The Sorrow of Shadows (Crimson & Shadows #1)

Chapter 28

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

brEYLA

T he next morning we stood in the stables, packed for a journey to find the body of my second and visit my grandparents. The sky is overcast, and it feels like a storm is brewing. It’s not unusual for this late in the summer season, but inconvenient for traveling. There’s anticipation and heaviness in the air as if the weather can sense my mood and is mirroring it.

I wish I could say I’m not nervous, but in truth I’m filled with anxiety as I think about what we are about to do. Jade stands silently on the other side of Luna as I finish saddling her. I hate that I have to lie to her about the purpose of our journey. I want nothing more than to tell her we’re going to find and bring her twin home, but I know if I do, she’ll insist on joining us. I can’t allow that. Not only would it alert others that there’s more going on with this trip, but she’s in no emotional state for this journey. Given the nature of Julian’s death, we could very well be walking into more danger, and she would be more of a risk than an asset at the moment .

Jade’s hazel eyes are bloodshot and puffy. She goes between a state of hysterics and a cold shell of the female I know. She’s strong, and I know with time she will come back to us, but I refuse to subject her to any more heartache for the time being.

Julian’s last words to me play on repeat as I remember the promise I made to his spirit. Don’t let her face this alone. I’ve instructed Ophelia and Elijah to remain close by her side in my absence. Knowing their hearts, it probably wasn’t necessary, but I gave the command anyway.

“Are you ready to go, Princess?” Aurelius asks from the stall over. His all-white mare, Crea, stands next to him.

“Almost,” I say, circling Luna to embrace Jade. I hug her tightly, rubbing my hands up and down her back.

“I’ll be back soon. I love you, Jade. Stay with Elijah and Ophelia. They need you, too.”

She hugs me back, nodding in understanding, but doesn’t say anything.

I slip my left foot in the stirrup, then lift myself onto Luna, swinging my right leg across her back. I lead her out to the front of the stables to meet Aurelius. We make our way to the castle gates at a casual pace. It’ll take us most of the day to reach my grandparents, so we'll increase our pace once we are outside the castle walls.

We pass by the guards at the gate, and they salute me, then raise the gate to let us pass.

“I’ve never heard you speak to your friends like that,” Aurelius says, startling me.

“Like what?” I ask.

“I’ve never heard you tell them you love them. I didn’t know you even knew those words.”

I roll my eyes and watch as the expression on his face shifts to one of irritation laced with intrigue. I know he doesn’t like me rolling my eyes at him, and he’s probably thinking of all the ways he can punish me for doing it to him again .

“Is there a question there?”

“What changed?”

“You,” I answer simply, hoping it frustrates him.

“Me? How?” he asks, obviously confused.

“What you told me that night in the training room—about me keeping people at a distance, people that are hurting just as much as me—you were right. After Julian died, I realized the last words I said to him weren’t anything of substance, and I regret not telling him I loved him. I don’t know what he felt in his last moments, but I hope he knew I loved him, even if I never told him. I just never want anyone to have to question that.”

We’ve reached the city's edge before Aurelius says anything in response to my explanation.

“I think he knew you loved him, Breyla. Maybe you didn’t say it, but you make people feel it with your actions. You’re loyal to a fault and protective in a way that scares me sometimes. You care about those around you fiercely. There’s no way he didn’t feel it.”

I fight the tears welling in the corners of my eyes, tipping my head back in a refusal to let them fall.

“Come on now, Princess. We’ve been through this; you need to feel. It’s okay to cry, so don’t smother your emotions.” Aurelius's voice is calm and comforting.

“I’m the general of the royal army, I’m not weak, and I hate feeling vulnerable.” I’m trying to express my feelings now, but it’s quite possibly more uncomfortable than admitting to my mother that I’m sleeping with Aurelius.

“Feelings don’t make you weak, Breyla. Vulnerability is a strength, and it makes you relatable. No one expects you to be some emotionless creature; they expect you to be real.”

With that, I let my tears fall.

We continue the ride in relative silence, increasing our pace as we go. As we make it further from the capital, the trees become fewer and farther between. Red and orange leaves appear amongst the green, signaling the upcoming seasonal change. Autumn is my favorite season, but I hate what comes after it. Winter is harsh and cold here, making it difficult to do just about anything. The sky eventually opens and rain begins to drench us. Luckily, it’s a warmer day, and the effects of the rain aren’t as harsh. There’s nothing we can do about it and no reason to stop for shelter. Between here and my grandparents’ estate there isn’t much in the way of forest or trees, only open fields, and the occasional cottage. The sun has begun its descent by the time we reach the outskirts of my grandparent’s property.

The rain has slowed, but we’re still soaked when we knock on their front door. Warm smiles and tight hugs greet us as I lay eyes on the people I haven’t seen since before my father’s death.

“It’s so good to see you, Breyla. We missed you at Raynor’s funeral,” my grandmother says, her honey and lemon scent wrapping around me. She’s basically the female spitting image of my father—fire-red curls, hazel eyes, and freckles dusting her cheeks. The sight of her is both comforting and painful.

“I know, Grandma. I’ve missed you, too.” A pang of guilt rattles through me for staying away from them for so long. She passes me over to my grandfather before setting her eyes on Aurelius.

“I guess we know who the favorite is,” Aurelius grumbles behind me.

“Obviously. I mean, have you met you?” I snicker.

“I think you mean, have you met you ? I’m an angel.” His tone is overly sweet, letting me know he knows he’s full of shit.

“Knock it off, you two. We are delighted to see both of you. Our wayward son and granddaughter returned home at last.”

I inwardly cringe at her comment. Yeah, this is going to be difficult.

They usher us inside, taking our rain-drenched things to dry by the fire and escorting us to our rooms. Dark wood lines the halls as we’re led from the entry. If the sun were shining it would cast brilliant rays through the numerous windows that line the manor. We go up a set of carpet-lined stairs, taking a left down the first hallway. The manor is large, but it has nothing on the size of the castle.

“Your room is the same, Aurelius. I had the servants make up the guest room down the hall for you, Breyla. We’ll let you get bathed and into dry clothes, and some hot food will be waiting for you once you’re done,” my grandfather says, and they leave us to do just that.

Aurelius waits until they’re just out of earshot before speaking. “Those riding leathers must be a nightmare to strip out of when wet. They’re clinging to your skin in the way I want to be right now.” He trails a finger seductively down the center of my chest, below my breasts, and down to my navel.

“Not happening.” I grin and push him away from me with one hand. “You heard the queen’s orders—no one else can know. Especially not your parents.”

“No one has to know. We can be very discreet.” His lips quirk up in a smirk as he pulls me by the hip into him. I feel his already hardened dick through my leathers as he holds his hips against my lower belly. It has shivers racing down my spine, and I nearly give in.

I somehow find my willpower and shove him away again. “Absolutely not,” I say with as much bravado as I can.

I turn from him before he can tempt me any further and enter my room. I lock the door behind me, but not before I hear a self-satisfied chuckle behind me.

Aurelius is right—wet riding leathers are an absolute nightmare to get out of, but I refuse to go to him for help, because I know he would turn it into something far less innocent. I manage to get out of my top, but the bottoms become an issue as I find myself dancing and wiggling around the bathing chambers to remove them from my thighs.

My thighs are toned and muscular partially from genetics, but mostly from years of training. There’s never been a gap between them, but I never cared. They’re curved in ways that males want to worship and females pretend to judge but secretly envy. But right now, I wish there were less of them as I struggle and fail to get the leathers off. I end up taking a misstep, hitting a puddle of water that my discarded top had left behind, and I slip.

My ass hits the tiled floor with a heavy thud and pain throbs in my left cheek, leaving me groaning. That must be the least graceful thing I’ve done in years.

“Thank the gods no one was here to see that,” I mumble, then hear a muffled laugh from behind me.

I whip my head around and look up to find Aurelius in the room behind me, sitting on the bed and laughing at me.

“What the fuck, Aurelius!” I demand from my place on the bathing room floor.

“Still don’t want my help getting out of those leathers?” he taunts.

“No! Well, maybe. How did you get in here? I locked the door.”

“Did you really think a locked door would stop me in my own home? Princess, I’ve been sneaking in and out of here since I was twelve. You’ll have to try harder to keep me away.” He gives me that self-satisfied grin that’s equal parts infuriating and sexy.

“Ugh, you’re incorrigible. As long as you’re here, get these damn things off me,” I demand.

“As you wish,” he answers and prowls across the room to me. I reach up a hand and let him pull me to my feet. I rub my sore ass cheek and wait for him to help.

He drops to his knees before me, a sexy grin plastered on his beautiful face. His thumbs slip inside my leathers and begin slowly pulling them down my thighs. The slow movements are oddly intimate and arousing. Or maybe that’s the sight of him on his knees for me.

He works them past my thighs, easily slipping them over my knees, but his pace is torturously slow. It’s completely intentional, I have no doubt, but I’m not going to call him out on it. As he begins his journey down my calves, I feel him trail kisses down my thighs as he goes.

A sharp jolt of arousal hits me in my core, so strong I bend forward, gasping at the intensity.

“Aurelius,” I pant, “stop using your powers on me. Right fucking now.”

“No, I don’t think I will.” His kisses continue, moving higher and toward my center. I still have my undergarments on, but that doesn’t stop him from laying a kiss right at the apex of my thighs.

My pants have finally reached the floor, and I step out of them, kicking them to the side. I grip the curls at the top of his head and sharply pull his head back to look at me.

The increased thrumming in my clit from his power has spread to my nipples, hardening them into stiff peaks. I nearly moan from the sensation. “I. Said. Enough,” I grit through clenched teeth.

His eyes flare, but he obeys my command and gets to his feet. He’s not touching me anymore, but he hasn’t released his power’s grip on me. I’m nearly to the point of begging him to take me, despite our surroundings and the people in this house. He spares me, though, and takes a step back.

“Have fun imagining me on my knees for you when you slip into that bath and come on your fingers, little demon.”

With those parting filthy words, he finally leaves me.

I’m still unbearably aroused when I slip into the warm water of the bathtub. I slip my fingers below the water, and do exactly as he said I would, finding my release within minutes. It’s his name on my lips as I come undone.

Freshly bathed and dressed in silk sleep pants and shirt, I go down to the parlor to meet my family. It’s well past the time for dinner, so my grandparents have had food brought here, rather than the formal dining room.

Aurelius is already there, standing to the right of the fireplace. Sleep pants similar to mine hang low on his hips, and a loose tunic hangs off his shoulders, untied and leaving glimpses of his toned chest visible. I have to catch myself before I’m caught drooling over him.

“Have a nice bath?” Aurelius smirks at me, knowing in his eyes.

“It was quite satisfying,” I respond without missing a beat.

My grandparents, clearly missing what’s happening between us, call for the servants to place the food on a low table in front of the blazing fire. I take a seat in one of the wing-backed chairs and pull it close to the table.

The savory scent of roasted pork belly wafts my way, causing me to salivate. I haven’t eaten since breakfast, and I am starving. The plate is filled with roasted vegetables and creamy potatoes. An indecent moan leaves my mouth as I bite into the steaming food in front of me. I pick at the vegetables, moving the carrots to the side, but devouring everything else.

Once the food is gone, my hungry belly satisfied, I look up at the people staring at me.

“I don’t think we’ve seen anyone with such an appetite since the boys were still at home,” Grandfather chuckles.

“I haven’t eaten all day,” I say sheepishly.

“It’s quite alright, dear. Your grandfather was just teasing you. There’s more if you’d like me to fetch you another plate,” Grandmother offers.

“Oh, no! I’m quite satiated now. It was delicious. You must give my compliments to your cook. He might be better than the palace cook!” I’m not exaggerating. It was one of the best meals I’ve had in a while.

“I’ll be sure to,” Grandmother says, smiling. “So how long do you plan to stay?” Her question is directed at me, but it’s Aurelius that answers.

“We’ll leave the morning after next, Mom.”

“Oh, I do wish you’d stay longer; we hardly get to see either of you. It’s been so hard after losing Raynor...” Her voice trails off, and I’m filled with guilt for not seeing them sooner.

“I know, Grandma. I promise we’ll be by more often. We just have a lot of work to do right now.” It’s the best answer I can give without saying too much. Tears slip down her cheeks, and I reach out a hand to her, taking hers into my own. I squeeze gently to let her know I’m here, that I feel her pain.

“I hope you know how proud of you we are, Breyla. I know your father would be proud of you, too.”

This time it’s my turn to tear up, and the salty bastards stream down my face. I knew my father was proud, but hearing it said out loud does something to me. An overwhelming sense of sorrow laced with satisfaction washes over me.

After a few moments of silence, my grandmother says, “It’s late and I’m sure you’re both exhausted from the journey. We’ll leave you two and see you in the morning. Goodnight, my dears.”

“Good night,” Aurelius and I say at the same time.

They exit the parlor, leaving Aurelius and I alone by the fire.

Tears are streaming down my face still as the weight of being in my father’s childhood home bears down on me.

“Come here,” Aurelius says softly. He doesn’t demand, but it isn’t a question, either.

I walk over to him, and he pulls me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me and allowing me to curl into his warm chest. I pull my knees to my chest, and he runs a hand in soothing circles on my back. The dam breaks and I don’t fight it as tears stream down my face steadily. Full sobs and tiny hiccups escape me as he just lets me break in his arms. He kisses my hair softly but stays silent, letting me work through my emotions. Heartbreak, guilt, and nostalgia all fight for dominance in my chest. It still feels like there’s a cavern in my chest where my father, Nolan, and Julian used to fit. Bit by bit I’m putting myself back together with Aurelius's help. Like an open wound, not still bleeding, but raw and painful starting the process of scabbing over.

Eventually my cries quiet and my eyelids grow heavy, the exhaustion of traveling and emotional turmoil taking its toll on me. I don’t fight it and let my eyes shut, falling asleep against Aurelius's chest.