‘Twas the Love Before Christmas

8. Noah

Chapter eight

Noah

H earing Catherine say I would do well in another field of work surprised me. She’d heard my dreams of major-league glory for so long I didn’t think she’d see another path for me. Even though I was now looking for something sports-related to do because I had to retire earlier than planned, I had never dreamed of changing my career path so drastically. Something creative? What an interesting idea. If I wasn’t so set on staying in touch with the thing that had gotten me to where I am today, it might have been a good idea to start looking into it.

“Not a fan of a job in the arts?” Catherine asked.

“No, not really. Besides, I think I’d need more qualifications. Nothing says ‘creative type’ like batting a ball for over a couple of decades, huh?”

This got a laugh out of Catherine, which was all I had been hoping for.

“Over two decades? I hadn’t realized it had been that long…” Catherine shook her head. “How time flies when you’re having fun—or focused on anything but how the time is spent. Or how it’s going.”

"Yeah, I started playing when I was eight. It just clicked, you know? Baseball came naturally to me. You remember how it was in high school—I kept improving, and it became my passion. I pushed myself as hard as possible, and before I knew it, the scholarship offers started rolling in. I was beyond excited."

Catherine nodded.

“Just like I got a scholarship for my writing,” she said. “Granted, I had to put in the work each year while the schools were taking submissions, but that’s no worse than having to play and train all year long. We both worked for the scholarships.” Her blue eyes lifted to mine, more thoughtful than I’d expected. “Maybe a little too hard, considering we didn’t want to compromise.”

I nodded.

“I’m glad you could find a way to follow your dream, even if it took you across the country.”

At this, she beamed. I was glad she had found some pride in what she was doing in college. When we had broken up after our freshman year, she had been worried that she had made a choice based on a dream she couldn’t achieve. We had partially broken up over her wish to work after school, leaving her little time for a relationship.

“What about you, Noah? Aside from baseball, how did the rest of your college career go?”

“My time in college was great,” I said. “I had a few romantic relationships, but nothing really stuck. You know, dated here and there with a few serious attempts after college. And I was so focused on baseball in school that I didn’t have much time to develop relationships. At least not meaningful ones.”

It also hadn’t helped that I had been comparing the new girlfriends to Catherine. Rose had been the first woman I had been able to avoid doing that with. She was fun, extremely outgoing, and a tad bold, but I’d had a good time with her. I remember thinking that maybe this was the closest I would get to finding love—not like I’d had with Catherine, but then again, maybe I would never find that again. We simply hadn’t clicked as well as I had hoped we would. Most of all, I wanted to avoid settling for someone who deserved more than me or didn’t measure up to what I sought in a relationship. That wasn’t negotiable. “Well, your dedication to the sport earned you a great career,” she said.

“Yes, it did,” I agreed. “But I did appreciate having a place to come home to during the breaks. I was able to work at the university each winter to help put their fitness program together for the spring when I wasn’t training or playing. Baseball season ends in October, and we start training again in February. It wasn’t a long break, but it was enough.”

“You know, I’m sorry things didn’t work out between you and Rose? She seemed like a nice woman,” Catherine said.

I could see a genuine worry line on her face as she frowned. However, I wasn’t entirely sure what to say. She was right; I had brought Rose to see the family two years ago. That was not the first time they had all met, and she had stayed more than once for the holidays. I’d also gone to see her family for the holidays. And, Catherine had brought her boyfriend home at least a couple of times during the same years I had brought Rose home.

Partially for that reason, this year was the first year we had exchanged more than pleasantries while being home. The other reasons all came down to how much time we were spending in the same place.

“It didn’t work out,” I said. “Wanting an open relationship was just not my cup of tea. I want to be able to say that my wife is the only woman in my life in that regard. She wouldn’t have cared one way or the other if I had seen other women, but I didn’t feel right going further with that idea. She’s happier now.”

“That must have stung to realize,” Catherine said. “I’m sorry to hear that. Some women will go to surprising lengths or make questionable choices just to claim they're in a relationship, all while trying to hold onto the freedom that comes with being single or uncommitted. Then again, some men aren’t much better.”

This intrigued me and made me think of Alexander.

“So when did you and Alexander part ways?” I asked.

“I broke up with him about six months ago. I just… I wanted more than he was willing to give,” Catherine sighed.

My heart sank for her. If Alexander wasn’t willing to give her that, then there was little this guy would probably ever give her. We had talked at length about that in high school, and I was glad to see that she hadn’t compromised on that dream: having a man who was willing to give her everything within reason.

By now, we had arrived at her house.

“Well, I got you home,” I said as I walked her to the door. “I hope you have a good rest of the day, Catherine.”

“You too. Thanks for helping me walk the hot chocolate home,” she said as she took the second container from me. “I’ll see you around.”

As I walked up the porch of my parents’ house, a sadness fell over me, thinking about what we’d had. And what we’d lost. Both of us – so passionate about our careers.

Catherine could be like a rose – pretty at first sight but strong and easily misunderstood. She was a fun-loving woman, and she absolutely deserved someone who dreamed the way she did. The thorns on a rose bush reminded me of how defensive she could get over her dreams. She’d always been ready to make her dreams happen at any cost. But then, I too had been ready to make my dreams come true – at any cost.

I brushed that all off as I walked inside. If Catherine was still looking for romance, she hadn’t said anything to me about it. Now, I was stuck. It’d be stupid to get my hopes up because she had given me no signs that she was looking for a romance now… but I couldn’t deny that there was a thumping in my chest.

Old feelings were starting to come to the surface… and from how fast my heart was beating, they had only been mostly dead. Considering I had compared many of my exes to Catherine, I now had to consider if it was because I wasn’t over her or if it was my competitive nature forcing everyone else to live up to an impossible standard.

***

I took Wally out for his walk the next morning before heading to the Christmas Market. As much as I wanted to explore the Market, he needed a walk before we went. Otherwise, he was going to have a bit too much energy.

Instead of going into town, I decided to take Wally down to the footbridge Catherine and I had walked across so many times through the years. It had been our place, in a way. It was on our way home from school if we were careful to turn off at a certain grassy path.

Wally and I reached the footbridge and stopped about halfway down. “Oh, Wally… As kids, we used to come here and throw rocks into the creek. But then, Catherine and I shared our first kiss on this pathway during our freshman year of high school”

Wally cocked his head up at me as if he were understanding all my words. I continued to ramble about the Winter Ball in high school – how Catherine wore a dress that made her look like the only source of warmth, how we had walked to the footbridge to see the frozen river, throwing rocks to pierce the ice like we had when we were kids… all of it. The cold air and quiet surroundings made it sound as if I was talking to myself, but I didn’t care. Talking to Wally like this helped me sort out all of my feelings.

“Oh, the memory of high school. We were dumb and in love, as young people often can be,” I continued, now just using this time to air out my emotions. “But we broke up our freshman year of college.”

Wally scratched at my legs and whined. I bent down and gave him some pets on his head and scritches behind his ears. As I did so, I couldn’t help but think about why we had broken up; Catherine and I agreed, at the time, that the distance had been too much for us. She had been too busy with her writing program, and I’d focused far too much on academics and baseball.

The creek below the footbridge was high from the rain and the snow that had already started to melt this season. However, it would be far too cold for Wally to jump in and enjoy. Thankfully, he had sat obediently as I had told him the stories of old. But now, he was more interested in the trees just off to the left and let me know that was where he was headed. I started walking that way, and Wally yipped happily.

I continued my chat with Wally. “We weren’t always in love. Started as friends in childhood. The two of us, Mary and Catherine’s younger brother Chris, all used to play in the treehouse together. And now, it feels like Catherine and I are strangers,” I mused. “I suppose that’s what happens when you don’t communicate much for a decade. It feels like you’re getting to know the person all over again. And it’s making me feel… feel something. Like those feelings from high school never died.”

I pursed my lips.

Wally looked back at me. His brown eyes were enormous, begging me for more pets. I laughed a little and just gave him a soft hug as I petted his back. Then, we continued our walk until I took him home. Once there, I grabbed a bag in case I made any purchases at the Christmas Market and headed off with Wally still at my side.