The Sinner

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

SIN

I SIT IN Tyson’s passenger seat, watching my phone just like last time. Elli sits on the bed, rocking back and forth, silently crying. I left her in the kitchen earlier today after I made her watch me set her drugs on fire.

Pretty sure she’s still in shock. The anger will hit her soon and she’ll try to get back at me. I’m ready. I needed to get her pissed. I was tired of seeing her depressed. All I keep thinking about is how I’m going to walk into the house and find her dead because she thought it was her only way out. Just like her father.

Now I didn’t lie. I did replace her birth control weeks ago and I expect her to be pregnant soon, if not already. I’m not as concerned as Kira, though. I’ve read up on it and it can take time. She’s stressed, doing drugs, drinking. Her body may not be capable of getting pregnant right now, she hasn’t been eating regularly, but it will happen. If I have to drag her down to the basement, tie her up and fuck her nonstop until she pees on a stick and it says she’s pregnant, Ellington Asher will have my children.

Tyson brings his car to a stop and rolls down his window. I lock my cell as he punches in the code, and the gate opens, allowing us access to Carnage.

He brings the car to a stop once we hit the circle drive and we get out, making our way up to the double doors. The same man from before greets us. “This way, gentlemen.”

We follow him up a set of stairs and down a long hallway. We’re not going to the office again, that’s clear when he pushes a door open, and we begin to descend a new set of stairs.

He walks us down a darkly lit hallway, and we come to a metal door at the end. He knocks twice before pushing it open, making it squeak loudly.

“Gentlemen.” He nods, holding it open for us.

I enter first, giving him a nod of my head while Tyson follows me. The door closes, shutting us inside.

“Tyson. Sin.” The man with the tattoo of the gagged nun on his arm greets us, leaning up against the far concrete wall. “So glad you guys could make it.” His lips turn into a sinister smile that instantly puts me on alert. But I push down the urge to start throwing punches. I’m not even going to pretend that I don’t need them. We all know that I do.

“Why are we here?” Tyson asks, getting to the point, crossing his arms over his chest.

No one answers him. Instead, our eyes fall on the guy who kneels in the middle of the concrete room. Patches of his dark hair is missing. He’s in a straitjacket and on his knees. Naked from the waist down with his head bowed forward.

One of the brothers steps up to him. “Are you hungry, Oscar?” he asks.

The man’s head snaps up, his sunken blue eyes wide and wild. His lips cracked and dry. He looks feral. Like a rabid dog that’s kept chained up.

The Spade brother holds a plate in his hand. Small pieces of steak cut up on it. The other brother removes a pocketknife from his pocket and holds it out to him.

The one kneeling stabs a piece of steak with the tip of the knife and holds in out to the guy in the straitjacket. Oscar leans forward, not wasting a second and closes his lips around it, knife and all. When he pulls back, he smiles and blood covers his crooked teeth, now slopping on the piece of steak. He stabbed himself in the process of grabbing the steak.

“That’s a good boy, Oscar,” the Spade brother praises the guy. “Want another?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” he rushes out, nodding.

The Spade brother stabs two pieces this time, making them cover more of the blade. Holding it out, the guy once again wraps his lips around the knife, sliding his mouth along the edge of the blade, removing the steak. Blood drips from his smacking lips.

“You left some of the juice.” The Spade brother holds it up in front of his face and the guy hungrily licks the blade. Cutting himself over and over to get every little drop. “Good, isn’t it?”

“So good.” The guy closes his eyes and moans. You can’t miss the fact that he’s now hard.

“You earned this, Oscar.” The Spade brother shoves the last few pieces of steak onto the floor and the guy leans over like a dog and eats it up off the dirty concrete.

All three brothers turn to face me and Tyson. My body stiffens, wondering what the fuck we’re doing here and why they wanted us to see that. I mean, the Lord in me tells me it’s a warning. To show just how fucked up they are.

They are Carnage. They run it like their own personal hell.

My father’s words echo in my mind.

“What if I told you we’ll give you what you want,” one states, and my pulse picks up with anticipation. “But you have to give us something in return.”

“I’d say name your price and it’s yours,” I say without hesitation.

The three of them smile but I hear Tyson curse behind me, knowing that I might have just signed my life away.

ELLINGTON

I SIT IN my car parked outside the house. My knees bounce, and my hands are sweaty. After Sin left me crying in the kitchen, I crawled into bed and spent all day trying to figure a way out of the life I’ve been given.

There’s no escape. I could run, but where would that get me? A life of always looking over my shoulder? There’s probably a tracking device on my car. After what Sin said about my birth control, I’ve learned I know nothing. He’s been one step ahead for months. Years, actually.

I look at my clutch that sits in the passenger seat. I made sure to check, double-check, triple-check … I’m not pregnant, and I hate how fucking sad that makes me.

Why do I want to have his child? Why do I want to put that kind of burden on him or her? Knowing that Chance—my husband—wouldn’t be its biological father?

Fuck, what would happen to me if Chance ever found out? The child would be shunned. What would the Lords do to them? Sin is supposed to be powerful. But his future has been kept a secret. I overheard James talking about Sin and his dad. How high ranked he was, and how high Sin would be.

What if I died while our child is young? Would Sin take him or her in? What if the kid needs medical treatment and blood work reveals that it’s not Chance’s?

My mind hasn’t stopped going through every scenario that ends badly for my imaginary child. I had to try to ignore the possibility that will never be. I’m in no shape to be a mother. I wish Sin’s and my past was different. And that we could be happily married and making a family, but that’s not the cards I get to play.

Instead, I’m marrying a man who plans on loaning me to whoever wants me. Who knows if he’ll make me have his children.

To help keep my mind off my useless life, I was scrolling social media and saw where Kira’s friend Sarah was at a party. I wanted to come. I need to get fucked up. Numb. Sin burned everything I had. Well, technically it didn’t burn, but it’s ruined nonetheless.

So I got up, showered, and got ready like my life isn’t exploding into a million pieces.

Getting out of the car, I leave my clutch but grab my phone.

I enter the house and squeeze my way through the crowd. Barrington had a football game tonight and they won so the entire school is here celebrating. Barrington isn’t known for their athletics so whenever they win at any type of sport, everyone celebrates.

When parents pay millions a year for kids to attend, they don’t need to have a good athletic program.

Walking into the kitchen, I see Sarah standing at the large island, a drink in one hand and her other holding the hand of a Lord by the name of Gunner. I’ve seen him around. The ring on his finger is hard to miss when you know what to look for.

She looks over and smiles at me. “Elli.” Pulling away from Gunner, she wraps her arms around me.

I look over her shoulder to see Gunner searching behind me. His eyes scanning the room before they drop to mine. He sees I’m alone.

He’ll tell Sin.

Good. Let that motherfucker know I’m not at home crying over him.

“Want a drink?” she asks, pulling away.

I’m not as close with Sarah as Kira is, but I’ve spoken to her before. Her and her friend Blakely. I haven’t seen her around much lately, though. I feel like everyone’s lives have changed since the Lords had their vow ceremony. “I’d love one,” I answer, pushing a piece of hair behind my ear and avoiding Gunner’s stare.

She looks over to the guy making drinks and orders me one before looking back at me. “Did Kira come with you? I messaged her earlier and she never read it.”

“I haven’t spoken to her.” I need to apologize to her. Just because Sin didn’t turn out to be the guy I wanted him to be doesn’t mean that Corbin can’t be who she wants. Not everyone has my bad luck.

“Here you go.” The guy hands Sarah the drink and she gives it to me.

“Thank you,” I say and lift it to take a sip, but an arm falls over my shoulders, pulling me into a body. I look up into a familiar set of green eyes.

“Hey, Elli.”

I let out a nervous breath, thankful it’s not Sin. “Hey, Holland.” It’s Marcus’s friend that I ran into at Blackout.

He lifts his eyes to Gunner and nods, but Gunner doesn’t acknowledge him in any way. His eyes are still on me, making me nervous. Just to further my point, he finally speaks, “Where’s Sin, Ellington?”

The way he uses my full name makes my heart race. The Lords have a way of making the simplest word a threat. “I don’t know, Gunner.” I give him a tight smile. “Why would I know that?” Lifting the drink, I take a gulp, hissing in a breath at the burn.

“Gunner—” Sarah says softly, placing her hand on his chest.

He ignores her. “Does he know you’re here?”

My eyes narrow on him. “Why don’t you call and ask him?” I don’t know why I’m engaging in a fight I can’t win.

Lie.

I know why. I want to bait him. I want Gunner to call Sin and tell him I’m here. I want to see him show up and drag me out of here, kicking and screaming. I want everyone to see that I belong to him. That I’m not a secret anymore. I want the world to see that he’s cheating on the woman he’s going to marry. Fuck my consequences with Chance. It’ll be worth it. Just to know that someone would tell Amelia that Sin cares about me.

“Sin?” Holland questions, finally joining in on the conversation. “Since when would he care about you?”

My shoulders drop at his words. The truth hitting me like a slap to the face. The only reason Gunner knows anything is because he’s a Lord. Amelia was probably right that they all sit around and laugh about the women they fuck. I’m just another girl on his long list of hookups.

Even if Sin came barging into the party and dragged me out, no one would think twice as to why. He did it once and the only rumors that started spreading the next day was that I fucked three guys. None of which named Sin as one of them.

I take a big gulp of the drink while Gunner glares at me once again. Sarah looks uncomfortable, biting her bottom lip nervously.

“Want a little something stronger than that?” Holland asks, breaking the tension and taking the drink from my hand, setting it on the counter. “Come on.” He doesn’t even wait for an answer.

I allow him to pull me out of the kitchen and down a hall. He brings me to a set of stairs and into a new room. It’s darkly lit with neon signs hanging on the back wall. Guys and girls sit in chairs and lounge on the couch, a pool table is to the right and a small bar in the corner.

“Hey, man.” Holland commands as we enter, “She needs something.”

I frown, looking at the guy he’s talking to. “Mack?” He sits back reclined in a chair.

“Elli.” He jumps to his feet, pulling me in for a hug that lifts me off mine. Setting me down, he frowns, looking over my face. “What?”

“Nothing,” I answer, shaking my head. I didn’t think he was the type to party but then the thought of him at the marina comes to mind. But still, even then he was so shy. Acted innocent. So why is Holland asking him for drugs?

Holland slaps his shoulder. “Give her your best.”

Mack frowns. “You sure?”

Holland nods. “Positive.”

Mack starts digging into his pocket and removes a tiny plastic baggie. He opens it up and pulls out a white pill. Handing it over, he says, “You only need one.”

“What is it?” I ask.

“The best Molly you’ll ever have,” Holland answers, winking at me, and I toss it into my mouth, not bothering to even think about it.

Mack hands me a cup and I take a gulp of the mixed drink, swallowing the pill.

“Thanks, man,” Holland tells him.

“Give it fifteen minutes and you’ll be good,” Mack adds.

I go to hand him his drink back and he shakes his head, pocketing his hands. “You keep it.”

Holland grabs my free hand and pulls me out of the room. We’re walking back down the hallway when my cell vibrates in my pocket. I wore jeans tonight because I knew I wouldn’t be sober. I’d rather not flash anyone. Pulling my hand from his, I look to see it’s Kira. “Hello?” I shout over “Lilith” by Ellise.

I can hear her voice but can’t make out what she’s saying. “One sec.”

I step into a room and turn on the light. It’s a half bath. “Hello?” I repeat.

“Where are you?” she shouts, thinking I still can’t hear, and it makes me flinch.

“At a party.” No need to lie. I’m not sure if Sarah finally got a hold of her or not. Kira and I have been friends for too long to lie to one another. We may not agree on some things, but I’ll always tell her the truth.

“Elli,” she sighs. “Are you fucked up?”

“Not yet,” I answer honestly.

I hear her whispering, and I guess she’s telling Corbin what I’m up to. “Who are you there with?” she goes on.

“What’s with the twenty questions?” I look up to see the door open and Holland enters, closing it behind him, obviously tired of waiting for me in the hall.

“Elli, please leave,” Kira goes on as Holland comes to stand behind me. He places his hand on my hips and I shove them off.

He holds them up and chuckles like it’s funny. I’m not there. I didn’t come here to get laid. The only guy I want is Sin. And I hate myself for that.

“Elli?” she snaps when I ignore her.

“I’m fine, Kira. I’ll call you tomorrow.” I hang up and turn off my cell, knowing I’ll try to call Sin the moment everything goes numb. Even if he has me blocked, I don’t want to know that kind of heartache when I hear him on his voicemail.

“How about we have a little fun?” Holland offers, pulling a bag of his own out of his wallet.

Taking a sip of the drink that Mack gave me, I pray it helps the pill kick in soon. He said give it fifteen minutes. “I don’t know…”

“You’re here to get fucked up, right? Let’s get fucked up.” Without another word, he pours the white powder onto the counter and then removes a credit card. He hands me a hundred-dollar bill and I start rolling it up while he gets to separating the cocaine into two lines. I guess one can’t hurt.