The Wrangler Takes a Wife (Silver Creek Ranch #7)

Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

C hase

Chase had given serious consideration to tracking down Terry Vernon and beating his ass. The man’s actions had not only left Amara angry at Chase, but worse, she was hurt as well. Feeling the pain and mistrust coming off her in waves was up there with one of the worst experiences in his life, and he’d been through hell and back.

Their misunderstanding didn’t break them. No, it strengthened them. They both acknowledged how much they loved and cared for each other. Although their marriage had an unconventional start, they both treasured it and nurtured it.

If Chase was concerned Amara would allow the guilt of jumping to conclusions to fester and dim her incredible personality, he shouldn’t have bothered worrying. She was her same sassy self. In a word, things had been amazing over the last few days.

Amara was making pot pie for him tonight. They didn’t get to eat it the other day. He had been so eager to slide into his wife. When she reminded him Ryan was waiting outside, Chase had given the pies to Ryan and grabbed his wife’s bag and sent him on his way. Their dinner that night had been hearty sandwiches and Chase hadn’t minded one bit.

After his shower, he found her in the kitchen. He walked up behind Amara, wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her neck. “What are you doing, Sweet Darling?”

“Writing nuclear codes.” He loved his woman’s sarcasm. Partially because he deserved it. It wasn’t like he couldn’t see her peeling a carrot.

“Can I help you with anything?”

“Not right now. I’ll let you know when you can set the table.”

Chase took a seat at the breakfast nook and worked on his Sudoku. He enjoyed being near her as she worked. Occasionally, he would stare at her and get caught.

“Must you gawk at me?”

“Yes. I like the view.”

A train whistle sounded on her phone. It was the sound she used for reminders. “Shit, it’s that time already?” she questioned.

“What time?” He knew she was talking to herself, but getting under her skin was his thing. She didn’t answer him, just stuck her tongue out.

“Shh,” Amara instructed before she made a call and placed it on speaker.

“Hey, Fizz.”

“Hey yourself Amara.”

The women exchanged pleasantries.

“I’d like to make an appointment with Dr. Gadas for my shot.”

“You’re going back on Depo-Provera?” Fizz sounded surprised.

“I’ve never stopped taking my shots.” Amara’s brow was wrinkled in confusion.

“Well, you missed your last one.”

“I didn’t—” She swiped furiously at her phone. “Shit, we had a conflict, and I needed to reschedule my appointment, and I forgot. How could I have forgotten?”

“My bad. When you didn’t call back, I figured it was because you were married now you didn’t want to take the shot anymore.”

Wait. What shot were they talking about?

Amara looked anxious. “Umm. Is it still possible to schedule an appointment?”

“Yeah, for sure. Before we administer it, we'll need to take a pregnancy test.”

Chase’s pen clattered from his hand. A sense of panic gripped Chase as he contemplated the possibility of Amara being pregnant. The idea of being a parent made him feel unworthy as he worried that he might not be able to provide the love and guidance a child would need. His self-doubt was rooted in his dark history. This fear of inadequacy weighed heavily on his heart, making the discussion they needed to have even more daunting.

“It’s just a formality, isn’t it?” Amara inquired.

“Yeah. It usually takes more than a few months for the drug to work out of your system, but we have to take precautions.”

Fizz’s explanation gave him a sense of relief. It was short-lived. He and Amara needed to have a talk. They had never discussed how they felt about having children.

While he was deep in thought, Amara and Fizz concluded their call. Amara resumed cooking.

“Did you get your appointment booked?”

“I did. Fizz fit me in tomorrow. Here’s the thing. It means you should probably put something on for like two weeks.”

Despite not wanting children, Chase baulked at the idea of not sliding into her pussy raw.

“Aww, you’ll be alright.” Amara assured him.

“What?” Why did she tell him that?

“You should have seen how horrified your face looked.” She laughed at him. “It won’t be so bad. Time will fly by.”

On this topic, Amara had no idea what she was talking about. She hadn’t been the first woman he had gone gloveless with. There was one person aside from her. But hell, the feeling of sliding into Amara was pure bliss. Nothing compared to it. How was he expected to go without that high for the next two weeks?

Amara walked around the counter, and he pulled her into his arms.

“We can come up with creative ways to get through the next couple of weeks.”

“Oh, really?”

“I mean, we could always explore pages 47-52.”

Well, fuck! Family planning discussions were forgotten. Dinner was delayed as well. Their meal ended up being cold pot pie, but it was the best he had ever tasted.

The following morning, Amara insisted it wasn’t necessary for Chase to accompany her to the doctor’s office. “No, it’s okay. It’s the last appointment of the day. I’ll leave the diner early, go get my shot. Then I’ll head home and read until you get back.”

Chase’s day was much longer than expected. He was drained. They lost two bison to pneumonia. Tomorrow, he would consider how the loss would affect the herd. All he wanted to do was spend time with Amara, have a nice warm meal, and lay in his warm bed.

“Hey, Sweet Darling,” he called out. Silence greeted him. Most likely, she was absorbed in her book. So, he didn’t call out again. While he enjoyed teasing her, he didn’t dare bother her when she was reading. Disruptions to her reading caused her to become feral.

Chase found her on the couch. Her face wasn’t in a book, though. Almost as if she was in a trance, she stared straight ahead.He touched her shoulder, and she turned slowly towards him. A flurry of blinks preceded her sigh. “Hey.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Her behaviour had him concerned. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I think so. How are you?”

Chase took a seat beside her. “I’m good, Baby.” He started thinking about her day. “Did the shot make you feel bad?”

She shook her head. “I wasn’t able to get the shot.”

It took a moment for the pieces to fall together. There were many reasons why she couldn’t take the shot, but only one stood out. He needed to know. He questioned cautiously, “why weren’t you able to get the shot?”

“The routine pregnancy test wasn’t so routine.”

He needed her to spell it out for him. “Meaning?”

“It was positive. Surprise, I’m pregnant.” She threw her hands up in the air like she was showering confetti. Her expression didn’t reflect the joy of her gesture.

No! This couldn’t be happening! Amara can’t be pregnant with my baby.

Chase couldn’t bring himself to speak to her. Her nervous smile eventually crumbled. While her eyes filled with trepidation.

“Chase?” Her bottom lip trembled. “Please say something.”

There was no way he could tell the woman he loved that the idea of her carrying his child wasn’t joyous. In fact, it was the opposite. Terror and bile swirled in his stomach.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“We obviously didn’t plan this pregnancy, but I was hoping we could work through this surprise together.” Amara reached her hand out to him and all he could do was stare at it.

Shaking his head, he stood up. “I’m sorry. I need to get out of here.” Just for a moment. Tell her you’re coming back.

“Fine, go ahead.” Amara was closing off before his eyes.

The panic clawing at his insides prevented him from comforting her. He didn’t remember putting on his boots. The soft thud of the door closing behind him was amplified. He stood on the porch for a moment. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't bring himself to go back inside and beg for her mercy. Nor explain how terrified and undeserving he felt.

Chase saddled his horse. It might help clear his head. He rode for a while before just feeling emotionally exhausted. Stopping his horse, he unmounted. His thoughts were overwhelming. Losing Amara wasn’t something he could live with. He knew without her saying it; she wanted the baby. He couldn’t be a father. Not with his history.

He saw his truck approaching. Other than Ryan, Amara would be the only person brave enough to touch his truck. Ryan wasn’t around. So, she had come looking for him. The least he could do was speak to her. Stopping nearby, she got out of the truck and walked in his direction. She stopped walking his way. For a moment she didn’t say anything, she just looked around at the landscape.

“All of this hasn’t been easy for me. You and I.” Amara looked up at the sky. “I have a habit of cutting people off, especially when they do me dirty. But after what happened with Harvest Construction, we decided to really give this marriage a go. I made a commitment to talk things out with you and not to jump to conclusions. When you walked out after I told you I was pregnant, I was like, fuck him. Then I realized letting you walk away was another way of cutting you off. Trust me, I considered it. But it isn’t just about us anymore. It wasn’t easy coming after you. Especially when you walking out hurt like a motherfucker, but I deserve better. And answers.”

“I know you deserve answers. They aren’t easy to give you.”

She was being much braver than he was right now. Chase felt ashamed of his actions. However, he had to man up. “I did things, Amara. I received commendations and medals for taking the lives of little boys who were forced to use firearms and be soldiers before having the chance to shave. How can I possibly be a good father? How do I even deserve to be a parent?”

Amara closed the steps between them, but didn’t touch him. She pressed her hand to her chest. “Oh Chase, the fact you carry the pain of taking those lives when you were more than justified tells me what a good man you are. You deserve a family. I know you will be a great dad.”

“I don’t know if I’m deserving of it. I’m not sure if I can be a parent, Amara.”

“Finding out I was pregnant took me by surprise. There are things I’m nervous about, too. I was never one of those women who was eager to become a mom. Becoming a parent is a big deal, with lots of responsibility. It’s one that I really want. I don’t want to do this by myself, but I will if I have to, Chase.”

“I don’t want you to do it by yourself, either. I want to be by your side through everything.” Her father’s words came back to Chase. Marriage was a choice you made every day.

Amara reached out her hand, and Chase took it. How could he not? She was fighting for them. He would fight alongside her.

“As long as you are willing, we can work through these feelings. Listen, we are badasses. I can’t imagine us being anything less than phenomenal parents,” Amara declared.

Chase smiled for the first time since he heard the news. He pulled her into his arms. He wouldn’t allow anything to destroy what they had. It was possible to overcome his feelings of guilt. He’d done it before. It might require some outside help. But he had an entire network of people with resources which could help him get past this.

“Hey, Chase. Is it your only reservation about me being pregnant? You’re not secretly worried I’ll get big as a house and stay like that.” There was laughter in her voice, but she shouldn’t have had to ask, even in jest.

“God no. I’m sorry I even made you entertain those feelings. Now that I think about it, I’m looking forward to seeing the changes being pregnant will bring about. He cupped her ass, giving it a squeeze.

“So, you aren’t worried I’ll love the baby more than you or some shit.”

“No, Sweet Darling. I was afraid the darkness disqualified me from being a good parent.”

“The darkness qualifies you more than most.”

“I love you, and I’m sorry for my reaction. Hurting you… was never my intention.”

“I know, otherwise I wouldn’t be here.”

They held each other until he felt her shiver. The sun was setting and with the rays gone, the breeze became cold. It was time to head home.