Timeless

CHAPTER 16

1943

“I love that he’s in school now,” Harriet said as Deb pushed deep inside her. “God, yes.”

“You love that our son is in school?”

“Yes, because it means we have a few hours every day to do this.” Her head went back as Deb’s thumb moved to stroke her, too. “I’m…” Harriet pressed her palm against the headboard behind her and let out a yell.

“I suppose I like that he’s in school, too,” Deb said as she lowered herself down on top of her.

“Don’t get me wrong; I love him. But having a few hours to ourselves a few days a week has been amazing.”

Deb chuckled against Harriet’s clammy skin.

“Yes. And he’s learning, so that’s important, too.”

“Roll over, sweetheart,” Harriet instructed.

Deb shifted until she was on her back, lying next to Harriet, and Harriet took her in, like she did every time they did this. Deb’s body was still just as perfect as when she’d touched it for the first time. She was soft in all the right places, with curves that Harriet loved to get lost in. Harriet climbed on top of her and kissed her deeply.

“I want to get married,” she said when she moved her lips to Deb’s neck.

“We are married.”

“Again.”

“Why?”

Harriet looked down at her and said, “My brothers all got sent off to fight, and one of them…”

“I know that.” Deb cupped Harriet’s cheek.

“And with JD off, too, you know I don’t want to go anywhere, but…”

“But what, Harriet? ”

“I want to have a little ceremony where you and I both wear white dresses, and Paul can be there. He doesn’t have to know what it’s for.”

“No,” Deb stated, shaking her head before she slid up the bed, making Harriet move off to her side and sit back on her knees.

“Sweetheart, I’ve got a little training from my mama, and they’ll train me up, too.”

“Harriet Louise, I said no.”

“It doesn’t work like that.”

“No. I am your wife. I’ve been your wife ever since we kissed when we were twelve years old, but when you put this bracelet on my wrist, I became your wife in front of God, if no one else, and I am telling you no.”

“Deb, we’re at war, and I’ve got some medical training.”

“So?” the woman argued, slipping out of bed and into her dressing gown.

They’d talked about this a little bit since JD sent his last letter. He had tried to sugarcoat things, not telling them too much about the fighting. He’d been part of the first Marine group to be sent to the Pacific, and he couldn’t ever tell them where he was, but Harriet had been following the war news on the radio, so she could guess. He had told them that Jacob had been injured in battle and was at the hospital. He didn’t even know how he was doing because he couldn’t tell them that the man was his husband, and they wouldn’t let him off the line to check on him, either. The letter had been written at night while he was supposed to be asleep.

John David had sent a few letters since he’d left, but less than ten. It was hard to get the letters out, Harriet imagined, just as it was challenging for them to get letters back to him, so they weren’t sure if he’d even gotten some of their own. He’d sent one just to Paul, and they’d read it to him. The boy was a little too young to understand it all, but they did their best to answer any questions, making sure to tell him that his father would be home as soon as he could.

After reading the most recent letter, Harriet thought about her brothers. All three of them had eventually been sent to war, leaving behind their wives and their combined seven children. She hadn’t gotten any letters from them, but she checked with their wives frequently to see if they had any new information. A few weeks before the letter from JD, she’d found out that her youngest brother had been killed in battle. He was the best of her three brothers, at least trying to show her that he cared about her from time to time, and after that, Harriet read JD’s letter about Jacob being injured and him being tired of fighting already.

She’d tried to bring it up to Deb then, the idea of her being a nurse over there. She’d told her that it would be safe and that she’d be doing her duty, helping the men like her brothers, JD, and Jacob, but Deb’s tears had stopped her from talking about it further. Harriet couldn’t help it, though. She felt the calling to help however she could, and working in some factory wasn’t how she wanted to do her part. She could keep working the farm, but that didn’t feel right, either. Had she been born a man, she’d be over there already.

“You want to leave me?” Deb asked as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“That is the last thing I want to do. I love you. I want to be here with you. But I can’t help how I feel. It’s like this calling I feel in me.”

“Harriet, we finally have what we want. Paul is in school now. We have a house that’s ours. We’re together. It’s just us, and we’re happy. I never thought we’d ever get this, and a year after we finally do, you want to leave me?”

Harriet got out of bed and put on her own dressing gown. She didn’t want to be naked with Deb right now when they talked about this.

“No, I don’t. But my brother died, Deb. He’s gone, and he was the only one who even cared that I was his sister. You know most of my family never cared about me, but he did a little. JD is over there. He’s Paul’s father. What if I can help him?”

“There are many doctors and nurses over there already, Harriet. Why does it have to be you ?”

“You let JD go.”

“JD isn’t the love of my life,” Deb let out with a sob. “He’s not the woman I love more than anything, whom I want to wake up to every morning, who is the other parent to my son, even when JD is here because while he’s a good father, he’s still a father and isn’t as involved as you are in Paul’s life. I can’t lose both of you. I wouldn’t make it. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yes, you would.” Harriet tried to approach her then, but Deb backed away from her. “Deb, you’re the strongest person I know.”

“I’m not strong enough to lose you.”

“I’ll come home. I’m not fighting, Deb. I’m only going to help. They might not even want me there because I didn’t go to school for it. I only–”

“They’ll just train you up how they train the boys to fight.” Deb covered her mouth and continued to sob.

Harriet wanted to take it all back. She wanted to pull Deb into her, hold her forever, and tell her that she wouldn’t go. She’d never seen Deb look like this before, and it tore her apart to think that she’d brought this on.

“Maybe they won’t.”

“If you join up, you’re in the Marines, Harriet. It’s not just for the war, is it? You join up for that, but they could keep you there longer. JD said he had to sign something.”

“I can’t help what I’m feeling,” she said quickly. “I’ve got a niece and nephew who won’t know their daddy, and I want to help so no one else has to lose someone, Deb.”

“You don’t even like your brothers.”

“Not much, no. But their kids don’t deserve to lose their fathers, do they?” she asked a little louder than she’d planned. “It’s not their fault our parents raised us how they did.”

“What about Paul?”

“What about him?”

“He’s your son, isn’t he? Calls you, ‘Mama.’ What if… What if you don’t come home? ”

“I will come home.” Harriet moved to her then.

Deb didn’t move back this time, so Harriet wrapped her arms around her and held her close.

“This is important to me, Deb. I’ve never had a purpose for my life other than you. And I’ve loved every minute of that purpose, but no one even cared if I got married or had kids myself. No one cared enough about me to tell me that I could do anything.”

“I did.”

“Except for you, no one else, though. Now, there’s something I can do to help people, and I can’t help feeling like that’s where I’m supposed to be right now.”

“You’re supposed to be here with me.”

“I know. And I will always be with you, no matter what. This war will end. They always do. And I’ll be safer than JD, Jacob, and my brothers. I just need to do this, sweetheart. I need to do something with my life.”

“We’re not enough?”

She pulled Deb back to look into her eyes.

“You are more than enough for me. You are the only thing that has ever made sense to me in my entire life. And I want to die old and gray in your arms one day, but I can’t help feeling like I’m supposed to do something else with my life, too. I’ve thought about it for months. Really, since JD left and since Jacob lost his own brother before that. I don’t want to leave you. It’s not about that. It’s about something I think I have to do for myself.”

“How am I supposed to be without you?”

“You’re going to be fine. I’ll ask my sisters-in-law to check in on you from time to time. And you have Paul and the farm to keep you busy. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“That’s what JD said, and he’s been gone for more than a year already.”

“Will you marry me again? Before I go? We can sneak into the church in the middle of the night with no one around. Paul would probably just fall asleep in a pew or something.” She ran her hand along Deb’s cheek. “We can say some vows in God’s house and make it as legal as we can. I’ll promise to love you for all my lives, and you’ll do the same.”

“All your lives? You don’t believe in the stuff Willie Mae’s been preaching that got her kicked out of the congregation, do you?”

Harriet kissed Deb’s forehead and replied, “All I know is that the love I feel for you, it’s not meant to only last as long as we live. It’s the kind of love they talk about a long time later: two people, meant to be before they were even born and long after they both pass. It’s the kind of love where we find each other over and over again, because that’s the only way I can see it. One day, when we both leave our bodies and our souls go to heaven, I have to know that I can find you there. I have to know that we get forever together. I don’t know if that means that we’re reborn here on earth, or if we get an eternity in heaven, but I do know that I will find you wherever we are because that’s the only way I can keep on breathing right now.” Harriet sniffled and let a few tears fall. “One lifetime with you is not enough, sweetheart. I need all of them.”

“Then, don’t go,” Deb pled as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Will you marry me again? Make vows this time?”

“You better get me a ring this time, then,” Deb returned.

Harriet knew that didn’t mean that Deb was fine with her leaving, but Deb knew her better than she knew herself. She knew that Harriet wouldn’t leave her for anything less than this and that she hadn’t wanted to leave at all. Harriet still couldn’t believe she’d brought it up again, but she knew she had to.

“I got you a ring when we were fifteen years old.”

“You did not,” Deb replied and leaned into the touch of Harriet’s hand on her skin.

“Wait right here.”

Harriet moved to the drawer in her bedside table. She pulled it open, and inside the Bible within it, she found the thin, silver band.

“I made it from metal I found myself. No one saw me melting it down and using the mold we had back at the farm. It’s not worth anything, and I wanted to give it to you, but by then, your parents were already talking about the boys they might want to marry you off to, and I was worried they’d wonder why you had a ring.” She walked back over to Deb. “When we got married that night by the river, I had this still, but I didn’t give it to you for the same reason.” She held the ring out between them. “My heart has always and will always be yours. Maybe while JD is gone, you can wear this one. If anyone asks, tell ‘em you wanted to keep your real ring safe until JD gets back, so you put on a cheaper one that’s worth nothing instead.”

“Worth nothing ? Harriet Louise Topper, this ring is worth more than the biggest diamond in the world,” Deb told her and removed her wedding ring from John David. “Put it on me, and we can go to the church tonight after we get Paul to sleep. He’ll be fine here for a few minutes. And it won’t take long because after we promise ourselves to each other, I want to come home and make love in our bed.”

“What will you do when JD gets home and sees you wearing my ring?”

Deb pressed her lips to Harriet’s and said, “I’ll tell him that I’m wearing my wedding ring, and he better be all right with that.”

Harriet held up Deb’s hand and slid the ring onto her finger.

“Tonight, I’ll say my vows, but I want you to wear this right now. I’ve waited far too long to give it to you.”

“Will you lie down and hold me?” Deb asked then.

Harriet moved to the bed and pulled off her dressing gown. She watched as Deb did the same, and they both got onto the bed. Harriet held out her arm for Deb to slide into her body, and they lay there. Deb sobbed against her chest. Harriet spoke soft words to her, telling her that everything would be all right. She got this image in her mind that she couldn’t explain. It was of the two of them in some city, not here and nowhere either of them had ever been. They weren’t wearing their normal clothes, either. They were both dressed up in dresses with ruffles all around, walking down a busy, crowded street, holding umbrellas over their heads to protect them from the sun, she imagined. They were laughing, too. Maybe she’d been right, after all. Maybe they’d always loved each other and always would.