Three to Fall (Saint View Slayers vs. Sinners #3)

4. Kara

4

KARA

I held my daughter while she slept. Cried silently into her hair with a mixture of relief and adrenaline release, while silently thanking the two men in the room next door for bringing her back to me.

I smiled at the muffled sounds of their lovemaking in Hawk’s shower. The walls might have been thick here, but they weren’t magic.

They were done when Hayley Jade woke up from her nap, and she smiled sleepily at me, blinking her long lashes as she cleared her eyes.

“Are you okay?”

She nodded.

But I didn’t want her just agreeing with me because she’d been trained to be sweet and meek and mild. I wanted her to tell me how she really was.

“A really scary thing happened to you today. You don’t have to be okay.”

Her bottom lip trembled, and I gathered her up, holding her to my chest.

Josiah was never going to leave us alone. He was just going to keep coming back, trying again, finding new ways to get to me.

I’d thought not giving him a child was my biggest sin. But the real sin was in embarrassing him. My lack of a child, my disobedience, my failures, my leaving, all made him look weak.

If he had no control over a lowly woman, then how could he be God’s chosen one? How could he be the man to lead Ethereal Eden into His light?

He couldn’t. That’s what the other men would see, and Josiah knew it. Getting me back would be his only way to save face.

I knew all too well how smart he was. You didn’t get to be in his position by being unintelligent. Every move he’d ever made since the moment he’d first stepped foot on our land had been calculated.

Nothing had changed. I was wife number one and while Josiah was still a free man, there was no getting away from that.

I needed to go back. Give myself up. That plan hadn’t changed just because of what happened today. It couldn’t. If anything, it had only reinforced that I was right. I wouldn’t be the reason Hayley Jade couldn’t go to school. And I wouldn’t let Hawk and Hayden go there to kill him. It was too dangerous. They were already well and truly on the police radar. If Josiah suddenly turned up dead, they’d be the first suspects on the list.

All I’d ever wanted was a life of freedom. But I wouldn’t exchange my freedom for the two of them being locked behind bars. If I could go back, maybe I could find some evidence that Josiah had been responsible for Alice’s death. Getting him put behind bars was the only way I could ever see me being truly free and out of his clutches and the men I loved all being free.

Hayley Jade pulled away a couple of inches, and I let her wriggle back, respecting her need for personal space. I twisted onto my back on her single bed and gazed at the ceiling, listening to the now familiar sounds of the clubhouse outside, as all the different people who lived here went about their lives. Ice or one of the other prospects had a Hoover going. Amber sang along with the radio. Queenie and Aloha laughed from the couches. Somewhere farther down the hall a baby cried, so I was pretty sure Bliss and War were here with Ridge.

They were all sounds I’d come to rely on. To enjoy. I wondered how on earth I was going to walk away from this place that had become my home.

Hayley Jade tapped my arm, and when I rolled over to my side, her big eyes watched me carefully. And then she tapped her thumb to her chin twice, the rest of her hand splayed open, fingers straight and spread apart.

I froze at the sign.

“Can you do that again?” I asked her quietly.

She repeated the motion, and my heart swelled. “Do you know what that sign means?”

Every part of me prayed she did.

She nodded. She pressed her lips together, and at first, no sound came out.

But she was trying. Oh my God, she was trying.

I nodded encouragingly. “Mmmm.”

She screwed up her face in concentration and forced out the same sound.

But then her face fell, her eyes pooling with tears again.

“Oh hey!” I grabbed her and hugged her tight. “No tears! That was amazing! It’s been a really long time since you tried to talk. It probably won’t feel right at first. But it’ll get easier. I promise.”

She pushed me away and tried again, tapping her chin and making the Mmm sound. Frustration tightened each muscle in her little body until she hit out at the wall, her tiny fist barely making a sound but the agony in her eyes there all the same.

“Mommy,” I translated for her, making the sign again. My throat clogged up with emotion. “You called me Mommy.”

Hayley Jade grinned and nodded, clearly pleased to be understood.

While I just wanted to break down and cry. How could I leave her? How could I walk away and potentially never see her again? There was no guarantee I would find the proof the police would need to lock Josiah away. I was risking being stuck there forever.

But how could I stay, knowing that every minute I did put her and everyone else I loved in danger?

I made the sign for daughter. One I’d practiced so many times, just hoping I’d get to say it to her. I pointed at her. Daughter . And then at me. Mother .

She practiced both signs over and over, more and more pleased with herself each time we added in more family signs. Brother, father, grandmother, and grandfather.

When Rebel turned up with Remi and Madden, we researched the signs for aunt and cousin as well. I filled her in on everything that had happened while the kids excitedly babbled in signs, and my heart swelled at Remi and Hayley Jade actually trying to have a conversation. Madden, with way more energy and more limited attention span than our quiet girls, declared he wanted to go outside.

“How about the park?” Rebel asked but then quickly changed her mind when she saw the anxious expression on my face. “Oops! You know what? That’s closed. How about we go get the swing sets and the trampoline out of the storage shed?”

Remi screwed up her nose.

Rebel cocked her head at her eldest daughter. “No? How about a nature walk around the complex then?” She glanced at Madden. “Or a nature run for you because you have too much energy. We can go find some big sticks and build a fort!”

I wasn’t sure if Rebel or the kids were more excited by that idea. I got up to follow them, but Rebel stopped me.

“I’ll watch them. You rest. Today sounds like it was a lot.”

I nodded. “If you’re sure? I should check on Grayson. He’s hurt.”

She hugged me but then pulled back at arm’s length to study me. “It’ll get better. You know that, right? This isn’t going to be your life forever. I promise that.”

She was right. Because as soon as I could, I was leaving. Going back to Josiah. And putting an end to this once and for all.

I waved off Rebel and the kids, the two girls carrying bags Queenie had given them to fill with flowers, sticks, and rocks they might find while out wandering around the compound. Grayson’s car still sat in the parking lot beside the usual row of bikes and the club van, so I knew he had to be here somewhere.

I was fairly confident he wasn’t hanging out with Hawk and Hayden, who hadn’t surfaced from Hawk’s bedroom.

Queenie and I walked back inside together, shoulder to shoulder, and she squeezed my fingers. She didn’t say anything, it was just a silent show of support and affection.

I returned it, so grateful she was here. “Do you know where Grayson is?”

She pointed at Hayden’s room. “Pretty sure they took him in there.”

I thanked her and headed in that direction. I knocked, but there was no answer, which had kernels of worry beading in my belly. Those marks around his throat could have swollen in the time I’d been lying with Hayley Jade. I pushed the door open and breathed a sigh of relief when he was just asleep on the bed, his chest rising and falling regularly.

The bruises around his neck had already started forming though, the angry red marks already deepening. His throat was going to be a mess for a while.

Despite knowing I shouldn’t, I crawled onto the bed with him and laid my head down on his shoulder. There was no doubt in my mind he’d saved my life today. Risking his own in the process. My heart couldn’t ignore that.

His breathing changed from the deep, slow breaths of sleep. His arms came around me, and his lips touched my head. “Hi.”

“Don’t try to talk. It must hurt.”

His voice was croaky and soft. “It’s not too bad.”

I lifted onto one elbow so I could gaze down at him. “I’ve heard doctors make the worst patients.”

He winced on a laugh. “Probably true. But I really am okay.”

Despite his reassurances, I couldn’t stop staring at his neck. “I thought you were going to die,” I whispered, matching the quiet tone of his voice. Relief swirled inside me, climbing its way up my throat and turning into a ball of emotion. “Dammit, Grayson. Why would you do that? What if he hadn’t backed down? What if you’d actually died? You didn’t know for sure he was going to let me go.”

“No. I didn’t. But what was the alternative?”

“The alternative was you stay safe.”

“And just let him kill you?” He breathed out softly. “That was never an option, Kara. Not for a single second.”

The emotions of the day got the better of me, the remaining adrenaline mixing with relief and fear and so much more. I couldn’t help myself. I pressed my lips to his, kissing him gently, until gentle wasn’t enough. My tongue stroked against his lips, seeking an entrance, that ball of emotion in my throat disappearing little by little, every moment we touched. Wrapped in his arms felt safe and warm, and intoxicating. I basked in every trail of his fingers, every shift of his muscles against me, my body unconsciously seeking out his until I was lying on top of him, kissing him until we were both breathless.

A pool of need opened up inside me, an aching, greedy desire to have all of him.

But it wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair. I forced myself to sit up, legs straddled either side of his hips. My voice was breathless. “I’m so sorry. You just found out a lot of things about your wife, and you need time to grieve her.” I realized I was essentially sitting over his dick and was horrified by how forward I was being. It didn’t matter what he’d said to me in the heat of the moment earlier in the day.

Trigger had opened up a portal to his past and dumped a whole load of secrets out on the table for everyone to see. Grayson would need time and space to work through that. I swung my leg, trying to get off him.

He caught it, his fingers digging into my thigh as he settled my knee back where it had been, digging into the mattress beside his hip.

His gaze locked with mine.

He slid his hands up my legs, and to my hips. His eyes turned molten, and his chest rose and fell too quickly as he guided my hips, rocking them over his private area.

I let out a tiny murmur of pleasure when he got hard beneath me, the ridge of his erection rubbing at my clit through my panties.

“Everything Trigger said about my wife makes sense. I just didn’t want to see it. We brought out the worst in each other. All she ever cared about was money and position and power. I don’t know why I didn’t notice what she and her sister were doing right beneath my nose when Trig did. All I can blame that on was that I was young, and so focused on making something of myself so I never had to live in a shitty house in Saint View with no food, and rats crawling over us while we slept,” he shared softly and closed his eyes. “I can’t even think about the women my wife hurt because I was too selfish to see what she was doing. How many lives did she destroy, just because she wanted to drive a nice car and live in fucking Providence? She was a foster care graduate as well. Came from nothing. We were so fucking proud of how far we’d come. I hate myself for wanting those material things too. Jesus fuck, Kara, I enjoyed the money she made! Until I was licensed, all our nights out, all our belongings, everything was funded by her.”

The pain in his eyes was unbearable. He gave up rocking my hips and used his hands to scrub at his face.

I tugged his hands away, hating he was beating himself up over something that hadn’t been his fault. “Her choices weren’t yours.”

His gaze changed from heat to anger. “I’m not mourning her again. I’ve spent years doing that, and she doesn’t deserve it.”

I leaned forward and kissed his mouth. “No, she doesn’t. But nobody would blame you if you mourn her anyway. She was a big part of your life. And the woman you knew wasn’t the woman she actually was.”

He shook his head and then grabbed my hand, pulling my fingers to his mouth. “I put you in danger, trying to avenge a ghost. I’m so fucking sorry.”

I shook my head. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“Kara, he had a noose around your neck!” His gaze shifted to my left and fixed, like he wasn’t really seeing anything. “I’ve never felt anything like the fear that filled me when he tightened that cord around your throat. That was the moment I realized Annette and I had never been real. Because the idea of losing her had never felt like losing you… Shit, I don’t have the right to say that. You aren’t mine.”

“What if I want to be?”

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. They were words I didn’t have the right to say. But I didn’t want to take them back. Leaving Saint View without ever truly being his felt like a fate worse than death.

I’d always be left wondering what he felt like. What he tasted like. What I would feel if I just let him in.

The look in his eyes burned with heat. “I don’t want to wreck anything between you and Hawk and Chaos.” But his hands were back on my thighs, skimming up beneath my skirt, settling on my hips while his moved beneath me.

God, he felt good. Thick and hard beneath his pants. He was so attractive, in a completely different way than Hawk and Hayden. Where they were rough, Grayson was polished. Where they were leather jackets and dirty jeans, he was suits and scrubs. Where they were messy hair and stubble, he was strong, clean-shaven jawline and piercing eyes.

“You aren’t wrecking anything. Only making it better.”

He lifted one hand to my cheek, and I leaned into his touch. When he snaked his hand to the back of my neck and dragged me down so he could kiss me, my body responded eagerly, falling onto him, bracing myself on his strong chest while his mouth moved on mine.

Our tongues came together, exploring, deepening the kiss until he rolled us, so he was on top. He lay between my widespread legs, grinding over my pussy and kissing me until my nipples beaded and I was making desperate little moaning sounds, needy for more.

But Grayson took his time, never stopping the friction between us and then adding to it when he slid a hand to my breast, groping and fondling me there, above my clothes, checking my reaction to everything he did.

“More,” I begged, reaching for the buttons on his shirt, knowing what I wanted and needing him to get there faster. I pushed the shirt off his shoulders, revealing his warm skin and the solid expanse of his chest. Surprise flickered at the smattering of tattoos on his chest and shoulders. Nowhere near as many as Hayden and Hawk had, but I hadn’t been expecting any. My fingers roamed across them greedily, flicking his nipples with my thumbs, then trailing my hands lower over his abs.

He only let me get a tiny touch before he was rearing back, lifting me up on the bed so he could take off my top.

I shivered, the cooler air hitting my heated skin. But it was instantly chased away by the desire in Grayson’s eyes, his gaze roaming my body.

I reached behind me, undoing my bra and letting the cups fall away. My breasts were heavy and full, aching for his touch, my nipples tightly beaded and desperate for his mouth.

I realized with a start I didn’t feel self-conscious. How could I when he stared at me like he’d just unwrapped the most perfect of gifts?

“Lie back, Kara,” he murmured. “Let me see all of you.”

I fell back against the pillows, anticipation roaring through me when he tugged my elastic-waisted skirt down my hips, taking my panties with him.

His gaze burned, staring at my body for the first time. “I’ve thought about getting you naked so many times, Kara. Not one of those daydreams even came close to the real thing.” He trailed a finger from the hollow of my neck, down between my breasts, and over my stomach, where he flattened his palm to go lower, brushing over my mound. “God, you’re beautiful.”

His compliments would have once made me feel uncomfortable. But now I drank them in. Accepting them for the truth I could hear in his voice. He had no reason to lie to me. No reason to tell me I was beautiful if he didn’t think that was the truth.

The thing was, when he looked at me like that, I felt beautiful too. Desired. Wanted. Hayden and Hawk had reminded me time and time again that Josiah’s taunts had no place in this clubhouse. No place in my head. Every day they’d been erasing them with the truth, and now Grayson’s touch did the same.

I was worthy of their touch. Of their admiration.

They didn’t want me just as a place to put their dicks. I was worthy of more than what I’d always been led to believe.

All women were.

And the three men I’d found knew it.

I reached for his pants. Unbuttoning them, needing to see him as much as he wanted to see me. He helped, tugging them down, getting off the bed to remove them completely, his erection straining behind his underwear.

His hand trailed to his package, palming it slowly, rubbing it through the fabric while he stared at my body laid out for him on the bed. “Tell me you want me like I want you. Fuck, Kara. I need to hear you say it.”

His hand slipped beneath the elastic of his underwear.

My heart beat faster. I copied his movements, brushing my fingers over my mound and then lower to rub my clit.

He groaned at my leg falling to one side, giving him a better view of my fingers at work and the gleaming slit of my pussy, already wet and needy from the dry humping we’d been doing.

With one hand he dragged off his underwear, the other fisting his cock and stroking it slowly but deliberately.

He was thick. Hard. A perfect length so I knew when he was in me I’d feel it in exactly the right spot. I ached at the thought, needing him there, spearing deep inside me, filling the void. “You can have me,” I whispered. “I’m ready.”

But he didn’t come closer. The corner of his mouth flicked up in a sweet smile. “I just can’t stop looking at you. I don’t think you have any idea how gorgeous you are like that, your fingers on your clit, your pussy wet for me. Fucking hell, Kara. I want you so bad right now. But watching you finger yourself wasn’t on my bingo card, and now I really want it to be.”

I burned with a mixture of pleasure and desire at his dirty words, wanting to please him further. I slipped two fingers inside myself, coating them in my juices and pumping them in and out a few times to ease the ache.

His eyes flared with heat, watching me put on a show for him, one I never would have had the guts to do if Hayden and Hawk hadn’t walked into my life and taught me that I was more than just a vessel for producing babies.

They’d taught me pleasure was my right and that there was no shame in taking it. Even if it was at my own fingers.

I worked my pussy, doing all the things I liked, touching myself the way they touched me, stroking my G-spot, rubbing my clit. It wasn’t the same, nowhere near as good, but an orgasm built inside me anyway.

I couldn’t stop watching Grayson. He moved his hand up and down his shaft at what had to be a torturously slow pace. His dick gleamed with need, and he swiped his thumb through the precum, using it to lubricate his grip.

I pressed my legs together, then opened them, feeling the delicious clench of muscles in my whole lower region every time I squeezed. My breaths got quicker with every swipe of my fingers until I was panting, desperate, needy to come.

I raised one hand to my nipple, tweaking it and rolling it between my fingers, desperate for his mouth. I wasn’t going to be able to get myself all the way over the edge when what my body really wanted was him.

He moved between my thighs and dropped his lips to my ear. “Going to fuck you. But I need you to know that was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. And that I want to watch you finger yourself like that every morning and every night. Maybe every lunch time too. I have an office at the hospital and now all I can think about is you coming in there every shift and doing that on the desk.”

I laughed softly. “And getting us both fired in the process?”

He kissed my neck, his dick hard against my thigh. “Just means I’ll have to smother your moans with my mouth so no one hears.”

“Or with…” I reached between us, gripping his cock.

He groaned so loudly I was sure Hayden and Hawk would probably hear it from Hawk’s room. Grayson sucked my neck hard, flicking over the slight sting with his tongue. “Did you just say you want my cock in your mouth?”

Heat roared through me at the thought of his thick length driving past my lips, stretching me wide while I stroked my tongue against the ridged underside of his erection. “Yes.” It was more of a moan than a word.

His groan mingled with mine. “Only if I can lick your pussy at the same time.”

“I…” Heat flushed through me as I tried to understand what he was saying.

Grayson lay back on the bed, his erection jutting from his hips. I lowered my mouth to the gleaming tip of him, flicking my tongue across his head, licking off the precum and sucking him into my mouth.

Grayson hissed when I slid my mouth down his length, taking as much of him as I could before lifting back up again. Our bodies made a T-shape, his straight up and down the length of the bed, me on my knees at a right angle to his.

I sucked and licked him, but it was only seconds before he was reaching for my leg, dragging me around so I was facing his feet.

I loved the feel of his dick in my mouth. Didn’t want to stop, so I just kept sucking. He maneuvered me around, going wherever he wanted and I gasped when he pulled one leg across his body so I was kneeling over his head. “Grayson!”

I was so open to him it was embarrassing. He could see every inch of my body from that angle. My ass. My pussy. My breasts hanging, nipples brushing over his lower belly while I worked his dick.

But his hands massaged up the backs of my thighs, and he used his thumbs to open my pussy lips, swearing beneath his breath. “You’re so fucking wet for me. Need to taste you, Kara.”

He banded one strong arm around my thigh and dragged me down so my pussy landed on his mouth.

I shouted at the feel of his tongue in such a private place. But he muffled it with a slow thrust of his hips, pushing his dick into my mouth again.

I closed my eyes, finding my rhythm on his erection, using it as a distraction from the onslaught of feelings he was creating between my thighs.

He licked through my folds, spearing me with his tongue. Within minutes I was practically bouncing on his face, taking his fingers deep inside me while he assaulted my clit with his lips.

His hands encouraged me every second, rocking me over his face, never stopping, refusing to let me back off, even when my orgasm threatened to unleash.

“Oh!” I deep-throated his cock, needing the distraction to keep myself from shattering into pieces. But it was too late. He was too good. His fingers speared inside me, and an onslaught of feeling rocketed to the surface. I ripped my head away from his cock and threw my head back, grinding over his face. “Grayson!”

I came in pulsing contractions, squeezing and fluttering around his fingers, flooding his lips with fresh waves of arousal he licked up like it was honey.

“Oh God.” My movements were uncoordinated. I was lost to the pleasure, just moving in any way that felt good, every nerve ending tingling with pleasure.

I wanted to keep going with his dick, make him come the same way I had, but my body was too blissed out, too overwhelmed to get it together. A pleasurable, fuzzy feeling came over my body, one I associated with the best kind of orgasms, and I let him guide me down onto the bed.

“Play with your nipples,” he murmured.

My fingers came to my breasts, cupping the aching mounds, squeezing my nipples like they were clamps.

Grayson knelt between my legs, fitting himself at my entrance. His eyes met mine, a silent question in them, despite the fact I’d so clearly already given him permission.

But after all the times a man had entered me unwanted, him checking and checking again that this was still okay only made me want him more. I bent my knees, wrapping them around him, locking my ankles at his back and pulling him down so his cock drove inside me, landing in the place I wanted it most.

We both stilled, me full of his erection, him buried completely to the hilt.

And for the longest moment we just stared at each other, his gaze full of something I wasn’t sure I was ready to see, even though my heart beat unevenly and my breath hitched at just the idea that this was so much more than just a casual thing.

This felt like a coming home. Like somewhere I was always supposed to be. When he slowly lowered his lips on mine, it felt like kissing a man I never wanted to leave, because being apart from him would be like tearing off a piece of my soul.

I didn’t know the man he’d once been. But the man he was now was stealing my heart.

“What I said earlier,” he murmured, drawing out slowly and pushing in just as gently.

Our gazes locked. He’d said he was in love with me. I shook my head. “It’s okay. Emotions were high. I know you didn’t mean it.”

He stilled. Stared down at me. Breathed out slowly. “I meant every word of it, Kara. I’m in love with you.”

I didn’t know what to say. Or how to feel. I opened my mouth, and he silenced me with his.

“I know you aren’t there yet. I know your feelings aren’t as strong as mine, but I had to shoot my shot. I couldn’t go another day just pretending that friendship is enough. I want to be your friend. I do. I want laughter and fun and companionship. But I want more than that. I want your body.” He slid in again, harder this time, like he was proving a point. “I want your heart. I want every little part of you, just the way you are. I know you can’t say it back, and that’s okay. Just don’t tell me no. Don’t say you don’t want me the same way. Just say nothing and let me kiss you.”

He was wrong. His words dredged up emotion and feeling that threatened destruction if I hid it. A feeling too big to keep inside.

And yet letting it loose wouldn’t be fair. I was already so selfish, using his body, fulfilling a need to have him, all while knowing this couldn’t last.

I couldn’t have this happiness until I was truly free.

That freedom couldn’t be found here, in the arms of three men who’d built me up so high that losing them was going to be the worst fall of my life.

So I did as I was told and said nothing. But I let him kiss me, and I kissed him back, silently trying to explain how complicated my life had become, and wishing it could be different. He reached between us to stroke my clit between gentle thrusts, and when I came again, setting him off as well, it was quiet. Both of us holding on to the other, like we were scared the first time would be the last.