The Sinner

CHAPTER NINETEEN

SIN

NO WAY IN hell will she stay at her house. Her mother has brought another evil man into their lives. Now, I’m not sure it’s her fault. She probably doesn’t know that Lincoln is using her to climb the social ladder within the Lords.

What I can’t figure out is how he was able to pull it off. To get the Lords to agree for him to marry her? A Lord doesn’t always need permission to marry who they want. Usually, it’s set up through the families. By the time we graduate from Barrington, our weddings will already be planned. But it’s different when you’re a Lord’s widow. The Lady very rarely gets to choose the Lord she is re-gifted to. Mrs. Asher looked to really be in love with Linc, which makes me believe that he’s been winning her over for the past two years. Women are easy to manipulate. Especially a grieving woman who lost her second husband. It makes her vulnerable and needy to anyone offering her any type of attention.

But I know everything I need to know after he threatened Elli. And I won’t leave her at that house for Linc to take what’s mine. Willingly or by force.

Elli is very fragile and can easily be manipulated. I know because I’ve done it. And I won’t stand by and let Linc have his way with something that is mine. I’ve waited too long to get her where I want her. And no one will stand in my way. Especially not some fucking low-level Lord on a power trip.

My bedroom door opens, and I look up to see a woman enter. She’s got her long dark hair up in a high ponytail. Her makeup is caked on like she’s about to do a photo shoot of some kind, and she’s wearing the tiniest bikini I’ve ever seen. Two little triangles cover her fake tits and an even smaller one covers her pussy. She’s dressed in a pair of heels and clearly has not been swimming due to the fact that she’s still dry.

Amelia Lane Cleary stands in my room, hands on her hips, and her injected lips smiling.

“Get the fuck out of my room.” I point at the door.

Instead, she steps farther inside, closer to me. “You’re lucky I’m not the jealous type. Otherwise, I’d be insecure that you didn’t show for our vow ceremony.” She places her hand on my chest and cocks her head. Her tongue pokes out to run across her red lips. As if she truly thinks that’ll do something for me. It doesn’t.

I grab her upper arm and yank her toward the door.

“Sin—”

I stop and turn to see Elli has stepped out of the bathroom. Her gorgeous eyes go from mine to the half-naked girl in my grasp.

“She was just leaving,” I growl through gritted teeth, hating that I have to explain myself but also knowing I need to defuse the current situation that Amelia has put me in.

Pursing her lips, Elli goes back into the bathroom and grabs her bag. “No, I was just leaving.”

I let go of the bitch on my arm and step in front of Elli. “You’re not going anywhere.”

Her narrowed eyes tell me she’s going to run out of here, and I’m going to have to make her stay. Good, it’ll give me a reason to chain her up.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” Amelia says from behind me. “You’re not a chosen.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. One problem at a time. I let go of Elli and turn to face Amelia. I pull her out of the room and slam the door shut behind me. Once in the hallway, I yank her to me. “Stay the fuck out of my room.” She’s lying. Any woman can be here at any time. She’s just trying to piss off Elli, and it’s working.

She huffs. “Lincoln called me. Said you wanted to see me. But here you are.” She rolls her eyes so hard I hope she’s having a seizure. “With her,” she adds with a huff.

Of course, he put her up to this. He’s fucking with my life.

“Have you told her?” she goes on.

My jaw clenches, refusing to answer that question.

“She’s going to find out, Sin. Sooner or later. I don’t mind if you play with her for now, but the time will come when you have to let her go.”

Looking at my door, I think of my options. I have to pacify Linc for now. Running a hand through my hair, I say, “I’ll call you.” Then I turn, giving her my back, but she grabs hold of my arm and yanks me to a stop.

“Promise?” Her eyes drop to my jeans and slowly run up to meet my eyes, pushing her body into mine.

My fingers curl around her upper arms, digging them into her skin, and she whimpers, her knees buckling, but I keep her upright. “I said I’ll fucking call you. Now go be a good little bitch and run along until I need you.” Shoving her away, I turn and enter my bedroom only to find it empty. “Elli?” I bark out but get nothing. The bathroom is also clear. “Fuck.” I hurry through the house, wondering how she got by me, and out the front door to see her getting in my sister’s car.

“Elli?” I bark out, but she ignores me, falling into the passenger seat before Kira takes off. “Goddammit.”

ELLINGTON

THIRTEEN YEARS OLD

I HOLD MY diary close to my chest as I walk down the hallway. I see the door open, so I step inside the room.

“Elli.” James looks up at me from behind his desk. “Come. Have a seat.” I sit down on the black leather couch, and he gives me a soft smile. “What did you learn today?”

My stepdad found out last week that I’ve been listening in on my mother’s sessions. He said he promised he wouldn’t tell on me, but in order for him to keep my secret, I had to take notes and share them with him. “Age play,” I say softly.

“Oh,” he says excitedly and gets up, coming around his desk to be closer to me. He sits down on the couch. “Go on.”

“Mr. Robbins likes to be his wife’s daddy.”

“How so?”

Swallowing, I direct my eyes back to the page. “He likes her to pretend to be his baby, and she calls him Daddy.”

“Like how I have you call me Daddy?” he asks, and I nod. “See, Elli, it’s okay to call me Daddy when we’re alone. We’re not the only ones who do it.” I bite my bottom lip nervously, and he frowns. “What is it?”

“He has her wear a diaper. I don’t want to wear one.”

Giving me a soft smile, he chuckles. “No diaper. What about a pacifier?” He reaches up and runs his thumb gently over my lips, my breathing picking up at the touch. “You’d look so pretty with something in your mouth, Elli.”

I pull back, and he drops his hand to his lap. My eyes are on my hands, and I try to calm my racing heart. “I guess…” I whisper, shrugging.

“That’s my good girl,” he says, gently pushing my hair behind my ear, and I raise my eyes to look at him. I like the way that sounds, and by the smile he’s giving me, he does too. “What if I told you I already have one for you?” Getting up, he walks over to his desk and opens a drawer. He pulls out a black box and comes back to sit next to me. Holding it out, he says, “Go ahead, open it.”

Reaching out, I push the lid open and see a black pacifier. Daddy’s girl is written across it in pink letters. I’ve seen these before. My mom’s friend has a baby, and she carries five everywhere she goes for her son. “It looks different,” I speak quietly.

He sets the box down next to him on the couch and removes it. “It is.” Holding it in his hands, he places it in front of me. “This is called a pacifier with a leather belt harness.”

I shift in my seat, and he notices. “There’s nothing wrong with being nervous, Elli. If you don’t like it, I’ll take it off.”

I run my sweaty hands along my jeans. “What does it do?” I ask, wanting to know. Mr. Robbins said that his wife loves hers. That she sucks on it all the time. And how much it turns him on watching her.

“This”—he points at the leather belt—“goes around your head. It’s like a belt you wear with your jeans. It fastens in place at the back of your head.”

My eyes widen, my pulse jumping in my neck. “So I can’t take it off.”

He nods. “You won’t be able to. But I can.”

I shift again, and a funny feeling between my legs makes my breath quicken. “I don’t know—”

“All you have to do is tap the pacifier with your hand, and I’ll remove it,” he interrupts me.

I swallow the lump in my throat, but I can’t deny that my thighs have been clenched this entire time. My curiosity has me wanting to try it. To see why Mr. Robbins’s wife loves it so much. Letting out a long breath, I nod. He said he’ll take it off if I didn’t like it.

“That’s such a good girl.” He smiles at me.

There are those words again, and the butterflies return to my stomach.

James gets up from the couch to stand in front of me. “Open for me,” he commands, and I lick my lips before doing as he asks.

Putting it in my mouth, he wraps the leather around my head, and my breathing accelerates, making my pulse race.

“Deep breaths through your nose, baby. Breathe for me.” He pulls away, and I look up at him through my lashes. “Good girl.” He runs his fingers over the pacifier in my mouth.

I taste the rubber, my tongue exploring the weird shape. It doesn’t feel as big as it looked in the box.

“How does that feel?” James tugs on the belt to see if it’s too tight or too loose. I’m not sure.

I nod since that’s all I can do.

He walks over to his desk and picks up his cell. “I’m going to set a timer for ten minutes. Think you can suck on it that long?”

I nod again and begin to do just that. It’s like having a sucker. But when it rests in your mouth, you suck on it instead of lick it. But this doesn’t have a flavor. Cherry is my favorite.

He sits down at his desk and begins to work on his computer, dismissing me while I sit here trying my hardest to be his good girl.

I toss back my vodka, trying to drown my memories. It’s not working. James played on the fact that I used to listen in on my mother’s sessions. He would have me take notes and then discuss them with him. It was his way of trapping me. The more I knew, the more he could take it to my mother, and I’d be in trouble.

I wish I had understood that then. That I wouldn’t have been so stupid. He taught me that it was okay to like what I liked. For my body to crave what it craved. I hated him for it. And I hate myself even more. That I got off on it.

I try to tell myself that I didn’t know better. But I did. I knew listening in on the sessions was wrong. I knew that wanting those things I heard was wrong. I knew letting him touch me was wrong. But it felt so good. Being wanted felt good. I had felt lost and ignored for so long. I was lonely, until I wasn’t.

“You okay?” Kira asks me, her hand on my shoulder making me jump.

I nod, but it’s a lie. I couldn’t tell you the last time I felt okay or when things were normal. Or I felt normal.

“Kira?” I hear a girl I know by the name of Sarah call out. She’s dating another Lord. We saw them when we first arrived. “I’ll be right back,” Kira tells me.

I wave her off, not caring that she leaves me here. After I ran out of Sin’s bedroom at the house of Lords, she gave me a ride to her house. I didn’t ask why she was there, and thankfully, she didn’t ask me. I’m not ready to tell her I’ve slept with her brother. She’s the only stable thing I’ve ever had in my life, and I don’t want to lose that over dick.

She took me back to the university, and I got my car and followed her to her house. We watched a movie then got ready to go out. There’s a party at the marina tonight and I need to get out and drink until I pass out. Otherwise, I’d sit at home in my room all alone, staring at the broken cell phone that no longer reaches the one person I need.

I stand at the boating house, looking out of the floor-to-ceiling windows, watching kids jump from boat to boat. Some even fall into the water and their friends pull them out while they laugh at them. I wish I was at that level of drunkenness. Hell, I’d settle for some ecstasy right now. Anything to fuck me up.

I haven’t been here in years. It makes me miss my old life. The one when my father was still alive. After he passed, my mother sold his yacht. Said we didn’t need it. Its name was Ellington. I know it sounds stupid, but I felt like it was just another way to erase me. Another way to be forgotten. I never mattered. Not to her and not to her career. But my father? I was his girl. My father was a Lord, but my mother worked for them. Her job came before anything else. Even she and my father fought over it.

“Hey, Elli.” I hear my name being called from behind me.

I turn and give Mack a smile. “Hey.” I take a step closer to him. By the way his brows rise, he thinks I’m interested all of a sudden. I just want to feel something. I’ve lost my masked man, David, and now Sin as a friend. I’m all alone.

“Are you here with anyone?” he asks, looking around.

“No.” Just as the word leaves my lips, an arm falls over my shoulders.

“There you are, baby.” Sin pulls me into his side.

The use of baby makes me cringe. He’s never called me that, and I know it’s because of Mack.

“Who’s your friend?” Sin goes on, and I wiggle out from under his hold and shove him away, but of course he doesn’t budge. I should have known he’d show up. The place is crawling with Lords tonight.

“Mack,” he answers timidly, reaching out his right hand. Sin doesn’t move to shake it.

I roll my eyes, taking a drink of my vodka. I saw the way he grabbed the girl in his room. The way she looked at him like she’d do anything to please him. I know that look because I do it too.

I’m not the girl a guy falls in love with. I’m the girl he fucks until she comes around.

Mack awkwardly looks around and then turns, giving us his back before walking off into the crowd. “Go away, Sin,” I tell him. “I’m not here with you.”

He steps into me, his hard chest bumping mine, and I swallow nervously at the look in his eyes glaring down into mine. “Do I need to fuck that attitude out of you, little demon?”

I don’t answer.

He reaches up this time to cup my cheek. “Get on your knees and open your mouth.”

I snort. Yeah, right. So everyone here can record it? You can’t do shit without kids pulling their cells out and posting it on the internet. “That’s not happening.” I give him my back.

A hand tangles in my hair, yanking my back to his front. His free hand goes around my throat, holding me in place, and whispers in my ear, “You either drop to your knees and open that mouth, or I bend you over and fuck that ass.”

I whimper, and the mention of my ass has my breathing pick up. It still hurts from the masked man last night. He was so rough and made me bleed. And I liked it. I sat in the bathtub for over an hour just staring at the cell that he broke. His last fuck you . What did I do that pissed him off so much? That I said his dick was worthless? He proved it wasn’t. Why take away my only line of communication?

“Which one will it be, Elli?” Sin interrupts my thoughts.

Sucking in a deep breath, I manage to growl, “Fuck you, Sin.”

“Ass, it is.” He starts pushing me forward toward a narrow set of stairs with the hand tangled in my hair, but I’m saved as Jayce walks up to him.

“Hey, man. I need to speak to you.” His eyes go from Sin’s to mine. “It’s important.”

Sin lets go of me, and I don’t even look back. I down more of my vodka while I go off to find Kira. I thought coming here tonight would be fun, but now that Sin’s here, I need to go.