The Sorrow of Shadows (Crimson & Shadows #1)

Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

brEYLA

I find myself wandering the castle halls, lost in thought. The multitude of information I’ve learned over the last several days has left me more confused than before I arrived. Then, I just had a dead Father, a ghost, and distaste for my mother—or rather her decisions. Now, I have multiple bodies, at least one murderer on the loose, and an ache growing behind my eyes.

I sigh, rubbing my temples in an attempt to assuage the growing headache. Somehow I ended up in the long hall that houses the portraits of the royal family. Paintings of late royals stare at me, their eyes empty, yet somehow still assessing. It feels like the generations passed are staring at me, judging me for the state of my kingdom.

If they could see Rimor now, I’m sure they’d have things to say. “Yeah, I know, I’m disappointed in me, too.” Thoughts of my father’s ghost occupy my mind. He had seemed so sure Aurelius was behind his death, but I had yet to find anything that suggested such a thing. He was hiding things, but nothing fit together. I’m missing pieces of the puzzle. I sigh, moving down the wall to the next set of portraits.

This one is the most recent—a painting my mother had commissioned the day my father officially stepped down and handed the title of General to me. I smile softly at the memory of that day.

“Mother, please stop messing with my hair. Lyla has already perfected it,” I grumbled, trying to push her hands away. She was just nit-picking, but I knew she meant well.

“I know, sweetheart. I’m just so proud of you, and I want this moment captured perfectly.” She stopped messing with my curls, instead grabbing my gold and ruby diadem and placing it on my head.

“We already have family portraits. I don’t understand why we need another,” I mumbled.

She raised an incredulous eyebrow at me. “The last family portrait we have is from the day you turned seven, Breyla. I haven’t been able to get you to sit for another in the eighteen years since then. You can indulge me on this.”

“Listen to your mother, Breyla. She doesn’t ask much of you.” My father's deep timber was kind but left no room for argument.

“Fine,” I conceded. If I gave her this, maybe she wouldn’t bother me for another eighteen years. I could figure out how to sit for several boring hours in the same place.

My mother’s soft hand gently stroked my cheek, and I let myself lean into her touch, savoring the feel of her peace.

“You know I only care so much because I love you, right? I couldn’t have asked for a better daughter and heir. I’m so proud of you,” she said, emotion choking her.

“We both are,” my father agreed, wrapping his arm around my mother’s shoulders and pulling her to his side. He softly kissed her forehead, and she relaxed in his embrace.

“I still remember this day vividly,” my mother says, bringing me out of my memory. I don’t know when she got here .

“I was just thinking about it,” I say. This is my first time alone with her since I arrived home. The situation is one I’ve been avoiding for as long as I can.

“We were both so proud of you,” she says.

“I’m aware.” My tone is even as I say this, hoping it conveys the indifference I feel.

“Breyla, I think there’s something—” she starts, but is interrupted by my blunt question.

“Was it hard pretending to love him, or was the hard part waiting two whole weeks to move onto his brother?”

I feel the sharp sting of her palm meeting my cheek before I ever see it coming. My mother never reprimanded me as a child—that was always my father’s role. Guilt rolls through my gut, and my face throbs where her hand made contact. I touch it gingerly, honestly shocked that she hit me.

“How dare you,” she seethes. Her eyes fill with tears as she stares down at me.

“I’m—” I start.

“No, you don’t get to say anything. Right now, you get to listen,” she spits at me, and I wisely keep my mouth shut. “I loved your father—still love your father—with my entire being. Not a day goes by that my soul does not ache for him. I never once had to fake my feelings for him. The only reason I’m currently engaged to Aurelius is to protect you. I am doing all of this to protect you, you stupid, selfish child.”

“I don’t need protection,” I mumble, trying not to provoke her wrath further.

“Oh, how very wrong you are about that, daughter.” She shakes her head at me, taking a step back. There’s a pain in her eyes that I put there. Guilt grows in the pit of my stomach.

“Mother, I’m sorry,” I say softly.

“No, you’re not. You may feel guilty, but you don’t feel remorse for what you said. You can find me again when that changes.” She turns away from me and leaves the hall. I’m left standing alone, my face throbbing, and my gut churning.

Julian and Jade find me later that afternoon hanging from one of the trees that surround the training yard. At this time of day, the rings were empty, so I was enjoying the quiet and contemplating my words to my mother from this morning.

“Care to tell us why you’re hanging upside down from a tree, B?” Julian asks, quirking a brow at me.

“I find it helps the blood flow better when I need to think,” I answer flatly.

They look at each other, shrug, then look back at me. In true Julian and Jade fashion, they just accept the nonsense answer and climb up to hang with me. I sigh, then laugh at the three of us hanging upside down in a tree.

I’m reminded of the three of us in a similar position from years ago.

“What are you doing in the tree?” Jade asked from the ground. I had climbed the tree to escape the servants currently looking for me. My powers had manifested recently—just before my fourteenth birthday.

“I’m hiding,” I whisper-shouted. “Now leave before someone sees you and comes to investigate.”

The twins glanced at each other, sharing a look that was really an entire silent conversation, and climbed up the tree after me.

“What did you do this time?” Julian asked.

I sighed, swinging my legs back and forth. “I may have blinded Lord Aurelius with my shadows and made him walk into a wall. ”

“And it was on purpose?” Jade asked.

“Maybe,” I replied.

They laughed simultaneously.

“Did he deserve it?” Julian questioned.

I rolled my eyes. “Doesn’t he always?”

“Then I guess we’re staying here until he forgets.” Jade shrugged her shoulders.

“Then I hope you brought dinner because it will be a while.”

“You know, I’m not sure this limb can take all three of our weights. We weigh more than we did at fourteen. If this limb breaks and we end up on the ground, I blame you two.” That causes a new round of chuckles from the three of us.

“So, what’s going on?” Jade asks after the laughing subsides.

I sigh, “I’m just contemplating my failures as daughter and general.”

Julian rolls his eyes and says, “Pouting does not flatter you, B. Stop being so dramatic.”

“Rude,” I snort, giving him a slight shove with my elbow.

“Eh, he’s right though. You’re not one to seek pity, but right now you seem pitiful,” Jade agrees from my other side.

“Wow, you two are really taking it easy on me today. Tell me how you really feel,” I say sarcastically.

“We literally just did,” Julian says flatly.

“To answer your earlier question—I said something to my mother today that was truly awful, but it was how I felt. Regardless, she probably didn’t deserve it.”

“What did you say?” Jade questions.

“I asked her if pretending to love my father was hard, or if the hard part was waiting two whole weeks to move on with his brother.” I cringe as I repeat the words, realizing now how bad they truly were.

“Ouch,” they say in unison.

“Yeah.”

“Did you apologize?” Julian asks .

“I tried, but she didn’t want to hear it. She said I may feel guilty, but I didn’t feel remorse for what I said and that’s what mattered. She doesn’t want to talk to me now.”

Jade hums, swinging her head back and forth slightly, and watches her silver braids wave in the air. “Frankly, I wouldn’t want to talk to you either.”

“Jade,” Julian tsks.

“Julian,” she says mockingly back at him. “What? I can’t say I blame the queen for how she’s feeling. That was exceptionally cruel.”

“Perhaps, but I can’t fault Breyla for how she felt either. She could have approached it differently, but they’re valid feelings.”

“Hm, that’s fair,” Jade concedes. “Do you feel remorseful now?”

“I regret hurting her,” I start, “but I don’t regret saying it.”

Julian shifts his weight back and forth, swinging his torso until he’s sitting upright on the branch. He drops to the ground below us and grasps my outstretched arms.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“Come on, enough sulking. We’re going swimming.” He tugs me off the branch and into his arms before gently placing me on the ground.

In typical Jade fashion, she needs no help dismounting. She swings her body back and forth until she has enough momentum to flip herself off the branch, landing gracefully beside me.

“Show off,” I tease.

She just shrugs and says, “Race you to the river. Loser buys drinks tonight at the tavern.”

Jade and Julian both take off before I can respond, leaving me in their dust. I chase after them, my feet pounding the dirt and grass beneath me. Arms pumping, I push myself to catch up to them, but it’s not easy when they’re both so much taller than me.

I wind through the training yard and royal garden, savoring the feeling of the earth beneath my bare feet. The late afternoon sun shines brightly, but the slight breeze makes it bearable. We reach the outer wall, the twins still several paces ahead of me. Once outside the gates, I push myself harder through the tall grass, desperately trying to close the distance between us.

As I near the riverbank, I realize it’s a lost cause. Drinks are on me tonight. Jade and Julian are both there, already stripping out of their leathers before I even reach them.

“I’m feeling exceptionally thirsty tonight,” Julian says, grinning at me.

I roll my eyes as I peel the sweaty layers of clothing off. Once we’re all down to our undergarments, we take a running jump into the river. Calling it a river might be a bit of a stretch. It’s closer to a stream, just barely enough to swim.

My feet dig into the soft mud at the bottom of the riverbed, and I let out a sigh of relief. The cool water provides the perfect reprieve from the hot sun and my troubled thoughts. I let myself float, the gentle current pushing me slowly down the river. The golden tones of my hair sparkle in the sunlight as it fans out in a halo around my head.

Jade and Julian are wrestling in the water a few feet from me, and Jade looks to be winning. She’s currently on Julian’s back, her arm wrapped around his neck in a stranglehold. Julian grunts as he attempts to pry his sister from his shoulders. After a few moments of struggling, he changes tactics and throws all his weight back, plunging them both under the surface of the water.

Waves ripple out from their impact, gently rocking me. When they don’t reemerge, I get suspicious. I move into a standing position, my senses on high alert. It’s not their safety I’m concerned about since we’re all adept swimmers. No, I don’t trust that they aren’t up to something.

Something wraps around both ankles under the water, followed immediately by Julian popping up from the water right behind me. He wraps an arm around my torso at the same time that Jade yanks my feet out from under me. I’m immediately pulled under water, and the three of us hit the riverbed.

Fucking assholes , I think as I kick out to free myself from their grips. They let go easily, and I swim back up to the surface.

Wiping the water out of my eyes and brushing my hair back, I stand and face them. They’re both grinning like idiots at my expense. I shoot them a half-hearted glare and flip them off, only making them laugh harder.

In our underwater struggle we have moved further downriver. My eye is drawn to the flower petals and leaves floating on the surface. I can identify most of them easily. Rue and daisies comprise most of the floating flowers, and I think the uniquely shaped purple petals belong to columbine. A flash of vibrant red catches my eye.

“Is that...Oleander?” I say out loud, mostly to myself.

“I didn’t think oleander grew around here,” Jades replies.

“It doesn’t as far as I know, but that definitely looks like it.” I take a few steps closer, following the trail of flowers downriver. Jade and Julian follow behind me, careful not to touch the dangerous red petals. They were typically only deadly if ingested, but they could still cause a rash from touch alone.

The further down the trail we follow, the more abundant the flowers become. A few yards down, we approach a large grouping of flowers along the bank, but as we get closer, I realize what else is among them. A startled gasp leaves my lips when I see a body nestled amidst the red, purple, and yellow petals.

The lifeless brown eyes of a castle servant stare up at the sky. She looks young, but it’s hard to say for sure with her body bloated and face disfigured, suggesting she’s been out here for several days. Most of her skin has also wrinkled from being submerged in the water, so it’s hard to say her exact age.

The way the flowers have gathered around her head makes it look as if she’s resting on a bed of wildflowers. The beauty of the petals serves as a tragic juxtaposition to her decomposing body .

“It looks like her throat was slit,” Julian says solemnly.

Sure enough, there’s a deep red line across her throat. What did this poor female do to deserve this?

“Have either of you heard of any servants gone missing?” I question.

“No,” they respond in unison.

“But that’s not saying much,” Jade adds. “We haven’t been here for long. I can ask around and see what I can find out.”

“I wonder...” Julian starts, his voice trailing off.

“If this female is linked to the poisoning?” I finish his thought with a sigh. “I wonder the same. It seems like too much of a coincidence that she would turn up dead when we still haven’t found the one responsible for adding the water hemlock to Lord Aurelius's eggs.”

“And you don’t believe in coincidences,” Jade adds.

“No. I don’t.”

“Let’s get her out of the water so we can figure out who she is and put her to rest,” Julian says, taking a step forward.

I put a hand on his chest. “Stop. If you touch that you’ll probably break out in a rash. I’ll grab someone with a water Gift to move the flowers away from the body first.”

Julian rolls his eyes and pushes forward anyway. “Really, Breyla? It’s a bit of itching. It’s a miracle the wildlife hasn’t started eating the body already. Let’s just get her out of the river.”

He pushes past me, clearly disobeying my order, but I know it’s pointless to argue. Since he’s already in the thick of the flowers, I might as well let him finish. He scoops her body up and leaves the river. Avoiding the oleander, Jade and I exit a few feet up and follow Julian.

We’re still sopping wet when we reach the spot where we left our clothing. I reach down, scooping up my and Julian’s leathers.

The confused looks we receive from the castle guards as the three of us reach the gates would be funny in any other situation. As it is, we have yet another dead body and more questions. My heart sinks at how much I feel I’m failing to protect my people.

Better is expected of me. My people should feel safe in their own kingdom, yet they aren’t. I swore an oath to always put my subjects first, but I can’t even keep them alive in my own damn castle.

Commander Nolan greets us on the other side of the castle walls. “General, I was alerted there was a body—” He stops in his tracks, seeing the bloated corpse of the servant in Julian’s arms. “I see. How can I be of assistance?”

“Commander Julian will take the body to the physicians for further examination. I need you to find out who she is. Question the palace staff until you find out who was missing. By my estimations, she’s been dead several days. An absence like that would have been noticed. Once you identify her, please let me know so I can alert her family.”

“Very well, General.” Nolan nods in understanding. “Do you have any idea what happened to the poor girl?”

I sigh, stepping closer to him. Voice low, I say, “She was murdered, throat slit. I think it could be connected to the attempt made on Lord Aurelius’s life. I don’t want to create hysteria, so please keep this quiet for now. If anyone asks, let them believe she drowned.”

“Of course. You have my word.”

I nod to Julian, silently indicating for him to take the body on to the physicians.

Nolan steps closer, resting a gentle hand on my shoulder. “You seem more troubled than I would have expected. You okay, kid?”

He’s right, I am more troubled than I ought to be. I’ve seen more bodies than I could count; it came with waging war and leading an army. I should be used to seeing the dead—and in some ways I am—but it’s still not easy. Each life lost inside the castle adds to my growing feeling of inadequacy.

“How am I supposed to keep my people safe from Prudia when I can’t even keep them alive within their own home?” I ask softly. If anyone understands how I’m feeling, it’s Nolan.

He pulls me into a firm hug and whispers, “This is not your fault. You’ve proven you’re worthy of your position, so don’t you for one second doubt the decision your father made. There’s something else going on here, you just haven’t figured out what yet. But you will.”

Nolan’s reassurance doesn’t fully assuage my guilt, but it does lighten the load. In my father’s absence, Nolan is a comforting presence. I spent almost as much time with him growing up as I did my parents. “You sure have a lot of faith in me.”

He steps back and looks me in the eyes. “I better. I fucking trained you.”

We both chuckle at that. “I should probably get some clothes on now that I’m almost dry,” I say.

“Yeah, you’re probably right. We can’t have the guards getting distracted by their general waltzing around naked, can we?” he teases.

“I’m not completely naked. You try getting into leathers while soaking wet. It’s physically not possible,” I retort.

“Excuses, excuses,” he admonishes. “Now get going, and I’ll get to work figuring out who the servant was.”

I bid him farewell and make my way inside. Once I’m back in the castle, I pull the shadows of the hallway around my body, essentially creating a robe made of darkness. The royal wing is on the opposite side of the castle from where I entered, so it takes me a while to return to my chambers.

Mentally, I’m exhausted and just want to hide in my room for the remainder of the evening. I owe Aurelius an update, though, considering I believe the most recent death to be connected to his attempted poisoning. I don’t have the energy to track him down, so I pray he’s in his room as I raise my fist to his door.

He opens on the third knock, an irritated look on his face. “Can I help you, Princess?” he huffs.

I cock a brow at him and fold my arms across my chest. The shadows move and twist around me like a living thing. His eyes narrow as he notices for the first time that I’m not exactly decent .

“I have something you need to know, but not here. Care to let me in?” I ask as sweetly as I can muster.

“Care to put some clothes on first?” he quips.

“Not particularly,” I say, refusing to budge.

After a few moments, he groans and relents. “Fine.”

I follow him in, letting the door click shut behind me. He walks to the desk in the corner of the room and pours a healthy measure of spiced rum into a glass. I inch toward him, trying to decipher why he seems so bothered right now.

I drop the leathers I’m carrying on the ground and stop directly in front of him. He narrows his eyes at the clothing on the floor, then turns the glare to me.

“Am I disturbing you, Lord Aurelius?” I challenge.

“That’s one word for it,” he says, taking a long drink of the amber liquid.

I snatch it from his hands and down the remainder of the rum. Setting the glass on the desk behind us, I cock my head to the side. “Now, here I am trying to share pertinent information about your would-be murderer and I’m somehow bothering you .”

His hand darts out, wrapping around my throat, but doesn’t squeeze. I swallow hard as his other hand reaches out and moves right through my shadow robe. He caresses my waist softly, letting his hand finally rest on the small of my back. “How did you expect me to react when you showed up at my door, practically naked? My restraint when it comes to you is impressive, but I’m still male.”

I can smell the spices of the rum on his breath, and it makes me want to reach out and taste it. I want to find out if the liquor tastes the same on his lips as it does from the bottle, to see if the rum is as intoxicating as his presence.

“It didn’t seem like your restraint was all that impressive when you pinned me to the wall and made me come with your Gift.” A warmth hums low in my belly at the memory of how hard I came to ruin at his will. I bite my lip, lost in thought at what he could do with more than just his hands.

“Oh, little demon. You’re playing a dangerous game. If I had let my restraint snap that night, I would have had you bent over this desk, fucking you until you forgot you aren’t supposed to want me.” His words make the heat in my belly grow, my clit thrumming between my legs.

“I don’t want you,” I say, but my words fall flat.

His lips quirk in a half-smile. “I can smell how much that isn’t true. Now quit lying and get to why you’re here.” He shoves me back, releasing my neck.

“We found another body,” I start. “A palace servant.”

“Any idea who it is or how it’s connected to me?”

“We’re working on identifying the body right now. Her throat was slit, and she had been left in the river behind the castle. By the looks of it, she’d been there several days.”

He pours another measure of rum, bringing the cup to his lips in a long drink. “So, what makes you believe it’s related to the eggs?” he questions, trying to connect the dots.

“I don’t have any concrete evidence yet, but I don’t believe in coincidence, and the timeline lines up too perfectly with the breakfast incident. I should be able to find out more once we can determine who she is and which part of the castle she worked in.”

Aurelius nods in understanding. “ Is that all of it?”

“For now.”

“Then I suggest you leave before my restraint runs out. Regardless of whether it’s right or wrong, the next time you show up to my door in this state, I will bend you over this desk.” I can’t tell if his words are a promise or a threat. He throws back the rest of his drink, obviously done with this conversation.

I smirk at the idea that crosses my mind next. Taking several steps back, I let the shadows fall from my body, leaving me standing in my undergarments. A maniacal laugh escapes me as I catch his nostrils flaring, and a growl erupts from him.

“Until next time, Aurelius,” I whisper, leaving his room for my own. What an eventful day it’s been.