The Truths We Make (House of Poe #1)

17. Cursed Gold

Cursed Gold

Spring, 10 years before

“ H ow do I look?” I ask the room.

Madeline turns toward me before my mother can and a grin splits her face wide. I’ve never seen her smile at me like this before and my whole body warms at her brightness. My hands fidget from the attention, drawing her eyes down, bringing her lips with them. I immediately stop, but the moment is over.

“Oh, Evangeline. You’re beautiful,” Mother coos as she sets down the other dress in her hands and walks toward me.

Homecoming wasn’t planned for me this year. Both boys already had dates and Mother didn’t want me going alone. Sixteen-year-old girls shouldn’t be running around aimlessly in fancy dresses, she’d said. Then along came Tyler, like a knight carrying a hand painted posterboard, asking me to the dance. I couldn’t say no. It would be rude and even Mother had to relent.

While we never went without, we still didn’t have enough money to spend on luxuries like this. Not if Mother ever wanted to retire or if I ever wanted to go to college. Madeline was kind enough to let me raid her closet to find the perfect dress, even though she was leaner and taller than I was. There was no shortage of options to try .

I was on dress number four and by the looks of both women, I’d found it. It was a slim, black cocktail dress trimmed in gold meant to drape down a slim body, so on my curvier parts, it clung, defining them. Delicate tendrils of velvet curled around my hips and breasts, each adorned with only the faintest shine when I walked. It reminded me of the darkest hour of night, just before it bloomed into morning. I loved it.

Madeline pushes a pair of gold block heels into my hands.

“These are a half size too big but won’t look it. And you’ll be able to dance in them just fine,” she says.

I think, not for the first time, about the look of want in her eyes. I know she loves her boys in the odd way she can, but I also know she mourns never having a daughter. I see it in fragile moments like this when, even if it’s only for a second, she can pretend. I never hesitate to follow along because I want these memories with her. Even if I can never live up to her harshness, I can live in her yearning. After all, I’ve been playing Poe for years.

I slip the shoes on and I’m ready to go. My hair has been curled and teased, left down because Mother insists it’s too beautiful to pin. My makeup is painted on, not too heavy per Mother’s request, by Madeline’s delicate hand. All that’s left is to meet my date. My date. I roll the words around in my brain and try not to radiate my excitement too much as to raise questions from the women in the room.

“Thank you both! I think I’m ready,” I say nervously as I stand to walk out the door.

Madeline’s hand juts out onto my shoulder, stopping me. “Eve. Ladies do not simply run into a room looking like you do. We make an entrance.” She grins, walking to the door, then slyly adds over her shoulder, “Wait for me to call for you at the stairs.”

Once she leaves, Mother laughs. “That woman is remarkable. I will never hold a raindrop to the ocean of confidence she has.”

I giggle with her. If there’s one trait Madeline is rich in, it’s confidence.

“Now, Eve,” Mother starts, “I know you know this, but what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t say it? Don’t let those boys, or any boys, talk you into getting into trouble. I know dances have a lot of expectations, but don’t be stupid. Not like me. Not like your daddy. You’ve been given an opportunity with this family. A future. Don’t throw it away for a pretty smile or some nonsense words. You hear? ”

The south is sprinkling into her voice, and I know she’s aching to beat the fear of disobeying into me. I nod my head, knowing she needs my affirmations as much as I need her silence.

“Yes, Momma,” I say to appease. “Tyler is a good guy. He won’t pressure me to do anything, and I’m not ungrateful. I know who I am and what I need to do.”

She stills her hands in my hair and stares me down. I feel her eyes on my soul and want to wiggle away until she stops searching for secrets I keep hidden. Time feels unfathomable as we sit, locked in this second.

“And what about Oliver?” she asks, deadpan.

My heart picks up full speed, thundering into my vocal cords to strangle them.

“What?” I squeak. “Mom, Oliver and I are friends. ”

I know she doesn’t buy it; her mouth keeps tilting down and her eyes darken into a deeper brown.

“Eve… you cannot lie to me. I see it. You and Oliver…”

The sound of a bell interrupts her, followed by my formal introduction by Max, the driver. My feet cannot move fast enough. I stand up and my mother’s hands fall to her sides and I turn to grab them in my own, kissing each before looking at her.

“I love you, Momma. And I know you’re worried. But it’s ok. I’m sixteen and not a child anymore,” I say, trying to make her see me instead of the past she still runs from.

Her eyes water, but she just nods her head and lets me go. I race down the hall, but slow as I come to the stairs remembering what Madeline said. I take a deep breath at the top and realize I’m about to have my staircase movie moment. The one all girls dream about. The dramatics and romance of this family never cease and for once, I’m thankful for it. I place my hand on the railing and, as gracefully as I can, I begin my walk down to those waiting.

The first person who comes into view is Alexander. His arm is wrapped around Madeline, who’s watching him as he sees me for the first time. He already has tears in his eyes, and I can’t help the giggle that bubbles up when I hear his gasp at the sight of me. The pride I feel at their attention is filling my lungs, making it hard to breathe.

On the other side stands Paxton and Tyler. Both their jaws are open, eyes widened in surprise, and I don’t know whether to be flattered or offended. They’re dressed up in their sleek black and white tuxes, plucked straight from a novel, matching perfectly as the gentlemen they want to be. I turn my body toward them, smiling like a loon, choosing flattery.

And then Oliver walks into the foyer.

His suit is pitch black, with midnight blue velvet running down the lines. Tiny flecks of gold are inlaid throughout the buttons and stitching, unconsciously matching the ones in mine. He’s forgone a tie of any type and instead leaves the top three buttons undone. His hair is wild, curling over ears and cheekbones, dark as his jacket and damp at their edges. He’s fixing a sleeve cuff, head tilted down and away from me, but when he looks up, the world shifts and he is the only North I know.

I force myself to inhale and then exhale until my body remembers how to be alive again. I wish Oliver was taking me to the dance . The thought comes unbidden, and I wipe it away with finality. Wishing for impossible things is a waste when what I have is enough. I demand my body to stop in front of Tyler, instead of continuing to where Oliver’s eyes haven’t left me. It does as I ask, but I can still feel the pull of him.

“Hey,” I say to Tyler, nervous. “You look great!” My hands are shaking, but he’s all warmth and calm.

“You look beautiful, Eve.” He takes my hand and places a blood red rose corsage on my wrist and shrugs. “I didn’t know what you’d be wearing, but figured red goes with anything in the Poe house.”

He isn’t wrong, as many of the luxuries behind any door here will tell you, but the words jar me from my dreamland. I’m not a Poe, I think. It’s a glass of cold water to my fire, but I fight to not let it show. Would he even have asked me if I didn’t live in this house? If this family did not take me in? The questions are irrelevant. Of course, he wouldn’t. Without the Poes, I wouldn’t be me either. Following that line of thought only unravels threads to a very delicate make up that is my life, leaving me naked in a body I don’t remember. It’s better to let the loose ends go.

I huff what I hope sounds enough like a laugh, to hide my heart. “You’re right! Besides, anything goes with black, so I guess we both got lucky.” I turn my attention to Paxton, stepping toward him and grabbing his bowtie to straighten it.

“Hey there, stud! Are the girls hiding somewhere?” I ask.

He laughs, big and boisterous. “Naw, they haven’t arrived yet. You know how girls can be.” He rolls his eyes, then steps back, gaze brushing against every part of me. “But YOU. You look amazing. Who knew the girl who climbs trees and beats boys would become this stunning woman in front of me? Tyler, I may have to steal your date…”

“Paxton. Behave. Tell Isabel you’re only joking, she looks like she’s about to wring your neck, and I’ve a mind to let her,” Madeline interrupts.

I spin to see the mock horror on my mom’s face, concealing the actual concern only someone who shares her blood can see. Still, Dellbrook feels the lightest it ever has with all of us in its entrance. There’s a laughing gas effect to our joy that fills it with a sense of hope and inevitability. As if nothing can happen to us. As if we can live forever in this suspension outside of reality.

I forget the desperate pull of want for only an instant, but it’s enough to shake my foundation when I’m suddenly in front of Oliver. I stare into the transience moss of his eyes, lost to their ever-changing wilderness. Thankfully, he breaks the silence, since I’m not sure I can.

“ She walks in beauty, like the night, of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that’s best of dark and bright, meet in her aspect and her eyes… ” He whispers just loud enough for me to hear.

My eyes well up. “Lord Byron tonight, Oli? You must be in a mood.”

I want to keep my tone lifted, so he doesn’t see how affected I am by his words. They curl and settle into my veins, telling his secrets. I’m not even sure he knows he’s doing it, speaking in riddles, but I should know better than to hold them this close to my heart. It isn’t me causing him to wax and wane. This is just who Oliver is. Lyrical in his existence.

His lip quirks. “I suppose, but it doesn’t change the truth of things. You look stunning, Darkness. Will you… will you save me a dance tonight?”

I know he’s being kind, including me in his life as he always has, but my heart does flips in my chest that is too tight to allow such things. The use of my nickname feeling like an oath between us, unbreakable in its intimacy, making it so I could never refuse him.

“Sure,” I say.

“Hey, what about me!” Paxton asks, changing the mood and allowing me to sigh in relief.

“You?” I feign surprise. “I couldn’t dare be seen with the likes of you.” I give my best Audrey Hepburn impression, my vowels elongating and my hands whisking to my forehead in distress. Paxton plays along, slipping into a roguish brute, grabbing at my arms.

“But you must, my dear! You must dance with me, or I’ll die!” he yells. Alexander is gleeful in his appraisal of our mock battle, easily joining in .

“It’s just one dance, sweet girl. If you dance with one son, you must dance with both. Give an old dying man his wish,” he pleas, stepping towards me, but not so far as to release Madeline from his arms.

I break character and laugh, full and loud, the weight of love lifting into an easy hug that carries me this time. For tonight I belong. In this dress, with these boys. I am everything I could be at sixteen. Even as I see my mother’s worry trying to tether me to her, I cannot be caught up. Clipped is the ribbon from my balloon of possibility. Just for tonight.

The front door to Dellbrook, which is only used by guests, opens, and in walks the needle to pop whatever magic had been spun. Ally strolls in, a deep red dress with a slit clean up to her thigh and heels that have been made to break ankles, giving her a regality I thought impossible. She and Matt were in their ‘off-again’ status, and she jumped at the chance to guilt Oliver into taking her to the dance.

“Hey, handsome,” she says as she sashays over to him.

She delicately, and without touching skin so as not to ruin her makeup, kisses the air next to each of his cheeks. I fume. I tear my attention away and instead focus on the second guest who walks in behind her.

May is quiet, her nerves being worn more vividly than the dusty pink dress she’s got on. Her hair is pinned back tight into coils that fall beautifully out of her bun. She’s beautiful in the way someone who reads a book they love is; understated and honest. She doesn’t demand you give her attention. She’s simply happy to exist in a world with her favorite things. And right now, that favorite is Paxton.

Paxton doesn’t wait for her to come to him. He slides in front of her, kissing her hand as he places the matching corsage on her wrist. They’re an odd couple, one that Madeline would never approve of, given the poor disheveled state of her family and weak backbone. But seeing the way he carefully places her under his shoulder brings my heart back to a slower rhythm. He deserves someone who will look at him as if he’s the sun and May has that in spades.

“You all look wonderful,” my mother says, breaking the quiet greetings and anticipatory silences. “Should we take some pictures?”

Madeline rushes to grab her camera, a skill that Alexander loves telling anyone who will listen that made him fall madly in love with her. She places us all throughout Dellbrook’s space, the stairs, both inside and out, the Nest, and lastly, in front of the stretch limo. She pairs us up and pulls us apart, getting pictures of all the different couples she wants to remember.

“Alright, if you kids don’t mind, I’d like one of just mine now.” She commands.

Everyone moves away from Paxton and Oliver. I scoot far out of the shot, looking at the boys with their arms linked over their shoulders, smiles bigger than any photo before. She snaps a few before looking my way.

“Eve, if you would please. The middle. Yes, I’d like all of mine, thank you.”

My heart swells at the open endearment as I let her direct me. The boys envelope me at the waist, neither surprised nor uncomfortable. As if this is how it was always meant to be. When she finishes, Paxton peels away, eager to join Tyler in taking selfies with the driver. Oliver’s hand, however, stays firmly on my hip and I turn into him, hand dropping to his lapel as I look up into his face.

“You ready for tonight?” he asks, voice heady with the depth of becoming a man.

“Are you?” I throw back.

We both know plans have been made. An after party arranged. Drinking and other youth debauchery to attend to. We know that Madeline and Isabel have extended our curfew, even if we hardly pay attention to them anymore, knowing they’ll all be fast asleep or preoccupied well before 2 am. Tyler has hinted for the last few weeks that he isn’t content being just friends, and as much as I want to hold on to the innocence of loving only the Poe boys, I know I have to grow up.

The serenity of this darkened Peter Pan house has lost its glimmer.

The distinct sound of a shutter disrupts our intense stare down and we look to see Madeline, the camera pressed to her face as she snaps away.

“Sorry, my loves. You just looked too perfect to pass up,” she coos. “Now, you better be off before it gets too late! Have a great night. Behave yourselves enough not to get caught, but not enough to not have a few good stories to tell.”

She waves us off and we all pile into the limo, sailing our way down the interstate to the dance. When we pull up to The Bradley Estate, in all its glorious lights and outdoor dance floors, I am in thrall. The others, so used to opulence or at the very least pretending to be, shrug off its beauty and head straight into the venue, looking for friends to gush over. Tyler hangs back with me, allowing me to take it all in as he takes my hand in his. We wander into the tent where tables line the walls, each laden with small bites and punches.

“Would you like something to drink?” he asks. I smile and nod, untwining our hands so he can go.

“Eve, come here. There’s something I want to show you.”

His voice over my shoulder startles me. I didn’t realize he hadn’t gone in with the others, wasn’t hanging off Ally’s arm. But Oliver stands just steps behind me, holding his palm out for mine. I take it without thought, letting him lead me into a side door and through the interior that doesn’t look like it’s part of the event at all.

“We have our dances here every year, and you know how I hate a crowd,” he says, shrugging, as if that is all the explanation that is necessary. By the trill in my heart and my willingness to go, I suppose it is.

He continues pulling me through the house until we reach a backdoor and then we are back outside, under the starlight, standing in front of a fountain lit with faint floating candles in its waters. No one else is to be seen, and the party can only faintly be heard in the distance. A band plays a melody that fades into the night. To anyone else, it may feel haunting, but to us, that isn’t a bad thing. We stop at the fountain’s edge and Oliver grabs my other hand in his.

“I wanted you to know this was here in case you needed a break. And you did promise me a dance. Might as well be your first,” he says, playful.

He pulls me in close, hip to hip. His chin leaning lightly on my shoulder, his breath unsteady against my pulse. He holds me like that, swaying to a beat we can’t really hear. But oh, we can feel . And for the first time, this feels like a true confession of the want we’ve been hiding for years.

In an explosion of movement, he pushes me back just enough to catch my face in his fingers, rubbing the pads of them along my chin. He looks startled. By himself. By me. Then he whispers words I’m not sure if I’m hearing or dreaming, bringing life to something we’ve both kept veiled.

“Here, when it’s just us, I can admit things. Family and burdens and promises mean nothing compared to this. You are my darkness and I… I want to be your first kiss. I know it makes little sense, that it isn’t fair. But I won’t make it through tonight unless I am.” His breath comes in pants, his fingers never stilling on my skin. Everything is electric. “You deserve someone who knows you, who loves you, to give you that. And even if we can’t be more, I know I can at least be this. ”

The confession is nothing. Everything . I can’t breathe. I don’t want to. I want to drown in his sound and shatter on the rocks of never again. I don’t tell him that Tyler was my first kiss at the lake after reciting a love poem meant only for Oliver. I don’t try to force the whys and why nots of us being together or suffocate him with how much I want . If he needs to give me this moment, I won’t ruin it because the truth is, I need it, too. And Oliver Poe is nothing if not this.

I nod my head and he smiles that soft, sweet, innocent tilt. He rubs his thumbs along my lips, testing them out before he leans in. The smell of fresh maple and coffee tingles my nose, new from his quest to give up adding sugar to his drinks. I feel the press of flesh on flesh, soft, but insistent to be remembered. He doesn’t push for more, but I’m a hungry little thing.

I wrap my arms around his neck and force the weight of my body onto him, pulling him down. He catches me, wrapping me up and meeting me, eager kiss for eager kiss. I don’t know what I’m doing. Tyler had given me the briefest peck, nothing like the entanglement I’m in now. But Oliver doesn’t seem to mind. He leads me into a slower pace before gliding across the seam of my lips with his tongue. I don’t hesitate to let him in, to taste the velvet of his expression.

I now know why Edgar always feared he was death to his loved ones. This kiss alone steals my breath and my heart, trapping me in the peaceful march toward the underworld. Happily, I go. I will follow wherever Oliver leads. It is no surprise I don’t hear the footsteps coming up behind us.

“Oliver! Eve! Where are you two?”

Paxton is yelling from inside the house. He sounds suspicious, as if he knows what we’re up to, and the fear of being caught jolts us apart. By the time Pax barrels through the door to us, Oliver and I are on opposite sides of the fountain, looking guilty and out of place. Thankfully, he’s alone, so I don’t have to share this embarrassment in front of a crowd.

He looks between us, his dastardly smirk making me want to scream. Oliver’s lips look swollen and pinched, his hair mussed despite the hands combing it back into some semblance of calm. I’d bet my whole life savings we’re a matching pair. I can only imagine the blush of my cheeks and the thick reddening of my lips. My hands shoot to my own strands, praying all the waves are not undone and frizzy already.

“You two look as if you have a confession to make. Are we having a Tell-Tale Heart moment perhaps?” he hums, dark jealous laughter on the tips of his words.

I go to open my mouth, unsure of whether the truth or a clever lie will spill out, but he doesn’t allow for either. His pointer finger pops up in a ‘one moment’ gesture and I seal back up my lips.

“No. I don’t want to know. If Madeline asks me anything about tonight, I cannot keep whatever lie you are spinning or the truth you are leaking from her. Leave me out of your schemes. I only came to find you because your dates have been looking. They want to get a few dances in before we call it a night here and go to the actual party.”

He pushes his hands in his pocket, spinning on his heel to head back to the door. Before he reaches the threshold, he calls back to us.

“Coming?”

He doesn’t trust you to follow. It’s for good reason because if the choice were between heading back to the dance or to Oliver’s arms, I know what I would choose. Oliver is staring at me, but at his brother’s call, he sighs and breaks his statue hold. He mimics Paxton’s casual stroll and follows, leaving me in the moonlight, alone.

I look around. One last glance at a night I know will change everything inside of me, even if it can change nothing between us. I will remember, and that’ll be enough. More than I could hope for. I hurry to catch up with the boys and make our way towards our dates and the dance floor.