Troubled (The Binding Chronicles #4)

16. You will Always be my Home

You will Always be my Home

“ D rink this. It’ll help.”

Marius looked between the cup being offered to him and the red-headed witch standing beside his bed. He trusted Odette. When he’d been sick with the Wasting Illness, the witch had befriended Luna and helped her find a cure for him.

Even so, he didn’t want to ingest any medicine without knowing what it contained.

He frowned and peered into the cup. The liquid was a deep purple, and a distinctly floral scent reached his nose. Another aroma was buried beneath it, but he couldn’t place it.

One of the guards had summoned Odette, and she’d arrived in Marius’s room moments after Luna and Sebastian shadowed him here.

Marius hated this.

The problem wasn’t the witch, the room, or even the medicine she held.

It was the illness itself.

He’d spent his early childhood as the subject of countless medical tests. As a young halfling, he’d suffered through attempted healings that ultimately failed, ingested hundreds of potions, and met so many witches that he eventually lost count.

And now, years later, he was back in bed at the mercy of healers once again. He thought he’d put this part of his life behind him, but apparently not. Even his magic was subdued, as if it, too, was upset by this turn of events.

“What’s in this?” he asked.

Odette smiled and listed the ingredients, naming several wild plants that he vaguely remembered learning about during his studies. “This will help you sleep. There isn’t anything in here that I wouldn’t drink myself.”

To demonstrate, she took a sip from the side of the cup facing her.

Something loosened within Marius at the sight. He knew Odette wouldn’t hurt him, but the extra confirmation was what he needed.

“It’s safe, Mar-mar.” Luna smiled reassuringly at him, her hand laced through Sebastian’s. The royals stood a few feet behind Odette, their gazes heavier than normal. He didn’t mind the weight of their stares, though. At least they were looking at him and not Vivienne.

Marius had to figure out a way to save his bodyguard. Not only because he’d dragged her into this, but because something deep within him twisted at the thought of a world existing without Vivienne’s fierceness.

The moment he was better, he would find a way to help her.

With that thought in mind, he took the cup and tossed the liquid back in one gulp. He grimaced. A bitter aftertaste accompanied the floral flavor, and the medicine was strangely viscous as it slid down his throat.

Shuddering, he leaned back and rested his head against the pillows.

Odette took the empty cup and smiled. “You should rest, Your Highness. The medicine will combat your fever, but sleep is always the best medicine.”

The witches who’d looked after him as a child had always said the same thing. Marius had grown to hate sleep almost as much as he hated being confined to bedrest. But he couldn’t deny that exhaustion was pulling at him.

“He’s going to be okay, right?” Luna released Sebastian’s hand and came to stand beside the bed.

“He will, Your Majesty.” Odette collected her things and slipped them into her pockets. “I’ll check on him tomorrow, but I don’t foresee any issues.”

Luna exhaled and shuddered, shutting her eyes for a moment before reopening them. “Thank Isvana. And thank you, Odette.”

The witch dipped her head, and a few minutes later, she slipped out of the room.

The door was barely shut before Luna turned to the king. “You will not execute the bodyguard yet.”

Yet.

The last word echoed through the room, and tension strummed in the air between the two vampires.

A long moment passed before the king jerked his chin. “For you, darling, I will stay my hand.”

For the first time all night, Marius felt like he could breathe.

“Thank you, Lulu,” he whispered, his head growing heavier by the minute. “This wasn’t Vivienne’s fault…”

His voice trailed off as his sister turned to face him once more. Her shoulders were rigid, and shadows curled around her hands.

“How could you do this?” Luna’s voice trembled, and she bit her lip. “I… you… we thought you were dead. ”

Pain, even more than she’d shown in the throne room, flashed through her gaze.

Marius whispered another apology, pushing himself up and reaching for his sister’s hand. To his eternal chagrin, she stepped away from him and moved against Sebastian, her back resting against his chest. The king’s hands landed on her shoulders, steadying her.

“I just… I can’t apologize enough.” Marius gripped the comforter. “I didn’t think it through.”

The words weren’t sufficient. They’d never be sufficient.

Luna sniffled, and gods, it was an awful sight. “Clearly.”

He twisted the material. “I?—”

“No, Marius,” she murmured. The quiet tone of her voice was somehow worse than if she was shouting at him. “When you vanished, everything else stopped. We combed the area for you until moments before the sun rose. Then, during the day, the High Ladies and their mates searched for you. At night, we looked for your body .”

She broke off into a shuddering sob, burying her face against the king’s chest.

Each word hurt more than the last.

“I never meant to cause you pain,” Marius whispered.

It wasn’t enough. He knew that. He just couldn’t force coherent sentences out of his mouth. Not right now. Apologies piled up on the tip of his tongue, fighting for dominance.

I’m sorry that I was so stupid.

I’m sorry that I left.

I’m sorry that I failed.

I’m sorry that I’m trapped here again.

In the end, he didn’t say anything. Silence stretched between them until it was a living entity, a fourth being in the room.

Minutes that felt like hours passed before Luna exhaled .

“I know.” She moved towards Marius again, wiping her tears with a handkerchief the king produced from his pocket. She sniffled and pressed her cold lips against his forehead. “I’m glad you’re back and you’re safe. We’ll discuss everything else once you’re feeling better.”

The royals left shortly after that. They wouldn’t be far—their suite was a floor above his—and Luna promised they’d return as soon as the sun set. They shut the door behind them, but not before Marius glimpsed several guards standing in the hallway. He overheard Sebastian telling them not to leave the prince alone.

Marius would’ve been offended, but Odette’s medicine had taken hold of his mind. He drifted off to sleep, the memories of riding Azil while Vivienne ran beside him filling his mind.

At least now, he’d tasted freedom.

Maybe it would be enough.

The fever must’ve dug its claws further into Marius than he’d realized. Or maybe it was a lingering side-effect from the First’s scratches.

Either way, he slept on and off for a week. He dreamed of everything and nothing. One moment, he was hunting down the First and stabbing a silver-tipped stake through the creature’s heart. The next, he was exploring the Southern Kingdom, riding dragons, and crossing the Indigo Ocean to meet the fae.

The only constant in his dreams was Vivienne. She was always there, no matter what he was doing.

Waking and sleeping blended together. The bedroom drapes were closed, and he kept track of time using his sister’s arrivals. She and her husband came daily like clockwork, showing up at dusk and remaining by his side until dawn .

Odette returned three times to administer the same purple medicine and check his fever. Marius took the medicine willingly. The sooner he was healed, the better. He needed to get to Vivienne.

Every day, he tried to get Luna to talk about his bodyguard or the First, but she kept refusing. She’d close whatever book was on her lap and insist he rest. When he pressed her, she said they’d talk about it later. All he could get out of her was that his bodyguard was still alive.

Marius hadn’t dared ask about Felix. If the royals didn’t know the groom had helped him, he didn’t want to accidentally implicate his friend. He’d check on him once he was declared healthy.

By the end of the week, Marius was itching to get out of bed. His cough was gone, his breathing was strong, and his mind was clear of the fog that had been plaguing him. Earlier that evening, he’d showered and changed into a fresh tunic and pants.

He finally felt like himself again.

When Odette came in and declared Marius fever-free, he knew it was time to talk to Luna about Vivienne. He wouldn’t let her avoid the question again.

The moment the door slipped shut behind the witch, Marius turned to his sister. She was sitting on the edge of his bed, petting Noir. The cat, one of the many that his sister owned, purred contentedly. Sebastian was giving them space, which for him meant that he was sitting at the desk on the other side of Marius’s room, working on papers.

Marius drew in a deep breath. “Luna?—”

A knock came on the door.

Of course. Talk about bad timing.

The king rose from the desk and strode to the door with predatory grace, shadows ripping behind him with every step. Luna’s hand stilled on the cat’s head, a small smile dancing on her lips as she watched him .

Over the years, Marius had gotten used to the way his sister looked at her husband as if he’d personally hung the moon in the sky for her.

And maybe he had.

No one could dispute the fact that the king made his wife happy. The two of them balanced each other out in a way Marius had never seen before. Maybe one day, if the gods blessed him, he’d have someone in his life who cared for him as much as the king loved the queen.

Sebastian opened the door, his large frame blocking the hallway from sight.

“Yes?” he asked.

“A message for you, Your Majesty.” The voice wasn’t one Marius recognized.

Sebastian nodded and followed the messenger into the hall, shutting the door behind him.

Marius reached over and took Luna’s hand in his. Even though she was older than him by a decade, they looked like they were the same age. The queen was frozen at twenty-one, and he would appear as though he was in his mid-twenties for decades before he started showing signs of aging.

“Can we talk, Lulu?” His voice was rough, betraying the emotions coursing through him.

She squeezed his fingers lightly. “Always, Mar-mar.”

She was smiling now, but he wasn’t sure she would be when they were done.

“I love you so much,” he told her, a lump forming in his throat.

Luna’s brows furrowed, and she gazed at him quizzically. “I love you, too. I always have.”

“I know.” He’d never doubted his sister’s love for him. They’d always been the closest in their family; now, they were all the other had. He swallowed roughly. “That’s what makes this so difficult.”

He’d spent days thinking about this conversation. What he would say. How he would tell her. But now that it was here, it was more difficult than ever.

Her hand stiffened, and she sucked in a breath. “What do you mean?”

Marius shifted on the bed, sitting beside his sister. Noir leaped off Luna’s lap a heartbeat later. In a feat of feline gymnastics, the cat landed on top of the wardrobe and turned in a circle before settling on the edge, purring loudly.

Meeting his sister’s gaze, Marius smiled. “I’m so grateful that you and Sebastian took me in after we lost our family.”

His chest ached, that constant, dull burn of grief having never fully healed. Some days, it was a low thrum, but other times, it was strong enough to make him stop in his tracks. It would never leave him, and truthfully, he didn’t want it to. It was a reminder of the family they’d once had.

“It was our pleasure,” Luna murmured, twisting her wedding ring. “Loving you has never been a burden, Marius. It has been the greatest honor of my life.”

Marius’s eyes stung, and he cleared his throat. Gods, this was so much harder than the conversations he’d practiced in his mind.

“The same goes for Sebastian,” she continued, her gaze trained on him. “He loves you too. He’s angry right now, but he’ll get over it. Now that you’re home and safe, we don’t have anything to worry about.”

If only that were the case.

Marius rubbed a fist over his heart. He’d known this conversation would be difficult, but he hadn’t expected it to hurt so much.

He bit his lip. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Noir stretched, and the cat’s tail thumped against the side of the wardrobe .

Luna smiled lovingly at her pet before returning her attention to Marius. “What do you mean?”

“I mean… I know you have my best interests at heart.” He’d never doubted that. “And I know I’m under guard because you fear for my safety.”

Castle Sanguis was arguably safer than the rest of Eleyta, but it was still inhabited by vampires. He knew Luna had good intentions, even when she was being extremely over-protective.

“Yes, that’s right.” Luna studied him as if he were one of her books, her hand twitching in his. “Why does it sound like there’s a ‘but’ coming?”

“Because there is.” Marius inhaled deeply, counting to five before exhaling. He couldn’t put this off any longer. She deserved to know the entire truth of why he’d left, and they needed to talk about it like the adults they were. “The thing is, Lulu, I can’t stay here.”

This past week had confirmed what he already knew: he’d never live a full life within these walls. Not the kind he wanted, anyway. He was itching to get outside and experience the world.

Her eyes widened, and she sucked in a sharp breath. “What?”

“The reason I snuck off to deal with the First on my own is because I… I need to be out there.”

He rose from the bed, crossed the room, and pulled open the curtains. White flakes descended in their nightly dance, snow-capped mountains rose in the distance, forests circled the castle, and stars sparkled.

It was undeniably beautiful, but even the beauty of the Northern Kingdom couldn’t sate his need to explore the world.

He turned just in time to see her bottom lip wobble. “I… I don’t understand. You don’t like living with me? ”

He shook his head, wishing there was an easier way to have this conversation. “That’s not true, Lulu. I love living with you.”

She was his family.

Crimson lined the bottom of her eyes, and it made him feel like he was the worst brother in the world.

“Then what is it?”

Oh, gods. This hurt so much more than he thought it would.

“Castle Sanguis is your home… but it isn’t mine.” His mouth dried, but he couldn’t stop now. “I need to experience the world, Luna. I don’t just want to hear about Phyrra’s adventures—I want to live them.”

Marius placed a palm on the glass, the frigid air seeping into his skin as he stared outside. “I want to meet a fae, see a Nightwing up close, visit a Sunfire Owl, and go to Sandhaven.” His voice turned wistful. “I want to do it all.”

He had so many dreams that sometimes he couldn’t even sort through them.

She whispered hoarsely, “You want to leave me.”

Each word was a dagger knifing him in the heart. This was why he hadn’t wanted to have this conversation in the first place. He thought he could prove that he was capable and bypass it altogether.

Obviously, that hadn’t turned out well.

“No.” He turned around again, horrified to find a tear trailing down her cheek. “Not permanently.”

Couldn’t she see? Didn’t she understand that he felt like a prisoner here?

“But you do want to leave.” Her voice cracked on the last word. She drew up the sleeve of her crimson gown and traced the black band wrapped around her wrist. The red line of the Tether was visible from Marius stood. Luna lifted her gaze to the door where the king had gone. “You know what ties us together. ”

How could he forget? When he’d learned of the magic Tethering his sister to her husband, he’d been shocked. He understood it better now, but nothing would ease the fact that it could never be undone.

“I do.” Marius’s eyes burned.

“I can’t go with you,” she whispered. “I’m the queen.”

His cheeks dampened, and it felt like he was ripping his heart to shreds, one word at a time.

“I know.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Castle Sanguis will always be my home, Luna. You will always be my home. My family. I just… I need more.”

More tears slipped down his sister’s cheeks. Gods. Marius hated himself for this. He didn’t think he would, but he did. He couldn’t stop now, though. He was in too deep.

Returning to the bed, he sat beside Luna and took her hands in his. “I will always love you, Lulu. Never doubt that.”

Long seconds passed. Marius’s heart was a booming drum, and each moment felt worse than the last as he waited for her to answer.

Scarlet stained her cheeks as she looked up at him. “Is this what you really want?”

“More than anything,” he replied earnestly.

Her gaze, as dark as the night itself, swept over him for endless minutes. He didn’t move or speak. He’d had so much time to think this over and work through his feelings, but this was new for Luna.

Eventually, she sniffled, dabbing at her tear-stained cheeks with a handkerchief. “I suppose I’ve always known this day would come. When you first woke up after the Wasting Illness, you were far more interested in Phyrra than Sebastian.”

They shared watery smiles, and Marius chuckled. “Can you believe how far we’ve come? Back then, when the old queen was still alive, every day was coated in fear. ”

“We survived,” Luna said.

“You more than survived.” He gathered his sister into his arms, hugging her tightly. “You thrived .” He kissed her forehead. “You are a strong, powerful, good queen, and it’s been my honor to watch you rule. I couldn’t have asked for a better role model.”

Luna was more than his sister, having been both sibling and parent for most of his life.

“You mean it?”

He hugged her tighter. “Absolutely. And because you raised me so well, I know that I was wrong in leaving the note. I should’ve talked to you.”

“Yes, you should have.” She pulled away, folding her hands in her lap. “I don’t like this, Marius. I won’t lie and say that I do. But I understand where you’re coming from, and I appreciate you talking to me about this. We can’t hide things from each other.”

“I agree.” He inhaled, holding his sister’s gaze as he steeled himself. “Which is why we need to discuss Vivienne.”

Luna tensed. “Marius, your guard betrayed her vow. I don’t?—”

“This wasn’t her fault. I keep telling you that. Sebastian can’t punish her for this.” The very thought of Vivienne being harmed curdled Marius’s stomach. “I forced her to come with me.”

Luna stared at him. “Explain it to me, please.”

“Gladly.”

He told his sister about how Vivienne had gone with him against her will, how she’d argued and pleaded with him to turn around, and how she’d saved him twice. First, from the highwaymen, and second, from the feral vampire.

He ended with, “Vivienne isn’t at fault here. If anything, I’m only here because of her. I owe her my life. ”

Luna had started pacing while he spoke, and now she paused in front of him.

“A life debt?” She raised a brow, shadows flickering in her eyes. “Marius, that is not something to be trifled with.”

“I know. That’s why I keep bringing her up.”

There were other reasons, too.

The way Vivienne kept showing up in his dreams, her laugh, and the way she made him feel. But he wasn’t ready to consider exactly what those meant yet, let alone talk to his sister about them.

Luna sighed. “I’ll talk to Sebastian about it, but I’m not sure how he’ll take it, Marius. He’s really upset.”

“I know.” But saving Vivienne was worth risking the king’s anger. “Thank you, Luna.”

Marius wouldn’t stop pushing until his bodyguard was out of the dungeon. She didn’t belong there.

The door swung open, and Sebastian strode inside. His wings flared behind him, shadows swept along his feet, and he clutched a yellow parchment.

The air thickened.

“What happened?” Luna asked.

“Something’s wrong in Pern,” the king said. “A shipment was supposed to arrive at the nearby villages three days ago, but it never came. Phyrra sent Jacques to look into it, but he hasn’t returned.”

Marius’s heart clenched, and a chill ran down his spine. Pern was a trading post located between Hoarfrost Hollow and the Black Sea.

“This is the First.” Marius looked between the royals. “Right?”

Nothing else made sense.

“Maybe.” Sebastian rubbed his temples. “I’m not sure, but we’ll find out.”

“Bring me with you.” The words burst from Marius’s lips, and he looked at Luna beseechingly. “Please don’t leave me here.”

He didn’t care that he sounded desperate. He needed to go with them. Not only to help stop the First but also to talk with the king about Vivienne.

Sebastian and Luna shared a long look, one that Marius instantly recognized. The royals engaged in silent communication, an entire conversation occurring in the span of a minute.

Luna gestured to Marius, and the king loudly sighed. She raised a brow. He groaned. She put her hands on her hips and scowled.

“Fine. You can come with us,” Sebastian said begrudgingly, breaking their silence. “But you’ll stay out of the way.”

Marius was so happy to be included, he didn’t even put up a fight.