Tied Together (The Cade Siblings Duology #1)

51. Alana

CHAPTER 51

Alana

The first thing I did when I walked into this extremely lavish hotel room was cry. After writing my note to Alex, measuring out the ingredients for him—because I couldn’t not—and leaving the flat, I dried up my tears. I didn’t want to startle Marco and I also wanted to keep the tears at bay, but for some reason walking through the door to this room was like removing a dam and the tears haven’t stopped since.

I slipped on my pajamas a little while ago and that made me cry harder. I washed my face and my tears mixed with the warm water I splashed all over my face. Then I decided I would get in the shower, because crying in the shower doesn’t count, but that didn’t help much. Now I just look a bit like a drowned rat. My hair has somewhat dried and my face is splotchy and I know if someone saw me right now they’d be terrified.

That is why the apology is already on my lips when I open the door to my room for my chocolate cake I ordered from room service, except I don’t find chocolate cake, I find my brother.

My brother is standing in front of me, in Paris, holding onto a suitcase and a backpack and the tears start falling faster. I’m sobbing uncontrollably now, big ugly gasping sobs and Charlie finally steps forward and wraps me in his arms.

I am immediately soothed feeling his arms around me and I let all of the emotions from the last few days out. He walks me back into the room and we sit on the bed together. He lets me cry into him for who knows how long, and eventually when my sobs have quieted into small hiccups, I speak.

“How are you here?”

“There’s this thing, it’s really cool. You get inside and it flies you anywhere you want to go.”

I swat at him with the back of my hand, but a small smile slips past my lips and I think that was what he was going for.

“Your boyfriend flew me here,” he says, and the words shock me. I’m just staring at him, and then I’m staring just past him as I try to reconcile this truth with what I learned about Alex a few hours ago.

“What do you mean he flew you here? All of this only just happened.”

“The trip has been planned for a few weeks. He wanted to complete the last thing on your list.”

The last thing on my list. Bake homemade cinnamon rolls with Charlie on Christmas morning. He knew I was sad about not being with Charlie for the holidays, so he spent his own money to fly him here for me, even though we’re going to be home in six days.

I squeeze Charlie around his middle again, burying my face in his shoulder.

“I can’t believe you’re here. I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, Lan. It’s really good to see you.” He hesitates. “You gonna tell me what’s got you looking like that?” His eyes sweep up and down my body in a judgmental way and I scoff.

“I saw something on Alex’s phone and got scared.” He shakes his head in understanding. “Did he tell you?”

“He did.”

“What did he say?”

“Well I think you might have a few things twisted up since you don’t have the full story, but I want to hear what’s going on in that head of yours. Then we can talk about what he said if you want. I’m here for you, not him. If you decide you want to talk to him about the situation, he needs to be the one to explain it to you.”

“I’m just scared. I don’t want to have to come back from heartbreak again. I’m worried about him taking this promotion and staying here while I’m in New York. It would be awful. Plus he didn’t tell me about it.”

Charlie strokes my hair and smiles at me sympathetically.

“Lan, I think you’re maybe getting ahead of yourself here. Did he keep information from you? Yes. Should he have told you when he found out? Maybe. I also think he deserves a little time to download that information before sharing it. It’s not like he kept it a secret for months.”

“I guess you’re right. I just don’t want to jump into something if he’s not fully in it either.”

“I think you and I both know Alex is in this.”

I nod my head, he’s right. Alex is fully in this, he has been since before I even was, and that fact is what helped me feel secure enough to take the leap initially.

“It’s so frustrating. I just want to stop being scared and throw caution to the wind, but then when I try, something like this happens.”

Charlie chuckles at me. “You can stop being scared, while still being cautious. Those two things are not synonymous. I admire the way you look out for yourself and think before you make moves, it keeps you safe. Sometimes the right decision is the scary one, and you can step into that while still being aware of what is going on around you.”

“I hadn’t ever thought about it that way before. I was committed to just doing it even though I was afraid, but part of my fear was because it felt reckless.”

“I think that’s a common misunderstanding, but think about how much you’d get to experience if you stopped being scared. Or you let yourself be scared, but you did it anyway. You didn’t let the fear win.”

You let yourself be scared, but you did it anyway. That is what I want. That’s what I’m trying to do.

“How do you do that?”

“I’m not totally sure. I think it looks different in every situation. What do you think it looks like in this one?”

I think over that for a second, trying to decipher what exactly it is I’m scared of.

“I think it would be giving this relationship my all, even though I know I might lose it one day. Diving in head first, even though I know it might end up hurting in the end.”

Charlie nods his head and narrows his eyes, something he does when he’s thinking.

“What would happen if you ended up hurting in the end?” he asks a few moments later. I tense. I haven’t let myself think this far, I’ve just pushed it away and put it somewhere I don’t have to acknowledge it. But for the first time, I let myself go there.

“If I ended up hurt, it would probably suck for a while.”

“Uh huh, and what else?”

“I might have to find a place to live if we moved in together and that would be weird.”

“Sure, anything else?”

“Work might be weird for a while, but Alex and I are mature so it would probably be okay.”

“Good. Then after all that, what would happen to you?”

“I’d be okay.”

He smiles at me. I sit on those words. I’d be okay, I know I would be. Would it be a crushing weight for a while and would I have nights where I cry myself to sleep? Probably. But I’d come out on the other side.

“I’d be okay and I would have had an incredible experience with an incredible person and we would have great memories.”

“You would.”

“I think I need to go home.”

He chuckles and throws a pillow at me. “I think you do too. But first let’s hang out for a little bit. I stopped downstairs and asked them to send a pizza up.”

“Oh, and I ordered chocolate cake.”