Timeless

CHAPTER 29

1964

“I don’t want him to know,” Lily said.

“He’s your husband, Lily,” Diana replied.

“You know he’s not. My parents are making me marry him,” Lily replied as she sipped her tea. “I hate him. He hates me. We weren’t even supposed to sleep together until after we are married and I’m living in denial that we’d ever even gotten married because he goes out with other women all the time. Then, suddenly, he’s taking me on a date three months ago, and he wants us to do that to make sure, I don’t know, that I’d be good at it. He was gentle, at least. Nothing bad. But there was no emotion there, either. Now, I’m unmarried and pregnant, and I can’t keep this baby. He’d be a horrible father, just like he’ll be a horrible husband. At least, for me, since he doesn’t even like me. He likes that my father has promised him that he can take over the car lot after he retires more than he likes the idea of me being his wife. He doesn’t want children with me. I know that much. He pretends that he does, but he doesn’t.”

“What are you going to do?” Cheryl asked from her spot on the sofa next to Diana.

“Well, I was hoping I might be able to stay here with you two for a while. I want to leave town. My job at the car lot doesn’t pay much because my dad thinks that women shouldn’t work and that my husband will take care of me, but ever since the engagement, I’ve been saving up to leave. That’s what I want to do, but…” Lily looked down at the teacup in her shaking hands. “I don’t want to… It’s not the baby’s fault that this is happening. He or she can’t control who their father is. And I know women can do things to not be pregnant, but I don’t want that, either. I was hoping that, since I know you two… want a child together, you might take the ba by in for me. I’d send you money. The baby’s father doesn’t know anything about you two because you’re from my other life where I get to be myself.”

Lily was talking about the bar downtown that Diana and Cheryl had found three years ago when they’d first moved into an apartment of their own. Five years together already at age twenty-three, and they’d never looked back. Cheryl had gotten that job at the paper and had worked there for two years before moving to a different paper. Diana had recently finished school and had had a job all throughout it. Things had been tough for them, and they still were, but with Cheryl’s parents paying for their first apartment for two years, they’d been able to save up for one of their own. They’d decorated it in smooth yellows, pale blues, and soft fabrics, wanting it to be a home for them. They also had two bedrooms, and both were set up as if they slept in them nightly in case they had visitors who didn’t know about them. Cheryl’s family had stopped by once and had inspected both rooms as if they’d known something but said nothing and never had.

Her own father had passed away a year prior to Lily’s visit. He’d been killed while walking to the shop late at night to get some work done. A man who had had too much to drink had hit him and had run off. They’d found him, and he was in prison now since he’d confessed that it was him. That had been the last time she and Cheryl had gone back to that town. Her father’s will had provided for her, and since the shop had started making money after about two years, there was a little something for the two of them to use to buy a house. That wouldn’t be easy because, for so many things, they still needed a man’s signature or name.

So, when they’d first begun going to the underground bar, which was for women like them, they’d spoken with the bartender who owned it and had asked if she knew of a male equivalent that they could visit. Sure enough, she had, and soon, they’d met two men who were together, just like they were, and they’d all made a deal that would allow Cheryl and Diana to buy a house of their own and for the two men to have a girlfriend to take home to the family should they need one. It was all very complicated, and keeping lies straight with different people wasn’t easy, but it was the only way they could have the life they wanted together. That life, for the past year or two, had included the dream of having children together and knowing that it could never be.

“I don’t know whether it will be temporary or not,” Lily went on. “I can stay here until the baby is born. You can take care of them for me with the money I send. I’ll go and get settled with Sandy. Then, I can come back for the baby, and we’ll be on our way.”

“Why don’t you know if it will be temporary?” Diana asked.

“Because I… I never wanted children. But I don’t know if when they come out, I might change my mind. You know how women sometimes don’t want children, but then there’s this baby, and suddenly, they’re a mother, and they could never think of giving them up? I only ever wanted Sandy, but I can’t promise that when the baby is born, I won’t want them, after all,” she said of the woman she loved. “Sandy’s in New York now.”

“We know,” Cheryl said, leaning into Diana’s side, and Diana wrapped an arm around her shoulders to pull her in closer.

Sandy and Lily had been together in secret for two years before Sandy had gotten a job, rare for a woman in her field, in New York City. She’d had to move then, but Lily couldn’t, so they’d separated, deciding it would be too difficult to stay together.”

“I phoned her yesterday. She wants me to come, after all.”

“I thought you two broke up,” Cheryl said.

“We did because she moved away and it would be too hard, but when I told her that my father was making me marry someone, we started talking again on the phone every chance we got. She’s got some money; not a lot, but she’s already got a place to live, and I can live there with her. ”

“Why can’t you go now? Be there with her while you’re pregnant and put the baby up for adoption there.”

“Because she doesn’t want children, either, and I’d rather be pregnant here. At least, I’m in familiar territory. I have friends here and the bar. Sandy is going to get the apartment set up for me since it’s just hers right now, and we’ll need a fake bedroom and all that. I can go, though. If you say no, I will go there, and she and I will make do, but I’d rather be here during this time. He won’t find me here. Neither will my father. I’ll pay you while I’m here. I’ll get a job waitressing while I can still work and pay you whatever I can. You have the spare room. I’ll stay out of your way. As for the adoption, I can do that and let the kid be with some strangers, but you two want a baby. I know you do. You want to be mothers. And I know you. I trust you.”

“We couldn’t adopt him,” Diana pointed out.

“Not as a couple. But you have that arrangement with George and Henry. I’m sure we can figure something out if it comes to that. I don’t mind the boys being in the baby’s life. They’re good men. But I’d want you two to raise the baby yourselves.”

“It’s dangerous,” Cheryl replied. “Eventually, that baby will grow up. Kids talk and spill secrets accidentally, Lily. I don’t know…” She sighed and glanced over at Diana. “What if they say something at school about how we live together and share a bedroom or that they’ve seen us kissing or something? It’s one of the reasons, outside of the obvious, that we’ve put the idea of having children away.”

“The obvious?” Lily asked.

“Having sex with George or Henry to try to get pregnant, or using their… Well, I heard of a woman who used something to… put the sperm…”

“Ah,” Lily said.

“It doesn’t matter,” Diana added. “We don’t want to do that, so we gave up on the idea of us ever having children. I’m not so worried about the baby growing up and telling people. I think we can handle that by teaching them not to and explaining things away to people, if we have to. We’re only twenty-three, though, and while most women are married and pregnant by now, we like our jobs. I don’t know how we’d take care of a baby, with both of us working. We’re buying a house soon, so I suppose that would give us more space, but it also costs money, and so will a child.”

Cheryl turned to her then and asked, “My love, do you want to be a mother with me? If the answer is no, then Lily can still stay here, in my mind, at least, and when she has the baby, she can decide what she wants to do, but we won’t be an option. If you do, though, then, Lily stays here, and we all keep talking about this. We’ve got about six months, right?”

“Yes. The doctor I went to outside of the city, to be safe, told me that I’m twelve weeks along. I’m going to start showing soon. I’m lucky that I’m very thin or I’d be showing already.”

Diana stared at the woman she loved and said, “I do. You know I’ve wanted to be a mom with you.”

“Then, we can do this. If Lily wants to give us her baby, we’ll take them. We’ll have to talk to the boys to see if they can help.” Cheryl turned to Lily and added, “But, Lily, we would adopt the child, and we would be the parents. We’d make sure George and Henry are all right with having one of their names on the records, but this would be our baby. We would be their mothers. You can’t just come back into their lives later and try to take him or her from us. If you want to be in the baby’s life somehow, we can work that out.”

“I understand. I wouldn’t want to interfere or confuse the kid, Cheryl. I know what I’m asking here. I wish I never would’ve agreed to be with him that night. He was very persuasive, and I thought it might pull us closer together before we have to be married, but I can’t do this.” Tears welled in her eyes. “This way, he’ll never even know that he was a father, at least of this baby, and I’ll be safe with Sandy. I’ll probably even change my name. You’ll have men and a baby to cover for you two. I know I need to be strong. I already love this baby.” Lily pressed her hand to her belly. “But it’s better for them to be with you than to be with two women who never wanted to be mothers. I look at you two, and I can see clear as day how much you love each other. You’ve been together since you were seventeen years old. I know you’ll be together forever, which is what I want with Sandy. If I can give you this gift of a child when you’d given up on that dream,” she said and sniffled, wiping at her now-falling tears. “I want to do that.”

“I’ll make some more tea, and we’ll keep talking,” Cheryl offered before she leaned over and kissed Diana on the lips. “I love you with all my heart.”

“I love you, too,” Diana replied.

As Cheryl made tea, Diana moved to the arm of the chair, offering Lily a handkerchief. She rubbed the woman’s back and told her that everything was going to be all right. As she watched Cheryl in the kitchen then, putting the kettle back on the stove to boil the water for fresh tea, she could picture it. Normally, they would picture their pasts as other women. They’d met more of them over the years. She’d once had a vision of Harriet and Deb talking about how they were seeing visions of their own past lives. Cheryl, it turned out, had had a different vision of them discussing it as well. She and Cheryl had a list in their bedroom, tucked into a box at the bottom of their closet, that had the names of all the women they’d seen in their minds over the years. So far, there were twelve couples. The last new one had been added the previous year.

Cheryl liked talking about the past, but Diana loved talking about the future with her more. She could picture Cheryl in their kitchen, with a toddler on her hip, cooking dinner. Diana would be baking them something for dessert or coming home from her work as a nurse in the city’s biggest hospital, and she’d kiss her wife and child. Then, it hit her…

Cheryl passed Lily a new cup of tea and set one down on the table for Diana. Then, she went back to the kitchen to retrieve a fresh cup for herself, so Diana moved back to the couch to wait for her. When she arrived, Diana wrapped her arm back around her shoulders .

“Lily, will you do something for us?” she asked.

“Of course. Anything.”

When Cheryl looked at her in confusion, Diana stood, walked to a little desk they had for Cheryl’s writing, and pulled open the bottom drawer where she’d hidden a modest ring that she had planned to give her once they were in their first house. She moved back to Cheryl and got down on one knee.

“I know we can’t do this in a church, but before we do this, I want to be your wife in every way possible. Lily will be the officiant. We’ll ask the bar to host us. Our friends will be there. We’ll share our love with the people who accept and love us for who we are, and when Lily has the baby, you and I will become mothers. I want to be your wife when that happens, Cheryl. I love you more than anything. I’ve loved you forever already, and I’ll love you for all my lives. Will you marry me?”

Cheryl smiled down at her and said, “Yes, I will.”