Torn (Deep 8, #5)

38. Roger

THIRTY-EIGHT

Roger

Capturing her lips with mine, I lead her to the back of the cabin, stumbling into the bedroom, and slamming the door shut with my foot. In the face of danger, people crave a connection before going into a battle they may not come out of alive. My appetite for her is ravenous.

I’ve been here before, indulging in passion before a dangerous mission, but this is different. I’m with a woman I want to spend the rest of my life with because we’ve forged a bond through countless trials.

This isn’t just sex. This is a commitment to us and our journey together. If we can survive this, marriage should be a piece of cake—famous last words. Neither of us grew up with parents in happy marriages, so we can avoid the pitfalls.

These won’t be my last words to her, I’ll make sure of it. We both may have to cut ties with our pasts to move forward and start fresh. I can’t go back to being my father’s scapegoat. Being his pawn hasn’t worked well for me. She’s changed me to want more for myself and to make a bigger, better life. This woman deserves every ounce of my attention.

"You look like you could use some pampering in the shower." My voice rumbles in my chest as her skin turns pink.

"That’s how you’re going to woo me? By telling me I need to get clean?" She smirks.

My fingers make quick work of unbuttoning her shirt. "Magical things happen in showers," I murmur as I kiss her neck.

"My favorite M word," she gasps as I bite her nipple.

We stand naked and I hold her to me, caressing her skin with my fingertips, savoring every inch of her. My fingers buzz with anticipation.

"Are you okay? That was a lot to take in today." She steps back to look at me.

"As long as I can do this with you, we’ll be fine." We step into the luxury shower, and I soap her up from head to toe.

Her hands find the hardness between my legs, making my skin tingle. Her touch is perfect as I close my eyes and get lost in each stroke. I grab her hands because this isn’t how this is going to end today.

She wears a devious grin. My lips crush hers as I hold her up. "Are we good because I ran out of condoms?"

"We’re good. I’m on birth control and I trust you."

I slip up inside her. Her head falls back on the tile wall. I grip the back of her head. "Look at me." A lusty haze covers her eyes.

"Don’t look away." I thrust into her, and her eyes open wide. "I want you to know who’s inside your mind, body, and soul. You see me and I see you. Two people who need to move forward and let the past go. When we come out of this, you’ll be mine because I’m yours for the keeping. ‘Doubt thou thestarsare fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love.’ Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2." My words sound desperate, but I don’t care.

Before she can utter a word, I kiss her while slowly moving in and out, relishing every thrust. I continue my slow pace until she’s ready to climax, then stop. I want her on the precipice, ready to fall, beg, and plead.

"Roger," She’s breathless, which is how I want her.

"Do you understand what I’m saying?" I thrust one more time.

She nods. "You are a cruel yet beautiful lover." She smiles.

Being the gentleman and unable to leave her hanging, I pick up the pace until she screams my name. I come with her, and we collapse together, sliding down the wall. We pant as she puts her hand over my pounding heart.

"Every beat of my heart rests in your hands." I place my hand over hers. "I know you didn’t want this to happen between us, but it has and there is no turning back."

"You make it so damn hard to say no. How many times have you quoted Shakespeare while having sex?" she asks. "It’s a friggin’ turn-on."

"Let’s be clear. This wasn’t sex." Her eyes smolder. "I’ve never quoted Shakespeare while making love. Those words are for someone special."

She wipes the water from my brow. "You are someone special. I’m grateful you saved it for me. But I have to tell you, I’m still waiting for the pampering." Her sass is going to get the better of her one day.

We laugh until her laughter turns to tears. "I’ve never been this scared before a mission. We only have a glimpse of how big this is. What if we fail? What if we can’t save your father, and I don’t get the answers I need? I’m sorry," she mumbles and slumps onto my shoulder.

My thumb catches the tears on her cheeks. "Is that all?"

She shakes her head. "I have more to lose than ever before." Her words encompass our childhood perceptions, us, and life as we know it.

"We’ll do everything we need to do today to make it to tomorrow. When we get there, we’ll make other decisions. One day at a time, baby."

I pull her to me. The water runs cold, and I lift her from the shower, dry her off, and lather her body with lotion. There are no worries she’ll be ready when the time comes.

We find clothes that fit us from the closet and walk into the cabin as different people. Dean looks between the two of us. "You could have put your hand over her mouth to muffle the scream."

"Where’s the fun in that? Missing Leigha?" she teases him while he grimaces.

"While you two were off having a good time, I have more information to share." Dean waves us over to the lounge chairs.

He turns to me. "Your PAX team is flying into Perth in tourist helicopters. They won’t check in with you until they’re settled. Sounds like they’re going to become part of the landscape. The MBK team is following suit along with the Aussies. We need to keep everyone on the low until we get the lay of the land."

"What are we going to do when they ask about your father?" Harlow asks, her voice quivers.

"If the snipers were ASIO, why do you think they wanted my father and me dead? Their scopes were on both of us." Dean asks.

My eyes find Harlow’s face as I move in my chair. She nods. "The ASIO may have been onto your dad and was following him to gain access to Deep 8. In your father’s words, he may not have been a good man. He may have been linked to Deep 8 in some way. We just don’t know how," I state.

"Have you told your sisters and mom?" Harlow asks.

Dean shakes his head. "I need to keep my head in the game. ASIO will contact them, and I need to have as little contact as possible. I don’t know how deep this rabbit hole is." He steeples his fingers and taps them one by one, not making eye contact with us.

"I have a contact in Perth I need you to tap. She’s familiar with the underbelly of international espionage, especially in Australia. It would be better if I weren’t there when you ask her who she thinks is heading up Deep 8. She’ll be more likely to tell you if it’s my father." Dean’s face darkens. His life has turned one-eighty in the last twelve hours.

"You slept with her too," I state.

He shrugs without remorse. "Pippa made arrangements for both of you. I’m heading out with the team. I need to bring them up to speed on the case." He stands up and holds his father’s necklace in front of me, dropping it in my hand. "Take care of this. It could save your life. I’ll be in touch." He wanders to the other side of the plane.

I receive his message loud and clear. He needs to reconnect with his teammates because they can give him the support he needs right now. Brothers in arms have a deep understanding of what it takes to be in the wind and deal with family issues. We understand the rhythm of silence and the timing of words.

If things don’t go well with my father, I’ll be glad to have Harlow and my teammates here with me. The motto life is messy has taken on a whole new meaning.