To Scale the Emerald Mountain (The Willowbane Saga #1)

22. CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

ELLYA

L aying on my bed, my swollen eyes stare out the window at the midnight sky in my room at Father’s castle. I’m too overrun with wallowing in my heartbreak to sleep.

I don’t understand why Alec changed his mind. I’ve been mulling it over endlessly since he left, wondering if maybe I had done something to make him go back on his word.

When he arrived a few days ago, I saw it—I saw the change. Alec had never looked at me like that before. Suddenly his eyes held the same fire that I know mine have for years. All these years he’s refused to be romantically affectionate with me because of our age difference, even when he began officially courting me.

But this time, he gathered me in his arms and brought his lips to mine.

When Alec kissed me, it was as electrifying as when I use my currents. More so. His soft mouth against mine made me feel like I was taking my first breath, like my life was truly beginning.

He made my knees weak with the burning passion of that kiss. He held my face in his hands as we connected, conveying such a deep and loving need while he pulled me against his body and claimed my mouth. I thought I might die from pure joy when one of his large hands worked from my cheek to thread into my hair, holding me closer. It far exceeded all my expectations for what our first kiss would be. And then he asked me to come home with him, to be his queen—after so many years of waiting. I’ve never been so happy.

I don’t understand what changed.

Alec’s tension was palpable before he came through the door of my room after going to speak with Father, much later than anticipated. It didn’t stop the smile that had been plastered to my face while I waited for him to return to me. When I turned to him and saw his guarded expression, my silly grin instantly fell away. Watching him expectantly, I waited for him to say something.

All he did was lean against the door frame, studying me closely with guarded eyes.

“What?” I demanded with a bite.

“I am afraid I spoke prematurely earlier, my clove.”

My heart was instantly filled with icy hurt. I knew what was coming. “Do not try to soften me with your nickname,” I told him with a hiss.

Alec’s shoulders slumped before he offered me a weak apology. “I am sorry, Ellya,” he told me with obvious regret, but it didn’t ease the fist around my heart.

“Why?” I asked, trying to hold in tears.

“Something has come up. I am afraid we must wait just a little bit longer.” A sorry, inadequate excuse.

“What could possibly be more important, Alec?” He didn’t answer me, and I continued in sad desperation. “I won’t be in your way. I can spend time with Cescily while you’re busy.”

A small tear slid down my cheek, and he deflated further. Alec finally uncrossed his arms and moved from the doorframe to close the distance between us.

“You could never be in my way, Elly.” Alec placed his hands on my shoulders and began to run them down my arms gently, placating. “But it is not that simple.”

My anger bubbled over. I swatted his hands away and began to turn my back to him. “It is that simple!” I screamed, turning back to face him fully again. “Tell me why!” I cried harder as he watched me, not speaking.

“I will be back for you,” he promised me softly, avoiding explanation.

Alec had given me those words too many times, always with the assurance of when I reached full maturity. He lied. That time has come, and he dangled the promise of giving me what I’ve been dreaming of to turn around and snatch it away.

I slapped him across the cheek with a sharp sting. Alec took the hit willingly, which only made me angrier. I hit him again, harder, making blood pulse in my palm.

“You have been telling me that for years!” I became nearly hysterical, hot tears splashing down my face. “Do you get off on this? Do you enjoy watching me pine for you while you deny me being with you? Do you even want me at all?”

My question struck Alec hard; his already visible guilt and regret deepened. But not enough to ease my suffering.

“You know that you are all I want, Ellya.”

Hugging my arms around my body, I tried to hold myself together as my heart cracked. “Just leave.” My eyes closed, willing him to walk away instead of sticking around just long enough to watch me come undone in my heartbreak.

“Elly.” Alec’s voice was pleading .

“Just leave,” I said again. “Like you always do.” I heard him swallow when my words hit him, harder than any blow I could land with my hands.

“I will be back for you.” His choked voice was barely a whisper.

My eyes snapped open to shoot him an icy glare. “If you leave here without me again, don’t bother coming back, Alec.”

“I promise you, Elly, this is not what I want. I am just as eager to start our lives together. You know that. You are all that matters to me.”

Fat tears rolled down my cheeks as his expression told me that nothing I said would make the outcome any different.

“Fuck off, Alec. Just go. In fact—I’m glad that you’re leaving. I don’t want a life with a man who won’t hold to his promises. I hope you burn in your fucking lies.” My own lie came out easily. I could never truly imagine my life without Alec. He’s all that matters, the same as he told me. But I was embarrassed and wanted to just be alone to break.

Not waiting for him to say anything, I turned away again as tears continued to run down my face. I tried to swallow down the frantic hiccups working their way up my throat.

“I love you. And I will be back,” Alec offered me, emotion stifling his words. “I am sorry.”

The door closed softly behind him.

It’s been days since he left, and still the tears come.

I asked Nana if she knew why Alec left, and all that she would say was that he would tell me when he got back. I’m frustrated with her, too. I’m frustrated with everyone. Everyone is as tense as Alec was that day; but no one will tell me why. Something has obviously happened. Nana and I rarely stay at the castle this long. And deep down, I know that Alec wouldn’t really leave without me unless it was important.

Sighing heavily, I roll over on my back, staring up at the wood paneled ceiling. I rub my tired eyes when my favorite, rumbling voice rings clear through my head.

“ Come to me, my clove.” An image of the garden where we first met flashes in my mind.

My breath hitches in surprise. Alec has never spoken straight to my mind before. He does so with others often. He told me several years ago—when I asked why he won’t with me—that he doesn’t wish to have any conversations with me that I can’t participate in.

One day, when we complete our bond, that would change.

My heart beats fast in excited anticipation, Alec’s glow around my heart pulsing. Even though I’m still upset with Alec, guilt has been gnawing at me over the hurtful things I said. I’ve been desperate to apologize; to tell him how afraid I was that he would take me at my word and never come back to me. I want to tell him how I could never imagine a life that didn’t include him.

Grinning, I bound through the castle halls on my way outside to meet him, paying no attention to my indecent state of dress. The castle is quiet in the late hour, and I meet no one on my way out. I make it to the dark garden and see Alec’s shadowed silhouette in the light of the moons, the green and white luminescence bouncing off his white shirt.

“Alec,” I breathe softly when I see him.

He turns slowly and begins to stalk towards me.

“Hello, Ellya.” Something about his voice is strange; his gait is slightly off.

It strikes me how odd it is that Alec’s wearing white; all I’ve ever seen him in is black. His hair has gotten much longer—but it’s only been a few days since I saw him last. His build is a little different, leaner and less bulky. But mostly, I notice his scent that drifts to me on the night breeze. It almost smells like his leathery scent but something about it is just so… off .

My eyes go wide as I remember Alec briefly mentioning his twin brother who he’s been estranged from for many years.

Fear grips my belly tight as a sheen of cold sweat breaks out across my skin. “You’re not Alec,” I whisper in realization.

He smiles and lets loose a laugh that makes the hairs on my neck stand.

“No, I’m not.”

Waking with a start, my head pounds in my temples.

As I sit up in the soft bed, a light blanket slips off me. The rush of blood in my ears increases while my mind is expanding and stretching.

All my memories are bleeding back—like ink soaking into paper and seeping out to cover the blank spaces. Only, some spots are left open. Small and sporadic holes that the ink skirts completely, leaving empty places. The dark ink halts in other spots before turning a diluted gray. I know what the blank and gray spots are, but I don’t know why they won’t fill in. I don’t know why there is the exception of my first time meeting Alec, as well as the last time I saw him before I was kidnapped.

Locane’s magic is finally lifting and releasing me, but not everything comes back.

Finally, my confusion that I’ve been battling begins to lift, only leaving the lingering wonder of why Locane went to such lengths to wipe my memory and control my reality.

I was never in a dungeon cell. Locane only fed me that illusion when he finally took control of me after weeks of trying to fight him off. My fingers rub gingerly at my temples. The pounding has eased but the ache remains.

My eyes take in the room I’m in. I didn’t look when Alec carried me in here, too afraid to open my eyes and see him again, even though I allowed myself to be comforted by his warmth and his calming scent.

My guilt can’t handle the pain he showed me.

The room is large with sandstone walls and arched windows. A stained-glass door leads to a balcony outside, the panes glittering like jewels with the soft light of the moons. The sky is dark outside. Flicker lamps hang from chains, emitting barely enough light to illuminate the room to see. I can’t take in the finer details, only vague outlines of the rugs, pictures, and potted plants around the room.

I’m alone.

But then I notice a brighter light peeking from the crack underneath a door. I assume it’s a bathing chamber and am proven right when I hear a faucet turn and water run.

Instinctively, my fists clutch the satin blanket and bring it to my chest, the smooth fabric brushing against my skin. My heartbeat increases, and I break out in an anxious sweat.

Alec was here when I fell asleep, sitting dutifully by my side. I’m afraid to face him again. Now that I’ve rested some—and my emotions have calmed to manageable levels—I don’t know that I’m ready to see him. My memories of him may not have returned, but the blank spots and gray areas show that there should be many. They show that Alec has been endlessly present since I was five years old.

Many of the gray spots indicate that he was there for a lot of my training while mastering my gifts. Just out of sight when everyone else is visible and clear. That calming presence is palpable in all the gray memories, and I know that it’s him.

Despite my lack of currently knowing who he is, I can’t deny the immediate sense of relief, safety, and completion I experienced just being in his presence. The light in my heart flares and waves at the thought of Alec, that pull in my gut insistently telling me to find him; to be near him. My eyes burn and I shake away the thoughts, shoving those instincts into a box in a quiet corner of my mind.

I’m about to lay back down and pretend to be asleep again when the bathing chamber door opens, but it’s Nana that comes out.

“You’re awake.” She walks over to the bed and sits next to me. She moves slowly as she grabs my hand and squeezes. “Alec will be back soon. We didn’t think you’d wake.” I shake my head from side to side. “You don’t want him to come back?” Nana asks, surprised.

“No, not yet.”

“Of course, Elly. Do you want me to go?”

After a moment of consideration, I reluctantly shake my head. Nana nods and strokes my hair. “I cannot imagine what you’ve been through.” Tears are welling in her eyes. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her weep before tonight.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I say quietly and turn away.

“Of course. I won’t push. But are you alright? Did he hurt you?”

She brushes my hair from my face again. I wrap my arms around my knees, trying to hold myself in, and look out the window towards the starry night sky beyond.

“No.” It’s not entirely a lie. Locane never did hurt me in a physical sense—and I believe that’s what she means.

“Are you hungry? Or thirsty? I can get you whatever you like, my darling girl. ”

“Don’t call me that.” My words come out harsh, and my gaze turns steely. Her fingers stop stroking before she drops her hand. I’ve taken her off guard.

“You’re angry with me,” Nana says.

“You’ve kept things from me. Important things.”

“We did what we thought was right, but we were wrong.” The softness Nana speaks with grates my nerves.

“We? Who else? Alec? Anyone else part of the proverbial they ?“ My voice is beginning to rise as I repeat what Locane said to me when I asked who held me back. Nana is confused by my statement but doesn’t question.

“Have your memories come back?” she deflects.

My gaze snaps to Nana, and she looks at me apologetically.

“Why are you even here? You were going to go back to Bokhaii as soon as I came of age, anyway. I came of age years ago.”

“Elly, the duration of my stay in Brhadir had nothing to do with your age, but when you were ready. We all thought…” Nana trails off, choosing not to finish her sentence.

“You and Alec thought what?” I’m holding tight to the anger I felt when I last saw him at Rhydelle Castle. It’s better than the alternatives.

“We thought when you reached full maturity and you came to The Capital I would go after that.” Nana finishes—obviously not saying all that she means.

“I’m here. I’m matured. You can go now.” My hand gestures lazily towards the door.

Nana’s features are soft when she says, “I don’t know what you went through, but I know that you’re hurting—“

“Don’t!” I cut her off harshly. “If you can’t even fully say what you mean to me, I don’t want to speak to you. I’m finished with listening to omitted half-truths and downright lies!”

Nana crosses her arms. “You’re right. I wasn’t going to leave until you made it to The Capital, you completed your mating, and had been married and officially crowned queen. I was going to see that you were settled into your new life before I left.”

“So, you were waiting until you could officially sell me off like fucking chattel before going to start your own life. Got it. Thanks so much, Nana.”

She searches my face and chews her lip. “I know that you’re hurting and angry, but it wasn’t like that, and you know it.”

“You didn’t tell me that I’m vital in the search for gems that contain god power,” I accuse.

Nana rubs her hand down her face once and sniffs. “We don’t know that you are vital in the search.”

“You sure about that, Nana?”

“I don’t know what he told you, Elly—“

“It doesn’t fucking matter what he told me! I’m asking you. Tell me the truth.” My legs are hanging over the edge of the bed, ready to leap to my feet.

“I am telling you the truth. Your gifts are valuable in the search, but I don’t know whether they’re vital.”

Hopping off the bed, I stride to turn the key controlling the lamps, dousing the room in sudden brightness. We both blink in adjustment.

“Did you two know that his brother was obsessed with the gems?” I ask.

“Yes. It is the reason why Alec is king. Locane is the older brother, if only by minutes. It’s the reason they’ve been estranged for years before their father died,” Nana explains. Her tone and demeanor drip with guilt.

“And you never thought to tell me!”

“I’m sorry, Elly,” she stands up, walking towards me quickly, her arms outstretched in supplication. “We made grave mistakes, I know that. There is no taking that back.”

“Don’t! Don’t fucking touch me.” I shake my finger at her when she goes to reach for me. “I’ve heard you mention Locane once. When I was five—that’s it.” Nana stands looking at me pleadingly. “And you weren’t even speaking to me. Did you ever mention him to me again? Did Alec?”

“You don’t remember those conversations?” she asks.

“No. I conveniently can’t remember anything about Alec at all, other than the day we met. The same day that you mentioned his brother. His fucking twin! Did I ever know anything about him at all?” I choose not to inform Nana of my memory of the last time I saw Alec.

She sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. “Yes. Alec told you briefly. Not in any great detail, only that he had a twin, and they were estranged.”

“Did you know before Locane took me that he might be interested in me? In my gifts?” I ask quietly. Nana’s face pales, and I don’t need her to answer. “Get out.” My shaking hand points to the door.

“Elly, please.” She walks towards me again.

My feet carry me a step back to hold the distance. “Get the fuck out!” I scream just as the door opens. Alec stands there, his dark eyes moving back and forth between Nana and I, reading the situation .

“I heard yelling,” he states. The sight of Alec—the sound of his deep, soothing voice—sends me an odd mixture of elation, anger, and sadness.

I choose anger.

“You!” I hiss, turning my finger to point at him. Alec’s eyes widen a fraction. I run across the room and push him, both palms pounding against the tight muscles of his chest.

“I was angry with you the last time I saw you. Why?” Even though I already know the answer, I want to hear him say it. Alec opens his mouth to speak but hesitates too long. I push him again. “Tell me!”

He places a gentle hand on my shoulder, moving me just enough to be able to step into the room and close the door. Alec runs his hand through his silky black hair before turning to me.

“You were angry with me because I had told you that it was time to finally bring you home to The Capital. I then came to you, hours later, telling you things had changed, and we had to wait just a little longer.”

“And why had those plans changed?” I grit through my teeth.

“Because your father told me that Locane had come and asked questions about you that I had deemed threatening.”

Alec stands with his feet apart, rubbing his temple gently—so weary and beaten down. Part of me is happy that he’s suffered. The other part wants to go tuck him into my bed, see him rest, and tell him everything is alright.

But everything is not alright.

“You didn’t tell me this, did you?”

“No. I did not,” Alec says, the words laced with regret. “I am sorry, Ellya. We should have told you. ”

“But you didn’t. Instead, you left me vulnerable,” I say with disbelief. “Both of you!”

My eyes dart back and forth between Nana and Alec, both looking equally guilty. Alec stands with his arms crossed, face tense, and eyes pleading as he chews his bottom lip nervously. Nana looks faint and pale.

“Get out,” I say quietly.

“Elly.” Alec steps towards me. He appears terrified and reaches a hand out to me. I back away, holding my hands up.

“Both of you. Get out.”

They still don’t move.

“Fine. I’ll leave,” I say, turning to the door.

They both spring into motion instantly at the threat.

Alec swiftly moves to stand in front of me, blocking my path.

Nana practically runs towards the door.

“We’ll go. We’ll go, Elly,” Nana says. She opens the door and begins to walk out when she turns her head to look over her shoulder. “Alec.” Her tone is commanding.

“Ellya, please—speak to me,” he begs with his eyes shining.

Turning away from him, I go to the bathing chamber, slamming the door behind me. I hear soft, fervent whispers before their retreating footsteps. Sliding down the door, I cross my arms over my knees, hanging my head. I only sit like this for a few minutes before stifling my tears and wipe them away angrily.

I take in the colorful bathing chamber. The floor is the same stone as the walls with a large, raised square tub in the middle of the room. The sides are adorned with endless jade and blue mosaic tiles. A mirrored vanity runs along the wall before transitioning to arched windows with panes of stained glass made of different colored geometric shapes. A shower sits in the corner with three spraying heads hanging down from the ceiling. Potted tropical plants and flowers are placed and hung throughout the room.

So peaceful.

As the large tub fills, I search under the vanity to find towels, soaps, lotions, and oils. A thin green robe hangs from a row of hooks on the back of the door. I soak for a long time, trying to keep my mind blank. I’ve spent the last months trying to remember who I am, and now that I do, I wish I could forget.

The Princess of Brhadir.

It would have been better to have been a fugitive. Instead, I was viciously ripped from a comfortable and privileged life where I thought I was loved and respected. The seeds of doubt that Locane had sown in me about my grandmother have begun to grow knowing the information she kept from me. Nana says they were trying to protect me, but what good—if any—did that do?

And Alec…

I refuse to even think about him. At this point, I’m glad that he has been successfully wiped from my memory. It will be better in the long run. Better for him. The hurt he has worn so freely since I was brought back here is too much to bear. Better to stop the flow of that hurt now.

My betrayals run too deep.

When I can no longer ignore the rapidly chilling water, I finally emerge from the bath, paying no mind to the noises my stomach makes. The idea of food makes my stomach churn with hot bile.

Fear that there will be someone waiting in the bedroom for me slows my steps, but when I open the door, I see that it’s empty. I breathe a sigh of relief.

My chambers are large, made up of multiple rooms. There’s a wide opening with gauzy, mauve curtains pooling luxuriously on the floor. The curtains act as a partition between an area with a small dining table at one end and a sitting area with mismatched chairs facing the window looking out at the jade-green swimming pool and garden below. Directly beneath the window is a pile of pillows of all colors and sizes arranged artfully. It’s the perfect place to curl up with a book.

An exposed clothing rack in the bedchamber catches my eye, and I find an assortment of garments, same as the closet at that dreadful house. Flipping through the garments, hot fire rises in my chest with each article of clothing that is nearly identical to the sleeveless shirts and loose cotton pants left for me there. Even the dresses and evening gowns are similar. I stop the assault and go to the door leading onto a balcony and throw it wide, the warm breeze ruffling my hair.

Stomping back to the rack, I gather everything in my arms at once. I trip on one of the long dresses as I carry the cumbersome load. My steps steady before continuing to throw it all off the edge of the balcony—not bothering to look to see what’s below. My rage is unfounded. All the clothing matched the style of my previous life; but everything is different now. When my arms are free of the weight, I’m relieved.

Just slightly.