The Risks We Take Duet Box Set

5. Carys

CARYS

I ’ve never been what I would consider an athlete . My brother is an all-American football player at Kroydon University. As if that wasn’t enough, when Mom married Coach, we became one big happy family full of athletes. One of my stepbrothers is a pro quarterback, and my stepfather is a former all-pro football player turned professional football coach. Hell, my stepsister-in-law is a former professional ballerina. Even my little brother, Callen, who’s just shy of two years old, throws a football better than I can during our family’s Thanksgiving Day games. Those genes didn’t just skip me. They ran away screaming.

But I love to run.

The solitude of distance running has become an escape for me over the past few years.

It helps me de-stress, whatever the stress is. School. Family. Expectations.

After working up to it, I ran my first marathon a year ago, and I was hooked. So, I guess I’m officially an athlete now. But truthfully, I just like the way it makes me feel. The endorphins are addictive, and I always feel better about myself afterward.

As I stretch after today’s seven miles, the song playing in my earbuds switches over to the ringtone of my cell phone and alerts me that my bestie, Daphne, is calling.

“Hey, D. What’s up?” I ask as I cross the courtyard behind my dorm and sit down on the soft grass under my favorite tree. Yes, I have a favorite tree. Outside is my happy place.

“Hey, Carys. Just checking in. I wanted to see how your rockstar debut went last night. Am I dropping out of school to follow you around the world on tour yet? Gotta make sure you don’t forget the little people when you’re playing the stadium crowds.”

Daphne and I have been best friends since elementary school. She and our other friend, Chloe, were a year ahead of me in school, and both stayed in Philly for college.

Days like today, I wish they were both here with me now. They’d be brutally honest about my mixed emotions over seeing Cooper last night.

Who am I kidding? They’re not mixed. They’re lust. They’re want. They’re need. They’re the giant mushy place in my heart where only he lives. But those feelings suck and shouldn’t exist. Hence , needing brutal honesty.

“Last night was fine . . .”

“Fine? Seriously? You can do better than fine.” A horn honking echoes through the connection, followed by D cursing someone out. “God, I hate people who have no clue how to drive in the city. Anyway... explain.”

I lean my head back against the tree’s trunk and close my eyes. And for a moment, I remember what it felt like to be held by Cooper last night.

“He’s home, D.” The vice around my heart tightens.

Silence stretches for a few moments before her quiet voice asks, “Have you seen him?”

“He was there last night. At the bar. And Em and I are going over to his place tonight.”

“Oh, you need to give me more information than that. Come on. That’s just messed up.” Daphne sighs. “Start from the beginning and don’t leave anything out.”

“I didn’t know he was in the bar until we got off the stage and found Emerson standing with Cooper and his team. And D... when he hugged me. My God. It was like that scene in the Wizard of Oz when everything goes from black-and-white to technicolor.” I sigh and stretch my legs.

“And . . . ?”

“And there was this minute where I thought maybe he felt it too. But it was gone as quickly as it happened. Then I had a little too much to drink.” I think back to that text and cringe. “We were texting later on after I left, and I was trying to flirt.”

Daphne blows out an exasperated breath. “Well, what happened? Did he flirt back?”

“Maybe? I’m not sure. He shut me down, but there was something there.” I bang my head against the tree. “What am I going to do, D?”

“Carys Catrina Murphy. You did not go to school on the other side of the damn country just for a fine arts degree. We’ve got one of those schools in Philly, if that was all you were looking for. I know you wanted to get away and figure out what you want to do with your life. But how many times did you tell me that maybe going to college in San Diego would give fate a little nudge? Hmm? I seem to remember hearing that more than once when you were making your decision.”

I hate when she middle-names me.

“I know...” I mutter. I could have just as easily gone to the University of The Arts in Philadelphia if I’d have wanted to. But I wanted to get to live life away from home. I wanted to see what it was like to go to school with people I hadn’t known since preschool. To interact with a world that didn’t know everything about my family because four generations of us have lived in the same damn town for a hundred years. Or people who worship my stepfather because he’s a championship-winning football coach.

And yes, the fact that I got accepted to an art school in San Diego meant I’d be closer to Cooper... Just in case.

“I can’t hear you.”

Oh, the little bitch.

“You know I didn’t.” Damn it. She’s the only person in Kroydon Hills who knows how I feel about him. She was there the day we met. She was there the day he left. And she was there the day after our parents got married. She knows everything.

“How did it feel seeing him last night? It’s been almost a year, right?”

Cooper spent six months training in Virginia Beach last year before his deployment and came home for a weekend before I left for California. I haven’t seen him since. I pull my knees up against my chest and rest my head on them. “It’s him, D. It’s always been him. Seeing him reaffirmed that. But it can also never be him.”

A sound comes through the phone like she just smacked her steering wheel or maybe her dashboard. “I get it. I really do. I can’t imagine that there’s any way to wade into these waters without the ripple it causes reverberating across your whole family, Carys. But You’ve been half in love with Cooper for years. If you’re ever going to take a chance—and I’m not talking a slightly drunk at your mom and stepdad’s wedding chance—now’s when you do it. When a whole country separates you and your family. When no one is physically there to get in the way. What’s the worst thing that can happen?”

“He can shoot me down again.” I don’t know if I could handle that. Not when the pain of his words from two years ago still stings like a fresh wound and our lives are inextricably linked through our parents’ marriage.

“But what if he doesn’t?”

I guess that’s the question... But what if he doesn’t?

Two Years Ago

“ C arys, you better knock it off. If Mom catches you drinking, she’s gonna be pissed.”

My big brother is the ultimate hypocrite . Aiden Murphy has been drinking at parties for years. But as soon as I walk through the door, he likes to act like he’s a perfect angel and has always made sure everyone treats me the same way.

Do what I say and not what I do might as well be his motto.

Mom and Coach rented out a beautiful castle-esque resort in the mountains for their New Year’s Eve wedding. The grounds outside are covered in snow, while the inside is decorated in fresh green garlands and red-velvet ribbons for the holidays. Golden glowing candles are scattered throughout the ballroom, nestled in red and white roses and vibrant greenery. It’s everything my mother wanted and then some. A wedding fit for a queen who refused to surround herself with anyone except the people who matter most in their lives. And insisted, for privacy’s sake, that they rent the entire resort. I think there’s maybe a hundred of us in the entire hotel, and their staff is probably used to ten times that.

The entire weekend has looked like a Hallmark movie jumped off the screen to come to life. It’s perfect. And yet, I’m miserable.

“Don’t be an ass, Aiden. I’ve lost track of how many beers you’ve had to drink tonight. And don’t think I didn’t notice you sneaking out of the ballroom with Sabrina twenty minutes ago and coming back in with your shirt wrinkled and your tie missing.” His girlfriend, Sabrina, blushes and tucks her face against his chest with a laugh as Aiden’s face turns red. I think it’s red with anger, not embarrassment.

The band switches to a slow song. “Come on, Aiden.” Sabrina tugs at his hand. “Dance with me.”

He kisses the top of her head like a lovesick fool, then points two fingers at his eyes and back at me. Whatever . Like he’s got his eyes on anyone besides Sabrina.

As he leads her to the dance floor, she turns and winks at me. At least he’s in love with someone who can handle him for me.

The two of them join my new stepsister, Nattie, and her boyfriend, Brady, on the dance floor. Meanwhile, I catch my new stepbrother, Declan, and his wife, Annabelle, straightening their clothing as they come out of the bathroom... together. Guess we know what they were doing.

It seems like love is in the air tonight for everyone. Well... everyone but me.

Not that I’m the only single person here, but today was a glaring neon sign of a reminder that I can never be with the person I love.

Oh, screw this.

I grab the white faux-fur stole I wore for the bridal party pictures outside earlier and another glass of champagne from a passing waiter. Then I slip through the French doors to the patio for some fresh air, which preferably doesn’t have so much love wafting around.

Bitter party of one in the house.

Hmm... drunk and bitter. What a great way to spend your mom’s wedding day.

The small stone patio is surrounded by tall, green snow-covered shrubs, giving it a hidden feel. There’s one lonely granite bench tucked away on the edge of the stones, covered in snow.

For one second, I consider cleaning it off and sitting down, but drunk or not, my ass is not willing to get that cold. My gown is a gorgeous strapless silk creation in cranberry-red with a slit up the thigh that I’m surprised Mom was okay with. Pretty. But not meant for snow. However, my shoes are pinching my toes, so standing here isn’t the best option either.

Hmm. Maybe I could numb the pain in my feet with the snow on the ground.

Okay. Maybe I have had a little too much to drink tonight.

Fuck it.

I drop my stole onto the snowy bench and accidentally knock my hand against the granite in the process. Shit . That hurt.

“What did that bench ever do to you ?”

My head spins, and it’s entirely possible that the rotation of the Earth slows down.

Yeah, I’ve definitely had enough champagne tonight.

And there he is. The cause of my bitterness. The love of my life.

Can you find the love of your life at seventeen?

Well, I found him nearly two years ago, so I guess really, it would be at fifteen.

Of course, that was before today. Before he officially became my stepbrother.

Fuck love. She’s a nasty bitch. Because only a woman could be this cruel.

“You okay, Carys?” His voice is rough, like he hasn’t gotten enough sleep lately. And I can’t help but wonder just how good it would feel to sleep in his arms. My entire body warms at the thought. What would it be like waking up to those eyes? Those baby blues, framed by long, light-brown lashes a shade darker than his dirty-blond hair. I love his eyes, and they’re staring at me.

Wait, why are they staring at me? Oh shit . He asked me a question.

“Yeah. I’m good. Just needed a little air. That’s all.”

I shouldn’t stare, but I can’t stop. Coop’s been away at bootcamp for months. And he looks good. He’s gotten bigger. Broader. He was always muscular before. But he looks older now. Stronger. So fucking good.

And now, he’s my stepbrother.

I’m going to have to keep reminding myself of that little fact. Because you are not supposed to want to kiss your stepbrother. Dreaming of the way his hands would feel against your skin is absolutely not allowed to happen. And any chance I may have ever had of us together has to be packed away.

Damn it. I hate packing.

Okay . . . no more champagne.

My eyes well up, and I look away.

“Carys,... you sure you’re okay?” His voice softens. “You want my coat?” Coop doesn’t wait for me to answer before his tux jacket is slipped around my shoulders, and his spicy scent envelops me. I force the tears away and straighten my spine.

“Thanks.” I turn back around as music drifts through the doors and sway. “I love this song.” It’s an old Lifehouse song Mom used to play on repeat. “Everything.” I guess it’s fitting.

Cooper tugs on the lapels of the coat, bringing me in closer. “You should be inside dancing.”

“With who? Everyone else is already paired up.”

He places a hand on my waist. “Dance with me .”

I stare at him, momentarily in shock. It’s not a question, and I don’t answer with words. I just hesitantly step closer and let him wrap his arms around me. I lay my head against his chest and breathe him in as my body presses to his, like this was always meant to happen, like this is where I was always meant to be. And all I can do is pray this never ends.

It’s a beautifully haunting slow song that I’d sung around the house whenever Mom had it on.

Before I realize it, I’m singing along quietly, tucked against Coop’s chest.

His chin is resting on my head, and even in my heels, I feel tiny in his arms.

And I realize this is it.

This is all I’m ever going to get with him.

He’s all I want. All I need. He’s everything to me... and he’ll never know it.

One of Cooper’s hands is resting just above my ass. So close... but not quite there.

His other hand is resting on my shoulder, drawing circles through the coat, and I desperately wish I could rip it off my body so I could feel his skin. He’s got to know what he’s doing... right?

I tip my head up to look at his face. “Coop...”

His hand slips from my shoulder to my neck. “I love listening to you sing, Carys. It reminds me of home.”

His face is right there, and I swear he’s staring at my lips.

Holy shit. He’s going to kiss me.

His grip on my neck tightens as his thumb grazes my cheek, and I lean in.

Then nothing. What the hell?

“Hey, man,” a sexy Georgia accent says.

Oh, holy shit. How did I not hear Cooper’s buddy Lincoln come outside? He came home with Cooper for the holidays and fit in with the family like he’d always been there.

Coop drops his hands, and we each take a step back as Linc hands him a beer.

“Hey there, Carys.” Linc smiles, and I kinda want to kick him in the balls for interrupting that moment but manage to control my ragey thoughts.

“Hey, Linc.” My eyes dance between him and Cooper.

But Coop isn’t looking at me anymore. Not like he was.

The moment is lost like it never existed.

Like I’m nothing.

I stand there, stuck in the moment. Waiting. Wanting desperately to go back. But Linc says something to Coop about Chloe, and I really don’t want to hear about another freaking couple hooking up tonight. Instead, I slip out of Coop’s coat and hand it back to him.

“Thanks, Cooper.”

He tilts his chin toward me. What the fuck is that anyway? Why do guys do that? It’s stupid. Words. Use words. But as I slip through the doors and lean against the wall, inside and out of sight, I overhear words I wish he’d never used.

Linc’s voice carries through the closing doors. “Sorry, man. Didn’t realize I was interrupting something out here.”

“You weren’t interrupting anything.” Coop’s voice is followed by a pause before he adds, “She’s a little girl who’s had too much to drink. That’s all.”

Ouch.

“She doesn’t look like a little girl in that dress.” Okay, maybe I don’t completely hate Linc anymore.

“Whatever. She still looks like my seventeen-year-old stepsister.”

Linc moves closer to the glass doors, so I take another step back and lean against the wall for support.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt a door slam so tightly shut in my life.