& Then They Wed (Ampersand Love #2)

8. Dickhead Date Diaries

8

Dickhead Date Diaries

Aditi

A diti stood in line with her close friend and colleague, Dr. Nina Jaiswal, waiting patiently for her turn to be served. The busy cafe that operated within their hospital was the most popular spot for doctors and visitors alike to grab their favourite cup of joe.

Nina and Aditi had joined the same specialisation group, hand-picked by their supervisor to work at Sanjog General while they completed their postgrad degrees. As much as she had hated seeing Harish as part of the program, she had found an immediate friend in Nina.

She usually looked forward to their morning coffee break together, but right now it was an unwelcome reminder that she still had a long work day ahead. Just the thought of it made her groan out loud.

“Rough morning?” Nina asked, following Aditi to pick up their drinks as the two ladies headed to one of the open tables, ready to rest their feet for a short while .

“Awkward morning,” Aditi replied, letting her head loll back while she closed her eyes. “Everyday I’m at the clinic, I find new cases that surprise me.”

“What happened?” Nina sipping on her drink, watching the passers-by before turning to her friend. “Did you detect a complicated pregnancy? That’s always tough on me.”

Aditi shook her head, sitting up before she reached for her cup. “Nothing that serious. It was a bit funny actually. I had this couple come in asking for a full evaluation on the lady’s health. They’ve been trying for a child for over a year with no luck, so I ordered every test possible, even genetic. The pathology reports came back clean. Today, I finally diagnosed the problem.” She sighed into her coffee.

“What was it? Don’t build the suspense, Adi. Spill it!”

Aditi’s nostrils flared as she tried to control her reaction to the memory of sitting with her patients, the reality of their situation finally dawning upon her.

“It turns out that they come from conservative, orthodox families,” she started.

“So?”

“So,” Aditi drawled, waving one dainty hand in the air. “Sex education was negligible for them both.”

“Wait. They weren’t having sex?”

“Oh, they were definitely having sex.”

“Then?”

“He’s been ejaculating into her belly button.”

Nina spluttered as she tried to take a sip, some of her drink spilling onto the table. With a defeated laugh, Aditi pulled out a few tissues and handed it to her.

“He didn’t!”

“He did. According to him, babies grow in the belly so he figured the belly button would be the most direct route. He couldn’t believe his process kept failing. ”

“Oh my god!” Nina gasped, snorting when Aditi started to chuckle softly as well. “How did you keep a straight face?”

“I had to!” Aditi insisted as she sat back, her tiredness receding slowly. “The poor lady had been through so many medical tests already. You know how it can be for some of them. The pressure they face from the families, the immediate judgement that something must be wrong with only the woman. I couldn’t bear to laugh at her misery.”

“Did the husband finally understand what he was doing wrong?”

Aditi nodded.

“I felt a little like a sex ed instructor at one point. But the silly man was so glad that his wife was healthy, he promised her that he’d get her pregnant immediately.”

“And what did you say?”

“I asked him to please wait until he got home!” Aditi quipped, causing Nina to burst out laughing once more, her eyes bright with mirth.

“Adi, I don't think I’ve ever laughed this much while working on rotations. If I was a boy, I’d have married you just for that.”

“I’ll take you as you are, Nina. I’m not sure any boy is going to like me anyway,” she muttered, picking her phone up when it buzzed.

“The last date didn’t work out either?”

Aditi pouted, shaking her head as she swiped on her messages.

“How many is that?”

“Eleven,” she admitted dully, her lower lip jutting out further when Nina’s eyes grew big at that number.

“I can’t believe you’ve crashed and burned through eleven different men,” Nina said, not unkindly. “Your double-D count keeps increasing.”

“Double-D?”

“Dickhead dates,” Nina explained with a single shoulder shrug, as if it had been perfectly clear.

“It wasn’t all my fault,” Aditi sniffed. “Some of them didn’t like me, which is fine. I’m not everyone's type. But some of them were absolute jerks who should never procreate.”

“Like DD number 2. The silencer.”

Aditi grumbled under her breath, taken back to one of the early dates she’d been set up on when she’d first landed in Mumbai. DD number two had been Ananth Sivakumar, age twenty-nine, a Sanskrit professor who had been so annoyed at her asking him questions during their date that he’d put his spoon down, looked her in the eye, and announced, “You talk a lot.”

His tone made it clear it wasn’t a compliment and she’d spent the rest of her very short dinner in silence. While he had suggested a second meeting, she had refused. Little did she know then that she’d eventually consider it one of her better dates.

“Who was the guy who stalked you on Instagram?” Nina asked after a bit.

“Oh him!” Aditi recalled, shuddering when she remembered Rahul Ayyar, the twenty-eight-year-old IT expert.

“ I’m Rahul. Naam toh suna hoga.” He’d grinned, shaking her hand for a lot longer than she’d have liked.

The overused dialogue wouldn’t have bothered her, considering she loved Shahrukh Khan. She would have probably quipped back with a dialogue of her own, except he spent the entirety of the evening talking to her breasts. Eventually she’d had enough, and had slammed the table hard enough to startle him.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“My eyes are about ten inches north of where you've been staring, asshole.”

Just as she was about to leave, he’d called her back.

“Do you think I could take a picture of you? Just for the memories?” he’d asked, reaching for his phone.

“You touch that phone and I'll make you eat it!”

“Tell me you blocked him after that!” Nina exclaimed, creeped out on Aditi’s behalf.

“I reported his profile as suspicious and got it suspended.” Aditi bared her teeth in a gremlin-esque smile. Who said revenge didn't feel good? Liars. All of them.

“Did you ever look up the underwear model on social media?” Nina asked, leaning in when Aditi flashed her phone to show her a feed full of a half-naked man.

Nikhil Pillai, age thirty, had strode into the restaurant she’d been waiting in with all the confidence of a man who knew how good he looked. Despite being late, he had neither offered an explanation, nor an apology, ordering the staff about for fast service like he was owed their complete attention.

Aditi had grinned and borne it, trying to be polite, but after the third time he’d insulted their server, she’d cut in, unable to curb her irritation.

“You’re being unnecessarily rude.”

Nikhil had cast her a critical glance, his smug half-smile not faltering one bit.

“This is the most basic job there is. If he can’t bring me my order fast enough, he’s an idiot.”

“You’ve changed your mind three times. That’s not his fault.”

“I’m trying to be careful of what I put in my body,” he had reasoned, his smirk taking on a superior look when he nodded at the cream-covered pasta she’d been about to eat. “You could be careful too.”

Aditi had stilled at the insinuation.

“Meaning?” she’d asked, a dare more than a question, something that Nikhil had been too obtuse to pick up on.

“You're healthier than your profile picture on the matrimonial website.”

Healthy. The polite word for fat in India.

“That's disappointing to you?”

“A little.”

“I understand.” She’d nodded, seemingly sympathetic to his plight. “I'm disappointed, too.”

This had confused him.

“What about? I have a six pack.”

With a careless wave of her fork, she swirled her pasta carbonara and slurped it, making him wait for an answer.

“You might have abs,” she told him between bites, “but not enough brain cells. I was expecting someone a bit smarter so I guess a photo only tells you so much.”

Not used to having women treat him with derision, he’d stared at her. “Are you insulting me?”

“If I have to confirm what is obvious, then you are proving my point.”

With a long-suffering sigh, she’d shaken her head at him, tutting like he was a silly child. His reaction was worsened by the fact that the server he’d insulted had overheard her, and had snorted out loud. She’d winked at him deliberately, grinning. At that, Nikhil’s colour changed to an alarming crimson.

“Oh look, you can turn red.” She’d pointed with the tines of her fork, delivering the final blow. “Another thing the picture didn't tell me.”

Nina hid her snorts behind her coffee cup when Aditi finished re-telling her story.

“But what happened to your date last night?” she inquired, coming back to the reason why she’d started this discussion in the first place.

“It was worse than Nikhil Underpants.”

“Why?”

“He asked me if I was a virgin. I didn’t even have the energy to say anything after that. I got up and left,” Aditi lamented, tossing her cup in a trashcan.

“And still, you’re planning another date tonight?” Nina asked, catching up to her as they began to walk towards the elevators .

“I’ve been through eleven. Maybe twelve is my lucky number.” Aditi swiped at her phone. “Or maybe not.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t seem to book a decent spot for dinner tonight.”

“Who needs dinner, kanna?”

Aditi spun around in surprise, gasping in delight when the friendly face of Chitra Shetty stared back at her.

“Nanamma! What are you doing here?”

“I came for some routine blood work,” Chitra explained, pulling a little tiffin out of her bag. “I saw you so I thought I’d say hello. I also made fresh tamarind rice. I was going to ask the front desk to give it to you. Eat this for lunch. You have been working too hard lately.”

Aditi swiped the lunch box, taking a whiff of it. She pounced on Nanamma, hugging her like a kid who’d been given dessert before a meal.

“Now what is this about dinner?” Chitra asked, laughing when Aditi refused to end the hug.

“Oh! I can't seem to find an open table anywhere good for that matrimonial date tonight.”

Chitra nodded, stopping when she saw Nina. Aditi stepped back, belatedly remembering her manners. “Nina, meet my Nanamma. Nanamma, this is my friend and colleague, Nina.”

“Hello Nanamma, I have heard so much about you,” Nina held a hand out, letting out a small squeak when Nanamma pulled her closer for inspection.

“What a beautiful young lady you are. Are you single?” Chitra asked, taking both women by surprise. “I know a young man who is also unmarried.”

“Are you trying to get rid of me again, Nanamma?”

Aditi whipped back to see Rian approaching them, struck anew by how good-looking he was, his long legs eating the distance between them easily. She watched Nanamma make introductions, obviously pushing Nina and Rian together, and Aditi couldn’t curb the tendril of irritation she experienced at the situation.

“We need to get back to doing our rounds,” Aditi interrupted, shooting an apologetic glance at Chitra. “Bugs, you should take Nanamma home.”

As Aditi manoeuvred Nina away from the conversation, she felt a bizarre chill rush up her spine. She entered the elevator and turned, catching sight of Rian, who was watching her with an indeterminate look.

Unable to help herself, her lips tilted and the tightness in his expression faded slowly. She lifted her hand in a singular wave goodbye, watching him finally glance and nod at Nanamma who was, oddly enough, pointing at Aditi as well.

Or maybe she was talking to Rian about Nina, she conceded, unable to hold back a frown as the two ladies stepped out. The open layout on the second floor allowed them a clear view of the lower-level entrance of the hospital.

When her phone buzzed suddenly in her pocket, Aditi pulled it out, her brows shooting up in surprise.

Table for Aditi Krishnan reserved at The Mumbai Map for 7 pm.

Nanamma’s reason for gesturing suddenly became clear.

She looked down, scanning the message to confirm that she hadn’t misread it.

She’d never visited Rian’s restaurant before. She took a few steps towards the indoor railing, catching sight of him ushering Nanamma out the spinning doors.

Should I follow him and thank him in person? Aditi wondered as she chewed the inside of her lower lip.

“So, who was that?” Nina’s curious voice cut into her thoughts.

“Rian.”

“He is delicious.”

Aditi chuckled. “He’s a chef so that line is appropriate in more ways than one.”

Nina bumped shoulders with Aditi playfully. “Why aren 't you eating him up, girlie?”

“He's not interested.”

Nina snorted. “Oh honey, he's interested.”

“No.” She shook her head with a breathy laugh, pushing away from the railing. “He's just a nice guy.”

“So, you don't mind if I go on a date with him? His grandma gave me his number.”

Aditi's smile dropped. “Delete it.”

Nina gasped, mischievously cackling as she watched Aditi grow flustered at her own reaction.

“You have a girlfriend. What are you doing even taking his number?” Aditi asked, spinning away to begin walking towards the wing that housed her patients. She heard the click of heels, knowing that Nina had hurried to catch up.

“I play for both teams. She’s not my girlfriend, and I’m keeping my options open.”

“He's not interested in a relationship.”

“But you still like him,” Nina guessed in a sing-songy voice. Aditi knew there was no hiding it from her. She was a tenacious woman and would needle her until she spilled the truth.

“Okay, yes,” Aditi admitted, stopping to turn and look at her friend. “He's hot, and really sweet under all the grump and silence. And I'm attracted to him. That’s all. I’ll get over it soon.”

Nina's eyes narrowed, as if gauging her truthfulness.

“Best way to get over it is to get under him,” she said after a moment.

“Nina!” Aditi’s mouth dropped open. “I just told you he doesn't want a relationship.”

“So? Have a fling.” She pulled her notepad out and began flipping through the patient charts. “No strings attached.”

Oh.

Aditi quietened for several seconds as she signed release orders.

“I've never done that.”

“Doesn't mean you can't, dollface,” Nina didn’t bother to look at her, busy with her own forms.

A casual fling with Rian? Seemed inconceivable.

“No.” Aditi wiped her clammy palms on her white lab coat. But the thought had taken root regardless.

Maybe Nina heard the indecision in her friend’s voice because she finally glanced up from her paperwork. Checking to see that the nurses weren’t eavesdropping, she beckoned Aditi closer.

“Adi, ten years from now when you’re herding your two and a half kids from school and a million extracurricular activities, the most anticipated thing of your day being uninterrupted sleep, at least you will have the memory of that sinfully gorgeous man doing incredibly naughty things to you to keep your mind occupied while you have missionary sex that feels as exciting as brushing teeth with with your family-approved, straight-laced, mommy-loving husband.”

Aditi blinked at the bored, matter-of-fact tone in which Nina had delivered that monologue.

“Wow,” she croaked. “Way to paint a bleak picture for my future. Kill my imaginary dog too while you’re at it.”

Nina laughed, tapping her temple and pointing towards Aditi. “You’re thinking about this casual sex thing with your head.”

“And you suggest that I think with my heart?”

“Hell no.” She grinned before making a circle in the air with one long nail pointed below Aditi’s waist.

“With your libido.”