble. My eyes closed, unable to take the look on his face.

He… He didn't look at me with pity. He didn't look at me as if I was broken. He looked at me as he always did.

"Bambi," he murmured, lifting my chin up. "Look at me."

"I can't."

"Please, baby girl," he begged. He. Fucking. Begged. And I couldn't say no. My eyes opened, seeing the turmoil, the fucking storm in his, but the pity I kept expecting to see wasn't there. "You're my girl, Vega," he said. "My. Fucking. Girl." My heart broke at those three little words. "You're not broken. You were never broken, and that bastard—" He stopped suddenly, his lips set into a thin line. "That bastard took something he had no right to take. But he didn't break you. He didn't destroy who you truly are. And you." He smiled suddenly. "You are a warrior."

"Am I?" I asked. "Because I don't feel like a warrior," I murmured. "I feel like the shattered version of who I used to be. I feel… I feel used. I feel betrayed. I feel like every person I love is just set on my path to destroy all the pieces of me. I don't feel strong, Adrian. I feel powerless."

His hands landed on my cheeks, holding me in place, looking down at me as if the sun rose and set with me. "Then I'll be your strength. I'll be the power you need. I'll be anything you need me to be, Bambi. I'll be your savior, your damnation, the hand to hold and the weapon to wield. I'll be anything, baby, but just let me be here for you. Let me in."

"I can't," I whimpered. "I… You broke me. When I saw it… You broke me, Adrian."

His eyes shuttered, the pain I knew all too well on full display right now. I had no idea what happened over the past couple of days, but the Adrian standing in front of me was not the same man I left behind when I ran out of this very cabin. This one was open, letting me see all the scars, all the darkness, all the broken pieces inside of him.

"I fucked up," he mumbled, pressing his lips to my forehead. "I fucked up so badly, and I would spend the rest of my life trying to fix that mistake. But you weren't my target, Vega. What we had," he took a step back, his hands on the sides of my neck, "that was real. That was me. I will be your greatest downfall," he said, making me frown. "The hardest burden to bear, because the darkness you fell for needs you more than you need it. I need you more than you could ever imagine, and I am never letting you go." He closed his eyes, avoiding my gaze. "Please don't make me let you go."

"Adrian," I murmured, placing my hand on his stubbled cheek.

"I am not a religious man, Bambi." He looked at me before he turned to nuzzle my hand. "But for you I pray. I pray to the God I never believed in, hoping he would hear me. I am not a good man, but I'm hoping that somewhere along the way I did something to enable me to deserve you, because we both know you deserve better than me."

"No, Adrian," I moved closer. "Stop that."

"No," he shook his head. "This is the reality, but just because it is, it doesn't mean I'll ever let go. I'll be your shadow, baby girl. I'll be the one that's always there, whether you want me to be or not." His lips landed on my forehead again, then at my right cheek and the left, my nose, and slowly to my lips, giving me just a peck, a prelude of what he held inside. "But first," he looked at the shower behind my back with a serious expression on his face, "we need to wash you and wrap you in the blanket. I don't want you collapsing on me."

I started turning around, ready to get into the shower myself, when he picked me up bridal style and brought me inside the stall, standing behind me.

"W-What?—"

"I can't risk you falling," he said just as he opened the tap, testing the water. "Is this okay?" he asked, completely ignoring the bewildered look on my face.

He was gentle, almost too gentle, and I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t handle this kindness, not right now.

I was already at the breaking point, shattering underneath the pressure of everything that had happened and everything that was about to come, and I never expected him to be the rock I could lean on. The saddest thing of all was that I didn't know how, because the people in my life were so rarely reliable enough for me to lean on them.

Could I trust him?

Could I trust that he would be here even after he finds out all the darkest, sickest parts of me?

Life taught me that those we loved so very rarely stayed when things got hard, and as I stood here in the shower with the man I wished I could hate, I looked up, searching his eyes for anything that could tell me he wasn't being honest. But the only thing I found in them was the admiration I saw earlier.

"Bambi?" He chuckled, looking at me expectantly.

I was definitely staring, but I couldn't stop myself. "Uh," I shook my head. "What?"

"Is the water okay?" he asked again, bringing my attention to the showerhead he was holding away from my body.

"Uh," I stammered, extending my hands toward the stream of water, testing it as he did seconds ago. I didn't have a chance to have a proper shower in the hospital. Hell, I didn't have a chance to even recover properly while there. But just standing here, with him, was doing wonders to my soul, and I had no idea how much I’d missed out on having someone to take care of me like this.

I was used to doing everything on my own, and it surprised me how easy it was handing off the reins to him just for this one moment.

He switched the water flow to the overhead shower, spraying us both in the process. Adrian turned me around slowly and took off his already soaked shirt, letting it fall somewhere outside of the shower stall. I wanted to touch him. I wanted to be the old me. The me before Tyler and the monstrosity he had committed.

I wanted to feel Adrian, to drag my hand over his chest, to show him I was still the same. But I couldn’t.

Not right now.

I was nowhere near ready for… that. The mere thought of even going in that direction made me nauseous.

Adrian frowned, as if he could see the turmoil in my head. His fingers lightly pressed underneath my chin, lifting my gaze to his. "We're not going to do anything but shower, Bambi." Gone was the soft look in his eyes, replaced by something deeper, darker. "I'm going to take care of you and put new bandages on those wounds and then I'm going to feed you. Okay?"

"Okay," I murmured, unable to say anything else. "It's just?—"

"You don't have to explain yourself to me. Not now, not ever. We're not here because I want to take advantage of you. We're here because I want to help you. All right?"

I had no words. Even the ones that had managed to slip through the blank wall I kept hitting were stuck in my throat. Who the fuck was this man? What happened between the fire and today? I managed to simply nod before he bent down, pressing his lips to my forehead.

"That's my girl." I could feel his lips spreading into a smile still pressed on my damp skin, and without thinking I pressed my palms against his pecs, needing the contact more than my next breath. He moved slowly, removing the bandage from my neck, letting it fall on top of his shirt. "The doctor said that these cuts weren't so deep, so they didn't need to do stitches."

"You spoke to my doctor, huh?" I joked.

"Babe," he looked down, his face serious, "I'm pretty sure the man couldn't wait to see me gone."

"That poor man." I chuckled. "What did you do? Threaten him?"

His dark eyes twinkled as he dragged his hand over my hair, slowly pushing me deeper under the stream of water. He worked leisurely, making sure that every single part of me was drenched. His hands moved over my body, and while I should've felt self-conscious or even ashamed, maybe aroused, there was nothing sexual in the way he touched me.

He covered every inch of my body and turned off the water, before taking the shampoo bottle from the little stand.

"I bought you this." He turned the shampoo bottle toward me. "I have no idea what half of this shit means," he glared at the bottle, "but I hope it's okay." Fuck. My. Life.

"You bought me shampoo?" I croaked, my voice breaking as my eyes flickered from the bottle to him. He frowned at the look on my face, stepping closer. "You bought me fucking shampoo?"

"Vega," he mumbled. "Was I not supposed to? Is it a bad one? Yolanda spoke about different kinds and all that shit, but I couldn't follow. Not fully."

My hand flew to my mouth as if that could stop the shuddering sob that erupted from my body. "You bought me shampoo!"

Realization washed over his features, and before I could fall apart and shatter right in front of him, he wrapped me in his arms, cocooning me in his embrace as my body shook and fucking shook, while the tears ran down my cheeks.

It wasn't about shampoo. Of course it wasn't about the fucking shampoo.

It was about the fact that he cared enough to even think of buying a separate shampoo for me. God, it was such a small gesture. Such an insignificant little thing, but he had no idea what it meant to me.

The Schatten made sure we had all the things we needed for everyday life, but no one ever thought of asking us what we truly wanted to get. No one had ever asked me which shampoo worked better for my hair, or what food I would rather eat. No one took care of me, and I had no idea how starved I was for those small gestures, for basic human touch, until now.

"If you don't like it, I can always get a different one," he murmured, his voice filled with amusement, making me laugh through my tears. "I also got a conditioner. Are you gonna cry over that as well?" I pinched his side, laughing at him, because it was obvious that he wanted to make the situation lighter. "And just you wait until you see the hairbrush I got you. Man, that thing could be a weapon."

My stomach clenched from the strength of my laughter now, the sound of it echoing around us.

"You're such a goof," I snickered, taking a small step back, but still keeping my hands on him.

Fuck it.

I liked who I was with him. I liked that I didn't have to wear a mask, not in his presence. And I fucking liked the way his eyes twinkled when he looked at me as I tried catching my breath.

I liked the way his thumbs swept over my cheeks, removing the tears marring my skin.

But I still needed to know the full story. I still needed him to tell me everything he had failed to mention before. Maybe not tonight, but soon.

"No more crying, baby girl," he mumbled, licking my tears off his thumbs. "Please."

My face scrunched again, tormenting both of us. His eyes darkened, and before long he set the bottle of shampoo back on the glass shelf he had in the corner of the stall and lifted me up in his arms. My legs wrapped around his waist instinctively, almost as if they always belonged there.

He walked with me in his arms toward the shower controls and let the water wash over us. The warm water hit my skin just as he started cradling my head, pressing it to his shoulder.

"Let it out," he murmured, his voice muffled by the sound of the pouring water. "Just let it out."

And I did. He didn't have to tell me twice.

I let my sadness, my anger, my frustration, my fear, my sorrow… I let it all out through the tears and sobs racking my body. I let it wash over me just like the water hitting our skin.

I didn't want to drown in this. I didn't want to become these emotions choking me, making it almost impossible to breathe. I didn't want to be this broken version of myself, and as much as I hated admitting it, Tyler took something from me. He took my choice. He took away my ability to fight, destroying everything I was.

Adrian sat down on the floor with me in his arms, letting me drown us both in my sorrow while I mourned the version of me that existed before Tyler took away the last bit of innocence I still held on to. I was not a saint, far from it. I did things I wasn't proud of. I killed, I fought, I've been hurt before, but never like this.

Never fucking like this.

"Fuck," I shuddered, burrowing my face into Adrian's neck, praying his heat would be enough to keep me warm, because this blood-chilling cold couldn't otherwise be stopped even with the hot water falling down on us.

His hand rubbed small circles over my back, all the while humming and murmuring assuring words. Soaking me in the love and peace he was offering. He felt like home.

He felt like my safe haven, and I was done fighting these feelings I had for him. I was done trying to find reasons to push him away.

I deserved peace and quiet, at least for a little while. I deserved this.

His humming wrapped around me, but I couldn't recognize the song. "What are you humming?" I asked, pulling back slightly to look up at him.

He dragged his palm over the skin on my cheek, right around the cut that was being held with butterfly bandages, making me feel cherished, almost loved just with those little touches.

"It's “Take Me Back to Eden” by Sleep Token," he smiled. "I'll play it for you sometime."

"Play it for me?" I frowned. "What do you mean play it for me?"

His soft chuckle burrowed itself deep in my chest. "I play piano," the motherfucker grinned. "My mother insisted on me learning to play at least one instrument when I was a kid."

"You play the piano?" I asked, dumbfounded. "Fuck you." I laughed, playfully swatting my hand on his chest. "Could you, like, stop being so…" What was the fucking word? "So pompous?"

He dipped his head down until his lips lingered mere inches from mine. "I believe the word you're looking for is perfect, Bambi."

"Ha!" I exclaimed. "If you're perfect then I'm a freaking princess."

"You are." He tightened his arms around me. "You are my princess, Vega. My little fairy tale."

He managed to shatter all those perfectly built walls with four words, and as he let me use him and his power for just a little longer, I realized that maybe, just maybe, he was my fairy tale as well.