Theoretically Perfect (Theoretically Straight #2)

6. Theo

Unacceptable. Unacceptable. Unacceptable.

Dad’s voice bounces around my skull as I practically sprint to Eileen. It’s loud, clear, and undeniable.

Blatant immoral behavior. Unacceptable.

My hands are shaking as I buckle my seatbelt and start the engine. I retrieve my phone from my pocket to stare once again at the text notification on my screen, only to toss my phone onto the passenger seat and grip the steering wheel.

Not here. I can’t read it here.

I pull out of Caleb’s driveway and start driving. I don’t even really think about where I’m going yet. I just drive.

My phone buzzes again, but it’s a text from Caleb this time. I grimace, guilt twisting in my gut as I remember Caleb’s look of hurt and confusion as I fled from his room.

I should have said something to him. I should have explained why I was suddenly leaving—why I couldn’t risk even another second in Caleb’s presence. Surely he would understand, right?

But… would he understand?

As far as Caleb knows, I’m over feeling guilty and ashamed of our physical relationship. I’ve moved past it. I no longer care what other people think, and the only reason I’m still hesitant about public displays of affection is my parents’ insistence.

But we weren’t in public tonight. We were alone in Caleb’s room. Alone in Caleb’s house even. If there were ever an opportunity to finally take that next step in our relationship, tonight would have been it.

We could have had sex tonight.

If I hadn’t gotten that text, Caleb and I could have?—

The thought alone sends a wave of heat down my body, which only causes more panic and guilt to take its place.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I drive as carefully as possible to the nearest gas station and park. With a shaking breath, I unlock my phone to finally read the text from my dad.

Dad

Hey Theo. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been praying for you every single day. I love you and I’m proud of you. You are smart, kind, compassionate, and brave. If I didn’t care deeply about you and your salvation, I wouldn’t say anything, but my faith compels me to speak the truth, and I simply ask that you prayerfully consider some Bible passages I’ve put together. Your mom told me that you are with Harrison tonight, but is there a night this week that you and I can talk? Let me know. Thank you.

I feel like I’m going to throw up.

Of all the times for my dad to send me a text like this, of course it had to be tonight. At that moment. Right when Caleb and I were about to–

Immoral. Unacceptable.

I press my forehead against the cool texture of the steering wheel as I focus on breathing.

It’s just a text, I remind myself. Dad doesn’t know where I was or what we were doing when he sent it. There’s no way. He even mentioned me being at Harrison’s place. I’m not in any trouble. Everything is okay. Everything is fine.

It takes a few more minutes for the panic to subside, but once it does, I carefully navigate back home.

I shoot Caleb a text as soon as I park Eileen in my driveway, apologizing for leaving so abruptly. It’s admittedly pretty vague, but I don’t want to burden Caleb with the stuff about my dad. I don’t want to worry him again. As far as he knows, my dad is slowly coming around to the idea of his son having a boyfriend, and it’s only a matter of time before he accepts Caleb into the family.

What a fucking fairy tale. But that’s kind of how Mom acts, too, waiting for Dad to have some kind of breakthrough that probably isn’t coming. I honestly wish she wouldn’t. It just makes it worse.

“You’re going to push him away. You know that, right?”

“I have faith, Kora. God will give me the words to say to get through to him. I know my son, and I know he’s going to come around.”

The conversation has been playing on repeat all the way home.

My heart sinks again as I pull up to the house. I don’t see Grace’s car in the driveway, so she’s either still at work or out with friends tonight. It’s probably for the best, honestly. Grace has had enough fights with Dad lately—I don’t want to be the cause of another one.

The house is quiet as I cross the threshold, and I say a silent prayer that my dad is busy as I sneak up to my room and flop onto my bed. My thoughts are racing, and my stomach is in knots. I can’t keep this bottled up, but it’s not like I can talk to Caleb about it. He wouldn’t understand. This is all so foreign to him.

Who can I even talk to about this?

After a few moments of debate, I decide that maybe the old group chat might have some helpful advice for me. Or at least they’ll make me feel better with a funny meme…

Theo

I have a bit of a serious question

if you guys can handle that

Oliver

uh oh

Harrison

Sure, man. What’s up?

Elise

of course, Theo! 3

Oliver

i’ll try my best

My fingers hover over the keys as I consider how to phrase what I’m about to ask. These are my closest friends. Surely, they’ll have at least some sort of advice.

Theo

my dad sent me a text tonight, and it really has been messing with my head. I won’t go through the whole thing, but it pretty much said that he thinks that me and Caleb being together is screwing up my faith.

and I know that it’s not true—Grace has been helping me with this stuff since I told her about me and Caleb—but it's still my dad saying all this stuff and it's really making me second guess myself.

that makes no sense. sorry, this is all over the place.

Oliver

it's okay, man. don’t be sorry.

Harrison

Your dad is just old school. Give him time. I think he’ll come around eventually.

Elise

Fuck him! (sorry, I know it’s your dad) :(

Oliver

did he actually say that he has a problem with you and Caleb?

Theo

not directly. he never says anything directly. just passive-aggressive comments till you do what he wants.

Elise

Just ignore him. He’s the one with the problem, not you.

Harrison

You should talk to him. Be honest about how he’s making you feel.

Oliver

maybe have Grace in on the conversation? she likes to put your dad in his place lol

Theo

yeah, those are good ideas, guys. thank you.

I lock my screen, tossing my phone to the opposite end of the bed. I should have known there wasn’t some magical answer to my problem. And I know they’re just trying to be helpful, but they don’t know what it’s like in my head right now. Hell, even I don’t know what's going on in here half the time.

My phone buzzes against the comforter, and I roll over to it, swiping open to view the new text.

Huh, it’s an unknown number.

[unknown]

Hey Theo, it’s Jake from small group

I know this is weird and random, so it’s okay if you say no, but… can I ask you something?

My eyes widen. That’s some weird timing.

Theo

hey Jake. sure, what did you want to ask?

The three dots pop up in our conversation, then disappear, cycling through a few times before his next message comes through.

Jake

I’ve been thinking about maybe coming out to my parents. But, I’m not sure how my dad is going to react. He’s not exactly the most open-minded person. He’s not like, a bigot or anything. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever heard him say a single thing about Queer people, but I’m still afraid.

Theo

I may not be the best person to talk to about this… my own family situation is all kinds of messed up right now.

Jake

Sorry, I’m not trying to pry or anything. I just… I guess I just thought talking to another queer person might help me make up my mind.

I pause, staring at the word “queer” till it’s burned into my vision. I guess I’ve never really considered that a label for myself. “Bisexual” was big enough to wrap my head around. But “queer” brings on a heap of new implications that I have no idea how to approach.

Theo

I’m not sure how much help I can be, but I’m here if you need to talk.

Jake

Thank you, Theo. And sorry for cornering you at church the other day. I really wasn’t trying to make a scene or anything. Honestly, I was just excited that there was someone else like me in the youth group.

Theo

it’s no big deal. I was a little thrown off, but I appreciate you being discreet. I may have told the world about Caleb on HHH, but I’m not quite ready for it to be all over church, you know?

Jake

I totally get that. I can’t tell you how much that meant to me, by the way. Seeing you talk about Caleb during the interview. He’s really lucky to have such a great guy like you as a boyfriend.

My cheeks flood with heat. Yeah, some great guy I am. I practically ran away from Caleb earlier. God, I have to fix this stuff in my head before it makes me do something even more stupid.

Theo

thanks. I’m lucky too. he’s been so great.

Jake

Was that him sitting with your family during the Christmas service?

Theo

yeah, that was him. took some convincing on my end to get him to agree to come. he had a lot of questions lol

Jake

That bowtie he had was AMAZING. Tell him I want to know where he got it from.

Theo

haha, I’ll be sure to ask.

Jake

Okay, I won’t take up any more of your night.

Theo

feel free to text me again if you need to talk.

Jake

Thank you, Theo. 3

I switch back over to my text thread with Caleb, rereading his response to my bullshit excuse.

Caleb

It’s completely fine 3. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier. I didn’t plan on us having the house to ourselves, and I may have gotten carried away. It won’t happen again, I promise.

A grunt of frustration escapes my chest as I roll over, planting my face into the coolness of my pillowcase. And suddenly, all I can think about is Caleb’s lips on my neck and how smooth his chest felt.

Immoral. Unacceptable.

I cringe, squeezing my eyes shut.

This is really getting old.

Monday, January 8

“Oliver, you’re such an idiot.”

“No, I’m actually a genius. You just refuse to acknowledge it.”

My face cracks into a smile as I approach our table, bracing myself for yet another ridiculous argument between Elise and Oliver that I’ll surely be forced to pick a side on. It’s absolutely worth it, though as I make my way to my usual seat between Oliver and Caleb, currently facing away from me.

“Hi, Theo,” Harrison mutters from across the table from my seat. “Welcome back to the dysfunctional table.”

Caleb twists around at the sound of my name, and my stomach flutters as his soft brown eyes meet mine. Before I set my tray on the table, I quickly check around the lunchroom for any church friends, and when I don’t see them, I lean down to press a kiss into Caleb’s copper curls. He smells like coconut and comfort, and for a split second, I want nothing more than to bury my face in him.

“Hey, you,” Caleb says with a smile as I pull away, his cheeks tinted pink.

“Hey,” I reply as I settle into my seat. “So, what did I miss?”

Caleb scoots a few inches closer. “Honestly, I can barely keep up myself.”

“Oh, just the usual,” Elise replies, clearly not hearing Caleb’s response. “Oliver’s being the himbo of the group.”

From the other side of Caleb, Wren snorts as they drop their lunch tray on the table.

“Okay, rude,” Oliver snaps. “Although I appreciate that you think I’m hot. I’ll take it.”

Elise rolls her eyes. “That would be what you’d take from that.”

“Umm, excuse me,” Freddy chimes in. “The position of Group Himbo is already taken, thank you very much.”

“Aww,” Andrew coos, leaning into Freddy. “No one is taking that away from you, babe. There can be multiple himbos in a friend group.”

“Hang on, what qualifies someone as a himbo?” Harrison asks in his typical logical fashion.

“A himbo needs to be three things,” Elise declares, holding up a hand to count. “Buff and pretty, a total sweetheart, and dumb as a rock.”

Freddy gestures to himself. “Hello? That’s obviously me.” He glances over to Oliver. “Sorry, Ollie, but you’re not quite there yet.”

“You think he’s too smart to be a himbo?” I ask, quirking an eyebrow.

Freddy scoffs. “No, I mean he’s got no muscles!”

Oliver dramatically clutches his chest in feigned dismay. “What? No, I’m only missing the dumb part! I have muscles! I have oodles of muscles!”

“Oh, honey,” Caleb says, reaching past me to pat Oliver’s admittedly skinny forearm. “You’re very pretty.”

“And you’re sweet,” I add with a grin. “When you want to be.”

Oliver yanks his lanky arms out of our reach, folding them across his chest in an exaggerated pout. “Y’all are unbelievable.”

After a bit more giggling across the table, I finally turn my attention back to Oliver. “So what were you saying that got you called a himbo?”

“Well, I was going to set you up with your next big TikTok content, but apparently it’s not good enough,” Oliver replies defeatedly. “It seems that some people here don’t even want me to try.”

Elise sighs. “Oliver, you know that none of our parents are going to go for that.”

“Go for what?” Caleb asks before I can get the words out.

Oliver wraps an arm around me and rests his hand on Caleb’s shoulder, grinning ear to ear. “Picture it,” he says, outstretching his right arm over the lunch table. “We all spend a night at The Kendling Hotel.”

I inhale sharply. Oh.

“The what?” Freddy asks with a mouth full of sandwich.

“The Kendling Hotel,” Oliver repeats excitedly. “It’s a very old, very haunted hotel in downtown Atlanta, a few blocks away from Grady. Triple H did an episode on it like three years ago.”

I know exactly which hotel Oliver is referring to. I’d completely forgotten about it. My mind races as I immediately start to consider the logistics.

Harrison snorts. “A hotel near Grady? No way, man. My parents would never?—”

“Hold on, let me finish!” Oliver shouts. “Not just us! We’d have an adult chaperone.”

“What adult in their right mind would chaperone this lot?” Wren asks.

“My stepmom!” Oliver replies, leaning over further to answer Wren. “She’s been driving me crazy trying to plan something for me and my friends, and I think she’ll probably just let us do whatever we want.”

“What makes you think that?” Elise asks skeptically.

“Because she’s desperate for me to like her,” Oliver says, rolling his eyes. “She’s only in her thirties, so adulthood hasn’t completely smothered her lust for life yet. Honestly, she’d be pretty cool if she wasn’t such a try-hard. It’s kind of sad, really.”

“And what makes you think our parents will be okay with her being the chaperone?” Harrison asks. “I don’t even think she’s met my parents.”

He’s right. Even if my parents have met Oliver’s stepmom at some point, I highly doubt they’d be willing to entrust her with us for an overnight excursion. Especially in downtown Atlanta, where my father believes I’ll surely be murdered in cold blood the moment I enter the city limits. For someone who preaches about not living in fear, my dad certainly fears a lot of weird shit.

“I have a plan for that,” Oliver says casually. “Trust me, once I hand the reins to Ashley, she’ll win over all of your parents in a heartbeat.”

Harrison and I exchange dubious glances. “Look, Oliver, it’s a great idea on paper,” I offer. “But you know my parents. They’re not going to be that easy to convince.”

“Yeah,” Caleb adds. “Especially if I’m going to be there.”

My heart sinks. He’s right. I hate it, but he’s right.

Oliver pats me supportively on my arm. “Oh, ye of little faith. Let me handle this, all right? You’ll see!”

The table goes uncharacteristically quiet for a few moments, and I take the opportunity to reach for Caleb’s hand. He immediately accepts it and begins rubbing reassuring circles against my thumb. Despite Oliver’s optimism, I’m confident my parents will say no to this entire thing, so there’s no need to get my hopes up. I’m just thankful for a distraction. My brain has been a nightmare all day, unable to stop thinking about Saturday night on Caleb’s bed, my dad’s horribly timed text, and Jake’s casual use of the word “queer.” I’ve been avoiding my dad ever since. Maybe if enough time goes by, he’ll forget about it.

If only.

“So,” Freddy breaks the silence. “What’s so special about the Kendling Hotel? It sounds fancy.”

“It used to be one of the fanciest hotels in the state,” I answer, unable to stop myself from info-dumping. “It was constructed right at the turn of the century and was even one of the tallest buildings in Atlanta for a while. But in the thirties, there was a horrible fire. Like, really bad. One of the worst hotel fires in American history, I’m pretty sure.”

“Oh wow,” Andrew says with wide eyes. “Did a lot of people die?”

“Oh yeah. I think somewhere around one hundred and twenty people died, and dozens more were injured.”

“Holy shit,” Freddy mutters. “No wonder it’s haunted! And you guys want to spend the night there?”

“Freddy, have you ever met us?” Wren says with a chuckle. “That’s kind of our thing.”

“Um, it’s y’all’s thing,” Freddy replies. “I think I’ll pass. How about you, Andrew?”

“Yeah, I don’t mess with ghosts,” Andrew agrees. “Sorry, it’s a no for me, too.”

“Your loss,” Oliver says with a shrug.

Not long after, the lunch bell rings. As our group reluctantly parts ways to head to our respective classes, I stay close to Caleb’s side for as long as possible.

“Hey,” Caleb asks quietly. “I know I said it over text, but I really am sorry about the other night. I didn’t mean to get so carried away?—”

I shake my head to stop him. “Don’t be sorry. It wasn’t your fault.” I squeeze his hand and wish more than anything I could explain more, but I don’t want to upset him. I’ve put him through enough. I just want him to be happy. He deserves to be happy—he deserves so much more, but the least I can do is protect him from this. I smile reassuringly, hoping it’s enough to convince him. “I’m fine now. Don’t worry.”

Caleb studies me for a moment but eventually relents. “Okay. I’ll try not to.”

“Good.” I lift our clasped hands to my lips and kiss the back of his palm. “I love you, you know.”

“I know. And I love you, too.”

Warmth radiates in my chest. We love each other. And that’s all that matters.