The Season of Falling

17. Chapter 17

Chapter seventeen

Kasey

The next few days at work flew by. Having a project that I was passionate about tended to suck me in and keep me busy. And this one was no different. I got to work creating sketches and writing notes for my formal proposal. One such day I was so invested that I didn’t even notice Linda until she was right by my desk.

“Hey, Kasey. How are you today?”

I glanced up at my boss and smiled. “I’m good. How are you?”

“Good, thank you. How was your time with Dean the other day?”

I sat up straight, eyes wide. My mind flashed to Dean’s hands on my hips and his lips brushing against mine. I felt heat flood my face, and I cleared my throat.

“Um, what?”

She raised her eyebrows. “Didn’t you meet Dean at the school a few days ago so he could show you the area for the greenhouse?”

My laugh sounded a whole lot like a sigh of relief. Of course she wasn’t talking about Dean and I almost making out mid pottery lesson. Because how would she know that? She wouldn’t. I hadn’t even told Ro and Hazel since our weekly call was tonight and a simple text wasn’t going to be enough for them and the details they would demand.

“Oh yeah, that,” I said, trying to play it cool. “It was good. The spot the school picked isn’t quite as big as I was hoping, but it will work nicely. I’ve already made good progress on the sketches.” I held them up for her to see, and she nodded in approval.

“They look great. Keep up the good work.” she exclaimed. Then dropped her voice to a whisper. “With the project and with Dean.” She winked before turning and walking away leaving me with my mouth hanging open.

The rest of the day passed without interruption or teasing remarks from Linda, and I was relieved when I got home and could breathe easy. Until I remembered that it was almost time to call Ro and Hazel. I loved my friends, and I wanted to tell them everything happening with Dean and me. But I also knew they were going to want every last detail, and some things a girl just wanted to keep to herself. Like the way he smelled like clay and paper as he leaned into me? They definitely didn't need to know that.

After changing into joggers and a t-shirt, I heated up some leftover taco soup from the fridge. Before calling my friends, I grabbed my pink fuzzy blanket and curled up in the corner of the couch with my feet tucked up beneath me.

“I can’t believe that this is the last weekly call before the friend weekend.” Ro squealed as soon as we were all on.

“I can’t believe it’s already October,” Hazel replied with a little laugh. “This year has flown by.”

“Agreed.” I nodded. “But we’re so excited to see you, Hazel. I wish you could come out more often.”

She sighed. “Me too. But that’s expensive. At last we can talk as often as we want without having to pay an arm and a leg.”

“Can’t argue there,” Ro said. “I almost never go home to visit, and my mama’s always getting on my case about that. ‘Young lady, you best visit more often now, ya hear?’” She mimicked her mom’s much heavier southern accent, and Hazel and I both laughed. We’d only met Ro’s family once before at our college graduation, but Mrs. Hensley had been all southern charm and hospitality, and we loved her.

“So, any updates on you and Jace?” I asked with a sly smile, hoping to put off my inevitable interrogation.

“We’re just friends and occasional makeout buddies. Don’t read into it. Nothing’s going to happen between us.”

Hazel and I looked at each other through the phone screen and snickered.

“It’s true.” she protested. “Jace is great, but he’s definitely not my type. He’s much too blond and…happy.”

"What's wrong with being happy?” I asked with a laugh before spooning a bite of my soup into my mouth.

“Nothing, I just tend to prefer the dark and brooding kind of guy, ya know? Jace and I mutually agreed that we’re just having fun. So just drop it, okay? Besides, what we really want to know is how things are going with you and Dean. Have you kissed yet?”

I pressed my lips together to contain the smile trying to burst across my face, but I failed, and once they caught a glimpse of it, they exploded into squeals and excited chatter.

“No way! He kissed you?” Ro shrieked.

“Or did you kiss him?” Hazel asked, just as excited.

“Calm down, you two.” I laughed. “It wasn’t quite a kiss.” And then I explained, in more detail than I would have liked, our almost kiss. When I got to Gerald bursting into the room, they groaned simultaneously.

“Are you serious? Caught by the janitor? That’s like a high school nightmare.” Ro declared.

“A recurring nightmare for you?” Hazel teased. Ro shrugged, trying to look innocent.

“But you haven’t seen him since?”

“I’ve been super busy at work, and he told me he’s started meeting with an actual professional to help with his memory therapy stuff,” I explained. “But we talk and text every day, so it’s not a big deal. Besides, it's only been a couple days.”

“Except for the fact that you haven’t been able to grab your man and properly kiss him.” Ro sighed dramatically. “How will you win him over if you can’t kiss him?”

Hazel rolled her eyes. “I’m pretty sure he’s been in love with her for years; he just hasn’t noticed. But it sounds like he’s started to notice.”

I groaned and covered my eyes. “This conversation is so weird.”

“That’s not what you say when you’re drilling me about Jace,” Ro said, folding her arms across her chest and looking smug.

“You’re right, I shouldn’t tease you. Can we move on now?”

“One more thing,” Hazel said, holding up a finger. “We’ve talked about this before, and you said you don’t want to make the actual first move. But whatever you’ve been doing to encourage him? Keep doing it because it seems to be working.”

Thursday came, and that meant my weekly dialysis and lunch date with Grandpa. I had been thinking about the conversation I’d had with my dad and decided to bring it up with Grandpa. I didn’t want to upset him or anything, but I wasn’t sure what to do, and my thoughts and feelings needed an outlet.

When I pulled up to his house, Grandpa was moving slower than normal, and he looked a little pale. “How are you feeling today?” I asked as he climbed into the front seat.

“Oh, I’ve been better of course. But nothing to worry yourself about. I’ll be right as rain after my appointment today.” He knew I didn’t believe him, but I didn’t push the issue. Dialysis was stressful enough without the added strain of a tense conversation following us inside. Besides, there was a tense conversation we needed to have after we left the hospital.

Grandpa wanted to go to The Spot for lunch. It was a cute little place that was converted from an old gas station into a restaurant. The California surfer decor made me smile as Grandpa perused the menu. I always got the blueberry pancakes when we came here, but he liked to switch things up.

“I’ll take some pork tacos,” Grandpa announced when the server came to take our order.

“You got it, hun,” the woman said, scribbling on her notepad. She turned to look at me. “And you?”

“I’ll have blueberry pancakes and orange juice, please.” I put my focus back on Grandpa as the woman nodded and walked away with our order. The upbeat music that played over the speakers didn’t fit the mood of the conversation we needed to have, but maybe the Beach Boys singing “Good Vibrations” would help ease the tension I felt at the prospect.

“What’s on your mind, Kasey?” Grandpa asked, putting his hand gently over where mine rested on the table. He’d always had the ability to read me, to know when something weighed on me.

I sighed heavily. “I called Dad the other day.” Grandpa raised his eyebrows but didn’t speak, allowing me to say what I needed to say. “I told him about what the hospital said and about…” My voice caught, and I had to clear my throat a few times before I could continue. “About how you’re going to get more sick until you…unless you get a kidney transplant.”

He nodded. “Did you ask him to come back from his trip?”

“No,” I shook my head. “I just gave him the facts. He refused to cut the trip short all on his own.”

Grandpa sighed and squeezed my hand. I hadn’t even noticed that he was still holding it, and I felt how weak and frail he really was. “Things haven’t been easy for your dad, Kasey.”

“Yeah, well they haven’t been easy for me and Kendra, either.” I took a deep breath and consciously lowered my voice. “He married Charlotte out of nowhere, and now it’s like he doesn’t even care about us.” I felt a single hot tear slip down my cheek.

“Of course he cares about you girls. You’re his whole world. And speaking as a parent myself, he’s going to make mistakes. I did my best to help him through the grief of losing your mother, but there was only so much I could do. And watching my son go through that”—Grandpa took a shaky breath before he smiled a little—“was one of the hardest things I’ve had to go through. I imagine that your dad didn’t know how to help you girls through the grief that he himself was lost in.”

I leaned back from the table and crossed my arms over my chest. Everything Grandpa said made sense. It didn’t make it better, and it didn’t make it easier, but it did make sense. “I don’t know what to do, Grandpa. Dad and I have been at odds ever since he brought Charlotte into our lives without a second thought about Mom, and I don’t know what to do about it.” I sniffed and grabbed a napkin from the table to wipe at my eyes and nose.

“Start with talking to him,” Grandpa suggested. “And go in without any preconceived notions about what he’s feeling or his motivations. Ask your questions and then really listen to his answers. I think you might be surprised by him.”

I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that yet, but Grandpa had given me a lot to think about and a direction to start in. Even if it wasn’t for a while yet, I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

We got our food and spent the rest of lunch on much more pleasant topics of conversation. But his words stuck with me long past when I dropped him off at home and went back to work for the last few hours of the day. They followed me home and wouldn’t leave me alone. I could put it off for a while, but I knew that soon I needed to have that conversation with my dad.

Dean

I could feel the tension leave my body as I walked into my classroom. There was something about being around so much creativity that calmed me. Even the potential for creativity. I meandered through the room, looking at all the art pieces left out on desks to dry as I made my way toward the pottery wheel.

My mind wandered easily as I went through the motions of preparing the clay and wheel. I had my first session of cognitive and occupational therapy for my memory loss a few days ago, and it had not gone well. The therapist insisted that it went exactly as it should, but I’d left feeling more frustrated than ever.

I took a deep breath and relaxed even further as I centered the clay and began the familiar push and pull. The occupational part of therapy was just a bunch of puzzles and memory games. The therapist explained that it would help with my short-term memory, which I definitely needed help with, but I’d felt like a kid at the doctor’s office, handed anything in sight to keep them busy.

And cognitive therapy? That had been even worse. Some people develop amnesia after a traumatic event. It’s a way the brain tries to protect itself. So, like normal therapy, you go and talk about the event and the events surrounding it. But that’s a little hard to do when you can’t remember the event. The therapist assured me that it was normal, and with time and continued memory exercises, I’d get my memories back. But I was tired.

I moved and shaped the clay, enjoying the way the smallest touch or nudge could completely change the outcome of the piece. Life kind of felt like that. One event could change the shape of your entire future. It could create a hurdle so big that it threw you off course and wrecked everything you’d been working toward. Or, you could let it shape you in a new direction.

My accident was that event, that hurdle. And I didn’t want to let it wreck me. I had Sarah, the twins, and most of all, Kasey, who I knew would be there to help me through all the hurdles that came at me. I smiled in satisfaction as I finished and started to clean up. With just a few nudges in the right direction, I had shaped my lump of clay into a vase that would be beautiful at the end.