The Pretty Psycho (St. Vasili’s Academy #2)

16. Vega

16

VEGA

It was the pounding at the door that had me jumping up in the bed, feeling completely disoriented after my sleep.

Yolanda was already on her feet, looking between the door and me, her eyes wide and worried, almost as if she was asking me what to do. I rubbed at my eyes just as another thump-thump-thump sounded, making me look at the door.

"What the fuck is going on?" I asked, my voice raspy, wrapped in the cocoon of the nap I took.

"Vega!" came from behind the door, making me jump once again. "Open the fucking door!" Adrian's voice boomed around us, and as welcoming as it was, especially after the confessions I'd made to Yolanda, it was also irritating me right now.

Couldn't he fucking take a hint? I told him I needed space and the next thing he does is to come here and demand for me to open the door.

"Don't open the door," I gritted out, startling an already terrified Yolanda. "He can knock as much as he wants to, but I'm not opening that door."

"Vega," came his growly voice again. "If you don't open the door, I'm fucking breaking it down."

"Fuck."

"What do we do, Vega?" Yolanda asked, twirling her fingers in front of her. "Girl, I love you, but I don't want him to break down my door. And judging by the strength of his pounding, he would be able to do it." She was whispering, trembling right in front of me.

I had the motherfucking headache of all headaches, and the last thing I needed was to see him. Hell, what I needed was more sleep and more rest. Yolanda was right—I was still absolutely shattered, and having all this stress was not helping.

"He can try," I bit out. "Fuck off, Adrian!"

"Gladly!" he bellowed. "But only once you open the door."

"Vega?" Yolanda's voice trembled.

"Don't you dare, Yo," I threatened. "If you open that door I'll fucking stab him, I swear to God."

The pounding suddenly stopped, just before his voice came through again, making me shiver. "Vega," he started. "Baby, please. Open the door. I don't want to break it down, but if I have to I will."

"I'm not opening the fucking door, Adrian!" The audacity of this man. I agreed with Yolanda on many things, but I still needed time to process all the information I had received in the last couple of days. I still felt like I was nearing the breaking point, and a couple of hours away from him, judging by the dark skies outside, were not enough to have me embrace him. "Go away!"

"I'm not going anywhere," he mumbled. "If I have to I'll camp out here the entire night, but I'm not fucking leaving!"

"You should," I blasted out. "There's nothing keeping you here."

"Vega," Yolanda moaned. "I told you already he wasn't gonna let go. I'm surprised it took him this long to actually come." Yeah, I was surprised as well, and I wasn't sure if I was angry at him for staying away or glad he actually listened, at least for a little while. "He sounds tortured."

"Good," I bit out. "Let him stay tortured. I still don't trust him." The truth was, I didn't trust that I wouldn't turn into a puddle the moment he stepped through that door, and I needed a clear head to think about the future. My fucking future.

I wasn't angry at him, not really. I was angry at the situation I was in and it was easier hiding out than coming face to face with him and confronting all those demons waiting for me. It was easier drifting into sleep than dealing with this whole shit show. I just wanted a couple of days to wrap my mind around everything and then I could make a decision.

"Fuck this shit," he grumbled from outside the door. I could hear his footsteps getting away from the door, and I ignored the cracks appearing on my heart when I realized he wasn't going to bother anymore.

"Is he just—" Yolanda started speaking when a crash sounded, making me jump from the bed. The door rattled, making Yolanda run toward me. "Is he breaking down the fucking door?" I… It seemed that he was.

Something slammed into the door again and within seconds, it flew open, revealing a heavily breathing, flustered-looking Adrian. His eyes zeroed in on me, drinking me in as if he was a man starved for just a sight of me. My heart pitter-pattered at the sight of him, reminding me why I needed to stay away for a little while.

I couldn't think with him around.

I couldn't remember all the reasons why I should stay away from this man. I couldn't remember why I didn't trust him and why I didn't want to let him in. I hated the fact that he couldn’t let me be for just a little while, but the sick and twisted part of me absolutely loved the fact that he came here, that he demanded things even when I wasn’t so sure about us.

It was toxic.

It was insane.

But it was us.

His hands wrapped around the doorframe, leaning against it, but his eyes never abandoned mine. There were so many emotions in them, so many things I wanted to hear and so many others I wasn't ready for, but one thing was for certain—he wasn't going to let me stay with Yolanda. Not now.

"Adrian," I warned, my voice filled with trepidation at this beastly-looking man who started coming toward me. His steps were sure, predatory, stalking me, claiming me with each passing second without even knowing it, and I was prey stuck in his web, unable to move.

I was barely able to breathe when he reached me, his trembling hand landing on my cheek while his thumb rubbed in circles over my skin.

"Hello, Bambi," he murmured, his eyes shining with more than I could take right now. "Did you sleep well?"

He expected an answer from me. He expected me to be compliant, to be meek and mellow.

Well, fuck that.

My left fist connected with his cheek and he never saw it coming. His head flew to the side just as the pain ricocheted through my hand, making me hiss in pain.

Both of my hands were now incapacitated, but it was worth it. So fucking worth it, no matter what.

"I slept just fucking fine,” I spat out, glaring at him as he massaged his cheek. Those obsidian eyes blazed with dark promises reserved only for me, but the hit wasn’t anything he didn’t deserve.

I told him I needed space.

I told him to let me be for a while.

But as per usual, he only heard his own thoughts. He only heard what he wanted to fucking hear.

“Vega,” he grumbled, a warning evident in his voice. “Don’t fucking tempt me.”

“Or what?” I asked. “You’re going to throw me over your shoulder and take me to your cabin? Or are you going to lock me like Rapunzel, treating me like one of those vapid girls that always flocked to you.”

Anger was back.

Anger was good.

It was fucking amazing.

The more he tried pulling me to him, the more I pushed back, and I needed this.

But before I could see what he was doing, before I could move away, his hand wrapped around the back of my neck, pulling me closer until his lips descended on my forehead, pressing with a featherlight touch. "I'm sure you didn't miss me, but I just wanted to let you know," he opened his eyes and looked at me, “I missed you, and I deserved that punch. Hell, I probably deserve more than that.” Fuck, I did miss him. I missed his touch the moment I decided to leave with Yolanda, but telling him that would be giving him more power than I was ready to share, and he didn't need me to feed his ego any more. It was already big enough even without me adding anything to it. "Are you hurting?"

As if summoned by his words, my hand started throbbing, my knuckles sending rivulets of pain through my nerve endings.

Just in my heart , I wanted to say, but I didn't. I kept my fucking mouth shut as I looked up at him, confused beyond measure by this kindness he was portraying. The way he sounded on the other side of that door was the complete opposite of what was transpiring in front of me.

"Vega?"

"My hand hurts," I mumbled, letting my mouth run as I tried to wrap my mind around all of this. "What are you doing here, Adrian? I thought we had agreed you'd give me space."

"Nah, baby girl." He chuckled. "We didn't agree on anything. You talked, you pushed me away, and you tried to decide for both of us. But we didn't agree on anything."

"Well," I pushed at his chest, wrapping my arms around myself, "I don't want you here."

"And I don't want you here," he bit out, his eyes turning wild. "But we don't always get what we want, do we?" What was I supposed to say to that? What was I supposed to answer?

That what I always wanted was a pair of arms that would feel like home and he felt exactly like that? That I always dreamed of a place I could call my own and a person that would look at me as if I were the brightest star in the sky, and he was giving me exactly that? Or maybe I should've told him he scared me, terrified me, and that I didn't know what to do with this tangled ball of emotions in my chest?

"I don't know what you want me to say, Adrian." The tic in his cheek became prominent, telling me he didn't exactly like what I was saying. Had he been truly listening to me, he would've known his presence here wouldn't be welcome.

He would've known I didn't want to see him until I figured out how to deal with this mess in my head.

Movement on my left pulled my attention to Yolanda who was now slowly sneaking out of the room.

"Yo, don't go," I said as Adrian added at the same time, "You should definitely go, Yolanda." My eyes narrowed at him, hating he was so in control of this situation while I felt like I was falling apart.

"I think, uh," she pointed toward the door, "I think I'll just leave you to it and see what's happening out there. You know, give you time to talk." But I didn't want to talk to him. There was nothing I needed to tell him right now, and I had no idea how to make him see that for himself.

Yolanda practically ran from the room, leaving me all alone with him.

His eyes drank me in, observing me from head to toe, before a heartbreaking smile crawled onto his face, rendering me speechless.

"You have me wrapped around your finger and you don't even know it, do you?" he said, placing his hands on his hips. "From the first moment I saw you," he approached slowly, "all I could think about was you. Your eyes, your smiles, your touch, your taste, the way you would feel in my arms and the way you protected Yolanda even though you barely knew her." My breath caught in my throat the closer he came, making us practically touch as we stood there. "You bewitched me, Vega, and I was an idiot for trying to fight it. I was an idiot for trying to run away from all these things you were making me feel. You. Made. Me. Feel," he enunciated. "I fucked up with you in more ways than I can even count, but I know that. I'm aware of all my shortcomings and all the things I did. I made a mess of it all and for that I'm sorry, but you don't get to let me hold you and tell me all these wonderful details about you and those not so wonderful, only to snatch it all away. You don't get to make me fall for you, only to steal back the light you brought into my life after a lifetime of darkness. I want my light, Bambi. I want my sun back." Fucking fuck. "I want you to look at me and see what we could be, instead of seeing all the obstacles we could face. I want you to take a leap of faith with me."

"Adrian." I trembled. "Please, don't."

His head dropped, his shoulders hunching. "What do I need to do to make you see me, huh?" He looked at me with a ferocity I had never seen in him. "What do I need to do to show you that I'm not here to hurt you. I'm not here to change you or to suffocate you, as you so eloquently put. I'm here to help you soar, to help you fly, Bambi. Why won't you let me do that?"

Because I didn't know how, goddamn him. I didn't know how to let him because no one had ever taught me. No one had ever taught me about love and all these other gooey little feelings he was awakening in me. They taught me how to kill, how to hide, how to live in the shadows, but they never told me how to be someone's sun. And what if he got bored of me? What if he realized that having someone like me was too much of a hassle?

My heart was still somewhat intact, but he could steal it in the blink of an eye, and if he did, I knew I would never get it back. He already owned half of it. What reassurance did I have that he wouldn't try to fuck me over like so many other people in my life?

"I don't know how!" I thundered, slamming my fists against his chest. "I don't know how to do any of those things. I don't know how to look at you and not see all the reasons why this would be a bad idea. I don't know how to be your sun because all I have ever been was shadows and darkness and all the bad things lurking in the dark corners of our world. I'm no one's sun. I am no one's light, Adrian!" My throat turned raw from the emotions choking me, making it harder and harder to speak. "I don't know how to let you hold me because no one ever did. I patched my own cuts. I tended to my own bruises. I brushed my own hair and I taught myself how to be alone. I taught myself how to block out all the parts that made me human, because it hurt too much seeing all the happy people living their ordinary lives when I knew that mine was anything but."

A second ticked, then two, while the sound of our heavy breathing filled the air around us. His arms wrapped around me, lifting me up and then sitting down with me in his arms. He buried his head into the crook of my neck, letting me spit it all out.

He hummed softly, letting me shatter in the safety of his arms, and I hated myself just a little bit more for being unable to dive into this with him. It didn't matter that I felt safe right here and right now. My heart wanted one thing, but my mind kept screaming at me to get away from him. To hide these weaknesses from his watchful eyes.

He was an enemy.

He was someone I needed to hate.

He represented one of my biggest failures, and that failure had nothing to do with my mission or The Schatten. That failure had everything to do with falling for a man from this world, when I promised myself I would get away from this all and live a normal life.

But did I even know what normal was anymore? Would I really be able to go out there and pretend that this part of my life had never happened?

I was still far too young to know everything I wanted to do, but… Did I really want to run from all of this? Yes, this world of ours was fucked up, but it was the only thing I had ever known. Would I really be able to go somewhere far from here and act as if I wasn't a professional killer for most of my life?

Adrian twirled his finger around a strand of my hair, playing with it while I clung to him, pondering over all the options.

"I don't want you to hide yourself from me, Bambi," he murmured, looking at his finger wrapped around my hair instead of at me. "I don't want you to feel like you're suffocating with me either, but I don't know how to let you go. I've tried. I really, really tried, but it was futile fighting what I feel for you. I can't promise that things will always be perfect, because they won't be." He looked at me this time. "But we can try. I can try to share things with you and all I'm asking in return is for you to give me the benefit of a doubt. I have a lot to repent for, but you're no saint either." He chuckled. "You did come here to kill me."

"Ugh," I groaned. "Don't fucking remind me. You've ruined all my plans." He laughed softly, wrapping his arms around my middle.

"How about I ruin them some more, huh?" I narrowed my eyes at him, not liking where this was going. "Come back with me. Come back to the cabin." There was so much hope shining in those dark depths, but my resistance to the idea of us still didn't go anywhere.

"And what if I don't want to?"

"Well." He grinned. "We’re either going to the cabin, or we’re staying here and Yolanda can stay there. You can hate me, yell at me, try to even kill me, but you're not sleeping anywhere else but with me."

Inch by inch, he had pushed his way inside my heart, completely oblivious to the turmoil every single one of his words had created in me. But maybe he was right. Maybe I needed to give this a chance.

Yolanda's words from earlier came back to haunt me, and I didn't want to be a coward. I didn't want to live my life filled with fear, just because something new was coming my way.

"Fine," I grumbled. "I'll come with you. But on one condition."

"Which is?"

How could I voice it without sounding too weak? How did I tell him that what I saw in his look was what triggered me?

"I don't want your pity, Adrian." He frowned at that. "I don't want you to look at me as if I'm fragile. I don't like it."

"Vega." He brought his hand to my cheek, making me look at him. "Baby," he murmured. "I'm not pitying you and I don't think you're fragile. Do I think you're gonna need to take it slowly until you're fully recovered? Absolutely. But I don't think you're fragile. I would never. Is that what all of this is about?" he asked, searching my eyes. "You thought I was pitying you."

"Yes?" I cringed, seeing now how messy I’d made everything to be, by imagining things.

"I was worried about you, yes, but it wasn't a pity." He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "My God, Vega." Those brilliant, dark eyes opened, filled with annoyance. "I've spent hours going over every single thing you've said, trying to figure out what went wrong in the span of minutes, and all this time it was because you misunderstood my question?"

I blinked and blinked some more, seeing that he definitely had a point. But rational thoughts weren't part of the equation, and I'd needed a breather from everything. I thought I could handle being immersed in all the plans from the get-go, but I was wrong. I was pushing myself far too much and far too soon, something had to give.

Even my strength had its limits, and I'd definitely reached mine when I got into a fight with him.

"You deserve a spanking," he grumbled, pinching my thigh and making me yelp. "A hundred percent."

"Hey," I murmured. "That hurt."

He looked at me, his brow furrowing. "Not nearly as much as my heart hurt a couple of hours ago. But it's okay," he chuckled, "you'll make it up to me."

I was afraid to even ask. "How?"

"By coming back to the cabin and letting me show you something." He stood up, putting me down on the floor. "It's time for you to learn more about my family."

And just like that, without a big fight, without any trepidation, he grabbed my arm and led me out of the room, humming a song I didn’t recognize the entire time we walked toward his cabin, stealing another piece of my heart when he took off his coat, draping it over me.

I had no idea what it said about me that such a simple gesture could get my heart to thunder in my chest, but I wasn't questioning it. Maybe I needed to learn to let go instead of constantly trying to think of the ways things could go wrong.