CHAPTER 36
Jessie
“So you called me your boyfriend earlier,” Drew says, stroking my hair as I cuddle against his chest. We’re not supposed to be in bed together. The look in my grandaddy’s eyes when he told us he put an extra blanket in the guest bedroom for Drew said, Don’t even think about it, missy. But I’ve always been a rulebreaker, so ten minutes after lights out, I texted Drew.
M E: Brrrrrr. It’s cold in here. Are you cold?
D REW: No. Go to sleep.
M E: I can’t. So cold. Limbs are freezing off.
D REW: I know what you’re trying to do.
M E: Is it working?
D REW: Nope. You saw the look in that man’s eyes before bed. I’m afraid of what he’ll do to me if he catches me in your room again. Did you know he has a lie detector?!
M E: OH NO! Did he use that old thing on you?
D REW: Yes. And now he knows way more about me than anyone ever should.
M E: I’m so sorry. Did it change your mind about me? Do you want to bail now? Is it too much?
In the next minute, Drew was sliding under the sheets of my full-sized bed and pulling me into his chest. “Not a chance,” he said, kissing my head.
And now here we are and he’s trying to trap me into a DTR.
“Ohhhhh. You thought I said boyfriend ? Nah, I said it like . . . this is Drew . . . he’s a boy . . . and my friend. But I can see how you were confused.”
Drew leisurely runs his fingers through my hair and hums, telling me he doesn’t believe my tricks for a second. “Yeah, right. You meant it, and now I get to claim you as my girlfriend whenever I want.”
“You sound like a twelve-year-old.”
“And you love it. In fact, I think you love me . . .” His fingers never stop their ministrations, but my heart does stop for a fraction of a second.
I gasp and tilt my chin up to show Drew how stupid I think that idea is. “I do not! Not even close. Like miles and miles and miles away from love. Tolerance is what you’re thinking of.”
“Is that why you stare at me when you think I’m not looking? Why you smelled my shirt earlier after I changed?” He saw that?! “You just tolerate me?”
I feel like I’m on a sinking ship. Half of it is already underwater and the captain has told everyone to abort and jump into a dinghy, but I’ve climbed to the top of the stern and am holding on for dear life. “Drew, we’ve only been dating for less than forty-eight hours. How could I possibly love you already?” How?!
“Time has nothing to do with it, and we’ve been living together for a month. Face it, Jessie, you’ve been in love with me since your eyes first landed on all this sexiness.” Thank God he’s cracking jokes, because honestly, he’s not wrong. I’m not ready to face that truth out loud yet.
I jab my fingers into his ribs and tickle like I’m a merciless tyrant. He struggles to get away, trying to strangle a laugh in his throat so my grandaddy doesn’t hear us, and he almost falls off the bed. Finally, when he can’t take any more, he grabs both my wrists and pins them on either side of my head. His face hovers over mine, and I can see a dangerous mix of emotions swirling in his deep ocean eyes.
“I don’t know how to put a label on what we are, but I want one. Everything about our relationship is unique, and I realize you’re on the brink of a completely different life. I know going out on dates and physical affection will be limited and maybe even nonexistent for a while. I’m completely fine with all of that, and you will find I can be the most patient man in the world. But I want something, even if it’s just a word that tells me you’ve officially let me in, that says we are together and gives me the right to adore you like I want to.”
I bite the corner of my mouth and roll my eyes toward the ceiling so I don’t cry. It’s no use though; a tear escapes. “I’m so sick of crying over everything,” I say, making Drew laugh.
He dips down to kiss the spot below my ear, and I sigh with pleasure. He rotates back so his head is on the pillow, pulling me up on his chest again. “Only a little longer . . . until you have the baby and cry even more than this.”
I groan. “Terrible.” Nuzzling my face against his bare skin, I breathe in the scent of bodywash and deodorant and Drew. “Okay, Andrew, you win. I’ll be your girlfriend.”
Drew doesn’t say anything, just lets out a full, deep breath and pulls me in tighter to him. The baby must be squished because it kicks Drew right in the side, making us both laugh. He moves his hand to rest on my belly like he’s already helping soothe my fussy child. I want to stay awake. I want to make out with Drew and maybe even give some of that other physical affection he was talking about a chance. We were well on our way earlier, and I loved it. Drew’s mouth is so intoxicating. If he were an alcohol, he’d be aged bourbon. His kisses are sweet aromatics, his touch is a spice that burns, and his proof is so high I won’t be able to walk a straight line. I want to be under the influence of his lips and hands all night, but the eight-months-pregnant side of me says Sleeeep in an alluring siren call. Must. Answer. Its. Call.
“Good night, Jessie,” Drew says as his lips press against my forehead.
“Hmm? No!” I say, my protests sounding as if I’ve had somewhere around eighteen beers. “I’m awake. I brought you in here to mess around. Totally game. Let’s get busy.” But my words all slur together.
I feel Drew’s deep chuckle. “Go to sleep, crazy.”
And I do. It takes me all of three seconds to completely pass out, which is incredible considering I haven’t been able to sleep in months. With my head rising and falling on Drew’s chest, I sleep like a rock for the second night in a row. I feel safe with him, more than just physically. It’s like my mind exhales and fully quiets with him.
In the morning, the bed is empty when I wake up. There’s a little note on my pillow that says Drew went for a run, but I know he only did it because he’s a wuss and didn’t want Grandaddy to catch us together. I smile at his horrible doctor handwriting scrawled on the paper and then force myself out of bed to get ready to head back to Nashville today.
Over coffee and Oreos, I stare at my grandaddy and his white hair and lined skin. My heart aches. I don’t want to leave him behind anymore. “You know . . .” I say, trying to tread lightly because I know he’s just as stubborn and independent as me and will easily spook. “Your great-grandchild will be here soon.”
“Is that what that round thing is in your stomach?” He grins and sips his coffee.
“So sarcastic.” I run my finger over the rim of my mug.
“What is it you’re wantin’ to say, sugar. Just spit it out.”
“I want you to consider moving to Nashville.” I pop my eyes up to his and see the breath physically frozen in his lungs.
He doesn’t say anything right away. Instead, his eyes travel around the house he’s lived in for so long. His memories with my granny are here, and letting go will feel like letting her go for good. I’m sensitive to that, but I also know there’s a new little person about to enter this world and I would love more than anything for him or her to get to know the man who raised me. I want him to be a daily part of my child’s life, not just a weekend visitor. It would be one thing if I truly thought he was happy here, but I hear the loneliness in his voice during our phone calls.
“Someone once told me there’s no sense in looking back while you’re still moving forward,” I say tenderly. “I know you think you’re too old for change, but you’re just getting started. Come to Nashville. Bring all these pictures with you and hang them on new walls. Granny came with me when I went, and she’ll come with you too.”
He narrows his eyes on me, and a light smile touches his mouth. “I’ll think about it.”
“Good.”
After a small pause, he adds, “Thanks for wanting me around, sugar.”
“Always.” We each pop an Oreo in our mouth to keep from spilling any more emotions.
A few hours and a goodbye-where-I-blubber-like-an-uncontrollable-fool-to-Grandaddy later, Drew and I pull into his driveway. No sooner does he put the car in park than I lean across the console and grab the front of his shirt, pulling me to him. I slept great last night, and I’ve had a whole two-hour ride home to let my hormones’ imagination run wild with desire for Drew. I was too tired last night, but I’m not now.
Drew’s eyebrows shoot up as my lips press into his, possessive and wanting.
I intertwine my fingers in the back of his hair and try to turn the heat level up to a thousand. Drew takes in a sharp breath as I coax his lips to part and deepen the kiss. Something he said last night really got to me. There is a very real chance my body is going to be destroyed after this baby comes, and although I don’t particularly relish the idea of being intimate with this huge belly, I also know it’s going to be months after the birth before I’m physically able to. It’s now or practically never. And no, I’m not being at all dramatic.
Except, Drew pulls away with an awkward smile. “Whoa.” He chuckles, and I move to kiss his cheek and then his neck. “What’s happening right now?”
I answer him by trying to take his shirt off. “What’s it look like?” I kiss his strong jawline.
Drew grabs my hand and stops me, though, pulling away with a slightly panicked look in his eyes. “Jessie . . . slow down. Let’s . . . go inside and talk about it first.”
What?
He just put the brakes on. Turned me down. Oh my gosh, Drew doesn’t want to make love to me! Of course he doesn’t—I’m massive! He’s had time to think about it and finally realized making love to an elephant doesn’t sound appealing. What was I thinking?!
Mortification slaps me, and I feel my face burning hot as I lunge for the handle and jump out of the Jeep. Except I can’t, because I’m so freaking pregnant that I can’t get out quickly. Great. Now my face looks sunburned from the angry blush creeping over my skin, and I have to scoot to the side of the seat and put my hands under my butt to hoist myself up like a sumo wrestler coming home after a match.
“Jessie, wait!” Drew jumps out of his side like a spry leprechaun, and his agility makes me irrationally angry. He rushes around to where I’m climbing the front steps of the house.
“No. It’s fine,” I say, my voice breaking because yep I’m crying again. “I’m a whale. I get it. You don’t want to have sex with me like this. I don’t blame you—I wouldn’t either.”
I shove my key into the lock, intending to race up to my room and barricade myself inside for the rest of my life. Sure, I’ll have to deliver my baby up there, but it’ll be fine.
“No, no, no. Wait, don’t go inside yet. Let me explain!”
“Save it!” I’m on a dramatic daytime television show now, and if I had a vase of water nearby, I’d throw it in his face. I finally get the key turned in the lock and fling the front door open.
I’m immediately greeted with the sight of at least twenty wide-eyed faces. The room is silent, and I immediately take in the giant banner that reads Oh, Baby, Baby, glittery streamers, a table full of cake and treats, a giant pile of presents, all my friends, a few ladies who work at the salon, Drew’s parents, and Lucy and Cooper standing in front of everyone with matching nervous smiles.
“ Surprise, ” Lucy says quietly. “Happy baby shower.”
I’m shocked. Stunned. Can’t even form a coherent thought. Slowly, when the gears in my brain start shifting again, I realize Drew knew about this. This is why he didn’t want to start up the sexy train in the driveway. And oh my gosh, they heard me ! They all heard me crying about how Drew doesn’t want me because I’m a whale.
Now tears are flooding down my face, and I have no idea if they are from joy or embarrassment or relief. I just know they won’t stop. Lucy sees my expression and takes a step toward me, but I surprise her when I quickly turn to Drew. He’s standing at the door, a crooked, apologetic smile on his beautiful face. He raises unenthusiastic jazz hands.
“Surprise,” he says flatly.
I blink a few times, and then my smile blooms, and all I want is to be in Drew’s arms. I nearly tackle him when I wrap my arms around his waist. I feel his chuckle and then his breath on my ear.
“No part of me thinks you’re a whale. And believe me, I’d take you back to my room right now if there was not an entire roomful of people watching us.”
Heat and desire swirl in my chest, and for a split second I consider kicking everyone out. Be gone! All of you!
“We can still hear you! Do your dirty talk later,” Cooper says, breaking the ice and making the whole room laugh. “I’m ready for cake.”