Theirs to Corrupt (Titans Captivated #5)

Chapter 32

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

The Next Day

Link

“The actual fuck is wrong with you?”

I glance up. I’ve been so obsessed with thoughts of my wife that I didn’t notice that Pax entered my office.

Without an invitation, he closes the door and crosses the room to drop into a chair facing me.

“Make yourself comfortable.”

He ignores my sarcasm.

“She deserves the very best you have.”

I scowl. “The hell does that mean?”

“Stop being so damn selfish and think about someone other than yourself for once.”

Fuck you.

Since the day I met Tessa at the Rusty Nail, my whole life has revolved around her, from giving her hundred-dollar bills for tips, saving her from Axel and Emiliano’s clutches, showering her with every worldly good that I can, including a fairy-tale wedding and now, a new car to replace her old heap of shit. There is nothing else I have to offer anyone.

“She needs compassion.”

In frustration, I toss my pen onto my desk. God knows I’d given everything I was capable of last night, which included my restraint. I’d kept my mouth shut, and that required considerable self-control.

When Pax notified me that Tessa’s brother tried to abduct her, I died a thousand deaths.

I should have refused to let her leave the house yesterday, should have insisted she take a dozen agents with her.

When I finally saw her at Natalie’s apartment, sitting there on the couch, pale, seemingly lost, my whole world collapsed.

I wanted to shake her senseless for scaring a decade off my life. But more, I yearned to cradle her, carry her home, fuck her hard enough to chase away her demons and the ache inside my soul.

Once I knew she was okay, anger raged through me.

I’m terrified to think about the possibilities had Pax not followed her to Natalie’s place.

Though I wanted to tear Ariella limb from limb I believe Pax when he says she followed all protocols.

She had stopped the delivery guy when he exited the elevator and verified he was wearing clothing that matched the name of the restaurant Natalie had ordered from. Axel’s hoodie had been up against the weather, and the pizza boxes were damp from the rain.

Not only that, she’d made him lift the lid to ensure the pizza was in there.

The moment she realized something was wrong, she’d acted swiftly.

I took some measure of comfort from the fact Tessa had the foresight to push a button to summon Pax. She trusts him, if not me. “We could have lost her.”

“Keep this up, and we still will.”

Rage makes me grind my back teeth together.

“You need to let her in.”

To my cold, dark heart? We both know I don’t have one. My father saw to that. What little bit that was left shattered the day I placed a single red rose on top of my mother’s casket.

My father led me away, and I stopped to look back the moment they began to lower her into the ground.

My tears finally fell, and my father brutally pinched my ear. “Don’t fucking cry, boy. You’re not a goddamn infant. You’re a Merritt.”

“Showing emotion doesn’t make you weak.”

Pax knows me better than anyone else on this planet…realizes what he’s asking. More than anyone, he fucking knows I can’t give her anything more than I already have.

“You’re about to lose the best thing that ever happened to you.” He smacks his palm against my desk. Then he uses the momentum to stand. “To us. And I fucking resent you for that.”

He strides to the exit, then stops and faces me.

His eyes are dead cold.

When he speaks, his voice is flat, condemning. “I ought to lay you out flat myself. Something has to get through your fucking thick skull.”

Once more, he slams the door, making it rattle, the sound hammering through my head, echoing with finality.

He’s gone, and so is Tessa, at least emotionally.

But I’ve given her everything I possibly can.

I know it’s not enough. I’m not enough.

Never will be.

I pick up the whiskey glass that I’ve been nursing all day. I hurl it at the wall.

Shards splinter everywhere, just like the pieces of my life.

Now what the hell am I supposed to do?

Tessa

“What do you think of this one?”

Frustrated by all the options, I blow out a breath and look at Natalie.

Several days have passed since the awful incident at her house. Since she’s such an amazing friend, she is spending her day apartment hunting with me.

So far, we’ve visited five different places. Although they are all nice, serviceable, none of them feel right.

“Tessa?”

“It’s…” We’re standing in the small living room of a unit close to downtown, and they’re starting to blur together. “Fine, I guess.”

Each place that we visited, she picked up papers with floor plans and lists of amenities and tucked them all into a portfolio.

She’s way more organized about this whole thing than I am.

Choosing where to live is a tough decision. One I’m not sure I even want to make. Maybe that’s why I can’t decide.

“This one is close to transit. Makes it easy to get to U of H.”

There’s nothing wrong with this sample, and it’s right in my budget, which means the finishes are nothing special. But it’s so much better than the place Natalie and I used to share.

I wander to the window and pull back the blinds. The view is of other apartments in the complex. The good news is there is a pool and a workout room, not that I will use either.

“Is there something bothering you?”

Natalie is far too perceptive.

With a sigh, I wander back toward her and drop onto the couch.

She sits next to me, her large hoop earring glittering.

“This place is fine,” I say.

“Fine?” She raises an eyebrow.

“This will sound ridiculous…”

“Try me.”

I search for the right words. “It doesn’t feel like home.”

“I understand that.”

“Do you?” I hope so, because I’m not even sure exactly what I mean. The truth is, I haven’t had an actual home since my parents were alive. After they passed, I had believed that the house belonged solely to Axel. He repeatedly told me that and said he was doing me a favor by letting me live there.

At least right now, when I am at Link’s, I feel mostly like a guest.

Part of that is my own fault, I’m sure. I have absolutely no doubt they would welcome me back into bed with them if I showed the slightest interest. But to save myself and my wounded emotions, I’ve refused to do that.

Since the night of Axel’s arrest, my mind has been numb.

Despite that, I keep moving forward. Celeste and I have talked every day. I’ve had multiple meetings with the family attorney and my trust fund manager. Following Celeste’s advice, I hired a real estate agent to put my parents’ house on the market. No doubt the sale price will only cover the cost of the second mortgage. If we’re fortunate, I’ll have enough to cover the real estate fees.

I plan to fly back to Chicago soon to go through my parents’ belongings. I don’t want anything, except for my mom’s Christmas ornaments. Some of them I bought for her. And never seeing them again would break my heart.

Once I’ve got those, I’ll bring in an estate sale company to get rid of everything else.

Then I’ll never return to my home state again.

Axel keeps trying to call, but I refuse to talk to him. Any necessary communication can go through lawyers.

Before my conversation with Nat can continue, a couple more people walk through the door, accompanied by an apartment representative. Quietly she tells me that if I want the last available one-bedroom unit, I may have to act quickly.

“I understand.” But I’m not ready to sign a contract.

Why, I’m not sure.

“How about a coffee?” Natalie suggests as we walk out into the sunshiny day. “We can head to the Heights. Maybe wander around while we’re there.”

With the number of places that Link dragged me to before our wedding, I’m not sure I will ever enjoy going shopping again.

“Or maybe we can have an early dinner? All this has made me hungry.”

“Sounds perfect.” I haven’t been eating well, and even my new clothes are starting to get a little too big on me.

“I know just the place,” she says.

Twenty minutes later, we park in front of a small, local restaurant near her apartment.

“David introduced me to this place, and it’s become my favorite.”

According to the sign and the decorations on the windows, I’m guessing the food is Italian.

“Carb lovers heaven.” She grins.

“Sounds perfect.” Comfort food is exactly what I need.

“The lasagna is to die for. But David loves the fettuccini alfredo.”

We walk in, and she’s greeted by name and swept into a hug by the woman she introduces as the owner.

Mouthwatering scents fill the air: fresh baked bread, maybe herbs, and bubbling cheese. Suddenly I’m hungrier than I realized.

As we’re sliding into a booth across from each other, Natalie orders each of us a glass of house red wine, along with a dozen garlic knots to share.

“I’ll be right back,” the owner promises.

“Come here often?” I tease.

Natalie blushes. “If David didn’t keep me so…busy, I’d already need to buy a whole new wardrobe.” She giggles.

Moments later, our drinks are delivered, and we each have a menu in front of us.

Natalie peeks at me over the top of hers. “Save room for the dessert trio.”

“Oh?” I scan to the bottom. “Oh my God. No.”

“Cannoli, tiramisu, and torte caprese.”

Which, according to what I’m reading, is a decadent rich, flourless chocolate-and-almond cake.

“I’m going to be in a coma at the end of this meal.”

“That’s the plan.” She grins. “You’ve been thinking too damn much. Did you decide on your entrée?”

I’m thinking the dessert and garlic knots should be more than enough food. Then my gaze stops on my favorite dish of all time. Gnocchi. Pasta and potatoes all in the same delicious bite.

Now I’m convinced. Within an hour, I’m going to be in a food coma.

The appetizer is delivered, and once we’ve placed our orders, we both sit back with our glasses of wine.

“I can’t thank you enough for going with me today.”

“Are you kidding me? I love this kind of thing. House hunting. Seeing different interiors, decorating styles. I’ve become addicted to home improvement shows on television. My favorite takes place in New Orleans. There’s a contractor on it who is so yummy. Part of me watches just to see his muscles ripple. Mason Sullivan. Have you seen it?”

“No.” I transfer one of the garlic knots onto my plate. “But now I’m tempted.” I take a bite, and the rich, buttery flavor explodes in my mouth. “Oh dear Lord.”

“Warned you!” She shoots me a triumphant grin.

“Did I die and go to heaven?”

“You’ll definitely think so by the end of the meal.”

We both laugh.

After a few sips of wine, I start to relax a little more. “I’m surprised David still lets you be friends with me.”

She rolls her eyes. “He understands it’s been an unusual time. But I definitely think he enjoyed flying on a private airplane and that suite at the Bella Rosa.”

I’d also enjoyed some of the perks that went along with knowing Link. But they’re about to be a thing of the past for me.

“I’ll be honest, I was a little surprised when you told me you were looking for apartments. What’s really going on?”

I shift a little uncomfortably. “What do you mean?”

“You’re different than you were at your wedding. Even though you were dealing with a lot, you seemed more relaxed and confident.”

I wrinkle my nose. “You know me too well.”

“That’s what friends are for.”

This is all so complicated, even to me.

“Did you fall in love with them?”

Love? My breath whooshes out, and I put down my glass.

“Is that why you’re struggling?”

Maybe it is. “Pax is so uncomplicated. If I had met just him, things might have been easier. I think I could have been very happy with him.”

“But there’s Link.”

She’s made a statement, instead of asking a question.

“Yeah.” I nod. “He’s so complex. Emotionally distant.” Anger and frustration seem to be the only emotions he’s comfortable expressing.

“That’s not enough,” she guesses.

How can I be happy living with someone who can never feel the same way about me as I do about him?

“It’s draining you?”

She lets the question hang between us, waiting for me to go on. Eventually I do. “Look at you and David. You’re just so easy together. So perfect. So right.”

“With him, I wear my emotions on my sleeve.” She shrugs. “But he says he appreciates it. He doesn’t have to guess what I’m thinking or feeling. After what I went through with my ex, that’s refreshing.”

My parents were madly in love. At times, their relationship was so close that they shut out the rest of the world. I don’t want something that intense, but to feel loved and not just controlled? That’s the dream.

“Is that why this decision is so difficult?” Nat guesses. “You don’t want to leave, but you can’t imagine staying with the way things are?”

I nod. “That’s it.”

Our food arrives. Though I’d been starving, the conversation and my realizations, have made my appetite fade.

She stabs into her lasagna, and steam rises. “If needed, David and I will help you move.”

“You’ve already done so much.”

“Friendship.” She raises her fork as if saluting me. Then she takes a bite and sighs completely. “I hope they have this in heaven.”

Her happiness helps my mood, and I try the gnocchi. She’s right about the food. “I think I need to live close to this restaurant,” I say.

“That’s the main reason I’m never moving.”

We both laugh.

While she talks about a movie she and David went to the previous night, my thoughts wander.

Since I’m limited on how much I can withdraw from my account, I’ll need money. Maybe Marge will let me have my old job back. She can be flexible with hours, and I can work them around my studies. Maybe I can even start babysitting again.

Since Natalie warns me again to make sure I have room for dessert, I save some of my entrée to take home with me.

Of the three small plates that are delivered to the table, the torte is my favorite. “I’m serious about finding an apartment around here,” I say as I polish off the last crumb.

She laughs. “We could have a regular girls night here.”

“I’m in.”

The visit with Natalie and being spoiled by the restaurant owner was exactly what I needed, but by the time I arrive back at my car, I’m more miserable than I’d been at the beginning of the day.

Even though I no longer have a bodyguard with me, I suspect Pax keeps an eye on me. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he still had an agent hovering somewhere in the background.

At Link’s estate, I let myself in through the back door.

No one is in the kitchen, so I quietly place my leftovers in the refrigerator. And maybe if I’m quiet enough, I can sneak up the stairs without anyone realizing I’m home.

An image of my first night in the house flashes back. I’d locked the door that night, but in the morning, my belongings were in the room.

A hundred times over the last few days, I’ve glanced over at the lock, but it has never moved.

Shoving back the memory, I move through the kitchen.

Near the staircase, I freeze.

Link is standing there, his face stark, eyes bleak. His shirt sleeves are rolled back, and there’s a shadow on his face.

I have never seen him look like this. Uncertain, haunted.

Frowning, I ask, “Is everything okay?”

He’s silent. The tension thickens and grows.

“Link?” My heart misses a few beats. Then my stomach plunges.

“Do you want a divorce?”