The Shadowborn Series #1-3

Chapter 8

M y statement went down about as well as you could’ve imagined. The only person that semi-agreed with it was Eric. I’ve known I’d need to go back to the Shadow Realm sooner or later, but I’ve been putting it off. The thought of seeing Em again twists my stomach and makes me feel a little sick. In fact, the last time I saw him, I wanted to kill him. Tori had just died, and he told me that he worked for ASP, the very people who killed her in the first place. I knew Em had a secret, but I didn’t feel it was my place to ask it, after all, I have hundreds of secrets, but the betrayal I felt after learning that he worked for them hurt me more than I thought it would. He’d become like a father figure to me, sure, a crazy Yoda type father figure, but the closest I’ve ever felt to having a dad.

Leaning back in my kitchen chair, I cross my arms and watch the four growling males in the room. Okay, so Eric isn’t growling, he looks as cool and calm as he did before, but the others are struggling with my declaration. Garett is sitting at the table with me, trying to be supportive, but I know he really doesn’t want me to go.

“Why should you give that traitorous piece of shit a single moment of your time?” Killian growls out as he storms across the room, pacing like a caged animal. “You’re not going.”

“Excuse me?” Pushing to standing, I brace my arms on the table in front of me, uttering a bitter laugh in response to his order. “Oh come on, Kill, you know better than to try and order me around.”

“Ari, I agree with him. I don’t think you should go, and as your pack beta—” Cutting Alex off, I stalk towards him, my wolf prowling under my skin as I stand nose to nose with him.

“Don’t even go there, Alex. I’ve been part of the pack for less than twenty-four hours, and you already think you can order me around?” My eyes glow with my inner wolf as I stare down my beta, my heart eerily calm as I wait for his response. “Have I made a mistake?” My tone is low but even, keeping my eye contact with him firm as the rest of the room falls silent.

“Fuck no, Ari, that’s not what I meant, and you would know that if you hadn’t automatically assumed the worst of me!” His anger causes me to take a step back in shock. “When are you going to learn that we. Are. Not. Shadow Pack!” His voice is loud, and it causes me to tremble slightly.

“Alex,” Garett warns, but I put out a hand to stop him. Before, I would’ve turned and run, but I can’t do that anymore. I look around the room and see the guys around me, my family, and know I need to try and explain, make them understand.

“No, you’re right—I’ve been a lone wolf for a long time, my only experience of being in a pack was being tortured and treated like a piece of shit, but you knew that about me before you decided you wanted to be part of whatever this is.” I gesture around the room, my stomach churning as I meet his heated gaze again. “I’m damaged. I’m broken, and half the time, I’m a complete mess. I’m trying, I want a better life, but you have to know that I’m going to make mistakes.” My words come out in a rush. “I’m really trying.” I can feel the others gathering around, their hands reaching out to comfort me, but I keep my eyes locked on Alex. There’s something more going on here, something deeper I don’t understand, but I need to show him that I’m not the person I was.

We stand there for a few moments, and I feel the pressure of lost seconds weighing on me. Seb’s absence is like a void, an empty ache, a missing piece of me I hadn’t known existed. The longer we wait, the more it hurts, and just as I think I’m going to break, Alex’s eyes soften as he raises his hand to cup my face.

“I know,” he says on a sigh, pressing his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry. I just still can’t believe you’re here, that you’re mine. I keep expecting to turn around and find you gone. That was wrong of me. I’m sorry,” he apologises and presses a gentle kiss to my lips. Heat sparks within me as I kiss him back, my skin igniting where the others touch me, the atmosphere in the room changing like the flip of a switch. A little part of me wants to carry on, to see where this would go, but without Seb here, it feels like something is missing.

Breaking away from our kiss with a sigh, I take a step away, needing some space while I try to figure out our plan of action. Killian’s eyes narrow as he takes a step towards me, but I put a hand out to stop him.

“I’m not running away. I just can’t think straight with all of you touching me.” My smile is wry as I elucidate, and I see the moment he understands. His pupils dilate as he scents my arousal, his smile turning smug. “Now, can we have a conversation without one of you ordering me around?” I keep my voice light, but I mean what I say. I may be part of this pack now, but no one can stop me from doing what’s right. I need to go back to the Shadow Realm.

“I don’t like it,” Killian grumbles, surprising the hell out of me. I’d expected more snarling and growling from him, demanding that I couldn’t go, but instead, I’m met with this. “Are you sure this is what you need to do? I don’t trust Em.” His jaw is tight and his body posture rigid, so I know how hard he’s trying to reason with me, which endears him to me all the more. My broody alpha mate is not known to compromise. But he’s right—Em can’t be trusted anymore.

“I don’t trust him either,” I respond, pushing away from the side of the room so I’m facing him. I rest my hand on his arm, ignoring the feeling of rightness at our touch and the heat that blooms in his eyes. “I need to do this. Em has answers, and we need them now. I’ll be safe,” I promise. Although the words are aimed at Killian, I look around the room at the others, making sure they understand. Garett opens his mouth to say something when a ringing fills the room. Frowning, he fishes his phone from his pocket before answering the call.

“Hello?” Turning from us, he walks into another room, although with our shifter hearing, we could hear him from the other end of the house. We make small talk while Garett finishes his phone call, trying not to listen, but I can’t help hearing the worry in the tone. After a couple of minutes, Garett walks back into the room, his shoulders tight with tension and his brow furrowed with worry.

“What’s happened?” I inquire as I step forward, the rest of the room on alert, searching for whatever threat has caused Garett to look like this.

With a sigh, he runs his hands across his face before facing me, looking grim as he speaks. “I have to go. Something’s going on with the twins.”

Concerned, I take a step towards him. “What do you mean?”

“They seem to have snapped. Losing Tori has done something to them.” Garett’s voice is heavy, like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. I knew his brothers were struggling, but I hadn’t realised how bad it had become.

How could fate have been so cruel for Tori and the bears to find each other, their mates, only for her to be taken away within the space of minutes? I mourn Tori for the friendship we had, she was my best friend and the closest thing I had to family. She had a shitty past like me, she understood like no one else could. But the twins and Max, they never got the chance to know her, and now they mourn the future they will never have.

“Grief affects everyone differently,” Eric says softly, placing his hand on Garett’s arm in a comforting gesture .

“No, it’s more than that.” His voice drops to a growl as he paces the room, his frustration showing through his usual calm persona. “They’re saying that they have to find her, they need to be with their mate.”

“Is that normal?” Frowning, I look to the others for the answer. I’ve never been part of a normal functioning pack, certainly not one with true mates, so I don’t know if this is to be expected. I try to imagine what it would be like if Killian, or even Eric, died. The bond between us is so strong that it would feel like a part of me was missing. Who am I kidding? If any of my guys died, it would ruin me, mate bonded or not.

Alex clears his throat and his expression has my heart dropping. “Often, when one part of a true mated pair dies, the other isn’t far to follow. Their grief consumes them.”

“No, this is more than that,” Garett insists, although I can see the concern in his eyes. “They’re acting like she’s still alive and they need to find her. We’ve had to lock them in the compound, but they keep trying to escape. It’s not safe for them.”

The others share a look, and I feel grief clawing at my throat. “She’s dead.” The words rip from my throat, my eyes brimming with tears that I refuse to let fall. Screwing my eyes shut, I take a deep breath. “I saw her die. She was shot in front of me. She’s dead.” Arms wrap around me, and I know from the scent that it’s Garett.

“I know. I’m sorry.” His deep voice soothes me as I bury my face against his chest, my heart still raw and aching from loss, but these guys help make life without Tori bearable. “Maybe I should stay…” Pulling away, I shake my head at his words, giving him a strained smile as guilt eats at me from keeping him from his family.

“No, I’m fine. You should be with your family,” I tell him, taking a step back to clear my head. When I’m in his arms, it’s easy to be selfish, to ask him to stay.

Locking those intense eyes with mine, he stops me from retreating with a hand on my arm. “Ari, you’re my family too.” The conviction in his words hold more meaning than I want to explore right now, but my heart flutters in my chest at his statement.

Clearing my throat, I nod and smile fully at him this time. “They need you. We’ll be fine, I won’t be in the Shadow Realm long.”

Just long enough to get the answers I need , I think to myself. I don’t want to spend a second longer there than I have to. Garett continues to stare at me for a while until he sees whatever he’s looking for. Pulling me into his arms, he presses a gentle kiss to my lips.

“I love you. Be safe, don’t take any risks. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Pulling away from me, he turns to the others, his gaze moving between the three guys. “Look after her.”

The others nod in agreement, though I notice Killian bristle, his inner wolf disliking being ordered, even over something like the safety of his mate, but he stays quiet. I guess we’re all growing and changing. Standing back from the guys, I watch with a heavy heart as Garett says his farewells, my gut telling me that this journey to the Shadow Realm is going to take me away from them far longer than I would like.

After Garett left, I didn’t see the point in hanging around wasting more time, so I walked up to my room, followed closely by the others, with Killian practically biting Alex’s hand off as he touched my shoulder. The tension in the room rose pretty high as my growly alpha became possessive, their concern about me returning to the Shadow Realm filling the air. With a bravado I didn’t feel, I gave them a cheeky wink and lay down on the bed before closing my eyes and following that pull that’s always beckoning, always calling me.

Even before I open my eyes, I know I’m back in the Shadow Realm by the feeling of nothingness that surrounds me—the absence of wind, scents, and sounds are all hallmarks of this lifeless place.

As I peel open my eyes, I’m greeted by the unchanged grey expanse of the realm. I turn my head and see the dark tree line of the forest, the trees extending for as far as the eye can see. I don’t know why I always end up here when I visit, on the strip between the dark forest where the shadow beasts roam and the unending plains. Movement by the tree line catches my attention, and I can see the sifting, flickering shape of one of the beasts, and although I’m too far away to be certain, I get the distinct impression that it’s watching me. The feeling of being hunted clings to me like a shadow, like no matter how fast I run, I will never be able to shake it. My arm aches from where the shadow beast scratched me the last time I entered the forest. Looking down at the wound, I see the ugly, shiny scar of a long-healed wound, but being here makes it ache like a fresh injury.

Pushing to my feet, I take another look around me. There is no sign of Em, but that doesn’t worry me, he always seemed to know when I was here before, so I have no doubt he’ll turn up today. There’s something he wants from me. It took me a while to work it out before, why he would keep turning up and offer to train me. I thought it was out of the goodness of his heart, and then I learned that he worked for ASP and I was reminded again that nobody does anything for free. You’d have thought I’d have learned that by, now given my history, but I guess I’m a glutton for punishment.

I begin to walk, and the slight changes in the twisting tree line to my right are the only indicators that I’m moving—the unending plains to my left unchanging, the strange mist eddying around me as I go. After what could have been minutes or hours—time moves strangely here—I feel a change in the atmosphere and I know Em has arrived.

“How did you know I was here?” I keep walking, my footsteps steady and quiet against the dull grass, my gaze straight ahead, not wanting to look at him just yet. I’m not ready to see his face. Will he even feel guilty about everything that’s happened?

There’s a pause, as if he’s surprised by my question, but he isn’t quiet for long, he never is. “Shadowborn can feel when there’s a change in the Shadow Realm, that includes someone entering it.”

“So you knew every time I came here.” My words are more of a statement than a question, but he answers anyway. I had suspected, but now I have confirmation.

“Yes. The first time I met you, I wasn’t going to come, I was going to leave you alone, not draw attention to you.” He sighs, and I finally turn to face him. He looks the same, not that I can fully make out his features, thanks to the glow that always surrounds him. “But I felt your fear that day when you went into the forest, and I couldn’t stay away.” A weight seems to settle on his shoulders as he speaks, but I’m not about to try and make him feel better about it, not until I get the answers I need.

“Why’re you always glowing, why aren’t you in full form like me? And what do you mean you didn’t want to draw attention to me?” The questions fall from my lips with my impatience. I’ve had enough of his secrets and I need answers.

“I’m just projecting an image of myself, I’m not fully here like you are. I’m still fully conscious in my body. But you, you throw your whole self here, your soul has left your body, which is why your body reacts like it does. Without your soul, you can’t function fully,” he explains as I continue to walk through the realm. “Like I said, all Shadowborn know when someone enters the Shadow Realm, especially with how much of a commotion you cause when you enter,” he says wryly with a roll of his eyes. “Remember, we’re in hiding, they have lives and families they’re trying to protect.” The prospect that other Shadowborn are out there, with families and normal lives, makes my stomach churn from frustration, since I seem to have been excluded from this secret Shadowborn society. I hold down my anger, there’s nothing that can be done about my past now, and with a father like mine, there was never any way I was going to have a normal life, Shadowborn or not. At least I’ve learned how to protect myself now. It’s not fair to those who have managed to fight for a life if I hold it against them. It’s exactly what I would have done if I was offered a chance at peace. That doesn’t stop me from being mad at Em, though, or from feeling bitter at the life I missed out on.

“My every move is being watched, if I entered the Shadow Realm to help you, then they would know, and it would bring attention to you. Which is why I left it so long,” Em continues, unaware of my internal turmoil, and I get the feeling he’s trying to apologise, to get me to understand. Well, he has a lot more to explain before I even consider taking his apology. Narrowing my eyes, I pick up on a particular word.

“What do you mean ‘they’?” He can’t be talking about the other Shadowborn, and I’ve noticed he’s said this before, but I never questioned him on it. Who is this mysterious ‘they’ he seems to be hiding from?

“ASP.” My eyes narrow in confusion as he speaks, not sure that I understand what he’s saying.

“But-but you work for ASP, you said so yourself,” I point out, getting frustrated at the circles he’s talking around me.

He sighs, running a hand through his hair before he starts speaking. “It’s time I told you more about myself, but I don’t have much time.” There’s a pause as he gathers his thoughts, and for a moment, I don’t think he’s going to say anything until he turns to face me. “About twenty years ago, I was arrested by ASP. They were going to terminate me, as was protocol at the time. All Shadowborn were killed immediately, without trial, not to mention what I was caught doing wasn’t particularly legal.” He grins, and a shudder runs down my spine. “There’s a faction within ASP. They saw how corrupt the organisation was and how shifters, in particular, were being persecuted. They proposed that I work with them, to help them, and to protect other Shadowborn. They faked my execution and gave me a new name. ”

“Em,” I mutter. I had always thought the name was strange, perhaps a nickname, but I never questioned it.

“Yes. My real name was Emanuel. I convinced them to let me change it to Em. Not very original, I know, but it meant a lot to me to keep that part of myself.”

My mind is spinning from his revelation. I’d always thought that ASP was corrupt, with the recent shifter disappearances and deaths being the nail in the coffin, but I hadn’t realised the depth of what was going on. “I don’t understand. How does ASP not know you’re alive?” This is what I find difficult to understand. ASP knows everything, how would they miss that a Shadowborn was working for them when they had ordered him to be executed?

“As part of the deal, I have to stay within ASP headquarters, under house arrest.” His mouth twists as he speaks, and I can tell that the fact he can’t leave the ASP headquarters is something he hates, but I don’t say anything. I need to know more before I can make any decisions. “According to ASP’s official paperwork, I’m a warlock’s great nephew, and I witnessed a dodgy deal, so I was offered protection if I testified against my ‘uncle.’ They leave me alone, and I can help the splinter group of ASP, keeping Shadowborn safe and giving them a heads up when a new Shadowborn emerges so they can get in there and help them hide their gifts before someone else notices. The whole family will simply disappear, and because Shadowborn powers are more often than not found in shifters, ASP doesn’t go investigating the disappearances. They’ve always been discriminatory towards shifters, but it has become worse the last few years. Whole packs are being eradicated, and females are struggling to get pregnant and carry to term, but they don’t bother to investigate.” Anger laces his words, and I can see now that he truly wants to help us.

“Are you a shifter?” Curiosity runs through me. Em has always been a bit of an anomaly for me. He doesn’t smell or feel like a shifter, but what he says is true—Shadowborn powers tend to predominantly turn up in shifters. I once heard rumours that the merfolk had a Shadowborn, but that’s all it was, rumours.

Em smiles gently at my question. “No. I’m distantly related to the fae, but I only have very weak earth magic, my shadow powers far surpass my fae magic.”

Huh, I wouldn’t have guessed he was fae, but now that I think about it, he does have the tricky nature of some of the fae races. A question burns within me, and my gut is telling me it’s important I ask this. “Why were you arrested in the first place?”

He sighs, finally bringing his eyes back to mine. “I was trying to get to you.”

Silence fills the space between us, my eyes wide as his words sink in. “What do you mean?”

“I sensed a new Shadowborn. Young, the strongest I’d ever felt, but so confused and in pain. So much pain…” He trails off, his eyes on mine but not truly seeing. “I was young and impulsive. I was trying to find a way to get to you, especially when I found out you belonged to Shadow Pack, but you were so far away, across the ocean. Even back then, Shadow Pack was notorious, and I knew I had to get you away. But I failed, I asked too many questions, attracted attention to myself, and got caught,” he finishes, his eyes brightening as he comes out of his memories.

My heart beats painfully in my chest, desperately wanting to believe his words but struggling to push past the distrust that’s ingrained within me. For a moment, I let myself think of what my life would have been like if Em had managed to help me, to get me away from Shadow Pack. I could have been a normal child and had a happy childhood without pain, fear, and loneliness. Shaking my head, I push away those thoughts. Em would only have gotten himself killed, there was no way he would have got past my father, the alpha. He would’ve killed his way across the world until he got me back, his little weapon.

“I never intended for you to feel so alone. I tried, I promise.” Em’s words are full of pain, and for the first time, I believe him .

Letting go of the pent-up breath I hadn’t realised I was holding, I sigh and come to a stop, running my hand through my tangled hair as I try to come to a decision. Do I trust him? Scratch that, can I trust him? He lied to me, but I believe he had nothing to do with Tori’s death and that he wants to help me. I’m so used to facing problems alone that trust has become difficult, but through the love of the guys, I’m beginning to see that I don’t have to face everything alone anymore. Turning to face him and seeing the hope in his expression, I come to my decision.

“So, what do we do now?”