Theoretically Perfect (Theoretically Straight #2)

20. Theo

I’ve never wanted to drink before. Not even once.

My parents, teachers, youth leaders, and pastors have spent years convincing me of the dangers of drugs and alcohol, and therefore, the inclination to indulge has literally never crossed my mind. It helps that my friend group, up until this point, hasn’t been interested in experimenting, either, but even if they had, I’m fairly certain I still would have declined their offers. Drinking never felt worth the consequences. And not just the illegal part, but it doesn’t even seem like it would be fun to do. For one thing, alcohol tastes gross—a fact that I discovered after my grandfather snuck me a sip of wine one Thanksgiving. For another, it makes you lose control of your own body, which makes my stomach flip just thinking about it. And worst of all, drinking makes people sick. My parents have plenty of horror stories from their youth—apparently, my dad drank a lot in college and spent far too many weekends getting drunk, passing out, waking up in an unfamiliar place, and puking his guts out the next morning. And quite frankly, that sounds like a nightmare. Why would anyone want to do that?

Tonight, however, I think I finally see the appeal. Watching Caleb’s cheeks flush and his lips fumble over his words with every sip of booze has been both enlightening and entertaining. Everyone is clearly having fun. Maybe losing control every once in a while isn’t as scary as I imagine. The key must be moderation, I suppose. If I didn’t have to drive home to my strict conservative parents in just forty-seven minutes, I might even be tempted.

Maybe next time.

For now, I want nothing more than to revel in the pure bliss of being cradled in Caleb’s arms. Everything is perfect here—tucked away from my father’s critical gaze, hidden from the world of expectations and the gnawing guilt that trails me at church. It’s freeing, being in his arms, letting the coil of anxious energy in my gut ease.

I could stay like this forever. Or at least for another thirty minutes.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, startling Caleb and prompting an annoyed groan from me.

“Shit, what time is it?” Caleb asks, shifting his legs to allow me to access my pocket.

I don’t even have to look to know the answer because I’ve been subtly checking the clock every few minutes. “It’s almost 11:20. I need to go soon, but not yet.” I pull out my phone to see a text from Harrison, and my heart sinks.

Harrison

Hey. Elise and I are home safe. Hope you guys are still having fun. Sorry if we spoiled the evening.

Theo

hey, glad you’re both safe…you didn’t spoil anything, man. I just hope everything’s okay…

do you want to talk about it?

Harrison

No.

“Is it Harry?” Caleb asks, gently rubbing my back.

“Yeah.”

“Are they okay?”

I swallow. “I don’t think so.”

Caleb presses his head to my shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

I sigh. “Me, too.”

Theo

everything is gonna be okay, dude, just give it time :)

you guys are solid. you’ll get through this.

I watch anxiously as the three dots appear and disappear a number of times. Harrison has never been a long-winded texter—he’d sooner just call if he has a lot to say or wait until we’re in person. Finally, his reply appears, and my heart plummets down to my gut.

Harrison

I guess we’ll see.

I squeeze my eyes shut. The fight must have been worse than I thought. Does this mean Harry and Elise are going to break up? No. Not a chance. I can’t even fathom it. They’re the strongest couple I know. Their relationship has always been the relationship golden standard—the epitome of true love, the ultimate example of what soulmates are supposed to look like. If a relationship like Harrison and Elise’s fails, then what hope is left for the rest of us?

Harrison

I’m going to bed. Go enjoy the rest of your time with Caleb while you still can.

Theo

okay…but I’m here if you need to talk, okay? you’re my best friend and I hate that you’re going through this.

Harrison

Thanks Theo. It means a lot. Goodnight.

“Theo?”

“Sorry,” I mutter, typing out a quick “goodnight” and sending it before stowing my phone back in my pocket. “I just…just wanted to make sure he was okay.”

Caleb doesn’t respond. Instead, he takes my hand in his, gently rubbing his thumb across my knuckles. I bury my face into his neck and inhale deeply, reminding myself of how little time I have left with Caleb like this. The moment I’m back home, I’ll have to hide this Theo. I’ll have to put up the perfect facade again.

I’m so tired.

“This party’s been quite the shitshow,” Caleb says with a sigh. “Everything is kind of falling apart.”

I shake my head. “No, no, it’s not,” I argue, pushing away so I can meet his eyes. “I’ve been having a blast. And so has everyone else. The Harry and Elise thing has nothing to do with?—”

Before I can finish, we’re all startled by a door slamming shut.

“I’m awake,” Oliver blurts abruptly from his beanbag after very obviously being asleep.

“Was that Freddy?” Caleb asks as he struggles to his feet. I quickly pull myself up and extend an arm to help him.

“I’m on it,” Wren announces, stumbling over to the stairs and starting up them. Caleb isn’t far behind, giving me an apologetic glance before disappearing with Wren.

“What happened?” Oliver asks groggily, rubbing his eyes with his fists. “Who’s slamming doors?”

“Hey, Theo?”

I turn to find Andrew standing behind me with his overnight bag slung over his shoulder. His blue eyes are bloodshot and puffy, and a spike of anxiety shoots up my spine. “Yeah, what’s up?”

“Do you mind giving me a ride home?”

I blink, dumbfounded for a moment before answering. “Um, well—” I glance at my watch. 11:28. “I have to be home by midnight, or my parents will kill me. Where do you live?”

“I’m right off of Pineview,” Andrew replies softly. “If it’s too far out of the way, it’s cool. I just…” he trails off, his gaze dropping to the floor. “I just want to go home.”

After a beat, I cast a glance at Oliver, who appears just as confused and surprised as I feel. I look back to Andrew and nod once. “Okay. Let me grab my things and let Caleb know.”

“Thank you,” Andrew whispers, gripping his bag tighter but relaxing his shoulders a bit with relief.

With that, I step away to find my own duffel bag, grab the jeans I arrived in, and quickly change upstairs in the half-bathroom. I check my watch again—11:33—and make my way down the hallway to find Caleb. Before long, I hear muffled voices from behind Caleb’s bedroom door and pause before knocking.

“—so stupid. Why would I say that? Who says something like that? What the fuck was I thinking? I’m such an idiot!”

“No, you’re not, Freddy,” Wren interrupts Freddy’s broken cries. “He just wasn’t ready, that’s all.”

“You don’t know that,” Freddy counters.

“You’re right, we don’t,” Caleb chimes in. “But neither do you. He’s a good guy, Freddy. I’m sure there must be a reason why he didn’t say it back. You just need to give him some time.”

“Maybe he’ll never be ready,” Freddy’s choked voice continues. “What if I ruined everything tonight? How will I ever forgive myself for chasing off the one good relationship I’ll ever have?”

“Freddy–”

“See, this is exactly why I don’t do this shit,” Freddy continues. “I’m not built for relationships.”

There’s a pause, so I take the opportunity to give the door a quick knock. A moment later, Caleb cracks open the door and slips outside. His eyes land on my duffel bag, and his shoulders slump. “Shit, you have to leave now, don’t you?”

“Yeah, and, um…Andrew asked me for a ride home,” I add, rubbing the back of my neck.

Caleb’s eyes flash with surprise. “Do you have time?”

“Yeah, if we leave now, I can make it.”

Caleb sighs, then nods. “Okay.” He leans forward and wraps his arms around me, and I melt into him. “I’ll tell Freddy,” he adds quietly.

“Thank you,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry all of this is happening, babe.”

“Not your fault,” he mumbles, then pulls away. “You should go so you don’t get in trouble.”

I nod and try to smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah. Tomorrow.”

Caleb holds my gaze for another moment or two, and before I can overthink it, I grip his shoulder and pull him in for a kiss. It barely lasts more than a second, but it’s enough to prompt a soft moan from Caleb’s throat, which fans the flames of desire in my gut. Chill bumps prickle up and down my arms, and I want nothing more than to slip my tongue into his mouth, run my fingers through his soft curls, press our bodies together up against the wall until?—

Focus, Theo. Focus.

“Love you,” I mumble against his lips, forcing myself to step away.

Caleb releases a shaky breath but quickly recovers. “Love you, too. Drive safe.”

I finally peel away, returning to the pillow pit downstairs to find Andrew and Oliver right where I left them. I turn to Andrew with determination. “Ready to go?”

Andrew gives me a short nod but says nothing.

“Should I be worried?” Oliver asks, expression tight and uncharacteristically serious.

I drop my gaze and fumble with my keys in my pocket. “About what?”

Oliver scoffs. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe about our friend group literally falling apart in real-time?”

Shit. “I sure hope not,” I answer honestly. When Oliver doesn’t respond after a beat, I sigh. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

Oliver doesn’t answer. He simply watches Andrew and I leave without another word.

The short drive to Andrew’s house is mostly silent other than Semler’s soft vocals playing over Eileen’s stereo. But the silence is anything but comfortable. I’m not sure if I should ask about his and Freddy’s fight or just mind my own business. Andrew and I have barely spoken at all outside of just hanging out as a group—wouldn’t it be weird to start now? Or should I speak up because I might know what he’s going through? He’s also a queer Christian guy dating a non-religious boy that doesn’t understand what it’s like to feel guilty about everything. Maybe we can help each other. Maybe?—

“Can I ask you something, Theo?”

Okay, that works, too, I guess. “Yeah, shoot.”

Andrew doesn’t hesitate. “Have you and Caleb started saying ‘I love you’ to each other yet?”

I smile, grateful that it’s an easy question. “Oh, yeah,” I reply. “Ages ago.”

He bristles, looking at me. “How many ages ago?”

“I think it was like a month into our relationship,” I answer casually, despite the fact that I can name the exact date, time, and place we first said the words aloud to each other.

“Seriously?” Andrew asks incredulously. “That soon?”

I shrug. “Yeah, but I mean, every relationship is different. It’s okay if it took you guys a little longer. Caleb and I had a bit of a dramatic start to our relationship.” I glance at him to gauge his reaction, but it’s too dark to read his expression. “Why? How long did it take you guys?”

Andrew doesn’t answer. He stares straight ahead for several moments, and it’s just enough time for me to finally catch on.

“Oh. Oh, shit, I’m—I’m sorry, that was dumb of me to assume—I shouldn’t have?—”

“It’s chill,” Andrew says with a weak chuckle. “It’s just further proof that I’m a heartless jerk, and Freddy deserves better.”

Taken aback, I shake my head. “What are you talking about?”

“Forget it,” Andrew mutters. “I don’t want to drag you into our mess.” Before I can protest, he points at a modest brick house up ahead. “This is me, up here on the right.”

Sure enough, we’ve arrived. As I pull into Andrew’s driveway, I check the clock on the dashboard—11:49 P.M. I’m only about five minutes from home, so in theory, I still have time to offer some advice or at least hear him out. “Hey, if you want to talk?—”

“I appreciate it, bro,” Andrew interrupts. “But honestly, it’s probably over between Freddy and me, anyway, so you might not be seeing me around after tonight.”

Shit. I try to think of something to say, but I’m too stunned to speak. What the fuck happened tonight?

“Thanks again for the ride,” Andrew says, unbuckling his seatbelt and lifting his bag up from the floorboard.

I manage a weak smile. “Of course, man. Anytime.”

“For what it’s worth,” he continues, finally meeting my eyes. “I’ve always thought you’re a really good friend and boyfriend. I hope Freddy finds someone who can love him like you love Caleb someday.”

I stare blankly at him. “Oh. Well?—”

“See you around, Theo.”

Before I have the chance to respond, Andrew opens the car door, stands, slings his bag over his shoulder, and shuts the door behind him, leaving me even more unnerved than I already was.

Sunday, March 24

“Are you absolutely sure we’re not going to get in trouble for this?”

I roll my eyes. “Yes, Harry, I’m sure. Jake’s covering for me for at least the next thirty minutes. Now, spill.”

It took far more convincing than I expected to get Harrison into the loft. Initially, he didn’t believe the room existed—which is fair, given I only just learned of it from Jake a few weeks ago, and Harrison and I have been going to this church for most of our lives. Then, Harrison was insistent that we were falling for some elaborate trap set by my and Jake’s fathers to catch us skipping church. Now that I finally have Harry here alone, I can only assume he’s stalling because he just doesn’t want to talk about what happened last night.

I can’t say I blame him, but he has to talk about it sooner or later. Right?

Harrison sighs. “Okay, fine.” His shoulders slump. “Elise and I decided we’re taking a break.”

There it is. My worst fears are all coming true. “Taking a break? But why? What does that even mean?” I run a frustrated hand through my hair. “What the hell happened last night?”

“I don’t know, Theo,” Harrison admits, burying his face in his hands. “You’ve met her. You know how she gets when she’s upset. She doesn’t make any sense and absolutely refuses to listen to logic. She won’t even try, and I–I can’t take it anymore, man. So, instead of talking her down or biting my tongue like I usually do when we fight, I just agreed that we should spend some time apart for a while.” He shrugs. “And that was that. She didn’t even try to argue.”

The room goes quiet, and it’s only then that I realize that my leg is bouncing rather audibly, so I stand and pace the floor. I blame the fancy espresso machine.

“So that’s it?” I blurt. “You and Elise are over, just like that?”

Harrison shrugs.

“After, what, four years?”

“Almost five, actually.”

“Jesus.”

Harrison sighs. “Maybe it’s for the best. We’ve been fighting a lot lately. Like, way more than usual.”

I glance back at him. His shoulders are slumped in defeat, but he definitely doesn’t seem as distraught as I’m sure I’d be in his shoes. “But that’s…kind of what you guys have always done. Like an old married couple, right?”

He shakes his head. “Not lately. We used to just bicker over silly, stupid stuff. But now…it’s different.”

“How?”

“Just different , Theo.”

I fold my arms across my chest. “Well, have y’all tried talking about it?”

Harrison’s eyes roll to the back of his head. “Oh, wow, Theo, what a novel idea! We haven’t tried talking about it before! Gee, maybe we should try it!”

Ouch. “Okay, sorry, that was?—”

“Boy, we sure are lucky to have you and your expert relationship advice!”

“Dude, come on?—”

“Of course we’ve fucking talked about it, Theo,” Harrison growls, his tone no longer dripping with sarcasm. “She says I don’t listen to her, but I know I do. I say she’s too critical of me and always complains about everything I do, but she claims that’s not true. Every fight—big or small, silly or serious—everything boils down to that stuff. And neither one of us is willing to budge, so I guess we’re at an impasse.”

The reality of the situation begins to set in, and I return to my spot next to Harrison.

“I’m sorry, man. I’m not trying to beat you up about this. I just want to make sure you’re okay. If this is what you want right now, then I’m behind you.”

Harrison lets out another deep sigh. “I don’t really have another option. I still love her, I think. But everything is different now. It’s like we’ve been holding onto the cracked pieces of this relationship for so long, and now that we’ve let them go, they’re shattered all over the ground. I don’t know if it’s something that can be put back together, you know?”

“It’s gonna be okay, Harry.”

“I haven’t been by myself in a really long time,” he continues, a sad laugh breaking through his scowl. “I don’t really know who I am apart from her.”

“Maybe it’s a good time to figure it out?” I suggest.

“Yeah. Maybe.”