The Serial Killers Guide to Love (Deadly Darling #1)

Chapter 18

18

Lilly

I was about to cancel the date with Derek for the four hundredth time in the last two days.

Was it okay for me to date him when my mind and heart was with another?

And was I putting Derek in danger with my past?

He seems like such a nice guy. Everything about him is nice.

And he’s handsome.

I bit my nail as I waited for the water to boil. A chamomile mint and verbena blend will calm my frail nerves.

Sam was gone.

There was a small chance that I walked around his house almost each night to see if the lights were on, but the house is untouched.

Also, there is a chance that I slipped a leaf between the door and the door frame and that leaf is still stuck there

Did I scare him away?

The tea releases a wonderful smell.

Come on, you can do this!

Can I?

I try to calm my tits, but it’s harder than I could imagine.

Derek, date, pasta.

“I hope you are still coming over tonight. I am going to create a feast.”

Derek texted me and I half smiled.

Why can’t Sam be like that?

Sliding a hand through my hair, I curse myself for always falling for the complicated guys, the ones that have issues and need fixing. Do I have such low self worth that I need to validate myself by being useful to a man?

In the beginning I was Mike’s right hand. I was there with him every step of the way, until he started to show his true colors and be mean and abusive.

But Sam isn’t like that.

Sam is broken, and maybe he would understand. Could I tell him that I poisoned people, that I watched them die and didn’t care? That I could go to sleep without going mad over it?

Again, I looked at Derek’s text.

“I couldn’t tell you that, could I?”

No.

I nod.

“Sure I am looking forward to it.”

I reply with a smile emoji.

“Would you like me to pick you up, or to send an Uber for you?”

What a nice guy. I couldn’t stop myself from thinking.

“If you send me the address I can drive. No worries.”

“Are you sure? I want you to be comfortable.”

“You are such a gentleman, but I don’t mind driving. Or do you plan on getting me drunk and seducing me?”

“Oh shoot, you know my master plan!”

He adds a smile emoji and I want to be happy.

Derek sends me his address.

“See you tonight, gorgeous!”

And I text ok.

What the hell.

How can a man that looks like this think that I am gorgeous. I was beautiful during my Mike time, when my personal makeup artist would cover all the bruises, but that was a long time ago.

Nowadays the best I could say about me is that I look cute, in a thrift store clothes hippie chic type way.

I like it.

The small voice in my head calls out.

Why are you sabotaging a good thing? Date Derek, get some D and at least you won’t keep masturbating thinking about Sam as a minotaur.

The last makes me giggle. What if he knew?

Heat waves crash through me, but I return to my greenhouse. I have a few plants to pot and a few orders to finish for tomorrow morning.

Even as my hands get busy with the plants and pots, I can’t stop thinking about what will happen tonight. Does he expect me to sleep with him, make out, first base, second, what the hell base that is?

I must giggle again. Derek is hot and the fact that he told me to my face that he is sick of dating was like a breath of fresh air. I don’t want to date multiple people either.

Yeah, cause you want Sam.

I almost let the pot fall from my clenched fingers.

But he doesn’t want me.

And I need to stop pining for him.

After washing the soil off my hands, I made my way back inside to drink the tea, but gave up on trying to be calm. Who am I kidding?

I need coffee.

I need to be awake for my date.

Two hours later, dressed in a long green dress, I knock at Derek’s door. Or attempt to knock, because the door opens before I manage to make contact with it.

He looks good.

Tall, built like a Greek god with muscles that show under his Lacoste button down shirt. The man looks good enough to eat.

Enough.

I deserve fun, and this man is just what the doctor prescribed. Fun.

His easy smile lights up his face.

“Hi, Hm, am I early?”

I asked, trying to spark the conversation.

“Hi, no, perfect, just on time. Please.”

He invites me in and a soft delicious smell comes from the kitchen. My stomach, being the easy bitch it is, starts grumbling like mad, cause food.

“Sorry “

“The best appreciation for a cook is a stomach grumble.”

He said that with a smile, and I dropped my purse on the couch.

The house is big, airy and modern. Maybe not my style, but I understand that it is what a tech guy would like.

Shades of dark brown, beige and grey work well, and at the windows is one potted plant.

“The light isn’t good for your Aloe.”

I can’t help myself. I should shut up.

“Really?”

“Uh huh, she doesn’t like direct light. That shelf there would work better.”

“I will move her.”

He walks over and puts the plant on the spot I pointed out.

“I think it is really cool that you have all this knowledge about plants.”

He said.

I was about to say and poison. I have a bunch of knowledge on poison too.

“It’s fascinating when you start getting into it. And I love watching them grow and bloom. Orchids are my obsession.”

I add, wanting to share something.

Derek nods. I am not sure if I caught him off guard or what, but he watches me as if I am about to become dinner.

“Sorry, it’s rude to stare, but I can’t keep my cool and I am unable to take my eyes off you.”

I smile.

But it’s a bit too much. It starts to feel like love bombing.

A part of me wants to end the date, but to do what. My alternative is to go home, lay with one of my monster romance books in bed and obsess over Sam.

I would rather eat pasta with the handsome man.

We move over to the spacious and modern kitchen and Derek talks about the pasta he made and how he traveled to Italy once and loved the simplicity of some pasta dishes but didn’t manage to recreate them.

He spoons a few ravioli in a light sauce and the smell makes me drool.

“They look gorgeous.”

“I am an obsessive guy, I admit. As long as I worked in software, I was obsessed to create the perfect program, clean all possible glitches and now I am mad and want to create the perfect sauce. “

“Don’t you miss it, software?” I ask between two bites of ravioli.

“Yes. Madly, but I have been in software since I was 8. I need a break, I want to explore what the world has to offer. And me being such a crazy workaholic led to the end of my marriage.”

“I’m sorry.”

His hand touches mine and he pulls it back again.

“You don’t have to be sorry. We were young and drifted apart.”

“I understand that.”

“What about you, any ex husband?”

Almost biting my tongue, I repress Mike fast and with all my strength. Sure my ex is a mafia boss who thinks that I am dead. Who would like to get to know me better after that?

And if he would ever find out that you date me, he would hang you by your toes and cut you open slowly.

Mike had no issues fucking other women, but if I only looked in the direction of a man, any man, that man was meant for the gallows. He made it clear to me that I am his, but not in a romantic way, but that I am his possession, to use as he pleases and that he can do whatever he wants to me. Including taking my life.

“I had a long term relationship, but he moved away with work.”

I tried to leave it like that and not give details.

“What mad man could leave a woman like you for work?”

“A geologist.”

I smiled, dishing up bullshit and feeling guilty about it.

Why haven’t I considered this? If I would date, men would ask me about my past and I can’t just say, that I am 32 and fell off some alien planet and am a virgin. Lol. “Oh, he digs a lot?”

Derek asked and I giggled.

“More wine?”

“Yes. Let’s not talk about our exes, I am not ready to unpack this now.”

Derek only nodded.

“Okay. Are you a cat person or a dog person?”

“Dog, I had a dog as a kid and I missed him after he died. As I work with plants and cats tend to chew them, my line of work can be very dangerous for a cat.”

He nodded.

“I would like a dog too.”

The rest of the evening flew by easy, and without any sensation of burning pain and longing.

Derek could have been my friend, but would he even be interested in friendship? A gorgeous man like him was surely used to be desired.

We ended up sitting on the couch and Derek put some nature thing on TV. The sound was suiting.

“What was the last TV series you binged?”

“Supernatural,” I reply, and have to hide a half smile.

“Huh, is it good? I never watched it.”

“This is like asking if Star Trek is good. It is rather awesome. Give it a chance.”

Derek clicked on the remote and episode one of Supernatural started.

“I really like you, Lilly and I would like to kiss you if that’s okay?”

“Yes, that would be nice.”

Derek’s scent filled my nose. He really smelled good, but not as good as Sam, decided the small voice in the back of my mind.

Shut up, shut up, shut the fuck up! I almost yelled.

Derek is nice.

He is good for me.

This is like getting back on the bike, after you fell. Only my bike broke all my limbs and went up in flames. Derek is good and safe.

His lips pressed on mine, his mouth angled in a way to catch my lips.

The kiss was soft. Sweet. It took me to a place where I was feeling warm and safe. But can I be ever safe, with a man that has no idea who I am?

What would he say, if he knew that the quirky florist with the wild hair is a killer?

He would not want me.

He would probably stop talking to me altogether.

Get into the kissing. I told myself as I tried to focus.

His mouth is nice and soft and warm.

Ok.

I can do this.

I kept kissing, sliding my hand into his hair, pushing it back. Why was this so hard with Sam?

When Sam kissed me, that damn kiss was electric. As if eels slid through my burning bloodstream, but this, this was just okay.

My body was sex starved but I couldn’t push myself further.

I broke the kiss.

“Do you mind if we take this slow?”

I asked and Derek looked at me with a smile.

“No, we can go as slow as you want.”

He made me an espresso because I said that I still have to work, and that was a lie and I drove home.

All the time thinking about Sam.

This is how stalkers are born.

I parked in my driveway, humming with energy from the strong espresso he made me. It was good and I couldn’t sleep well either way. Why waste the night if I could get some work done?

The night is the best time for potting plants. Plus, I had to get my tea blends done for my shop. It started as a fun little play thing and turned into a big income source.

A business.

I am not sure when the hand pressed over my mouth, but when the world around me started to melt, I knew that I was in trouble.

I woke up sitting on my kitchen chair, my hands cuffed behind me, so tight that my shoulders hurt.

“You fucking bitch.”

There it was.

The familiar voice of Roy, Mike’s second in command.

The inside of my mouth tasted like blood. My body shivered. Could I act as if it wasn’t me?

Roy always had a thing for me, but he was good at hiding it from Mike, but I knew.

I saw his glances.

I saw the way he looked at me.

“I don’t know what you want from me,” he moved closer.

Roy was always handsome. A looker. Tall, tanned and bearded with just the right amount of tattoos, he would have been a catch if not for his asshole personality and his inclination towards the bloody side of life.

Roy liked his women, the way he liked his steak, tender and bloody.

“Elizabeth, you fucking bitch, see I fucking knew that you are not dead. I knew that a self centered bitch like you would not OD!”

He screamed, and made me want to shrink away.

How easy was it to return to the scared woman I have once been.

“What will Mike say, when he finds out that his bitch of a wife is alive? My boy Mikey was heartbroken because a stupid bitch like you.”

“Ugh, heartbroken my ass.”

I couldn’t hold back.

The sass brought me a slap over my face, but it was worth it.

“You have been a smart bitch, I have to give you that.”

He said as he walked around the kitchen opening pots and checking them out, before dropping them to the ground.

“What the fuck do you want from me, Roy?”

“See, bitch, when you died, a large sum of money from Mikey’s accounts was lost.”

He made air quotes.

You see, we iced the accountant and a few other guys but we never managed to trace the money. There was no suspect.

I could be persuaded to let you go, if you give me all the money. Right now.”

“Hm.”

He raised his eyebrows, and balled his fists.

“So, that’s it, is this the deep love you have for Mike, I must say, Roy, I am disappointed.”

He slapped me again, this time hard enough that I could feel my ears ringing.

“ We all have to live.”

Fear crawled into my chest. I have the money, part of it. Getting a new life and a new ID was not cheap, same as buying the house, car and so on. Half of it was gone.

“I have the money.”

I told him, before he could slap me again.

“I need a day or two and I can give you the money.”

Roy took his knife and pressed it under my chin.

“Nope tuts.”

“Roy, who keeps this type of money around the house? I need a few days to get it.”

“And why would I believe you?”

“Because you either believe me and get a bunch of money, or you call Mike and then you have to kill me or worse, drag me all the way to New York and in the end the paranoid shit will blame you for it.”

Roy was not very smart. I knew that, but even he was aware that Mike had a few screws loose. His paranoia was getting worse, and I knew that if Roy would tell him that I lived, Mike would end up blaming him. As Roy’s face had subtitles, I could watch him think and consider what was best for him. And he wanted money. The money he desired would buy me time.

“Ugh, don’t try anything stupid, okay? I am going to release you, and I will stay with you, love, until you give me the money.”

Roy moved close to me, breathing on my skin and making me smell his stinking breath and then licked my neck and cheek. There are no words to express the shiver that ran through me as I felt that. Disgust made my toes curl and I had a hard time keeping my dinner down.

“Fine.”

All I needed was time. A bit of space to think.

“And don’t try anything funny. If you do shit, I will know.”

The handcuffs clicked and so did my mind. If Roy knows that I am alive, it will only be a matter of time until Mike will find out.

I have to get rid of Roy, but instead of saying that I rubbed my wrists.

“Got some beer?”

He asked and dropped himself on a chair. The chair made a creaking sound under his muscular frame.

Roy nonchalantly showed me his gun.

“Don’t do anything funny.”

He said.

Asshole.

“Not planning to. How did you find me?” I asked as I moved towards the fridge.

“I saw you in the market. At first, I just saw that juicy ass of yours and I wanted to tap, you know me, I always want a juicy ass, but then, I saw it’s you.”

Hm.

So this was a fucking accident.

“Does Mike know anything?”

He laughed and threw his head back. Roy liked to think that he was smart, but I knew better than that.

“He has no clue. He was heartbroken, didn’t fuck a bitch for full ten days in sign of mourning.”

“Geez.”

He was on his feet and his hand clasped around my neck.

“Mike is my best friend, he and I, we are like brothers, don’t you think that I will forget what you did to my bro, you fucking bitch. I always knew that you had that witchy shit down, but I have never imagined that you would be capable of anything like this. Faking your own death, damn woman that was movie worthy.”

His hand moved down from my throat towards my chest.

“You are a juicy morsel now that you gained weight. Looks good on you.”

“Thanks.”

I threw a weird look towards Roy. God, he always gave me goosebumps, but in a bad way. He knew everything Mike did and he was his yes man. Roy is tall and built like a fucking oxen, there was no chance in hell that I could take him down with my 3 karate lessons. Why did I quit?

Yeah, cause it was hard and I hit my elbow and felt the pain all the way up in my fucking teeth. Ugh.

I somehow managed to turn away from him and slide a bottle of beer into his hand, before taking some lunch meat from the fridge.

I had some sleeping powder ready mixed in the tea box. Could I put it on his food? My pistol was in my bedroom, but I was not sure that I would get a chance to privacy.

“Why are you down here?”I asked with a half smile, taking some bread and smacking a good serving of mayo on it.

If you can’t beat them, join them. If he was so in to me, worse case, I will have to fuck him, to get him tired enough to kill him.

A plan started to form in my mind. I didn’t have all the right poison available, but I could get him drowsy at least.

I left the sandwich half open and stretched towards the cupboard.

“Hey, what are you doing there?”

“I need a tea. My stomach hurts. You mind?”

“Open it slowly.”

“What do you think that I hid there, atomic rats?”

Roy started laughing. I didn’t consider that what I said was so funny, but on the other hand, I wasn’t the one holding the gun..

I need to get that gun away from the fucker, and I need to do it soon.

“Sexy and funny. Fuck, Lilly, so sorry that you are Mikey’s piece, because you can make a man fall in love with you."

“Aww, you always say the nicest shit when you attack me and threaten me with a weapon.”

The idiot laughed, and he took a big swig of beer. Right then, when his head was leaning back, I poured all the sleeping powder in the mustard. Good. The powder worked best in hot water, but hell, it had to go.

I have to get rid of him.

I have to kill him.

“Remember my grandma, she had a stroke and I came to see her in the retirement home.”

Taking care of his grandmother was the only nice thing this ass has ever done in his life. I couldn’t fault him for that, but the fact that he was a half way decent grandson was not going to keep him alive.

Making sure that his sandwich was the one with mustard, I added cheese and some onion, in the hope that it would mask the taste.

Fuck.

Time passed since my last kill and I always had the time to plan. It was never a surprise, like now. The people that threatened my very existence never saw it coming, because for them I only have been a silent weak piece of meat, never an adversary.

And Roy was no better.

I didn’t have time to get to the garden and get some fresh wolfsbane. Normally that would cause him a freaking heart attack in 15 minutes, but I am sure he would question me if I would serve him some pretty blue flowers and would ask him to eat about five of them and then wait.

This would not work.

The only thing I could hope for was that he would eat the sandwich and not notice that I was drugging him

“Can you put that gun away, it makes me nervous?”

I asked as I poured some hot water over my simple mint tea and sat at the table.

“No. It stays here. You are tricky and sneaky and I won’t leave without all the money.”

“Don’t you feel bad taking them from Mike?”

“Technically you took them. I take them from you.”

“But you said that it’s Mike’s money.”

He took a bite from the sandwich and crushed a handful potato chips in his mouth.

He chewed with his mouth half open, but it didn’t look as if he noticed the extra spice I added to the food.

“This is good stuff. You always were useful to keep around. Why did you leave, Mikey loved the shit out of you.”

“He beat the shit out of me. I was sure that he would kill me.”

Roy’s eyes grew bigger and round as he threw me a weird look.

“No way, woman. He slapped you around a bit now and then, but nothing that bad.”

“He didn’t just slap me, Roy, he used his fists, he used a whip. Wanna see?”

I turned my back to him and lifted my blouse. I still had the thick scars from the lashing.

“Fuck Lizzy, that sucks. I didn’t peg Mikey as such an ass.”

“And would you have done anything if you knew?”

He moved uncomfortable and took another big bite from the sandwich.

“I... I. He’s my bro and one shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds you.”

“It’s fine, Roy, I understand. Your loyalty was with Mike.”

I made a sad face, hoping that he would eat more and faster.