The Season of Falling

1. Chapter 1

Chapter one

Dean

No matter how many times she beat me at Battleship, Kasey and I still continued to play. Maybe it was nerdy, but it was our thing. We’d been playing since we first met in college at the University of Wisconsin almost 4 years ago, and even though my pride took a little hit each time she sank one of my ships, the nostalgia and her grins made it worth it.

“Are you even trying?” Kasey laughed as she yet again hit one of my ships.

I groaned in fake annoyance and dropped my head into my hands. “That is a trick question,” I protested.

Kasey raised one dark brow at me. “How is it a trick question?”

“If I say that I am trying, that means I just suck at this game since you beat me every time.”

“The tally for this year is currently 20 to 6, so not every time,” she cut in with a cheeky grin, her brown eyes sparkling.

A chuckle escaped me. “Pardon me,” I corrected. “Since you beat me almost every time.” I looked to her for approval, and she nodded in mock seriousness for me to continue. “If I say that I’m not trying you’ll accuse me of letting you win, and that’s not great, either.”

Kasey hummed softly, tapping her fingers against her thigh. “I see your point. It’s a lose-lose situation for you. But that also means it’s a win-win situation for me.” She pumped her fist in the air, and we laughed, settling back into the game.

After she thoroughly beat me, we headed out on a walk to our favorite shave ice truck. Summers in Vermont were ideal temperature-wise, but with September fast approaching, the nights would start getting cooler. We wandered down side streets, not in a rush to get to our destination.

“Did you get your classroom all set up yet?” Kasey asked. I nodded enthusiastically. I loved getting to teach art at the local high school, and with school starting up next week, I had been going in every day to get things ready.

“Yep, I have a few more things to finish up tomorrow, and then it’ll be good to go. I’m really excited because the first part of the year we’re focusing on pottery, and the kids are going to love it.” I chuckled lightly. “Well, they’ll hate it at first because they can’t try out the wheel until they make a bunch of pinch pots and things by hand, but it’ll be great.”

Pottery was one of my favorite units to teach. My students always had mixed feelings about it at the beginning, but by the end, they fell in love. The feeling of creating something 3D and tangible from almost nothing was exciting and addicting, and I loved helping my students discover that for themselves. I glanced over and found Kasey already watching me. She had a soft smile on her lips and a look in her eyes I couldn’t decipher.

She cleared her throat and looked away before speaking. “How many pots are you going to bring home this year?” she teased.

I bumped her shoulder with mine. “I told you, I allow myself one per semester when I teach the pottery unit.”

She bumped me back and chuckled lightly. “Yeah, that’s what you say. But last time you brought home 5 because you ‘just couldn’t bear to part with them’.” Her dramatic air quotes and ridiculous imitation of me had a laugh itching to burst free.

“I did not say that, so put those air quotations away.” I scowled at her in pretend irritation and she snickered. “I had to make them to show my advanced students a few different techniques. And then what was I supposed to do with them? Throw them away? What a waste of material. Money doesn’t grow on trees, you know.”

“Don’t I know it.” Kasey sighed but I could tell she was amused. “In college everyone said, ‘Oh, you’re going to be an architect? That’s where the money is at!’ I don’t know what architects they’ve been talking to, but I haven’t seen all that much money yet.”

“You just gotta work your way up there.” I looked over at her. “How are things going? Didn’t you have a meeting this week to land that contract you’ve been going on and on about?” I teased. But she didn’t take the bait.

“Yeah, it’s a contract with Stubbs Dentistry. They're trying to expand, and I’m hoping Linda will put me on as lead. The meeting is tomorrow morning.” Kasey nibbled on her bottom lip, a sure sign she was worried.

“Hey, don’t stress about it,” I said, trying to be reassuring. “You’re gonna kill it. And they’ll have to put you as the lead. Just you wait and see.”

She smiled gratefully at my words as we walked up to the Tiki Shack. We talked more about work and the woes of summer coming to an end until it was our turn and we approached the order window. Kasey looked at me with raised brows, issuing her challenge.

“The usual,” I confirmed with a nod. Immediately, she gasped, throwing herself headfirst into the game of pretend we had started last summer to keep things exciting while waiting in line. She lifted the back of her hand to her head, took a small step away from me, and closed her eyes dramatically.

“But, Dean! You never branch out. How will you broaden your horizons if you always stick with the comfortable? The easy?”

The corners of my mouth twitched, but I flattened my lips into a line, unwilling to give up the game. I saw Kasey’s nostrils flare as she worked to contain her laugh as well.

“I’ll have you know that I am perfectly happy with my teeny tiny horizons, thank you very much.” I crossed my arms over my chest, fighting to keep a straight face.

She leaned in close, putting her hands on her hips. “What will the kids think?” Kasey whispered in a voice loud enough to be overheard by anyone listening to our ridiculous conversation. My eyes widened, knowing exactly how that sounded, and the laugh I’d been holding in sputtered out of me. She grinned in triumph.

“The kids?” I couldn’t keep the laughter out of my voice, and she smiled innocently up at me, batting her dark lashes.

“The kids in your classes at school, of course. What other kids could I have been referring to?” She shot back with a casual shrug. I was attempting to think up another comeback when I noticed a few other people wandering over to get into line. Kasey saw them too and turned to Sally, the woman behind the counter, who watched us with an amused expression.

“We’ll have one small peach with vanilla ice cream and a sno cap and one small pi?a colada with vanilla ice cream and a sno cap, please,” Kasey said. Sally smiled as she took our order.

“That’ll be $6.89,” she said, ”and you already know that I have your order memorized by now.”

“You can never be too careful in the food industry.” I looked at Sally meaningfully, and she laughed as I reached for my wallet, knowing it was my turn to pay. Kasey and I came often enough throughout the summer that we had taken to switching up who ordered and who paid. And last year we’d thrown in our little game to make things even more interesting for ourselves and for the Tiki Shack workers who were sure to be amused by our antics as well as our frequent presence.

Sally took my card and rang us up. “Are the two of you dating yet? We’ve been waiting all summer. And some of us have even been waiting since last summer.” She added the last in a conspiratorial whisper with a sly wink shot my way. I shook my head, looking to Kasey for support, but she was busy grabbing napkins for us.

“We’re just really good friends. You know that, Sally.” I could tell that she didn’t believe me. Or maybe that she didn’t want to believe me. Either way it was the truth. Kasey and I had been friends for years, and it was a good thing we had going. I smiled at Sally as she handed us our shave ice, and we made our way over to one of the sticky plastic picnic tables they had spread out around the little truck. We both started in, savoring these last bits of summer.

Across the street, there was a small city park with kids running around screaming and laughing. I watched them with a smile on my face, remembering times when I had been young, wild, and free like that. My sister, Sarah, and I had been forced to grow up much sooner than we should have, but that didn’t completely erase the fond memories I had of jumping on the trampoline, running through sprinklers, and playing ball with my friends in the park.

I shook off the memories and looked over at Kasey. She had been quiet for a while, which was unlike her. I nudged her gently with my elbow to get her attention. “You must have something heavy on your mind to keep you quiet this long. Are you thinking about your meeting tomorrow?” She shook her head slowly. “Then what is it?” Her eyes met mine and the look in them was some mixture of frustration, wariness, and hope. My brow wrinkled in confusion. Kasey was generally an open book with her feelings. That she was hesitating now had me worried. “Come on, talk to me, Kase.”

She continued to spoon her flavored ice into her mouth for a few moments, and I could tell she was trying to gather her thoughts. So I stayed quiet, letting her think. If it wasn’t her upcoming proposal meeting, what could it be? Maybe her grandpa had taken a turn for the worse again. But she had been fine all night until now. Something else must have upset her.

She finally sighed and turned to face me. “People always ask me if we’re dating yet.”

Her words were so unexpected that I gaped.

“I never know what to say,” she continued as though she hadn’t stunned me into silence. “I tell them we aren’t dating, but then they want to know why and when it will happen.” She laughed quietly, but it sounded bitter to my ears. “We’ve been friends for years, and it’s only natural that people would wonder. Sometimes, I can’t help but wonder the same thing.”

My eyes widened right along with her own.

She sat up straight as though trying to pull my attention away from the words spilling out of her mouth. “I mean, not that we’re going to date anytime soon or anything. Or ever, even. I mean, I’ve definitely thought about it before, but—” She winced, her eyes pleading with me for help.

My mind spun. Of course I had thought about it before too. Kasey and I had met four years ago and quickly became the best of friends. She had been everything I wasn’t at the time. Happy, fun, and filled with light. Everything I had needed. We had fun together. We were good together. Even back then people had assumed we were dating. But I’d watched the movies and even seen it happen in real life. I knew how it went. If we started dating or falling in love, something would go wrong and our friendship would be ruined forever. Our friendship meant more to me than almost anything in the world, and I wasn’t willing to risk it.

Did my heart beat a little faster at the thought that Kasey had considered it? And seemed to like the idea? Well, maybe it did. But the flipping sensation was more likely due to the fact that we had skirted this particular conversation for literal years and now here it was. The day of reckoning.

At this point my mouth had hung open so long I was likely to catch flies, and I forced myself to get it together. Kasey had begun picking at the peeling paint on the picnic table and was studiously avoiding my gaze. Anxiously, I cleared my throat and tried to gather my free-falling thoughts. I set my styrofoam cup down on the table and turned to face her, despite her eyes settling anywhere but on me.

“Kasey, this is a conversation we probably should have had a long time ago. Honestly, I can’t believe it’s taken us this long.” I wasn’t sure how much I should say. I didn’t want to get her hopes up in any way, but I also didn’t want to hurt her. “I love our friendship. You know I wouldn’t have survived college or the years since without you, and I’m so glad that we both got jobs here in Burlington after graduation. But we have a good thing. And I don’t want to risk that by trying to change or force anything.” I thought I saw her flinch slightly at the word “force”, but it was probably just a shiver as the sun continued to sink below the horizon.

She was quiet for a long time, still refusing to meet my eyes, but finally she looked up. “I love our friendship too, Dean. And I wouldn’t want us to ever not be friends.”

A sigh escaped my lips. With those words, a giant weight had been lifted off my chest—a weight I hadn’t realized was there. I didn’t know what I would have done if Kasey’s answer had been something else. I couldn’t think about dating her. I wouldn’t. Our friendship was worth more than any risk.

I couldn’t get my conversation with Kasey out of my head as I made my way home. We definitely should have had that discussion sooner, but it seemed like we were both on the same page, and for that, I was grateful. I was pulled from my thoughts by my ringing phone, and I swiped to answer the call from my sister.

“Hey, Sarah. How’s it going? How are Noah and Ivy?”

“They’re doing great. Getting into as much trouble as almost two-year-olds possibly can, of course. But they’re good.”

My niece and nephew were twins and the cutest human beings ever. Sarah was working and raising them alone, and I wished she didn't have to. Jason, her high school best friend and now ex-husband, had left her barely six months after they were born. Thinking about him made me want to punch something, so I quickly shoved those thoughts away.

“I wish you guys lived closer instead of in New York. I don’t get to see you nearly as much as I want to.”

Sarah laughed. “That would be nice. And while I’m not calling to tell you that we’re moving to Burlington, I am calling about a trip to visit. Maybe in a couple of months? I was thinking probably in November.”

I clamped the phone between my head and shoulder to unlock the door and let myself inside my apartment. “Yeah, that’d be great. After the annual friend weekend in October, I don’t really have any other big plans for the rest of the year.”

“I love that you guys still do that,” Sarah said, and I could hear the smile in her voice.

Ever since graduating from college, our group of friends had planned a weekend in October each year for everyone to get together, no matter where we lived. It was a good time, and I always looked forward to it. “Me too. Kasey and I were just talking about it the other day and trying to figure out what we should do this time around.”

“How is Kasey? I haven’t seen or talked to her in a while.”

Kasey had met Sarah and the twins a few times, and I had been so happy when they all got along well. Really, Sarah loved Kasey. Sometimes, I wondered if she loved her more than me.

“She has some stressful things with work, but other than that, she’s good. We actually had kind of a strange conversation tonight,” I said as I dropped my keys on the entry table and headed for the kitchen.

“Oh yeah?” Sarah sounded distracted, and I wondered if she was getting dinner ready for the twins.

“Yeah, about us and if we’d ever date.”

I heard Sarah’s sharp inhale, and suddenly, her attention was back solely on me and our conversation.

“Did you guys finally decide to start dating?”

“What? No.” I shut the fridge harder than I should have and pulled open the pantry door instead. “Kasey was right. Literally everyone asks about that. No, we both agreed that we are good as friends. Just friends.”

“Kasey agreed with that?” Sarah asked skeptically.

“Yeah, I told her that I love our friendship, and I don’t want it to change. And she agreed that we shouldn’t risk it.” I grabbed a box of Rice A Roni and set it down on the counter. “I’ve seen enough friendships ruined by feelings, and we don’t want that to happen to us.”

“Dean, that’s—”

I heard a scream and then scuffling.

“Noah, no. We don’t pull sister’s hair. Dean, I have to go and deal with this, but we’re going to continue this conversation later.”

“Good luck.” I chuckled.

She started to say something about having a good week at work, but her voice was drowned out by more screaming. I grinned and hung up the call. I loved those two, but I didn’t envy Sarah the task of sorting that all out.

My smile faded as I started to get my dinner ready. Kasey had agreed with me, right? Maybe she’d seemed a little disappointed, and truthfully, so was I. But I knew from witnessing it firsthand that if you wanted a friendship to last, you couldn’t mix romantic feelings with it. And just like I’d told Kasey, our friendship meant too much to me to risk it.