The Secrets of Roan Island

31. Ruby

31

Ruby

T he creak of metal makes me jump from the cot, heart racing. The heavy door opens.

Noah’s face is the first thing I see, his body silhouetted by the laboratory light, and though I should still feel anger and revulsion, all I feel is relief. There was a moment when I heard Hammish yell, and then everything went quiet. I worried something had happened to Noah. I wouldn’t put it past Hammish to kill his own son.

All the tension goes out of me in one quick breath, and I step forward before I realize what I’m doing, only stopping once we’re standing right in front of each other. Noah looks tortured, the blood all but drained from his face.

“Ruby.” He says my name as if taking his first breath after nearly drowning. His hands come to my cheeks, and I don’t pull away, though I should. I’m standing in a morgue filled with the remains of women he’s helped end. But I know that’s only part of the story. The part I’ve latched onto in order to keep my heart protected from this man.

His palms feel wet on my cheeks, and I take his hands in mine. It’s the first time we’ve touched since I found out about what happens on Solstice. The same heat as always tingles along my skin, but it’s mixed with something else, a comfort, a familiarity. I turn his palms over, gasping when I see the angry holes in his hands. “You’re bleeding.”

“It’s not important.” Pulling a handkerchief from his pocket, he carefully wipes his blood from my cheeks.

“It’s important to me.” I know enough about Mavarri now to know that he’ll heal quickly, but it still twists me in knots. I hate seeing him in pain. I know he’s felt enough of it in his life already.

He studies my eyes, whispering, “We have to get you out of here.”

“We already had this conversation, Noah.” I rub my arms, fighting the need to touch him. “I’m not leaving.”

He pulls back, dropping the bloody handkerchief and putting distance between us. “Hammish found your sweater. He knows. I tried to lie, but–” He shakes his head as if to clear it from errant thoughts. “I don’t think he bought it.”

Turning away from me, he walks quickly through the lab, through the library, and to the room where I’ve been sleeping. By the time I catch up to him, he’s already got my meager satchel on the bed. “I’ll sneak you through the passageways and out to the dock. The moment my brothers return, I’ll take you to the mainland.” He gathers my things while he’s still talking.

I step in front of him. “I’m not leaving until we figure this out.”

“We’re out of time!” he shouts, shoving my clothes into the bag. The moment his hands are free, his arms fly out to his sides, a whirlwind of frustration. He steps back, tugging the roots of his hair, then turns in place to face me again. “Solstice is tomorrow, Ruby. Tomorrow! My father will try to turn you. And I can’t lose–” His voice catches.

I reach out, but stop myself, clutching my hands together. The distance between us hurts like an ache that travels over my whole body. “We’re close,” I whisper.

He shakes his head. “We aren’t. I haven’t found anything new. The tissues still disintegrate. There’s nothing in the journals. It doesn’t matter what I do.” He sinks to the edge of the bed, head dropping as his elbows land on his knees. “Please, Ruby. Just go.”

I can’t fight the impulse to comfort him anymore. The need to touch him, be close to him, is too great. I step in front of him, placing one hand on his cheek, tender and tentative.

He leans into my touch, eyes locked with mine. “It's too dangerous.”

“Everywhere is dangerous, Noah. Hammish has the resources to find me wherever I hide.” I run my hand up into his hair, a gentle caress as I make him face the hard truth. “He sent your brothers to do just that. It won’t matter if I’m here on the island or in New Essik.” I’m suddenly struck with the realization that I feel safer here with Noah than I’ve ever felt anywhere else. It’s odd to think that about a man who’s clearly dangerous. But I know, deep in my being, he’d never do anything to hurt me. He’d die trying to protect me.

“You’ll leave the colony,” he says, perking up with the idea even as my heart sinks that he would consider sending me away.

“And where should I go?” I ask with an ill-humored scoff. “The only thing I have is my position at the college. Why do you think I’ve been fighting so hard to keep it? What do I do without that? What is left for a woman who isn’t married and has no family? There’s nowhere to go.”

“I’ll give you what you need.”

“I don’t want your handouts.” I almost tell him what I really want, what’s on the tip of my tongue. Instead, I cup his face, forcing him to look at me, and repeat myself for the hundredth time. “Get it through your head. I’m. Not. Leaving.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to save the women.” I let my thumb slide along his cheek. “And…” But I can’t continue the thought.

“And?” His fingers pluck at the fabric of my skirt near my hips, testing and cautious, dark eyes staring up at me in question. When I don’t draw away, he pulls me a little closer so I’m standing between his spread thighs. “Say it.”

He knows I haven’t given him the whole truth, but I can’t.

“If I can help save the women, keep any more from dying, this can stop. Right? He’ll leave me alone.”

Noah’s hold on me tightens. “No, Ruby. Even if you magically figure out how, it won’t stop him. He’ll come for you. He wants more than I realized.”

His words hang heavy between us. My stomach rolls at what he’s implying, and I shake my head.

“I won’t let that happen,” Noah says.

He and I both know he’s making a promise he can’t keep. He can’t stand against his father. If Hammish wants something—wants me—Noah won’t be able to stop it, not with the way Hammish can control his family.

I sit down on Noah’s thigh and wrap him in a tight hug, unsure which of us I’m trying to comfort. His arms press around my back, and his head drops to my shoulder.

The clock ticks in beat with my heart. I still can’t reconcile the man holding me now with the man who killed those women. I don’t know if what I feel for Noah can survive everything that’s happened, but I know I don’t want this wall between us anymore.

“A little more time,” I say quietly instead of what I’ve suddenly realized is resting on my heart. I brush my fingers through his hair, landing at the nape of his neck. His nostrils flare, eyes darkening, but he doesn’t move. He’s so still I’m not sure he’s even breathing, like he’s worried a single breath will blow me away.

It might.

What I’m thinking, wanting, is reckless. Dangerous.

But I want it anyway.

Despite everything, I want Noah Roan. A man who makes my blood pound. A man who’s stuck in a horrible situation and trying desperately to fix it. He’s jealous and protective, unpredictable and violent, but he’s also intelligent, conscientious, and caring—even if he tries to hide that part of himself. He cares about the women he’s hurt. Remembers each of their names.

And he cares about me.

With my hand at the back of his neck, I hold him in place as I line my face up with his. “Just for tonight.”

With everything hanging over our heads and the uncertainty of tomorrow, I need him tonight. Need the comfort and distraction. For one night, I want to pretend the past few days never happened, ignore the danger and the consequences.

The hope in Noah’s eyes is too much to meet, so I close my eyes and kiss him.