Those Words I Dread (Tales of the Tuath Dé #1)

20

2 0

Julien didn’t sleep very well on the sofa, and his wrist ached when he woke up. He tried to slip by Noah, who had fallen asleep on the floor beside him, but the witch stirred at the sound of his step and sat up as Julien reached for the door.

“You can’t,” he said, scrambling to his feet to get between the hunter and the door.

“I’m just going back to my apartment,” Julien promised.

“Shouldn’t you…take a break? I mean, your wrist is broken, and you were unconscious, and that’s super bad for you. Shouldn’t you have a rest before you start back with all this fairy crap?”

“It isn’t going to stop being dangerous just because I’m injured, Noah.”

“But you said he’s with that rich kid now. Either the kid’s dead already or you’ve got some time, right? That wrist needs rest, and who knows what kind of lingering effects that sleep might have had on you? So why don’t you take a few days off, you know, take a vacation somewhere out of town maybe? We could even go together, like a road trip or something,” he rambled, unable to look Julien in the eye. He really didn’t want to tell him the reason neither of them would be safe leaving the apartment.

Julien’s eyes narrowed slightly, and he looked past the witch at the charcoal markings on the wall. “Is this meant to keep me in?”

“It’s to keep people out,” Noah answered with a sigh. This wasn’t a secret he could keep. He took a deep breath to steel himself as he peeked up at the hunter’s glaring hazel eyes. “It’s just to hide the door. Look, Julien, something…happened. While you were out.”

Julien frowned down at him, his voice low and too calm. “What kind of a something?”

“It wasn’t my fault,” Noah began, which probably didn’t do much to help his case. “I found you lying there, and I went to help you, and then they just showed up.”

“Who showed up?”

Noah shrunk slightly at the dangerous tone in the other man’s voice, and his mouth went dry. “Cops. Two of them. They said there were gunshots. What are you thinking firing guns in our apartment building anyway?”

“I didn’t fire any guns.”

“Well somebody did, because the cops sure beat down the door when they got here.”

“Noah, what did you do?” Julien asked, scowling down at him.

“I didn’t hurt them,” he said immediately. “I mean, bruises maybe, but they were fine.”

The hunter stepped closer to him, forcing the witch’s back against the door. “What did you do?” he said again.

Noah could feel his pulse quickening. He wanted to move—he couldn’t open the door if he had to escape, and he didn’t like how close Julien was. It wasn’t the kind of closeness he had wanted. If the hunter tried to hit him, would he have time to move? “Look, I had to, okay?” He was painfully aware of the tremble in his voice. “You were hurt, and they would have arrested both of us. You can’t go to jail. I can’t go to jail. It was the only way. Nobody’s going to believe them anyway.”

“You worked magic in front of them?”

He flinched. “I had to. I only did as much as I needed to get us away.”

“Noah, I thought you knew better,” Julien growled. “You can’t just do whatever you like! You have a responsibility—”

“I was saving your dumb ass from a jail cell or worse!” he countered. “You think the police would have been able to wake you from that sleep? I did that. I did that for you.”

“Je m’en sacre! You cannot do magic in front of people! And worse, you used it to attack them!”

“I just—I just pinned them down,” Noah said, desperate to calm the hunter down. Julien had never shouted at him before; the normally soft-spoken hunter had turned aggressive and accusing, and it sent a wash of painful memories over him. “They weren’t hurt, and it would have worn off in a little while. They probably got right up! I was trying to help!”

“I don’t need this kind of help!” Julien snapped. “This is a dangerous road, and if you start down it, you know I won’t be able to let you go.”

Noah looked up at the hunter’s face with a pit settling in his stomach. There it was. Julien might have thought he had a good heart, he might call him his friend, but when it came down to it, magic was magic, and magic was dangerous. Noah was a witch, and to Julien, a witch was no different from a demon, or a vampire, or any other dangerous creature. Not human. “I was just trying to help,” he said again, a little weaker.

Julien snorted at him, turning away to pace across the living room. “So now, what, we stay in here and hide? There is more work to be done,” he added in an accusing tone as he looked back at the younger man.

“You know they’ll be looking for you. They’ll be looking for me, too. I’ve hidden the door, but it won’t help if you go out.” Noah pushed away from the door and skirted the room to avoid getting too close to Julien, hesitating near his bedroom door. “It’s your life, Julien. If you want to go, I’m not going to stop you. But you’re welcome to stay until we can figure out what to do. If you can stand to be here,” he added softly, and he stepped into the bedroom and shut the door behind him, leaving the hunter alone.

Julien paused, opening his mouth to answer as Noah clicked the door shut, but then he stopped and gave a short sigh. He needed a cigarette. The witch had just been trying to help, Julien knew. But using magic to get away from the police was not something he could condone. He had already let him go too far with the door man the other day. If he let Noah think that he approved, the boy might do even riskier things, and Julien didn’t want to be forced to take action. He had to be harsh.

He glanced back at the door and the charcoal markings surrounding it. The police would definitely still be watching the apartment. Noah was right—it would be dangerous to leave now. He needed a plan first, some way to take care of the fairy for good, and then he could leave Vancouver with a clear conscience. Noah might have to move, but it would be easy for him to disappear in the city.

He heard the shower start in the next room and moved over to the witch’s bookshelf, scanning the aging spines for anything that might be helpful. Julien had imagined the gean cánach would be more clever than powerful, but the fairy had broken his wrist without a second thought. Even if he was prepared, Julien didn’t like his chances with the creature one-on-one after their last encounter. He was surprised he had only been put to sleep, rather than killed. It was possible the fairy was waiting to see how he responded, to see if he had allies who would take his place if he was gone. It wasn’t likely that the thing had just been merciful.

Julien ran his fingers along a row of books and plucked one out, resting it on the shelf so that he could flip it open with one hand. It was in Latin. Not much help. Did Noah read Latin? He realized there was very little he actually knew about the boy despite how much help he had been over the last few months. He slipped the book back into its place and paused. Noah had been a great help. A witch who seemed to want to do good, was knowledgeable, and was strong enough to break an enchanted sleep set by the fairy himself. Julien glanced at the closed bedroom door. Maybe the fairy wasn’t the only one he had been underestimating.

He sat down on the couch to wait for Noah, listening for the creak of the old pipes as the water shut off behind the wall. Noah reappeared before long, rubbing a towel over his wet hair, and he stopped short in the doorway.

“You’re…still here,” he said as Julien turned to face him. “I thought maybe you’d run off to hide under an overpass until you co uld break back into that kid’s apartment.”

“I wanted to ask you something.”

Noah held his damp towel in both hands as Julien approached him, wishing suddenly that he had put on a shirt. “Yeah?” he said, attempting to sound careless, but having the hunter stand so close to him was a little frightening given their recent conversation.

“A few years ago, I was tracking a woman outside Montreal, in Saint-Jér?me. A witch,” he added pointedly, making Noah want to retreat from him. “This woman had killed an entire colony of dryads living near her home. She said they were infringing on her garden. I caught up to her just as she was clearing out the last of them, and I saw her use a spell I hadn’t seen before and haven’t since—it seemed to drain the life out of the spirits in an instant, turning them to dust right in front of me.”

Noah swallowed. He knew the spell. It was dangerous to the user and devastating to the victim. He’d never met a witch who would dare to try it, but he’d heard it whispered about in a few dingy apothecaries. It was supposed to be able to kill just about anything, which was saying something in a world where things like dryads could be the least of your worries. It was said to drain the spirit from the victim, emptying it of life until nothing but a husk remained.

“Do you know anything like that, Noah?” Julien asked in a low voice.

Noah instinctively took a step backward. Was this a test? If he said he did know it, did that mean Julien suspected he would use it? He had used some defensive magic on a couple of cops, and now Julien thought he was a killer? Noah had hoped he’d done enough to earn the hunter’s trust—had he ruined it just by trying to help?

“I’ve…heard of something like that,” he admitted softly.

“Have you heard of it, or do you know it?”

Noah looked up into Julien’s frowning face, watching his hazel eyes for a hint as to what he was thinking. Julien had called him his friend—as painful as that had been, having the hunter think of him as a threat was far worse. He wouldn’t lie to him and get himself in even deeper.

“I know it,” the witch said. “But it’s not—”

“Could you do it?” Julien interrupted him. “Could you cast a spell like that?”

“What? Why?”

“It kills spirits, doesn’t it? What’s a fairy if not a spirit?”

Noah’s eyes widened with realization, and his mouth dropped open for a moment before he could answer. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

The hunter gave a grim nod. “It’s killing people, Noah. It’s dangerous. We can stop it. You can stop it.”

“Are you kidding me? Do you know how risky that spell is? Even if you do it right, it can put the caster in the hospital. It’s powered by your own energy, and even people who’ve done it successfully…” He shook his head. “If it backfires—and it’s very likely to backfire—it can kill you. Why would I want to do that?”

“Because you’re a strong witch, and I believe you can do it. Because you can help me put an end to this.”

“But you—” Noah started, and he let out a sigh of disbelief, pacing a quick circle in his bedroom before sitting at the foot of the creaky bed. “You got angry at me just for casting in front of people at all, and now you’re asking me to use my magic to kill someone?”

“Some thing ,” Julien clarified. “This isn’t a person. It’s a monster.”

Noah dropped his towel beside him and shook his head, leaning his elbows on his knees. “The woman you were tracking—the one you saw cast this spell. What happened to her?”

Julien frowned at him. “I put her down. She was killing the dryads for no reason; she was clearly insane. She used her magic for personal gain,” he added with a pointed nod that made Noah’s shoulders slump. “Who knows what she might have done if I’d let her be? Who else would have suffered for an unknowing infraction?”

“You put her down,” Noah echoed quietly. He looked up at the hunter with an unpleasant churning in his stomach. “And what about me, Julien? If I do this for you, will I be a monster when I’m done?”

“You’ll be doing something good ,” he answered.

“This is crazy. This whole thing is crazy.” Noah stood and stepped closer to him, looking up into the larger man’s face and trying to force down the lump in his throat. “Why do you care so much about this one fairy? We broke into someone’s house trying to get to him, you kidnapped some kid to try and lure him out, and you got broken bones out of it! He could have killed you! Can’t you just—give this one a rest already?”

“I can’t let him go free just because it’s difficult,” Julien objected.

“Isn’t there anything more important to you than killing things? Why is it your problem what this fairy does anyway? The world is full of things that kill other things, and it always has been. Why do you have to kill yourself trying to fight that?”

“You don’t understand, Noah. This is what I am. This is what I know. I don’t have anything else.”

“But you could,” he blurted out without thinking. “You could, if you’d just—open your damn eyes.” Noah made a conscious effort to lower his voice, but his heart was pounding loudly in his ears. “You don’t even see what’s right in front of you because you’re too stupid to think about anything but this fucking fairy!”

Julien frowned at him, his brow furrowed in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“Why do you think I’m always asking you to take a night off, Julien? You think I bring you dinner all the time because I’m just so fucking flush with cash that I can afford to pay for your takeaway? You’re so—” He paused, running his hands through his hair and letting them drop back to his sides with a frustrated sigh. “I do everything you ask me to because I want to help you, because you’re so stupid but you’re so—strong, and brave, and you can be so gentle and so kind, and whenever I look at you I think—” Noah shook his head, swallowing the tight feeling in his throat. “I care about you,” he said instead of what he really meant, his eyes shut tight to keep from having to look at the hunter’s face. “A lot,” he added in a whisper.

A long silence passed between them, until Noah was forced to open his eyes and look up at Julien’s quiet frown.

“I don’t understand,” the hunter said. “Us being friends doesn’t have anything to do with what I do.”

“I don’t want to be your friend, Julien!” Noah snapped. “I’m trying to say I—I want more than that.”

Julien paused, the full weight of what Noah was saying finally sinking in. He took a small step back, stopping at the pained look his retreat put on the younger man’s face. He didn’t know how to deal with this. There was always too much work to be done for him to spend any time thinking about his personal life, and a personal life that involved a male witch’s affection would never have crossed his mind in a hundred years. He couldn’t process it—not with his job still unfinished. Maybe not even after that.

“This has to come first,” he said, hoping that would be enough of an answer. “If you want to help me, Noah, this is how you can do it. I want to trust you. So prove to me that you can use your magic for the greater good. Prove to me you aren’t dangerous.”

Noah dropped back to sit on the bed, running a hand over his face and letting out a small sigh. “I’m not dangerous,” he whispered, staring down at the floor. He couldn’t look at the hunter. He’d said too much, but it didn’t even seem to matter. Julien was barely listening, just like always. “If you kill this fairy—if I help you kill him—what will you do then? Move on to the next thing, the next job, the next obsession? Is it always going to be like this for you? You never take a break, you never live your life?”

“This is my life,” Julien answered simply. “I never asked you to live it with me.” Julien hesitated at the witch’s faint flinch. He didn’t like seeing him like this—Noah was calm and casual and had an easy smile. He shouldn’t be gripping the edge of the bed so tightly, and he definitely shouldn’t be recoiling at the hunter’s words. “But,” Julien said, offering a small nod as the boy peeked up at him, “when this is done, maybe I’ll…take a break. And we can talk. Moé pis toé.”

“Talk?” Noah repeated skeptically.

“About everything. If that’s what you want. But I can’t ignore this creature. Not for any reason, you understand? It has to die.”

Noah looked back at the floor and slowly shook his head. “And you really think this is the best way.”

“I do.”

“And you won’t decide later that me doing this for you means that I know too much dangerous magic, or something?”

“Noah, you’ll be proving that you’re willing to do what you need to do to keep people safe. I can’t ask you for more than that.”

“People,” he whispered. Julien didn’t think of the fairy as a person, but he must have walked and talked, laughed and cried, seemed like a person in every way. If a fairy wasn’t a person, why was a witch? Maybe he wasn’t. Maybe Noah was an ‘it’ in Julien’s mind, too. He leaned his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands. Despite everything, he wanted Julien to be happy. He wanted him to be able to take a rest, whether that involved Noah or not. He knew it was stupid. He knew Julien didn’t feel the way he did and probably never would. He knew he shouldn’t get his hopes up. But he couldn’t prevent that tiny flutter he had felt in his chest when Julien had said the simple words, ‘we’ll talk.’

Noah lifted his head to look up at the hunter, and he nodded. “Okay.”