Tied Together (The Cade Siblings Duology #1)

30. Alana

CHAPTER 30

Alana

I’m being lifted and the only reason I can tell is because I feel the air brush against the small strip of exposed skin on my back where my pajamas have ridden up. Strong warm hands cradle me close and I breathe in the familiar smell of cedar and sandalwood.

I subconsciously realize it’s Alex and cuddle closer to his chest, leaving my eyes shut tight. I am halfway between asleep and awake, not sure if this is a dream or reality. I must make a noise to alert Alex of my consciousness because he speaks.

“Just taking you to your room.”

“You smell like my favorite aisle in the bookstore.”

“That’s a weird thing to say,” he says with a chuckle.

I peer open my eyes and look up at him through my eyelashes.

“No it isn’t. It’s comforting.”

He smiles down at me, his features softening. “Close your eyes and go back to sleep, sunshine. I’ll tuck you in.”

I obey and he places me onto my bed. He pulls the covers up to my chin and starts to pull away, but before he can, I grab his hand.

I think I ask him to stay, but I can’t be sure. My sleep drunk brain makes its own decisions and I’m a bystander. I’ll find the energy to be embarrassed about this in the morning.

I hear him mutter something that sounds a lot like ‘You have no idea how much I want to’ but then he’s placing a gentle kiss on my forehead and walking away. I hear the snick of the door closing as I cuddle into my blankets and pillows and drift off into a dreamless sleep.

I wake up thankful for a good night’s rest, considering today is our first day at the office. I’m nervous, but also really excited and honestly just anxious to get started. The lead up from the last few weeks has been brutal. I’m ready to stop talking about it and just do it.

I reach over to turn off my alarm and freeze. I don’t remember setting an alarm. I don’t even remember falling asleep here last night.

What happened last night?

I flop back down onto the pillow and rack my brain trying to recall the events of the last twelve hours.

Alex took me to get a Christmas tree.

He brought me home and made me cookies.

He gave me hot chocolate and we watched Elf while we decorated.

I remember sitting on the couch with him while we watched the movie and I must have fallen asleep. The memories that come back are foggy, but I know what happened.

Alex picking me up, carrying me into my room, whispering to me. Me asking him to stay and sleep with me.

Oh goodness.

I asked Alex to climb into bed and cuddle with me. I press my fingertips to my eyes and groan. He clearly said no, which is somehow more mortifying. If he had said yes and stayed with me at least it wouldn’t have felt like an embarrassment and a rejection.

It’s seven in the morning in Paris, which means it’s just after one in the morning in New York, but I still grab my phone and call Cami. Hopefully she either hasn’t gone to sleep yet or is sleeping light enough that she hears her phone.

“Please pick up. Please, please pick up,” I whisper into the phone.

“There better be a good reason why you’re calling me. I just fell asleep.”

“Oh thank you baby Jesus.”

“What’s going on?”

“I think I want to jump into bed with Alex and I need you to remind me why I decided not to.”

“I’m not going to do that. And why are you whispering?”

“Because I don’t want him to hear me. Just be a good friend and go get the letter I put in your junk drawer in the kitchen.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Cami groans, but I hear her throw the covers back and stand. The sound of the drawer opening and the rustling of paper makes me breathe easier. “When did you even put this in here?”

“That’s not important. Just read it.” Her sigh is heavy with annoyance.

“Alana, it’s Alana Cade from Impress Magazine speaking to you through Cami, friend and beautiful editor,” she reads. “Wait, is this from Parks and Rec ?”

“Just keep reading. Leslie Knope won the presidential election for a reason.”

“Do not do anything with Alex. Be responsible, no matter how cute his mouth is. Your job is on the line.”

“Great delivery. You’re exactly right, thank you,” I reply.

“You’re forgetting Leslie and Ben end up together and become arguably one of television’s biggest power couples.”

“I need you to help me stay strong. I just put myself back together, Cami.”

The conversation quickly turns heavy as the emotion is thick within my voice, and she must be able to hear it.

“Lan, babe, this isn’t that.”

“How do you know? I want to believe he is different, but every time I think about giving into this pull I feel towards him I freak out. It hasn’t even been that long. We’ve only been in Paris for three days.”

“Okay slow down,” she says, in a gentle tone. “Tell me what’s been going on. You asked him to cuddle you on the airplane, he took you to the Eiffel Tower and literally created a scene from every romcom movie ever, he stood up to Brad…anything else?”

“Last night,” I say with a groan.

“Oh my gosh what happened last night?”

“Well I gave him my Christmas traditions list before we left New York and thought nothing else of it, until he started checking items off of the list yesterday.”

“Wait, what do you mean?”

I tell Cami all about how Alex created the most special and magical night. I tell her about the tree, the hand holding, the ornament, and falling asleep on the couch.

“Last night I woke up as he was bringing me back to my bedroom and I asked him to stay. He turned me down. That’s weird isn’t it? Why wouldn’t he stay?”

“You asked him to stay with you?”

“Yeah, I think I wasn’t really aware of what I was saying. I was half asleep, but clearly it doesn’t really matter because he rejected me anyway.”

“Sometimes you are such an idiot.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“Lan, he absolutely wants you. He’s just being gentlemanly and not crossing boundaries. You two haven’t gone there yet and he’s not going to just sleep in your bed with you when you weren’t even fully conscious enough to make that decision.”

What she’s saying makes sense, but the rejection still stings, even if it wasn’t a total rejection.

“Don’t you think it’s fast?” I ask. This is another insecurity of mine. Even though it feels like I’ve known Alex my whole life, we only arrived in Paris a few days ago.

“It isn’t fast. I know you just started spending more time together recently, but you’ve worked right next to him and on the same team for a year now. It isn’t like you were strangers before this, you two are good friends. He is observant, he probably knows you better than you realize.”

“That’s a good point.”

“I know. I’m extremely smart. I’m also extremely tired and I need to go back to sleep.” I hear her bedroom door snick shut behind her and the murmur of another voice in the background. “I want you to just take it slow, but don’t completely close yourself off. You deserve love more than anyone I know, Lan.”

Tears unexpectedly prick the backs of my eyes and I squeeze them shut to try and keep them in. Ever since my breakup with Brad I have focused on being independent and excelling at my job. I vowed to myself that I would work up in my career and find what makes me happy. I’ve done the work part, but I haven’t checked the happiness box quite yet.

Until Alex, I was perfectly content being single, but now I’m thinking that might not be what I want. The question is, do I feel like this is the right person to open myself back up to?

I know the answer, even if I don’t want to admit it to myself.

Loving someone is terrifying. Loving someone means letting them in and letting them in means showing them your weaknesses. Weaknesses that they could exploit and use against you. I showed Brad all of my weak spots, and when it benefitted him he used them to his advantage.

“I’ll try.”

“Good. I love you.”

“Love you, too, Cam. Thanks for picking up.”

“Always.”

She hangs up and I check the time on my phone, realizing I need to get up and get moving if I’m going to have time to eat anything before work. Just as I’m sitting up, a soft knock sounds at my door.

“Lanie, you awake?” Alex asks through the door, not opening it.

“Yep, I’m up. Come in.”

He cracks open the door and peeks his head through it. I smile at his warm eyes and the way a swath of curly hair falls on his forehead. He is full of boyish charm and charisma right now and I want to run right to him, but I hold back.

“Just checking on you, didn’t want you to sleep in on your first day.”

“Thanks for setting my alarm for me, I’m sorry I wiped out last night.” His cheeks blush and I know for certain now that I asked him to stay with me.

“It’s no problem. I’ll make breakfast, should be ready in about fifteen or twenty minutes.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know.”

I hear his footsteps descend down the hallway and I sigh, getting up to get ready for my day. Alex is one of the kindest and most respectful men I know. I can’t think of a world in which he would act like Brad did. If there were any man I would open myself back up to, it would be him.