The Wedding Engagement

Chapter Twenty-Seven

On Monday morning Liv had more trouble than usual dragging herself out of bed. She’d slept in Arran’s T-shirt again and was beginning to worry that his scent was fading from it. Just like how she was worried he was fading from her life altogether.

She wanted to believe what he’d said about them being together. But whenever she contemplated it, a sickening doubt would overwhelm her, leaving her breathless and determined not to let herself hope, for fear of being let down.

In the end, after showering and getting ready, she put his shirt back on under her outfit. She felt like a pathetic loser but couldn’t help herself. She was so desperate to hold on to a tiny piece of him.

Going through the motions of her morning routine like a lovesick zombie, she managed to complete the required tasks and get to the front door to pull on her shoes and jacket. She lifted her bag and grasped the handle, then realized there was an envelope sticking through the letterbox with her name on it. In Arran’s handwriting.

She was paralyzed for a split second, before a spike of adrenaline zapped her into action and she grabbed hold of the envelope, tearing it open and unfolding the piece of paper inside.

Dear Aggie,

I told you I’d give you time and I meant it. But I also stipulated it would only be as long as I could hold out, and I’m afraid to say that will be just under two weeks, because there’s no way when I see you again at Sam and Maya’s wedding that I’ll be able to hold back. So this is a heads-up that I’ll be coming for you then, sweetheart. Save that first dance for me.

In the meantime, please find enclosed a little token from our first “date.” God, you looked so beautiful that night I felt like I’d been punched in the heart. I wish I’d told you that at the time.

Love, always,

Arran

Her heart pounding, Liv peered inside the envelope. David Tennant’s smiling face greeted her, glued onto the badge that Arran had worn on their blind date. David’s face went fuzzy as tears misted her eyes. She pinned him onto her jacket, fingering the badge as she left the house and trying to quiet her racing mind and heart.

—

Tuesday came, and Liv felt like she must have read Arran’s letter a million times, her heart still pounding each time she did. She still hadn’t been able to bring herself to take off his T-shirt, as if she might jinx things by removing it.

Her mind was numb from trying to analyze everything he’d said in the letter. Could he and Jess already have decided they weren’t going to make another go of it? Wasn’t that too quick a decision? She didn’t know what to think anymore.

She made her way to the front door and grabbed her bag, a piece of toast hanging from her mouth. Another letter was peeking out from the letterbox. Her mouth dropped open, the toast falling and smacking onto the floor. She stepped over it in her hurry to grab the envelope. Again, her name was written on the front in Arran’s handwriting. This time she dashed to the window next to the door, hoping to catch a glimpse of him leaving the area. But there was nobody there.

She ripped it open.

Dear Aggie,

Day two. I feel like I haven’t seen you in years. I miss you, sweetheart. There are two confessions I need to make.

I still sleep with and smell your T-shirt every night (see enclosed picture).

I love the way you look in a wet T-shirt. Yes, I looked.

Love, always,

Arran

Liv stuck her fingers into the envelope and pulled out a Polaroid, slapping a hand over her mouth as laughter erupted from her lips. It was a photo of Arran, pouting into the camera and wearing her T-shirt. It was so tiny on him that the sleeves were skintight around the tops of his biceps, his muscles bulging from underneath. The top hugged the upper half of his torso tightly, revealing the outline of his pecs, and the hem lay at mid-abdomen, exposing his glorious abs.

She leaned against the door for a moment, a wave of dizziness washing over her. Then she opened the door and left for work, tucking the photo carefully into her bag.

—

On Wednesday morning she about bounded down the stairs to the front door before even showering, desperate to see if another envelope awaited her. And there was indeed one present. But again, nobody was visible when she peered out the window.

Dear Aggie,

Morning, sweetheart. Hope you slept well. Day three, and I wanted to remind you of our cozy little hiding place and to tell you that I miss my half and half pizza buddy.

Love, always,

Arran

The Polaroid inside was of Arran inside the fort, patting the area next to him and holding an open pizza box with half a veggie supreme and half a pepperoni pizza inside.

She ran upstairs to grab her phone, texting a message to Maya.

Arran has been posting messages and tokens of our friendship through my door every morning. What should I do?

Maya messaged back:

They aren’t tokens of *friendship* dummy . And I’m not allowed to talk to you about it. Arran told us all to give you space and not hassle you.

Liv’s already-fit-to-burst heart swelled even further. She tucked the latest Polaroid into her bag alongside the one of him in her T-shirt.

—

Thursday brought a signed photo of Ralph Macchio (the original Karate Kid himself), and Friday, a Devil’s Erection EP—featuring a sleeve containing all their lyrics on which Arran had doodled pictorial representations of the words. Liv couldn’t help smiling whenever she looked at them, alongside her Polaroids, all tucked safely in her bag where she could sneak them out and go through everything at intervals during the day.

Nobody made her smile or laugh or feel good the way he did.

—

On Saturday morning she was up early, partly because it was dress-fitting day for the wedding but also because she’d been rising earlier and earlier, hoping to get a glimpse of her handsome postman, but every time she ended up disappointed.

This time the envelope was bigger and bulkier.

Dear Aggie,

Day six. Remember how we danced together at Angela and Sarah’s wedding? I wanted to kiss you so badly. Every time I listen to this song, I think of you. Though to be honest, I think of you every second of the day anyway. But the song makes you more tangible and fills me with hope that we’ll dance together again very soon. I want to dance with you and only you, sweetheart.

Love, always,

Arran

The letter had been wrapped around a CD single of Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody.”

Liv ran through the house to drag out an old CD player. Even though she could easily have pulled the song up on her streaming service, she wanted to play the copy that Arran had given her. The one she knew his fingers had touched. She held the case over her heart as she cranked up the volume, swaying in time to the music in her kitchen.

—

The dress store was like a treasure trove, beautiful glittering gowns in every color of the rainbow. Liv was tempted to run around touching every material in sight but figured that might be frowned upon in this posh bridal store.

She was intrigued to see what Maya had chosen, having the utmost faith that her best friend wouldn’t have selected any hideous meringues for her and Elise to wear. When Maya had asked whether she and Elise wanted to see them in advance or have it be a surprise, Liv had gone for a surprise. She’d gotten the feeling that Elise would probably have preferred a sneak peek, being more cautious in nature. But she’d said that if Liv wasn’t getting a preview, then she didn’t want one either.

All they knew was their two best-women dresses were not the same. Maya had chosen a different one for each of them.

Tara and Maya’s mum—Yvonne—were chatting excitedly nearby as they discussed the outfits they had already purchased for the wedding. Liv smiled to herself, allowing their pleasure to take her mind off her obsession with Arran and his sweet and lovely messages and gifts. The only snag to the dress-fitting trip was that Elise was late, which wasn’t like her. Liv checked her watch. The store was on an industrial estate out of town and she’d offered to give Elise a lift. But Elise had said she might be late after her first Saturday morning shift at the GP out-of-hours center and didn’t want to hold them up.

Tara came alongside her and gave her a hug. “Okay, love?”

“Fine, thanks,” she said quickly. “This place is amazing.”

Tara nodded. “I love the fusion of Eastern and Western design. I wouldn’t even have known it was here, so it’s great that Maya found it.” She cleared her throat. “Are you sure you’re okay? You haven’t seemed yourself since that incident with your father.”

She’d hardly thought about Dave over the past week. A caramel-colored dress caught her gaze, and the hue of Arran’s eyes came to mind. It wasn’t as if the dress was the same color as his eyes, but it was close enough to remind her of him. Not that it took much, because he was always hovering at the forefront of her thoughts. “Honestly, I’m fine, Mum. I’m really not that bothered about Dad.”

Tara didn’t appear convinced. “I often think about how I should’ve thrown him out way before he left us. But I’m sorry to say I was blinded by him for years.” She sighed.

Liv took her mum’s hand. “I know. It wasn’t your fault. It was his.”

Her mum met her gaze for a second, then gestured over to a couple of chairs outside the fitting area. “Can we sit? I need to speak to you about something.”

“Sure,” Liv said, puzzled.

Her mum led her over and they sat down together. “I’ve come to realize that I’ve done you a disservice.”

Liv frowned. “What do you mean?”

Tara blinked. “I want to apologize for what I said after you protected Angus from your father. You did the right thing.”

Liv’s breath caught in her throat as she attempted to compute what her mother was saying.

“I also acknowledge that I’ve done the wrong thing by you for a long time now. I didn’t mean to, but I’ve limited you in speaking your mind, prevented you from being your authentic self. And I’m worried that it’s damaged you.” Her eyes filled with tears.

Liv reached out to take her hand. “Mum,” she said quietly.

Tara shook her head. “Don’t try to excuse my behavior, love.”

Liv gave her a weak smile, not knowing what to say.

“I know that your dad was the big villain in our lives. But that doesn’t make me blame-free.”

Liv’s voice broke. “Oh, Mum.”

Tara squeezed her hand. “You are a brilliant person, Liv. And not only when you’re being positive and vibrant. You’re a good person on your worst days. When you feel down or angry. And you don’t have to hide when you are. You let out whatever you need to let out and know that I love you as you are. And you are absolutely nothing like that good-for-nothing father of yours.”

Liv threw her arms around her mother, letting her tears flow. “Thank you.”

Her mum’s voice was broken by tears. “You’re welcome. It was long overdue.”

Liv pulled back, rubbing at her face. “Did Sam speak to you about this?”

Hesitantly, her mum nodded. “He did. He sat me down and we had a long, honest conversation. I’m ashamed to say that at first, I couldn’t see it. But your brother is very persuasive and determined when he’s got his heart set on something.” She smiled. “And Angus backed him up.”

Liv managed a small laugh. “He’s a good egg, that bloke of yours.”

“I know,” Tara said. “But if there’s ever a next time, though I hope there isn’t, then I want to hear it directly from you. Not the men in our lives. And I promise to listen. Okay?”

Liv nodded. “Okay.”

Her mum hugged her close and Liv had to admit that her twin brother was the absolute best.

Tara pulled back. “What has been on your mind, then? Just now you looked a million miles away, but you said it wasn’t because of your dad.”

Liv bit her lip. “Just a bit of guy trouble.”

Tara’s expression indicated that the penny had dropped. “Arran?”

Liv glanced at her. “Has Sam said something?”

“No. I just figured you two seemed close. Especially after he drove you over when your father showed up.”

“Yeah, we are.” Her heart thudded. “Or were. I don’t know. I’m trying to work some stuff out.”

“What happened?” Tara asked.

Liv let out a dry laugh. “I did.”

Her mum appeared puzzled.

Liv rubbed her face. She was going to need the mother of all facials before this wedding, what with all the crying she’d been doing. Her face must look like a big, puffy, blotchy mess. “It’s taken me a long time to work out. But I’ve had this phobia of serious relationships. After witnessing other people’s experiences.” Her mum squeezed her hand and Liv gave her a reassuring smile. “Plus ignoring my own personal demons. Then, when I finally felt like I was making headway and letting Arran in, I got really paranoid that he wanted to get back together with Jess. But instead of letting him reassure me, I backed off and hid. I told myself—and him—that it was because I didn’t want to get in the way of his family getting back together. And although that’s true, perhaps it was also for self-preservation because I’m terrified of how big my feelings for him are and what’ll happen if I let myself be vulnerable and then he changes his mind.”

Tara frowned. “When your father first left, I would’ve given anything to have him back. But time made me realize the error in that thinking.”

“That’s not the same, Mum. Jess is basically a good person.” Liv pushed her glasses up her nose. “It’s not fair on them, or Jayce, for me to stand in their way.”

Tara took her hand, her amber eyes shining. “You’ve always worried about getting in the way. Ever since you were little. And that’s your father’s fault.”

Something clicked in the back of Liv’s mind.

“You weren’t the one in the way, sweetheart,” Tara continued gently. “He was. You, your brother, and I, we were the team. And your father was the spoke in our wheels.”

Liv blinked, trying to stop the hot sting of tears. “Arran’s been sending me these messages, Mum. And I want to trust in his feelings for me, and mine for him. But I’m terrified, and as much as I try to work it out and rationalize it, I don’t really know why. I think I’m just broken.”

Her mum shook her head. “You’re not broken, love. Just a little dented. But dents can be smoothed out over time.” She reached out to tuck Liv’s hair behind her ear. “And just because an emotion can’t be rationalized doesn’t make it invalid. You’ll get there; you just need to be kind to yourself, and trust yourself.” She smiled. “And for what it’s worth, I think you can trust in Arran too. I can tell that boy thinks the world of you. He looks at you like you’re the moon and stars rolled into one. Plus, a man who wasn’t in it for the long haul wouldn’t have been there for you the way Arran was that day your father barged into the house.”

Liv was about to say more when she heard her name being called from across the shop. They turned and Elise was hurrying toward them through the clothing racks, Jack on her hip.

“Hey,” Liv said, standing and taking in her wild-eyed appearance. “Are you all right?”

“I’m so sorry for holding you up.” Her words came quickly, tripping over one another. “Mum’s had a bad morning with her joints and she couldn’t manage to have Jack into the afternoon as planned, so I had to go and pick him up after work.”

Maya approached and gave Elise and Jack a hug. “It’s no problem. You’ve not held us up.”

Elise glanced around the group. “I know it’s not ideal having him with us, but I couldn’t think who to ask.”

Tara smiled, also standing and joining them. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’d love to look after him while you girls try on your dresses.”

“Me too,” Yvonne said, emerging from the changing room. “I’ve not had a cuddle from wee Jack in ages. He can play with us and watch the fashion show after.”

“Are you sure?” Elise asked as Tara took Jack from her. “He constantly wants to walk around just now. No wonder poor Mum’s back and shoulders are sore.”

“Don’t you worry,” Tara said with a wink. “I had two of these at the same time, remember?”

Elise laughed, her posture relaxing a little.

“Come on,” Maya said, taking Elise’s and Liv’s hands and leading them into the changing room. “You two both need a bit of pampering.” She took a couple of glasses of fizz from the store assistant and handed them over. “The changing rooms are back there.” She leaned in and spoke out of the corner of her mouth. “Just don’t spill the drinks on any of the dresses, capisce?”

“Aye, Captain,” Liv replied, carefully sipping from her glass before walking into the back.

“That’s your room in there!” Maya called. “And, Elise, you’re next door.”

Liv placed her drink on a small shelf at the back of the changing room, then unzipped the bag that contained her dress, her excitement peaking.

She quickly stripped off her clothing and pulled it on, stretching one arm over her head with the other behind her back and contorting herself to try to zip it up unaided. “Come here, you slippery little blighter,” she muttered to her new archnemesis, aka the zip. She managed it, then turned to the mirror in triumph, sucking in a satisfied breath at her reflection.

The dress was a sleeveless sea-green prom style that came to mid-thigh. A fitted bodice with an A-line skirt, her favorite style. The skirt swished out satisfyingly as she swayed in it.

“Are you ready, Liv?” Elise called from next door.

“Yep,” Liv said, putting on the heels she’d brought with her. She stepped out of the changing room in front of a wall-length mirror. “I love mine.”

Elise emerged behind her and took a sharp breath. “Liv, you look absolutely gorgeous .”

Liv turned to say thank you and had to stop herself from gasping. “Oh my God. You look amazing.”

Elise hugged her arms. Her dress was a light blue matte satin floor-length number with thin straps and a cowl neck. It clung seductively to her slender figure. “Are you sure? I don’t know if it’s a bit too sexy.”

Liv raised her eyebrows. “No such thing. You’re allowed to be sexy, you know.”

Elise joined her by the mirror, studying her reflection as she turned from one side to the other. “I don’t mean that,” she murmured, glancing behind them. “I mean I don’t know if I can pull off sexy.”

Liv’s mouth dropped open. “Please tell me you’re kidding. You, Dr. Kowalski, are one sexy mofo.”

Elise’s cheeks flushed pink. “I don’t know about that.”

Liv put an arm around her and pointed to the mirror. “That’s your evidence right there.”

“Oi!” Maya called through from the seating area. “Where’s my fashion show?”

They both laughed, and Liv took Elise’s hand to lead them both through to where Maya, Yvonne, Tara, and little Jack were waiting. With her killer heels on and Elise wearing kitten heels, the two were nearly the same height.

The others all stilled, mouths open, as the two women rounded the corner.

“Oh my God. I’m a flippin’ fashion genius,” Maya said, staring at the two of them. “You both look absolutely amazing .”

Tara was dabbing at her eyes and Yvonne got out a tissue to pass to her.

Maya went over and took Elise’s shoulders. “You are one sexy lady.” She released Elise to take Liv’s hand and twirl her around. “And you are one hot tamale.”

Yvonne was smiling. “You both look beautiful. And each dress matches your eye color perfectly.”

Liv did a double take down at herself, then across at Elise. She hadn’t even clocked that. Maya had picked out styles that suited them perfectly and that matched her green eyes and Elise’s blue ones. She began to well up. Again. She was going to have to get a beauty parlor on speed dial.

“Go and put yours on, Maya,” Yvonne said.

Maya let out a little squeal, eliciting a laugh from the group, then disappeared around the corner with the store assistant in tow.

Another assistant came out of the changing area, bringing Liv’s and Elise’s glasses of prosecco with her. Liv took hers and carefully sipped, terrified of spilling any down her lovely dress.

It was a few minutes before Maya rounded the corner, but it was worth the wait. Her dress was a shimmering blue-green, with different hues blending into one another as the eye moved down the gown. A modern sari style, it consisted of a short-sleeved bodice that gave way to material that appeared to wrap itself around Maya’s body to her feet, and at her left shoulder it flowed over and down her arm to the ground.

For a moment Liv nearly lost her hold on her glass. She swallowed hard. “Stunning.”

Maya grinned and did a twirl. Liv glanced over to look at Elise, who had her hand over her mouth, her eyes welling. She slid an arm around Elise’s shoulders and gave her a squeeze.

Yvonne went over to hug Maya. “Sweetheart, it’s so beautiful.”

“Why, thank you.” Maya did a mock bow. “I’m thinking of jacking in my job at the ski resort to go into styling full-time.”

Yvonne laughed. “Another career change already?”

Maya shrugged. “If you’ve got the gift…”

Tara bounced Jack on her knee. “All the dresses are perfect for each of you. And I love how they fit together. The green of Liv’s dress and the blue of Elise’s incorporated into yours, Maya.”

Maya looked at Liv and Elise, her voice uncharacteristically devoid of humor. “The three of us complete each other.”

Elise let out a little sob and Liv felt as if the lump in her throat might strangle her. She took Elise’s hand and led her to Maya, where they had a three-way hug, though somewhat awkwardly with her and Elise holding out their glasses to a safe distance and attempting not to get tears on Maya’s dress.

—

The next day was Sunday, and this time, Liv had set a super-early alarm to see if she could catch Arran in the act of delivering her message. Although what she’d do if she did spot him, she had no idea. Probably veer between the desire to run out and kiss him all over his lovely face and the instinct to hide behind the curtain and spy on him.

However, she had no need to worry about choosing between the two, because on her arrival downstairs, there was nothing in the letterbox. Her disappointment was so palpable she felt it in her bones.

She shuffled into the kitchen in her fluffy slippers, made some tea and toast, and then snuggled into the sofa and loaded up Pride and Prejudice and Zombies to try to cheer herself up.

Just as she reached the part where the Bennet sisters were slow-mo striding down the hallway at Meryton, slashing zombies in their wake, she heard a sound at the front door. Without pausing to decide whether she was going for the kissing option or the hiding-behind-the-curtain option, she ran for the front door and flung it open. Standing on the other side with a look of shock frozen on his face was not Arran but her brother.

Her shoulders sagged. “Sam. What’re you doing here?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Delighted to see you too, sis.”

She dropped her gaze to register a white cardboard box at his feet. “What’s that?”

He ran a hand over his hair. “This one wouldn’t fit through the letterbox, so I was going to leave it on the doorstep.”

“You mean…it’s been you delivering all the messages? Not Arran?” She felt disappointed to be disabused of the idea that Arran had been on her doorstep every morning at dawn.

Sam nodded. “Yeah. He asked me to be his delivery guy. He didn’t trust himself not to ring your doorbell if he did it himself.”

That statement warmed her heart. She glanced down at the box again, her interest piquing.

Sam bent down to lift it. “Here. I can see you’re dying to know what’s inside.”

She took the box. “Come on, you might as well come in.”

He followed her to the living room, where they sat on the sofa, and she undid the green ribbon tied around the box. It looked like a cake box.

“What the fuck are you watching?” Sam asked, looking at the TV screen, where the image was frozen on Lily James dressed in a dark satin ball gown and brandishing a sword.

“ Pride and Prejudice and Zombies ,” she murmured absently as she lifted the cake box lid.

“For fuck’s sake,” Sam muttered. “I’ll bet Maya would love this.”

“She does. But not as much as the 2005 adaptation with Keira Knightley.” Liv opened the lid fully, and her eyes about came out on stalks. “A selection of scones from the teahouse!”

Sam laughed. “This guy knows the way to your heart.”

She glanced up. “Do you want one?”

He shrugged. “Why not?”

Liv fetched a tray with some plates and fresh tea and they each chose a scone. The box even contained some cream and jam, and Liv did her best to avert her eyes when Sam applied his condiments cream first, just like Maya the scone traitor.

“By the way,” Sam said, his mouth full of scone. “How did the dress shopping go?”

“None of your biz,” she told him.

He swallowed his mouthful of scone and grinned. “How beautiful did my fiancée look?”

Liv had to fight back tears at the memory of how gorgeous Maya had looked. “Put it this way. You’d better keep some tissues in your sporran on the day, because you’re going to bawl like a baby when you see her.”

His smile faded to give way to a wistful expression. “Can you give me any clues?”

“Get lost, bro. I’m not giving a single detail away.” She mimed pulling a zip across her lips.

He sighed. “Should’ve known there was no way I’d break you.”

She smiled. “It’ll be worth it when you see her.”

He smiled the sappiest smile in the history of the universe. Liv half expected a Celine Dion ballad to start playing in the background at any moment.

“How excited are you for the wedding, on a scale of one to ten?” she asked him, munching on her scone.

“Like, an eleven,” he said, chomping the last piece of his scone in one go. “These are awesome, by the way.”

“I know,” she said with a sigh. She darted her eyes over at him, then back to her creamy, jammy treat. “Has Arran said anything about me?”

Sam shook his head. “I’m not allowed to talk about it. Arran said—”

“You weren’t allowed because I need space,” she finished for him. “Maya told me.”

Sam shrugged, grabbing his mug of tea to take a sip. “Rules is rules.”

“Humph.”

He shot her a smile. “I think you know in your heart what you want, and need, to do.”

If only it were that easy. She cleared her throat. “I don’t understand why it’s so hard to get past my own emotions, especially since I’ve now managed to voice them.”

He gave her an empathetic look. “A couple of conversations don’t wipe out a lifetime of trauma, Liv. Remember what you told me at Christmas—that I needed to face my past and work through it with Maya. Oh, and I believe you also said, ‘Get some therapy,’?” he added with a smile.

“I know,” she said, fiddling with her throw. “But that was different.”

“Different as in—do as I say, not as I do?” He raised an eyebrow.

She stayed silent.

“Being strong for others doesn’t mean neglecting yourself, sis,” he said gently. “There’s a lot to unpack.”

She bit her lip in an effort to hold back the tears. “Thanks for speaking to Mum for me.” She nudged his arm. “You’re all right, as far as twins go.”

He nudged her in return. “Same goes for you.” He lifted his wrist to check his watch. “I need to head out. Few more errands to run apart from delivering messages of love from my bestie to my sister.” He stood.

Messages of love. Had Arran told Sam he loved her? She thought about his letters, all signed Love, always, Arran . Had he meant that literally?

She thought back to the last time she’d seen him, when he’d told her that he was going to tell her how he felt—once she was ready. Or at least once he could no longer hold out. She hoped he meant that his feelings ran as deep as hers, that not only did he want a relationship but that he loved her too.

She got up to follow Sam to the front door, where she waved him off.

“Thanks for sharing your scones with me,” he said as he departed. Then he gave her a wink over his shoulder. “And don’t worry. I have a feeling that everything’s going to come together at the wedding.”