Trapped with the Earl of Sin

Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

I n fact, darling Susanna, one might even dare to say that I am falling for you .

Those words had stuck in her mind ever since Martin had said them to her. They might as well have been her mantra over the last few days. Which had not helped her every time she had been forced to be around Martin.

Much as Susanna had done everything that she could to avoid him, there were times when they simply had to look one another in the eyes. It was as if that magnetic force kept pulling them back together, even if they did not want that.

“Susanna, are you even listening to me?” Mary demanded, snapping Susanna back to the present moment. She was supposed to be helping with the flower arrangements to be placed in the center of all the tables, but clearly, she had not been doing a good enough job. “My goodness, what is with you, Susanna? I cannot seem to get any conversation out of you at the moment.”

“Sorry,” Susanna murmured as she attempted to get back to work. “I guess I am tired.”

“No, I believe it is more than that,” Mary mused as she rested her hands on her hips. “There is something on your mind, I can see it. Something that you are not really sharing with me.”

Susanna shook her head, but she could feel a heat burning in her cheeks. She did not want to give herself away, but she could not seem to stop her blood from burning up. It did not help that she was keeping too many secrets from her sister. “I do not know what you are talking about.”

Mary narrowed her eyes, studying her sister’s flushed face. “Oh, come on, Susanna. I know you better than that. You have been acting strange ever since we went riding.”

Susanna tried to focus on the delicate roses and peonies in her hands, but her mind was still stuck on Martin’s words. She placed a sprig of baby’s breath into the arrangement, hoping it would hide her trembling fingers.

“I am fine, really.”

Mary did not seem to be buying it. She stepped closer, her voice softening. “Is it Martin?”

Susanna’s head snapped up, her eyes wide with surprise. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Mary began, glancing around to make sure they were alone and no one could overhear them. “I do notice things, you know, and I have noticed the way you two look at each other. And the way you avoid him too… It is not hard to see that something is going on. I have tried to talk to you about it a few times, but you have been resistant. I did not want to push you… but if he is causing you issues, then I need to know. I will not stand for it.”

Panic flared in Susanna’s chest. She had not realized they were so obvious and that Mary was just waiting for her to say something.

“It is nothing, Mary. Just… complications.”

Mary placed a hand on her sister’s arm, her expression earnest. “You can talk to me, you know. If something is happening, or if he did something?—”

“No, no,” Susanna interrupted quickly. “He did not do anything wrong. It is just… confusing. He said something to me, and I cannot stop thinking about it.”

Mary’s eyes softened with understanding. “You care about him, am I right? You might even… like him… I have thought that for a while now because I have never seen a man get under your skin in the same way that Martin does.”

Susanna bristled. She never intended to like anyone. Especially not after seeing how hurt love had left Mary… but then Susanna could also see how happy love made her sister now. It was all so very confusing and hardly any wonder that she felt like her head was spinning all the time.

Eventually, she sighed, feeling the weight of her emotions pressing down on her. “I think I do. But it is more than that. It is like… he sees me in a way no one else does. And I am not sure how to handle it. I do not want to like him. I have been actively trying not to like him, but I cannot seem to stop myself.”

Mary smiled gently. “Love can be scary, especially when it is unexpected. But maybe it is time to face it head-on. Talk to him, Susanna. You might be surprised by what you find.”

Susanna bit her lip, considering her sister’s words. Could she really be brave enough to confront her feelings? To risk her heart? The thought made her stomach twist with anxiety, but there was also a flicker of hope.

“Maybe you are right,” she said finally, her voice barely above a whisper. “Maybe I do need to talk to him.”

Mary gave her a reassuring squeeze. “You will figure it out. And whatever happens, I am here for you. If you need any help or advice, I will do what I can to assist you.”

Susanna managed a small smile. “Thank you, Mary. I needed that. But please, do not say anything to anyone else.”

“Of course, I will not say a word. You can trust me.”

As they returned to their work, Susanna’s mind was no longer solely on the flower arrangements. She could not stop thinking about Martin and the possibilities that lay ahead. For the first time in days, she felt a glimmer of clarity amidst the confusion…

Unfortunately, all of that seemed to float away the moment she laid eyes on Martin. It was as if he left her speechless and completely unable to talk. Every single time she tried to plan out the conversation in her mind, she found herself left with a blank emptiness when she met his gaze.

She kept fearing again and again that he did not mean his words, and that it was just another way for him to tease her. There was no way that Susanna could bear the idea of being made a fool of.

It was already going to be hard enough to get through this wedding with all the drama that Edwin might cause, without being utterly humiliated as well. So she continued to tiptoe around Martin, trying to avoid him as much as she could, so she did not have to say a thing.

Susanna threw herself into wedding-based activities in an attempt to distract herself from the ever-growing complicated feelings that were blooming inside her. Since Martin seemed to be focused on Edwin, she knew that Luke was cared for, and she did not need to cross paths with him very much.

She was probably letting Mary down by not talking to Martin, and herself as well, but she simply could not make herself do it. She kept telling herself that it was pointless because once the wedding was over, they would not need to talk or see one another again. So she could forget that all of this had ever happened. It was easier for her that way, to keep her heart safe.

“Well, it is nice to see you being such a wonderful sister,” a voice declared, shattering the silence in the drawing room that had been accompanying Susanna’s thoughts. “I am sure Mary is very happy to have your assistance.”

Nerves fluttered through Susanna as she found herself smiling at Martin’s mother. She was a lovely woman, one who Susanna enjoyed talking with when the chance arrived. But the fact that they were alone for the first time ever, and with the fears she had about Martin, she was not sure.

“T-thank you,” Susanna stammered. “I am just trying to do what I can to help out.”

Her heart pounded as the lady took a seat opposite her. Was this just a chance conversation? Or was there more to it? Was she about to have to answer some very difficult questions? She sat up a little straighter in the chair, trying to brace herself for the worst.

“Does this make you excited for your own wedding, one day?”

“Oh.” Susanna furrowed her brow. That was not what she expected to be asked. “I suppose so. I am not too sure.”

Abigail laughed at her. “Oh dear, you remind me of my son. He has never seemed keen on the idea of marriage either, although I am not sure why.” She smiled to herself as she tapped her fingers together. “I think it is wonderful to have love in your life. It makes the days brighter and more worthwhile. A woman as beautiful as you should have no trouble finding a husband. Someone who will love you forever and treat you well.”

Susanna swallowed hard. What on earth was she supposed to say to that?

“Yes… I am sure it is lovely. It sounds very nice.”

Nice? That was such a small word to use, but at this moment, Susanna did not know how it would feel to be truly loved.

“Perhaps you just need to find the right person,” Abigail continued, sounding innocent enough, but Susanna could sense that there was more underneath her words. “Maybe, just like my Martin, you need to find the love of your life. Then you will see that I am right.” She smiled, almost to herself. “There is something about weddings that simply makes you feel romance in the air, have you not noticed that? It is all I can feel.”

Susanna forced a polite smile, her mind racing as she tried to decipher the true intent behind the lady’s words. Was she merely making conversation, or was there a hidden message? The ambiguity made Susanna uneasy.

“Yes, I suppose weddings do have a way of bringing out those feelings in people,” Susanna replied carefully. “They remind us of the possibilities that love can bring.”

The lady’s eyes twinkled, and she leaned forward slightly, as if sharing a secret. “Do you believe in destiny, Susanna? In the idea that some people are meant to find each other?”

Susanna hesitated. “I think it’s a lovely thought, though I’m not sure if life always works out that way.”

“Ah, ever the pragmatist,” the lady said with a chuckle. “But sometimes, my dear, pragmatism must give way to faith. Especially in matters of the heart.”

Before Susanna could respond, there was a knock on the door, and Mary entered, her face flushed with excitement. “Susanna, there you are! We need your help with the seating arrangements. It is turning into quite the puzzle.”

Relief washed over Susanna as she stood up, grateful for the interruption. “Of course, Mary. I shall be right there.” She turned to the lady with a gracious smile. “Thank you for the lovely chat.”

The lady nodded, her eyes still holding that mysterious glint. “Any time, dear. Remember what I said.”

As Susanna followed Mary out of the drawing room, she could not shake the feeling that the conversation was more than just idle chatter. Did Martin’s mother know something? Was she hinting at something specific? And why did the mention of destiny and love make her feel so unsettled? Had Martin been open and honest with her about his feelings for Susanna? And did that mean he was not teasing her with his comments about falling for her, after all?

If that was the case, then what on earth was she going to do?

“What was that about?” Mary asked curiously as they walked.

Susanna hesitated, not quite sure how to explain the conversation without revealing too much. “Oh, just a little talk about weddings and love. Martin’s mother has some interesting views on destiny, and I think she is getting very caught up in the romance here.”

Mary chuckled, her eyes twinkling with amusement. “Yes, she does tend to wax poetic about those things. Did she mention how she met Martin’s father at a ball and knew instantly he was the one?”

Susanna smiled, feeling a bit lighter. “No, she did not get to that part. But she did say something about how weddings bring out feelings of romance in the air.”

“They certainly do,” Mary agreed, her smile widening. “I think that is why everyone loves them so much.”

Susanna paused for a moment before she asked a dangerous question. “Is that how you felt about Luke when you first saw him? Was it love at first sight?”

Mary shook her head. “Oh no, because I was not planning on falling in love again. But I did think that he was very handsome.”

Susanna smiled at Mary’s candid response. “Handsome enough to make you reconsider?”

Mary laughed, a melodic sound that seemed to brighten the room. “Exactly. I did not want to admit it at first, but he grew on me quickly. It was his kindness and his way of making me feel special that won me over.”

Susanna nodded, understanding more than she let on. “It is amazing how love can sneak up on you like that.”

“Indeed,” Mary agreed, her eyes softening with affection as she glanced at Luke, who was still busy with some final wedding details. “I am grateful every day for the chance to be with him.”

Susanna’s heart warmed at her sister’s happiness. If only she could find such certainty in her own feelings.

“Right, let us get these seating arrangements completed,” she declared, determined to change the subject before she got caught up in her emotions. “And whatever else you need help with. We can talk about fate and destiny once you have said those vows and committed yourself to Luke forever.”

In the hustle of wedding preparations, Susanna tried to push the thoughts aside, focusing instead on the task at hand. But as she helped Mary with the seating arrangements, her mind kept drifting back to Martin, and the complex tangle of emotions that surrounded him. No matter how hard she tried to ignore it, the feeling that something significant was looming on the horizon persisted.

After all, she could not ignore these intense, overwhelming feelings forever.

She could not deny the truth to herself any longer. She had feelings for Martin, feelings that scared her because they were so unexpected and so intense. And the more she tried to suppress them, the stronger they seemed to grow. The more they seemed to consume her whole.

Everyone was right, she did need to talk with him to straighten this all out. But how could she do that? Where would she begin? Could she really afford to open her heart, knowing the risks involved? Or was it safer to keep her distance, to protect herself from the potential heartache? Could she live with herself if she did not do a thing?