The Proposition (Hush Hush Duet #2.5)

Chapter 16

Sixteen

“Y

ou haven’t said anything,” I say as James unlocks the front door.

“Just processing it all.”

We walk into our home, and James makes a beeline straight for his homemade bar. I shut the door, but my legs feel like tree logs and keep me in place. He uncaps the crystal decanter and pours himself a tall glass of cognac then pours me one. He reaches out blindly. When I don’t take it because I can’t seem to move, he turns around and spots me across the room. He rakes a gaze from head to toe, and it makes me shiver.

“Come here.”

I swallow thickly, but I don’t move. “You’re upset.”

“Come here,” he says again, this time firmly stating the words.

My shoulder leans against the doorframe. I cross my arms and shake my head. My elation caused him sadness. He won’t tell me that, but I can read him like a book.

James places both glasses on the marble countertop then strides to where I’m standing. The closer he gets, the tighter my throat feels. He scoops me up and carries me to the couch. He sits and places me in his lap.

“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice muffled.

“What are you sorry for?”

“You wanted a baby, didn’t you?”

He hesitates, and my gut sinks. I’m queasy.

“Sweetheart, look at me.”

I bury my face into the curve of his neck and shake my head. We’re quiet. He brushes my hair back and allows me to cry softly without responding. I don’t even know why I’m crying. I’m relieved, but I’m not. I’m happy, but I’m sad. I’m all over the place. I cry for today, and I cry for what will never be.

“I don’t want a baby,” James says quietly after some time has passed. “The other day when you asked me, I told you how I really felt. I was honest with you. I’m too old, Aubrey. I’m not trying to change diapers at three in the morning or build a volcano for the science fair. But had the results been positive and you wanted to have a child, I would’ve loved it just as much as I love Natalie.”

“But you would eventually come to resent it and me,” I say.

He shakes his head. “I wouldn’t. When you hold your child for the first time, your feelings change. It’s like an out-of-body experience, and you’d have a change of heart. That got me thinking. Today and the last couple of days really put life into perspective for me. There’s so much time that spans between us. I feel like I’m taking away the opportunity for you to be a mother. That hesitation you felt is because I want to give you everything you want, and if you want a baby, we’ll have one.”

Confused, I sit up and meet his gaze. “You’re not taking motherhood away from me. I never really saw myself with kids. I still don’t. It wasn’t my dream to be a mom. I mean, if it happened then it happened, but I’m not secretly yearning for it.” My heart is pounding with what I’m about to admit next. “I love my life, our life. I don’t want to change anything about it. But there was a very small, tiny part of me that may have wanted the test to be positive.” I lower my eyes.

James tips my chin up and forces me to look at him. “Remember when I told you that I liked the idea of you pregnant? It’s just a short-lived feeling. It’s new and exciting, but the excitement will eventually die down and reality will set in. Sort of how you want a puppy.”

One corner of my mouth lifts into a sad smile. “You’d give me a baby if I wanted it, even though you don’t?”

“Yes, I would. Ultimately, I want what you want. Your happiness matters most to me,” James admits, nodding. He’s making me look him in his eyes.

“I’ve been indecisive about everything. I thought I knew what I wanted. I’ve given myself whiplash so much, I’m exhausted from all the thinking.”

“What do you feel in here?” he asks, taping the center of my chest. “When we got the results, what was your first thought?”

Tears well in my eyes, and my chin bobbles again. “Relief.” I sniffle as the tears climb faster and fall down my cheek. “I felt relief. But then you didn’t say anything, and I was so ashamed. I don’t know why, when I got what I wanted.”

James wipes my tears away with the pad of his thumb. “Sitting in the office made me reconsider a vasectomy.”

My brows lift. “What? Really?”

He nods then exhales a breath. “Yes, as long as you’re okay with it. That, and I should stop being stubborn and visit my daughter in Italy.” He pauses. “We should go to her home.”

This time my jaw drops, and I bounce on his lap in excitement. I can’t believe my ears. “Are you serious?”

“Yes. I have a great daughter already and need to show her that before I could ever consider another one.”

I throw my arms around James’s shoulders and squeeze him. I’m so glad he came to his senses about Natalie and that I don’t have to ask him for this favor. Relief courses through me for the second time today. Pulling back, I palm his jaw in my hands and stare at the man who has my heart completely. His beard has grown in a little more, and the hairs are almost all silver now. I like it, and it suits him.

James doesn’t say anything, and neither do I. He guides me to his mouth, and my eyes fall close. I lean into his kiss, not realizing just how desperate I am for it. James takes it slow. His free hand runs up my thigh to cup my ass cheeks. He rubs circles and surges ever so gently against my hips. I deepen our kiss and run my tongue along the roof of his mouth. He moans deep in his throat, and by God, how I love the sound of it. James sinks farther into the couch, taking me with him. He fists my hair, holding my mouth to his. His tongue strokes mine with precision. While his kiss is unhurried, his erection pushes against me. We make out like two teenagers in the back seat of a parked car.

James tears his lips from mine. He’s breathing heavy as he says, “Take your pants off now and then sit on my cock.”

James unbuckles his dress pants and pulls the zipper down. His movements are rushed. He lifts his hips and pushes the waistband to his knees, not bothering to remove them completely out of need to be inside me. I tug off my pants and panties in one swift move then straddle his hips. I’m eager to feel every inch of him stretch me open. James spits into his hand then wraps it around his cock and strokes himself. He squeezes, twisting his thick length from base to tip. I get such satisfaction out of watching James pleasure himself. It’s such a turn-on. I scoot forward on my knees and position his tip at my entrance.

“Fuck me like you want to get me pregnant.”

James laughs. His glittering eyes meet mine as we share a moment. I bite the side of my lip, grateful to call James my husband.

“Do you know how much I love you?” he says.

I nod, feeling my stupid emotions tiptoe in again.

“I’d do anything for you.”

James places both hands on my hips and eases me down onto the crown of his cock. He thrust up as he shoves me down his length. I bite into his lip and hold my breath. No matter how many times we have sex, I never seem to get used to his size.

James doesn’t slow his pace. He guides my hips up and down, thrusting hard and deep so I experience every inch of his cock. He turns me over onto my back and climbs on top, surging in quickly like he never left.

James drives into me, tapping my clit like he’s teasing me each time. I chase the desire. He ravishes my mouth, teeth gnashing mine. He’s hungry, and I can barely breathe as he takes and takes and takes. Sounds lodge in his throat and turn the heat between us higher. My fingers dig into his ass as I hold on. James deepens the kiss, propelling his body forcefully into me as the couch shifts under us. I’m not sure what possesses me to do so, but I slap his ass cheek. The tip of his cock prods the back of my pussy.

He breaks the kiss, gasping. “Fuck. Do that again.”

“You like that?”

He nods, seizing my lips. James surges in deep and holds himself there. I slap his ass, and my pussy floods with wetness as the tip delves deeper. He doesn’t pull out but does these little fast pushes into me until I’m breathless and my heart is racing. The way he’s hitting my clit and stroking me with his cock is all I can focus on. I fist the hair at the back of his neck and chase the orgasm that’s on the horizon.

“Oh, I’m so close. Don’t stop. I want us to come at the same time,” I tell him. I can barely get the words out.

“Wouldn’t want it any other way,” James says, looking into my eyes.

His gaze drifts down to my lips that feel swollen from his attack on them. He kisses me slow, like he’s making love to both my mouth and my pussy at the same time. The sensations are all too much. My breath hitches in my throat, and my thighs begin to quiver. James circles his arms under my body and cages me to him. He drags his tongue along the roof of my mouth as he grips the back of my neck and drives us over the edge. We both moan, coming together in a wave of ecstasy that somehow gets better and better every time.

James rests the side of his face on my chest, listening to my heartbeat that is his only.