Trapped with the Earl of Sin

Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

A nervousness settled in the pit of Susanna’s stomach as she stood outside her sister’s bedchambers, waiting for her to open the door. Susanna had kept herself awake all night long after the ball that took place the previous evening, tossing and turning under the bedsheets as she tried to figure out what her next move should be.

Things had gotten so strange and complicated with Martin, she was terrified that whatever she did next would be yet another wrong move, muddying things even further.

“Good morning, Susanna,” Mary greeted happily as soon as she opened her door, smoothing down her day dress. “Is everything alright? You look like something is troubling you.”

Susanna bit her bottom lip and nodded. “Do you think that we could talk for a moment before we head down to breakfast?”

“Of course. Please, take a seat,” Mary offered. “You know that you can talk to me about anything.”

But that did not calm down the intense racing of Susanna’s heart as she tried to find the right words. She might have rehearsed this conversation a million times in her head, but now that she was here, about to talk, everything had escaped her mind.

“I… I do not know where to begin,” she admitted.

Susanna could not meet Mary’s eyes as she finally started talking. She just knew that this was a sensitive subject that had the potential to upset her sister, but she also desperately needed to know the answer.

“Go on,” Mary urged her gently. “Whatever it is, you know that you can talk to me about it.”

But Susanna still sucked in a sharp breath before she continued. “Well, I guess I am just wondering how you managed to do it… you know, fall in love again after everything that has happened.”

The silence in the air was so thick that Susanna could hardly breathe. For a beat too long, it truly did feel like she had said the wrong thing. But just because Mary did not talk about Duncan any longer, it surely did not mean that he was never on her mind.

Relief flooded Susanna when Mary finally answered her. “Of course, it has been hard for me. I would have to have no heart at all to find this easy. Losing Duncan in such a violent way was truly terrible.” She threw her hands in the air as she spoke. “I mean, that was the man that I thought I was going to marry and spend the rest of my life with. I did not think I would ever look at another man for as long as I lived. Of course, you know better than anyone how that grief affected me.”

Susanna swallowed hard as she nodded. “Yes, I know. And that was an experience I never wish to go through again, Mary. I felt utterly hopeless seeing you so low, and knowing that there was nothing that I could do to pull you from that dark place… it was devastating.”

Mary nodded understandingly. “I know. I never wish to feel that way again either, which is why I was inwardly resistant when I first met Luke. I did not want to let him in at all.” She smiled, almost to herself, which Susanna found very touching. “But he managed to capture my heart anyway, despite all of my resistance. He managed to make me see that I do deserve a second chance at life and love after all. I truly do not know what I would do without him now. This might not be the life I thought that I would end up living, but I am still happy that this is the life that shall be mine.”

“I see.”

It was truly a lot for Susanna to process. She could almost feel the cogs in her brain turning as she tried to take all of this in. She did not know what she was expecting her sister to say, but this was a lot to process.

“What I am trying to tell you, Susanna,” Mary declared happily, “is to live your life with no regrets. You cannot always predict what is going to happen next. Life can be funny in that way. It is also far too short to worry about living it for other people. You need to concentrate on living it for yourself, and doing whatever makes you happy. Who are the people that you admire the most, Susanna? I believe, like me, you admire those who are happy. Trust me, Susanna. Love is worth it, regardless.”

Susanna had actually always looked up to her sister, but hearing Mary be so wise made her admire her even more. Perhaps this conversation had not answered all the questions that she still had floating through her mind with regard to Martin, but it was nice to know that happiness was the end goal. Even after heartbreak.

She just had to figure out now if this intense lust could lead to any kind of happiness. It was confusing, being around Martin and not knowing if she hated him, or wanted more, but she was going to have to figure it out.

“Come on,” Mary urged as she offered her sister her arm. “Let us go down for breakfast, I am sure that everyone will be waiting for us. We do not wish for them to wonder where we are.”

Susanna smiled and took her sister’s proffered arm. She even half listened to her as they made their way to the breakfast table, but truth be told, her mind was racing. Fear had gripped her, reminding her of all the reasons why she was so afraid to let anyone into her heart.

Mary might have found a way to recover from what had happened in her past, but Susanna could not help but still struggle with it. She feared she would not be strong enough to suffer such a fate, and then continue on with life afterwards.

Maybe that is a problem for another day, Susanna told herself as the faces of the other guests greeted her, I most certainly have some other things to worry about now.

Edwin’s face was a stark reminder of that. Especially as he seemed to be glowering at everyone while they talked and ate. How did no one else seem to pick up on that unpleasant expression on his face?

Well, there was one person who always noticed, and as he caught her eyes, Susanna felt her heart leap up into her throat.

Did Martin know that she could not stop thinking about him? That he had been on her mind all night long?

And how did he feel about her?

“You girls must be very excited about the dance tonight,” Luke’s mother interjected, pulling Susanna out of her thoughts.

Another dance? Already? Had she been paying so little attention that she had missed out on more plans?

“The Wesson family are known for their extravagant balls. I cannot wait for you to meet them, I am sure you will enjoy their company very much.”

Mary’s eyes shone with so much excitement that Susanna did not dare mention that she had been unaware of the dance. She kept her lips tightly shut, even as the conversation around her spiraled into excitement over all the details.

“I am sure you have quite the gown picked out for the evening,” Martin teased. Susanna could tell that he could sense her surprise at the mention of the dance, even if no one else could. “I cannot wait to see what you will wear.”

Susanna narrowed her eyes at him. It did not seem to matter what happened between them, he would always resort to teasing her. It was a safety net, she supposed, to know that he was never going to treat her any differently, but it was also a little unnerving. If she breathed in deep enough, it was almost as if she could inhale him deeply and still sense his body pressed up against hers.

A sizzle of excitement tore down her spine as the memory took hold.

If he was going to treat her in the same way, then she could certainly do the same thing to him.

“You should be excited,” she declared, using the same tone. “Because I am quite sure my gown will blow you away. You will be surprised at just how beautiful it is.”

Laughter danced in Martin’s eyes. “Well, I was looking forward to dancing at the ball tonight, but now I am really looking forward to it. I cannot wait to be the first name on your dance card.”

Susanna cocked a knowing eyebrow. “What on earth made you think that you are going to be on my dance card at all?”

Martin leaned in slightly, his voice lowering to a teasing murmur. “I have a feeling you will not be able to resist, Susanna. Besides, I shall make sure to ask you before anyone else has the chance.”

Susanna felt a rush of warmth at his words, but she maintained her composed exterior. “You seem awfully confident, Martin. But I suppose we will see tonight.”

It was honestly a little surprising that everyone else continued to engage in their own conversations, as if they could not sense the heat burning between her and Martin. Susanna could not understand how no one had picked up on the intensity of the energy surging between them at all times. But every time she glanced around the table just to be sure, no one seemed to be interested in them at all.

Well, aside from Martin’s mother, perhaps. There did seem to be a couple of curious looks coming from her, which was… interesting.

At least that meant Susanna’s little secret was safe, for the time being. She was not about to be forced into any life-changing decisions just yet, which was wonderful because she could only give Martin a bit of her attention. Edwin and his potentially diabolical behavior needed so much more.

Pastel pink was not a color that Susanna would normally choose to wear, but since she had made comments about the fabulousness of her gown over the breakfast table, she felt like she had to deliver something a little bit different, to prove Martin wrong.

And to impress him a little as well, there was no denying that was a part of her wish. She could not wait to see how his eyes widened when he saw her in this dress.

The sweetheart neckline allowed her to wear a beautiful diamond around her neck, and the lace covering the bodice was a lovely, intricate design. The way that the skirts cascaded around her feet was going to make it a little challenging to dance, but she would do her best. She had been trained to dance in all kinds of gowns, after all.

Susanna twisted her head from side to side to check out the braids in the complicated-looking chignon the handmaid had styled for her. The gems decorating her hair shone when they caught the light, which Susanna enjoyed. That felt like a really nice touch.

She did not wish to stand out among the crowds tonight, this was Mary’s time to garner all the attention, since she was the bride-to-be, but she did want to catch his eyes. The man she had almost destroyed her reputation for…

At least things were still normal between them, and he had not decided to ice her out. Right now, Martin was the only person who knew about Edwin and her fears, and Susanna was not sure what she would do without him. She may have teased him about not dancing with him, but of course she would, so they could discuss any strange goings on that they might have spotted throughout the evening.

And more than that, so she could feel his strong, masculine hands on her body once more…

But not in an inappropriate way, of course. Not in public.

In fact, it might be better if they did not touch one another inappropriately again…

Knock, knock.

Just as her mind was about to wander into dangerous territory, taking her down a path she did not want to go to tonight for fear of fantasies becoming reality, Mary knocked on her door to hurry her along. The carriages were already outside waiting and of course, they did not wish to be late.

“Oh my!” Mary exclaimed in shock. “That is a beautifully fancy dress. It suits you very much.”

A heat burned in Susanna’s cheeks. If her sister had reacted with such surprise, then surely Martin would as well. It was just a shame that they could not spend the whole night together, dancing. She did not wish to dance with another man tonight, and she did not wish to see him in the arms of another lady either.

What on earth was happening to her?

“Thank you, Mary,” Susanna replied, a shy smile tugging at her lips. “I thought I would try something a little different tonight.”

Mary’s eyes sparkled with approval as she gently adjusted a stray lock of Susanna’s hair. “You look stunning. I very much like that color on you. I am sure that you will have all eyes on you tonight.”

“Oh, I do not need all eyes…”

“Just the eyes of someone in particular,” Mary declared with a wink.

Panic shot through Susanna. Had Mary found out her secret? She swallowed hard, trying to maintain her composure. “I… I do not know what you mean.”

Mary laughed softly, a knowing glint in her eyes. “Oh, Susanna, you cannot hide your feelings from me. It is obvious that there is someone special you are hoping to impress tonight. And if it is who I think it is, then from what I can tell, he is already quite taken with you. I am sure that he will not know what to say because you look so lovely.”

Susanna’s heart raced. Could Mary really know about her and Martin?

“I suppose we shall see,” she said, attempting a nonchalant tone because the last thing she wanted to do was give anything away. “Shall we go?”

As they descended the grand staircase, the anticipation building in Susanna’s chest was almost overwhelming.

The carriages waited outside, their polished surfaces gleaming in the fading light of day. The soft murmurs and laughter drifted through the open door, setting the scene for an evening of elegance and intrigue.

And an evening where Susanna would have to keep one eye on Martin, without alerting her sister to what she was doing, and the other on Edwin.

It was certainly going to be another interesting night. One that could lead to anything. Susanna just hoped and prayed that she was ready for it, whatever came her way.