The Sky We Seek (Love and Other Dreams #2)

Chapter 1

Elina

The cool morning breeze makes my eyes sting. I bury my chin in my scarf and blink away the tears. With my right hand tightly clutching one of my two suitcases, I look around.

They should have been here by now.

Hundreds of people stream past me like remote-controlled robots, sipping from their to-go coffee cups in the light of the April sun, yet I can't spot them anywhere. My gaze falls upon a gray-haired man in a suit. He's surely on his way to the city center. He's a banker or perhaps a lawyer. In any case, he's important. I can tell by his confident demeanor. In my imagination, his colleagues look up to him, and his parents are proud of what he has achieved. He lives with his little picture-perfect family in a suburban neighborhood in Vienna. Every day, he takes the train to the main station and then strides toward the subway with his calfskin briefcase and matching designer shoes.

I blink some more. If they don't show up soon, the wind will ruin my makeup. A strand of hair also escapes the bun at the nape of my neck. I tuck it behind my ear and glance at my phone. It's just past seven o'clock.

No message, no call .

They probably won't come.

Disheartened, I hoist up the travel bags and position one on each shoulder. The three pigeons peacefully pecking at breadcrumbs next to me moments ago retreat suspiciously. With a rolling suitcase in each hand, I turn toward the entrance of Vienna's main train station.

Even before reaching the bustling hall, my arms begin to ache. Not even the cozy smell of fresh bread that envelops me upon entering can make up for it. It's so warm, I start sweating under my spring jacket. Panting, I cross the station hall and head for the elevator to my platform.

I drag myself and my luggage inside and sink down onto one of the suitcases.

When something feels so wrong, it can't be right.

Leaving Vienna is a mistake. I should stay here.

The ringtone of my mobile phone demands my attention. The display lights up with a photo of my mother. She gazes at me with a warm expression, but the small lines around her mouth turn downward.

The elevator starts moving. I answer the call although I can already guess why she's reaching out. "Hey. Let me guess..."

"Elina, we won't make it." She sounds so exhausted as if she, too, has packed her entire household into suitcases that she now has to drag behind her. If you think about it, she's been doing just that for years. Except it's not her stuff she burdens herself with. It's my brother's, which she carries for him like a kind-hearted pack mule.

"How bad is it?" I ask, trying to avoid uttering the words life or death. I observe the bustling activity at the newsstand through the glass wall of the elevator cabin with growing anxiety.

Her tortured sobbing gives me a stomachache. "We're trying to get Aaron out on bail," she says, her voice strained.

"Oh man. What..." I search for the right words as the elevator climbs higher. The world of the station shrinks below me.

"We'll handle it. For his sake," she replies curtly, then I hear someone calling in the background. "I have to go. They need me."

The air stands still in here, yet my eyes burn. I need you just as much , I want to retort. "Of course," I say instead, biting my lip until it hurts. She's already going through a lot, and I don't want to burden her with guilt.

"Have a safe journey. We'll come to visit you soon," my mother says, her voice already distant. In her thoughts, she's probably already with her other child.

"Of course," I repeat and put the phone down. She won't say anything more, and I don't want to hear the constant beeping on the line when she ends the call. So I'm the first to press the red button on the display, which gradually blurs before my eyes with each passing second.

This is how it will go. Completely alone, I will leave my home in a few minutes.

As if I were invisible. Like a ghost whose soul means nothing to anyone.

An electronic voice announces that I have reached my platform. The elevator doors slide apart, and where there was just oppressive silence, life now enters. Children laugh, a group of seniors with old-fashioned backpacks and walking sticks discuss the notices on the bulletin board, and a train rattles in on the adjacent platform. The gust of wind it creates brings a mixture of cigarette smoke, perfume, and croissants to my nose. Dejected, I grab my luggage and leave the elevator, along with the memory of the phone call from my mother.

Even though my life is far from glorious, she will be proud of me one day. So much so that she will momentarily forget how difficult things are with Aaron. With tears of joy in her eyes, she will wrap her arms around me. That's my daughter , she will whisper, her voice choked with emotion. And then she will tell me how much she loves me.

With this image in my mind, it becomes easier to smile. Even the cold breeze can't touch me anymore.

As soon as I step onto the paved platform, I spot a lime-green balloon the size of a gymnastics ball dancing in the wind against the blue sky at the end of the platform. A blond woman who bears a striking resemblance to me smiles at me from its front side. On the back, there's a message.

The world is full of wonders. We just have to be willing to see them .

Immediately, I realize the balloon belongs to my best friend Maya. She should be meeting our landlord for the key handover right now before moving in with her great love, Josh. Yet she has come to say goodbye to me. Warmth fills me from within.

As quickly as I can, I march toward Maya, dragging the suitcases behind me. I weave past students, young women in work attire, and mothers with strollers.

After what feels like an eternity, Maya comes into my field of view. She’s leaning against a lamppost, wearing an oversized bright yellow T-shirt and gray-white striped leggings. Her black hair is adorned with glittery clips, and there's a plastic bag next to her. I release the suitcases, slide the travel bags off my shoulders, and rush toward her.

"Hey," I say breathlessly, sinking into her outstretched arms. She pulls me close, and a sense of bliss washes over me. "What are you doing here?"

She shakes her head, her extra-long earrings tickling my neck. "Do you think I'd let you leave without saying goodbye?"

"You're right. Last night's farewell party was clearly not enough." For a moment, I don't know whether to grin or cry. I can still feel the echoes of our laughter in my abdominal muscles. And I can see the faces of all my friends who celebrated the end of an era with Maya and me.

"Far too little." Her sentimental tone, coupled with the fact that she's now stroking my back soothingly, stirs up melancholy within me.

I clear my throat. "Thank you for being here." Maya must have noticed that my parents didn't come. So it's even more beautiful that she's helping me bid farewell to the city I love so much, a city I don't know how to survive without.

"Anytime." She rocks me back and forth, then pushes herself away from me and sizes me up. "Don't you think your outfit is a bit over the top?"

Certainly not. The pleated trousers with pinstripes and the rose-colored suede pumps are just right. "I'll be picked up at the station. I have to make a good impression right away. You know I can't afford to make any mistakes. Not another one, especially not as big as my last one."

"As if Miss Super Smart would need that," she replies even though she knows that Miss Super Smart is only smart regarding her passion as a prospective doctor. Or rather was smart. "You'll blow them away anyway."

Theoretically, that's true. After all, I was trained at one of Vienna's most prestigious clinics. Just a few months ago, I was on the fast track to start my neurology specialty training. But then everything changed. My God, how could I have been so foolish to risk my future?

"Hey, stop that. You can't change what happened anymore. All you can do is learn from it," Maya says, studying me. "And you have."

That's true, but I still refuse to accept it. "I could have been the best neurologist Vienna has ever seen," I argue. "I could have saved lives, you know?" Instead, in a few minutes, I'll be boarding a train that will take me to the remotest village in the Tyrolean mountains to work at a general practitioner's office.

A general practitioner's office !

"Tyrol is not your final destination, just a small detour." Maya grabs my arms and gives me a serious look. "You will continue to hunt for a specialist position, and once you find another clinic to join, you'll be back on track."

I want nothing more. But the truth is, nobody wants me. Not after what happened. Throughout the winter, I sent out hundreds of job applications. Unsuccessful. Now it's mid-April. I should be grateful to have found any place where I can at least finish my internship .

"I'm going to die of boredom in that village," I mutter sadly. The mere thought of the supposedly idyllic country life sends a shiver down my spine. It’s not my cup of tea.

A mischievous grin appears on Maya's face. "You won't," she says, raising her eyebrows. "Because you’ll have this." She pulls out a stylish dark brown doctor's bag from the plastic bag beside her and hands it to me while giving me a radiant smile.

A gift? For me?

Touched, I accept the bag. The golden trims shine brightly in the sunlight, the leather gives off a pleasant scent, and the seams are perfectly crafted. I run my palm over the buttery-soft front. "This is too much," I say with a choked voice.

"Open it." She claps her hands in excitement, causing her hair to bounce in rhythm.

I reach for the closure. With a metallic click, it pops open, revealing the bag's contents.

"You’re crazy," I whisper with a smile, inspecting the interior lining.

It’s adorned with medical-themed comics. In one, a doctor stands by a patient’s bedside, reading a medical file. The Grim Reaper enters through the door. You can go home now. I’ll take over, the speech bubble next to him reads. The next one depicts a doctor trying to discuss a patient's Alzheimer’s disease, who reacts as if he is hearing about it for the first time.

Even though the cartoons have a touch of dark humor, I can’t help but smile. I pull my best friend into a hug. "It’s perfect. Thank you!" I say, and for a second, I don’t know how I’ll ever manage to let her go.

The loudspeakers on the platform crackle, announcing the arrival of my train. I hear it rumbling closer moments later. This makes me hold Maya even tighter.

"You’ve got this," she says, stroking my back one last time in encouragement. "Don’t forget your mantra."

Men are off-limits. She doesn’t really need to remind me because that’s more than clear to me. "Definitely not," I reply.

I feel Maya nodding in agreement. "We’ll talk on the phone."

"Every day," I confirm, savoring the warmth of our embrace for as long as I can. Only when the train screeches to a halt next to us and we are engulfed by a flurry of commotion do I let go of my best friend.