Thick as Thieves (The Greystone Family: Stolen Hearts #3)

Chapter 14

14

Xander

Scotland

I get in two days before anyone else. Himself is waiting for me. He looks at me and just shakes his head. “Let’s go have a wee dram.” He smiles, after kissing me welcome in his highland way, then dives right into business. “This party is very elaborate. How many are coming?”

“Not many this year. Only really close friends and family. About forty, I think. Usually we have well over a hundred.”

“What’s the black tent for? I notice you’ve built a balcony in it.”

“It’s a sex show, Dad,” I say bluntly.

“Oh, I better tell Morag then, from the pub. Don’t want to put her off.” His eyes twinkle.

“It might not,” I laugh at him.

“Xander, the farthest the woman has been is Inverness. She’ll be travelling well beyond that if you’re in charge of it all.” He laughs with gusto at his own joke.

“Maybe you need to ask one of your London ladies, then.” I look at him out of the corner of my eye. The old fox thinks I don’t know about him, but I always have.

“No, I like Morag well enough. Maybe it’ll be a good test for her. If she can cope with that, she might be the woman for me.” He looks very wistful all of a sudden, it’s not a look I’ve ever really seen from him.

“Did you ever have a woman you loved?” I ask him. We’ve never really talked about his marriage to the woman who gave birth to me.

“Yes, I did. But she married someone else, so…” He takes a big gulp of his whisky.

“Did you ask her to be with you?”

“No, not outright, but she knew I loved her. And even though I was arranged to marry your mother, she knew I would have changed the plan. But I was not brave enough, Xander, to go for what I wanted. I left it. And other than you, I’ve lived that part of my life with lots of regrets. I had, and do still have, a lot of love to give. There’s still life in these old bones.” He pats his legs, and then his heart.

“You’re not that old. Sixty and still going strong,” I compliment him.

“Exactly, son. So I’ll warn Morag. Hopefully she’ll stay, but if not, then, onwards still searching.” I look at him watching me. His blue eyes, the image of mine, fixed on me.

“Dad, just say it, whatever it is. I can hear the wheels turning.”

“Be brave, my boy. Make that decision.”

“Which decision is it you think I need to make? You said that to me back in November.” I’m getting annoyed with him. He talks in riddles some of the time, and mostly it’s amusing, but not tonight.

“Yes, and look at the state of you. And we’re only in March.” His face is going red, and I can feel he’s frustrated with me.

“Which decision? I fucking left them alone. I went to LA. What else can I do?” I shrug helplessly. I’m shaking my head at him. “They have kids together. Even if their marriage doesn’t last, the kids will. Marcus will definitely not give up his children, any of them now. He’s the happiest I’ve seen him in a long time, so she’ll always be around in some way shape or form.”

He sits with his hands steepled, looking over at me, his face so like mine glaring.

“What the fuck, Dad?”

“The woman I loved”—he’s pointing at me now—“I would have taken her with or without another man.” He pauses then states. “And I did not love the man like you love Marcus Russell.”

I sit back, shocked. I’ve never spoken to Dad about Marcus or any of my love life, sex life, any of it. Although he must have seen it, everyone has, it’s well publicised. He’s never got on about it before, he’s never told me to stop, or asked me any questions.

“And Evie,” he puts in, “like you love her.”

I shake my head. “It’s complicated,” I say.

“No, it’s really not,” he spits out at me.

I look at him in surprise. “How can you say that when they’re married?” My tone is incredulous. He’s losing it.

“So, the simple thing is, do you love them? And do they love you? And by love, I mean full on with every fucking benefit.”

I laugh. He hardly swears, whereas every other word out my mouth is a fucking expletive. I decide to go for it, full and total disclosure. Any fallout, I’ll deal with it. Whatever the outcome. I feel like time is running out, on what I have no idea. But I feel it, like grains of sand through my fingers.

“Marcus does. I’ve asked him and he would. It’s Evie.”

“Have you asked her?”

“No, he’s terrified she’ll leave us. He’s worried she’ll think we’ve been playing her." I hold my hands out to him.

“Well you have to a certain extent—playing at lying to yourselves. He should have told her at the beginning.”

I look at him, confused. “Tell her what? There’s really been nothing to tell. We’re not full on. It’s all been very casual in the past. We do our own thing. He goes his way, I go mine. We’re not together, never have been.”

“Do you want to be full on with her and him?” He uses my words back at me and I hardly pause before I answer.

“Yes.” Raising my eyes to the heavens, I sigh out a relieved breath. Just saying it out loud is amazing, totally freeing.

“Well, be brave, Xander. There’s only one way to find out. Don’t live with ifs, buts, or maybes. Take it from me, it’s no way to live.”

I consider what my Dad has said all day, heading down to my workshop at the side of the Loch. Losing myself in sculpting, focusing on my hands, letting my thoughts run free, his words whirring round my head on replay.

Evie arrives the next day and her eyebrows go up when she sees the tent down by the Loch. “Really? You couldn’t have been more original?”

I shrug and smirk. “It works, doesn’t it.”

“Can I go see it?” She has the babies with her, as well as Betty and Tommy. “Betty, you go and get settled. Tommy and I’ll take the twins for a look.”

The nanny looks like she wants to go and see, but turns away as Aileen, the housekeeper—and my assistant midwife—comes out of the house to welcome her in. With Sorley nestled in my arms, and Tommy doing the same with Lochi, we walk down to the Loch and enter the tent.

Evie takes in the booths set wide apart on the ground floor and she baulks when she spots the stage. Her body goes as stiff as a board. I watch her gulp and blow out an indiscernible breath. She turns away from me as I watch her eyes close, and she physically pulls herself together, pushing the confidence into her voice as she asks, “Why the balcony?” her face is puzzled as she looks up at the structure.

“Come on up.” I show her the stairs and how the balcony is sectioned off into individual rooms.

“This looks complicated,” she says, peering into the makeshift rooms, a booth but nothing else in each one. “It's a bit boring for you, isn’t it? No paraphernalia.” She wafts her hand around dismissively.

“Wow, Kitten, what a difference a year makes.” I grin like a devil at her.

She starts to laugh. “But what a year. So what’s the drill?” She’s all curiosity.

“It's a masquerade, and some people have been invited as twins.” I watch her face carefully. “Anything goes as long as you can explain it. Others have been invited as singles. Singles will be given a number to go match, and they can choose the twins or singles, whatever they want.”

She’s taking it all in, and I can feel the apprehension flowing from her. I’m not sure I’ve alleviated any fears, so I continue to chat, light and breezy, hoping it puts her more at ease.

“Everyone has rooms on the estate. We’ve used the main house for very close family, but the fairy house now has twenty rooms, and there are some others across the property, all very private.”

Her face is totally blank now. Never a great Greystone look. But I carry on with the explanations.

“There’s food in the Great Hall, but as we’re short on time, there’s no sit down meal——just help yourself and see the show at any point from 11:00 p.m. til midnight, then free to do what you will.”

I open my arms out wide, grinning at her as I do. Trying to keep the positive vibe.

She looks a bit shocked, her mind going into overdrive. “I haven’t been asked to be a twin. Does that mean I’m a single then? Kell hasn’t said a word.”

“Stop worrying. Kellen will be here, and he’ll explain,” I reassure her, pulling her towards me for a hug.

But he isn’t. He isn’t here, and there’s no explanation. It’s 7:00 p.m. on his birthday and he’s still travelling. Most of the guests are on time. Kellen and my bandmates, a no show.

The decision is made to carry on without him. I go up to see Evie in her room. “Still on his way, Kitten,” I say walking in.

She’s in her bra and knickers. Betty is just taking the boys out before their dinner. At least she makes no comments about my being there.

“That’s about right, and he won’t get here. Honestly, why leave so late?” She’s annoyed with him. And I also see the anxiety in her face. She’s worried after last year, everything that happened. She needed to be comforted, reassured. Not left and abandoned. But this time it really isn’t his fault. I see all the missed calls on her phone.

“He’s been trying to call you.” I point at the phone. “They couldn’t find Gabe. He’d gone out and gone rogue. They had to call Jonno in the end, on the off chance he’d rigged his phone.” I try to explain, flapping my arms at her, mimicking them all running around like headless chickens.

She finally starts to laugh at the absurdity of it all. “Could James have not found him?”

“They’d already gone on to the next festival a few hours before, after they’d all celebrated Marcus’s early birthday bash. Gabe had gotten left in the strip club.”

She rolls her eyes. “You are all so cliché. A strip club? Really? Are we living in the 1980s?”

I sit down on the bed and pick up a photo book from the bed and start to flick through it, smiling at the photos from this year. The twins, Evie, James, Bucky, me, everyone actually. And little things, bits of baby clothing that smell like the twins.

She stands next to me, with a T-shirt on now. “Do you like it? It's his birthday present? I thought he could take us with him, wherever you all go.” She touches my hair as she says it. “I’ve started one for you for your birthday. I’m telling you now so you can ask me for it.” She looks at me with a sly smirk.

“He’ll love it, I’ll love it, yes, do me one please.” l pull her towards me, my hand on her hip. The book rests in my lap, and as she stands between my thighs, my fingers brush against her silky soft skin. I look up at her through my lashes, not bothering to shutter my emotions or my gaze. I don’t think I could if I tried.

“This is beautiful,” I mutter as I flip through more of the pages. “Some of these pictures are truly amazing.” It’s a picture perfect story. A family that loves each other. The twins as newborns. A candid shot of Marcus holding them both, his face raw with love. James and Bucky kissing Evie in Brazil. Eamonn holding the twins, sat in the bed with Evie, looking proudly at the camera.

I stop on one of me reclining in a chair with one of the boys on my chest. I remember Dad taking the photo. I was singing to Lochi. I don’t think I could describe the emotions on my face if I tried.

My chest feels like someone is hacking at it. Is this what I’ll miss out on, what my Dad missed out on? I fucking won’t. I won’t.

“Do you want to know what we ask each other for, both of us, for our birthdays?” It’s so random, she looks down at me in surprise.

“You don’t have to say. It’s not a problem for me not to know.” She smiles shyly at me, remembering how she’s harassed me over it. She knew what she was doing, but was never really prying.

“It is actually,” I say, putting down the book. I pat the bed next to me, and she sits.

“I’m a bit worried now. Is it not good Xander? Should you say?” She tries to lighten the mood. “Don’t you get bored of the same thing?”

She laughs, but I can hardly get my words out. I make a strangled noise and say, “No, I’ll never get bored of it. Never.” I rush on, in too deep now. “Himself,” I state.

“Your Dad?” she asks, confusion on her face thinking of the title my dad uses everyday.

“No.” I’m shaking my head at her as I explain, “I ask Marcus for himself, and he does the same to me.”

She looks at me unblinking as she processes it. “As in, you have sex with each other.” She’s trying to clarify my words. Pigeonhole them.

I shrug. “Whatever way he asks for. Sometimes sex, sometimes not. Regardless, I give it to him, no boundaries, nothing.” My heart is racing, my breathing becoming laboured. Panicked that I’ve just jettisoned god knows what into our lives.

“And he does the same to you? He asks you for yourself in whatever format he wants?” I nod, not taking my eyes from her. “And you give yourself over to him, no questions?” I nod again.

I feel sick, unqualifiedly sick, but I also feel fucking free. At last she knows the full extent of our relationship.

She sits, saying nothing, and then she completely surprises me and asks, “So why am I here then?”

I swallow down the lump in my throat, and grip her hands, I can’t let her go. “He won’t do anything unless you agree, he’s already told me that.”

Her laugh is hollow and dread grips my heart as she turns away from me. The register of her voice is so low. It sounds dead, devoid of emotion. “You don’t need my permission. We’re not together all the time. You’re on tour together. You could do it at any point and I would be none the wiser.” She looks at me, her eyes laser focused now. “That’s not the, ‘why am I here?’ I was referring to.” Her voice is quiet, but there’s an edge creeping into it.

Now it’s my turn to be so confused. “I wouldn’t want to hurt you, Evie. I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

When she stands up as if she’s going to leave, I stand to make sure I can grab her. She can’t leave not like this. I haven’t fully explained anything.

“Is this a joke to you both? Am I just a womb for Marcus? Was it an experiment?” Her voice rises with each question and I can hear the panic in it. “Or was it to get back at me? For walking away all those years ago? Something you both cooked up?” She’s aggressively pointing her finger at me now. “I told you why I left, it was genuine. Could you not have called it off then, all this? Or did you need to go further to hurt me more?”

She draws herself up. Trying to hang onto her emotions. “Force me to marry him, force the proximity. Fall back in love with you both and then give me a kicking. Take my children, take my sons?”

Her dam of emotions is starting to break. And so am I. “Did you want me to feel what it was like when people leave you? Well, I fucking know, Xander. I had to leave you both back then. I died every fucking day. Every. Day.” Tears are pooling in her eyes. “I even humiliated myself at that fucking house. Is that what you’ve done, what you wanted? When were you going to stop? WHEN, XANDER?”

She’s shouting at the top of her voice and I’m hanging onto her for grim death. “No, get off me, Xander.” She pushes at me. Wrestles out of my death grip.

Her voice is quiet when she goes on, the terrible one. She’s shutting down, pulling away. “I always knew you loved him, always, and not like a brother. I KNEW.” Tears are starting to trickle down her face. “I tried not to come between you, but you both kept coming for me. I tried so hard to spend time with you both, because I knew you loved him, Xan, and he loved you. He would never be happy without you, and I didn’t want to take him from you. But he survived eighteen years without me.”

Her voice cracks on the last words. She looks at the ceiling, and I feel like I can’t breathe. “Is it not enough for you, Xander, that you have his heart, his love? Why would you both do this? You have my sons, you don’t need me. You could have just left me alone.”

She’s fully crying now and trying to push me away. “I’ve lost my friends, and now you’re coming for my family.”

Sobbing, her legs buckle and she falls to the floor.

I get on my knees and pull her to me, tears running down my face. “No, No, No, Kitten, you’ve got it wrong.” I’m clutching onto her as she tries to bat me off, her sobs cutting me in half, twisting my guts into knots.

“Let me go, Xander. Please let me go. Whilst there’s something left of me.” She’s begging. I have never heard her beg anyone for anything. And it’s crushing my soul. What the fuck have I done?

I pull her to me and, holding her so fucking tight, say into her ear, “No. Never. Never. I love you, Evie. I am in love with you. He loves you. He is in love with you. We are both in love with you. We will never let you go. Be with us. Let me love you. Let me give you everything I have.”

I don’t think she can hear me. I don’t think she understands. “I always knew you were a hard man underneath the laughs. I saw it in you many times, Xan, and I still loved you. But you’re being cruel, both of you. Please, just let me go.”

I’m shaking my head at her. My face is serious, deadpan. She must listen. Intent on making her hear me, I try again. “We want you, both of us. I’ve wanted you both since I was a teenager. Only, I didn’t know it. I didn’t get it until I was older. I want him, and yes he wants me, but he wants you, but so do I. I’ve told you enough times that I love you. You thought it was as a friend, but it wasn’t.”

She’s shaking her head. Fuck no, please don’t be a no. I go on, dead set on convincing her. “I want you the same way he does. As a wife. As a lover. As EVERYFUCKINGTHING. I want it all!” I’m shouting now and banging my chest, my heart is beating out of it. “I want it with you, but also him, all of us together. But he’s scared you’ll leave.” I point to my heart, “I’d rather you fucking leave than live this fucking lie and half-life we’re all living.”

I am in her face, my eyes wide and ready to stop her from leaving, certain she can feel the energy beating us to death in the room. “You’ve wanted to know what it is I ask for, what he asks for. Well, that is what I want, that’s it. I won’t apologise for it, but I don’t just want it for his birthday or mine. I want it for my fucking life. We’ve never played by any rules that were set out for us at birth. You know that. We’re not conventional men, never have been. But you’re the same. You’re the fucking same as us.”

I pull her onto the bed, holding her as she cries. Fuck, fuck, fuck. “Give us a chance, please.”

She sits up suddenly. “Who’s next? Levi? Gabe? I told you both I don’t want communal sex, it’s not what I want.” She is trying to push me away again and go.

“Not a chance. Stay, Evie. I don’t want sex. I can get that anywhere. I want fucking love. I want yours, ours. I’ve never made you any promises that I haven’t kept. I want you and I want him, completely and irrevocably. I’m not interested in anyone else. If that dream comes true for me, you, both of you, are it for me. Think about it, Evie. I know it’s a lot. it’s not something I expect you’ll understand right away, but I want it with every bit of me and my heart.”

She sits and then asks, “Does he? Does he want it all? Is it not enough then—me, the twins, James and Bucky—he wants more?” She laughs harshly. “I should’ve known we wouldn’t have been enough for him. Marcus fucking have-it-all Russell. And you, you’re no different. Take what you want when you want it. Leave it all behind when you’re done.” She stares at me, her eyes hard, protecting herself. “Why hasn’t he asked, the coward?”

“Too scared you’ll leave, worried you’d do what you’ve done. Assume it’s another step to an orgy. He knows he fucked up in France. He’d lost it, he was consumed by you. I wanted to be consumed by you. And none of us have been the same since.”

I take her hand, she just looks at me, blank. Fuck, I need to get her back.

“I needed to tell you, it’s me that’s pushing it, not Kell. We want to be with you, both of us.” I have tears in my eyes as I look into hers. “We’ll wait, I’ll wait, we want to be here with you. I want it all, and I know that’s selfish, but I do. I want you, with everything that I am, and it only got stronger when you had those babies. I want us to be a family. A big, fucked-up family, but one that loves each other. Because I have never loved anyone like I love you and Kell.”