The Pretty Psycho (St. Vasili’s Academy #2)

26. Vega

26

VEGA

My entire life has been marked by this invisible weight I've been carrying around, completely unaware of the fact that it was even there. I had no idea how hard I tried to run from everything that could make me feel good until I gave myself to this man standing in front of me, grinning from ear to ear as if I had given him the greatest gift ever known to mankind.

His dark hair was tousled, his eyes sparkling with mischief, and something akin to happiness that I hadn’t seen before. We felt… light, for lack of a better word. It was as if my heart finally broke free of the chains I'd kept it trapped in and was now starting to expand in my chest, making enough space for him.

Adrian kept dragging his thumb over my cheek, looking at me, stealing soft kisses from my lips, pressing us together as if he too couldn't get enough of me. I wished we could go somewhere right now, just disappear and spend time alone together, far away from this disgusting world that was created to destroy those with softer hearts.

I thought I was strong because I rarely ever let anyone in, but the truth was that it made me weak. It made me cruel, blind to the wonders of the world, allowing life to pass by me instead of living it. I was too afraid to love someone because I didn't want to lose them.

I was afraid even now while I stared at him, because I had no idea what tomorrow would bring, but I refused to let that fear control me. Not anymore.

It was healthy to be afraid sometimes. If we were afraid of nothing, what were we really living for?

"Are you okay?" Adrian asked, moving my hair away from my face, his voice barely above whisper. "That was pretty intense."

"I'm more than okay," I mumbled, nuzzling my face in the crook of his neck. "I have never felt better."

His body shook from quiet laughter, but I wasn't joking. Here in this abandoned building, minutes away from doomsday, I felt better than I ever had before. I felt safe. I felt loved. I felt cherished and taken care of, and even when he turned rough, when he lost control, I still knew I was safe with him.

I was always told not to make homes out of people, because people were like seasons—changeable, tricky, filled with all sorts of emotions we couldn't quite understand—and yet I wanted to create a home in his arms.

I wanted to wake up next to him. I yearned to spend the rest of my life by his side, if he would let me.

A couple of months ago these thoughts would've made me shudder, because the notion of being close in such a way was as unfamiliar to me as the notion of a family. But here I was, ready to jump into this no matter the consequences.

I think that a part of accepting love from somebody else was knowing that neither one of you were flawless. I had my demons and he had his, but together maybe we could finally learn how to tame them.

"There are so many things I want to tell you," I said on a sigh. "So many dreams I have pushed away because I didn't know better, and I want you to have them. I want you to see that part of me." I pulled back, keeping my arms wrapped around his neck. "I want you to know my nightmares as well."

"I do too," he rasped. "I don't want us to fight like that anymore, Bambi. I… God," he stammered. "I shouldn’t have walked away like that. Subconsciously, I was trying to punish you. I was trying to show you what it felt like, and I'm sorry. I’m so fucking sorry."

"I think I’m almost maybe grateful you did it, because I needed the wake-up call. I needed that push no matter how painful it was. The thought of not having you, not being able to kiss you, touch you, I couldn't stand it, Adrian. I couldn't fucking stand it, but I was too stubborn. I was insecure, even if it pains me to admit that."

"You're not the only one." He smiled softly. "I don't know how to do this, you know? Relationships, they, well…" He cleared his throat, slowly stepping away from me. "It's not like I had good role models throughout my life. My family is as fucked up as they come, but I promise you, Bambi." He knelt down, leisurely pulling up my pants and buttoning them. "I'll do my best to give you everything you deserve," he ended as he stood up, placing his palms on my cheekbones.

The thud-thud of my heart echoed in my ears, and I welcomed it, letting it envelop me. I felt so full, light, happy, and I never wanted to let this feeling go.

"I might fuck up more than you do," I chuckled, nuzzling against his palm. "But I think we can learn together. And we still need to talk," I admonished, cracking a smile when I saw that Cheshire grin on his face.

"I know, but right now we need to get the fuck out of here before Ethan or, even worse, Gabriela, come barging in."

He stepped away from me, letting me bend down to pull on my boots, just as he pulled up his pants, buttoning them up. I straightened my shirt, trying to iron it on the spot, but there was no way I'd be able to hide the wet spot he left behind after he feasted on my nipples.

And the bastard knew it, judging by the self-satisfied look on his face when he saw me trying to dry it up as he held my vest.

"Erase that smug smile, asshole," I chuckled, taking the vest from him and putting it on.

He shrugged, pulling me to him again. "It's not like they don't know what we were doing."

"I—"

"Adrian!" Ethan's voice boomed through the hallway, the panic in it making us break apart.

The footsteps announced their arrival seconds before Ethan's and Gabriela's faces came into focus. Both of them looked pale, equal parts pissed and frightened, and as if on a cue, Adrian moved me behind him, as if that could shield me from whatever news they brought with them.

"I hate to intrude," Ethan stated, just as Gabriela said, "Well, fucking finally." The glare Ethan had sent her way would've demolished a lesser woman, but Gabriela stood strong, ignoring the daggers he was throwing at her.

"As I was saying," Ethan gritted out, slowly moving his attention toward us. "I hate to intrude but?—"

"We have a problem," Gabriela added. "Well, no, we have a fucking situation of epic proportions."

"What situation?" I asked, sidestepping Adrian and moving right next to him. "What's going on?"

Gabriela looked at Ethan, who simply nodded, before he looked at us. "The Academy is under attack."

"No," I breathed out, taking a hold of Adrian's hand. "How? When?"

"We just received a call," Gabriela added. "Adrian," she swallowed thickly. "Dante went to the Academy. He's there, with Jax. He's?—"

"Fuck!" Adrian spat out, dragging his hand over his face. "How could this fucking happen?"

"This was a diversion," Ethan added. "They knew we wouldn't let you do this on your own. They fucking knew and they played us."

"Oh God," I mumbled. "This is all my fault. If I hadn't pulled Gabriela in?—"

"No, Bambi," Adrian said. "This is not your fault."

"But all of us are down here. They're sitting ducks up there. They're?—"

Gabriela suddenly stepped in front of me, slapping me across the face and shutting me up momentarily.

"What the fuck was that for?" I screeched, holding a palm to my cheek. "That fucking hurt."

"You were having a panic attack," Gabriela shrugged, as if slapping me was the most normal thing she had done the entire day. And maybe it was, considering the situation. "We don't have time for this, Vega. We don't have time for you to fall apart right now."

But she didn't understand. She couldn't.

I panicked earlier and brought out almost the entire cavalry, leaving the Academy unprotected. I did this. But Gabriela was right. We had no time for me to fall apart.

"What's the plan?" I asked, glaring at the woman, but I couldn't fault her for slapping me, not when I would've done the same thing.

Panic swam in her dark eyes, but she covered it quickly before turning toward Ethan who stood not too far away from us, watching Gabriela with an interest that wasn't there before. It was as if he suddenly saw her in a different light, but whatever it was, I had no time to psychoanalyze it.

"We need to get back to the Academy," Ethan said, keeping his eyes plastered to the pacing woman in front of us. "I've tried getting in touch with Jax and Dante, but…" He winced. That one little wince was enough to get me running out of the building and toward the car Yolanda brought us in.

But the car was no longer there, and neither was Yolanda.

I stopped, my chest rising and falling with rapid breaths, before turning back toward the three of them as they piled out of the building.

"Where's Yolanda?"

There it was, that small little wince on Ethan's face, and I knew even before he said the words.

"She went back to the Academy before we knew what was happening up there."

Ethan drove like a madman, swerving and rushing up the mountain, while Adrian kept my hand in his as the two of us sat in the back seat. Gabriela was quiet as a mouse for the first time since I met her, staring out the window from the passenger's side in front of me.

I fucking hated this.

This silence.

This uncertainty.

All four of us were lost to our own thoughts, and no matter how many times Adrian squeezed my hand, I couldn't look at him.

Jax and Dante weren't answering. As a matter of fact, we’d lost contact with the control center at the Academy, and we had no idea what we were walking into. The plan was to enter the premises from the back entrance, which I had no idea even existed, located somewhere close to Adrian's cabin and hopefully surprise them.

A smaller team was left behind to take care of the soldiers at the warehouse, and given that there were only ten of them waiting for us, I was sure our team would be successful.

We weren't taking the same road back to the Academy, afraid that they had already set a perimeter at the main entrance, and none of us wanted to drive into a trap, which was what Gerard's soldiers were probably counting on.

Instead we took the longer road that passed next to the Academy, leading toward the back entrance and hadn’t been used in years according to Ethan and Adrian.

But no matter how much I tried to think about the plan and the groups we'd split ourselves into, I couldn't stop thinking about Yolanda and the fact that she walked straight into a trap without even knowing it. I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that she couldn't defend herself and we never got to do any of the self-defense training I promised her we would do.

She was a friend—probably my only friend, and I failed her. I fucking failed her, just like I failed the rest of the people at the Academy. Rationally, I knew they were all soldiers, just like I was, but the majority of our team was with us, because I called them, leaving just a handful of them at the Academy.

"How much longer?" Adrian suddenly asked, breaking the silence in the car.

"Three minutes," Ethan grumbled. "Maybe even less."

I looked at the man next to me, the sharp lines on his face and the ticking in his jaw the closer we came, and I felt that same familiar fear as before.

We just found each other. We just realized we couldn't be separated, only for this to happen now. Only for the monsters to try and break us apart.

"Promise me one thing," I croaked, squeezing his hand this time and bringing his attention to me. "You have to promise me."

Those dark eyes landed on me, a thousand little promises already lined in them only for me to see, but I had to hear him say it.

"Promise you won't try to be a hero, Adrian," I whispered, feeling the emotions clogging my throat. "I-I… I can't go in there without it. I can't go in there with the knowledge that I might lose you." My eyes closed the moment the last word came out, too embarrassed to allow him to see the tears gathering in them.

There were moments in my life where I felt fear, but it had never felt this crippling, this terrifying, as if I couldn't move from the spot. As if I couldn't breathe because the mere thought of harm coming his way had me frozen in place.

"Please," I broke. "Just promise me. I don't need a hero, Adrian. I don't need you to be a hero. I just… I just want you to stay alive." I knew we weren't alone, that we had an audience, but I didn't give a fuck. Not right now.

Gabriela and Ethan could go and fuck themselves if they tried to say anything, but I needed Adrian to promise me. I needed him to come back to me.

"Hey," he murmured, placing his palms on my cheeks. "Vega, baby." Gently, he lifted my head until I could feel his breath tickling my cheeks. "Look at me."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can. Please," he pleaded. "I want you to look at me when I say this." My teeth chattered, my entire body overcome by an ice-cold chill and the terror coursing through my veins. "Bambi," he whispered, pressing his lips to my cheek. "Please look at me."

It was the softness of his voice and the pleading in his tone that had me opening my eyes, meeting his dark, tormented ones.

"I'm terrified as well," he said, holding me tightly. "I'm afraid they would take you away from me, or that I would never see you again, but we have to do this. And if I am making this promise, then you need to do the same." He swallowed thickly, looking at me with all the love he had for me. "I promise I won't try to be a hero. Can you do the same?"

Could I? Was it selfish of me asking him to stay safe when I knew I was the type of the person who rushed into the fire just to save those that couldn't save themselves?

"Vega?"

Could I give him that promise, one I knew I would probably break if I saw someone else needing help?

"Please, baby," he rasped. "I need you to promise me."

"One minute," Ethan said at the same time, his voice muffled by the sound of my heart thundering in my ears.

"Vega," Adrian grumbled. "I need your words."

My eyes closed shut for a second, when the car came to a stop and before we could all pile out, I opened them, looking straight at him. "I promise," I mumbled. "I promise I won't try to be a hero." A small smile started playing on his lips as Ethan and Gabriela got out of the car, and it didn't matter that both of us were most probably lying.

It didn't matter that today could either go really well or really bad. What mattered was that right here, right now, we had each other.

Adrian's lips smashed against mine, devouring me, showing me in that one kiss how much he loved me, how much he needed me. We fought for dominance, biting and moaning, and if things were different, if we weren't about to head into a battle zone, I would've stayed in this car forever, loving him as hard as I could.

The knock on the window broke us apart, both of us breathing as if we had just run a marathon. "Come on, lovebirds," Gabriela called out. "We gotta start moving."

Adrian smiled, rubbing his thumb over my lower lip, his dark eyes shining with the love he felt for me.

"I love you, Vega Konstantinova." He pulled me closer one more time, pressing his lips to mine. "Never forget that."

I couldn't. I wouldn't, even if I wanted to, because after all this time, after all the running, I finally found what I was looking for.

I finally found my home.