The Sorrow of Shadows (Crimson & Shadows #1)

Chapter 35

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

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C louds hang low in the sky, the air thick with the humidity of a coming storm. In this late summer heat, it makes everything feel sticky. The sun has yet to make its appearance, and I beg the gods to hold their tears until after we’re done. This time, the weather mirrors how I feel inside about what we have to do today.

I find myself once again dressed in all-black full armor, sword strapped to my side, surrounded by the warriors that follow me. It was barely weeks ago that we stood in front of Nolan’s funeral pyre, but this time there are two.

It wasn’t even a question that Nameah would be given the honor of a warrior’s last rites. I mourn the young female and all the things she’ll never experience. I had delayed the funeral long enough for her family to arrive. They deserved to say a proper goodbye.

Her mother, two older brothers, and younger sister stand beside me, all dressed in black. Their features vary, but they all share those dazzling blue eyes. Every one of them shows the signs of exhaustion and going too long on an empty belly. I’ve insisted they stay in the palace tonight and for as long as they wish before returning home. They don’t know it yet, but I’ve also arranged for a healthy stipend to take care of them moving forward and will offer both her brothers a place in the army should they desire it.

To my left is Jade, followed by Elijah, Ophelia, and Layne. My mother and Aurelius stand behind me. Further down the way is Prince Ayden.

The prince sends his regards. Fury churns in my gut as I think of the assassin’s last words to me. I’ve repeatedly played the scenario in my head, and that’s the only conclusion I can draw. Ayden is responsible for Julian’s death and our subsequent attack. We were not far from the Rimor-Prudia border; close enough his warriors could have snuck in unseen and attacked.

To what end? I cannot say; I haven’t worked it out yet. There’s a lot about the prince I haven’t been able to work out, and it’s driving me crazy.

Fighting the urge to make a scene by confronting him, I turn my attention back to the pyres before me.

I clear my throat, waiting for the crowd to silence. “Today we honor two fallen warriors. Both courageous beyond measure, gifted beyond compare, loyal to a fault, and loved beyond words. I was blessed to fight alongside both, and I owe them each my life. I can never truly repay those debts but will spend my life trying.” My voice begins to crack, and I take a moment to compose myself.

“Julian Tanda, my warrior, my second, my friend. You lived like you fought—fiercely. There is no word that encompasses how much you will be missed. From your first breath until your very last, may the gods grant you peace.” The crowd echoes my words back.

“Nameah Galvin. My brave little mouse. Though our time together was short, it is clear that you were fearless, loyal, brave beyond compare, and possessed a fire in your veins. Your light shines the brightest, and I will remember you always. You made me proud, and I wish I had a hundred more with a spirit like yours. From your first breath until your very last, may the gods grant you peace.”

As my words are echoed back, a heartbroken wail erupts from Nameah’s mother. The sound is something I will never forget.

My mother’s flames begin the process of lighting the torches carried by the guards surrounding the pyres. As the wood begins to catch, ribbons of red and gold climbing their way up to the top, I hear Jade’s smooth alto voice start the ancient song, the voice of Nameah’s mother joining her just a moment later.

May the mother keep you close

And the father protect you now

The tears that once were shed

Make the flowers grow

When the night is darkest

And the sun has ceased its shining

May you remember

My love for you is eternal

From your first breath

Until your very last

May the gods grant you peace

Thunder roars in the distance, alerting us to the impending storm, and I watch my mother send her air magic to feed the flames more oxygen. There’s nothing quite like only getting halfway through a funeral and having to wait for the wood to dry out so you can burn the bodies again.

The flames burn brighter, consuming the wood and bodies at an increased rate. Jade steps closer to Julian’s pyre, tears streaking down her tawny cheeks and glistening her hazel eyes. Closer and closer she creeps, her hand stretching out like she’s reaching for her twin. When she’s as close as she can bear, I watch her drop to her knees and sob. She sinks lower, her entire frame dropping with the weight of her grief. I can see it like a physical thing sitting on her shoulders.

Elijah drops to his knees beside Jade and wraps his arm around her back, letting her bear her weight on him as violent trembles wrack her body. She slumps against him, burying her head against his broad chest. He doesn’t bother trying to hide his tears. Elijah has never tried to hide, justify, or apologize for any part of himself. He owns his emotions and wears them for everyone to see. And right now, I see despair painted across his face.

I follow them to the ground next, my knees hitting the hard dirt as I lace my fingers through Jade’s. It goes against everything ingrained in me by my father and Nolan to openly show my emotions in front of my soldiers. Never let them see you break. I can hear it in my father’s voice even now. But pretending I’m unaffected by the death of one of my closest friends? That does his twin no good; it only hurts her. Pretending Nameah’s death doesn’t mean anything to me? That dishonors her memory and disrespects her family.

Having emotions doesn’t make me weak, but pretending I don’t makes me cruel. So, I do what feels right, and I let the dam break. Hot, salty crystals pour down my face as I remember the male Julian was, and I mourn the fierce warrior Nameah never got the chance to be.

Just as the last of them has turned to ash, I feel the first drops of rain. The skies open up, drenching us in a matter of minutes. It’s a warm summer rain, and I embrace the feeling of it on my skin. The rest of the attendees have cleared out when I feel Aurelius pull me to my feet.

“Come on, Princess. Let’s get your dried off so you can continue the warrior’s celebration with the rest of them.”