‘Twas the Love Before Christmas

23. Catherine

Chapter twenty-three

Catherine

T he next morning was Christmas Eve Day. My parents had turned on a favorite Christmas movie – one of the many versions of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol . We watched it as a family every year and I watched it on my own when not at home for Christmas. Besides that, Chris was supposed to get in around noon today, and that was the only super exciting thing happening in the morning.

However, I was not focused on Chris or the movie.

I couldn’t stop reliving how Noah had disappeared with Tiffany after I had come back from the bathroom. He hadn’t been in the auditorium, and I hadn’t wanted to go find him only to walk in on him kissing her. That would have hurt far worse than not knowing he had a girlfriend and allowing myself to feel something special for him again. The feelings I had for him were more than just sprouting again. Despite my best efforts, they were taking root and growing.

Though I had considered moving back to Indigo Lake, I now was reconsidering it all. Perhaps if I stayed in California, I could do anything I wanted – including finding a relationship when I was ready.

I got up from the couch, hoping that some movement would help settle my mind. Pacing the hallway helped some, but I came to a stop in front of the large bay window in the dining room. It had a view of the side of the house, the side yard my parents shared with the West’s home, and of the street. Since Noah tended to go for the treehouse when he needed to think, I wouldn’t risk seeing him here.

The snow sparkled in the sunlight, a brilliant white against the stark realization that Noah must have known Tiffany was going to be at the dance, clouding my heart. Allowing myself to believe that I could rekindle the feelings from high school without any repercussions resulted in a horrible ache. Without any word from Noah, I wanted to write off getting back together and go back to keeping him as a distant, old hometown friend.

I was just about to walk back to the living room when I noticed someone sitting on the porch. With luggage. Though her hair was in a ponytail, it was the wrong color to be Mrs. West. It had to be Tiffany. My sick need to know rooted me to the spot as I saw the front door open. I couldn’t hear the words, but I could see Noah walk out of the house. And take her hand.

That was the last straw, all I needed to see to know that they had something that I would never have with Noah now. Instead of staying in the dining room, I walked upstairs to my room, where I wouldn’t have to watch them. I drew my curtains tighter across my window, not allowing even the slightest breeze from my heating vent to open them. Then, I sat on my bed.

When did this Tiffany come into the picture? Was she someone he dated before Rose? Or could it be after Rose? Oh yes, the girlfriend after Rose. It’s obvious that Noah had clearly left an impression on her. If she was coming back to find him, then there was nothing more that I could do to persuade her otherwise. Noah and I hadn’t officially gotten back together. Talked about it, yes, but we were still single. Technically.

If he had started seeing her again, why hadn’t Noah said anything? Why lead me to believe that he was single like me if he was going to go back to her when she arrived in town?

I shook my head. There wasn’t anything more for me to do about it. And I didn’t particularly want to think about Noah. It made a lump come up in my throat with a vengeance. A lump had come up last night, too, as I had been running through my options. Could it be the same lump, the same emotions, spilling over? I tried to will the upset away and managed to do that.

But it only made my brain turn away from finding a way to return to Indigo Lake for good. I would stay in California and forget all about lover boy Noah West. He apparently had enough women. And it wouldn’t have worked anyway. Not if he was trying to rebound with anyone with a heartbeat because that wasn’t what made a relationship real. It took work, sweat, and tears sometimes. And he just wasn’t ready for any of that.

“Catherine? Are you ready for breakfast?”

Mom’s voice carried up the stairs. She never had to yell; she’d learned how to project her voice years ago. It was a talent that had carried well into motherhood for her.

I didn’t answer. Whatever appetite I’d had disappeared when I had seen Noah and Tiffany on the porch. However, Mom would want an answer. I just didn’t know how to word it. I had always been so excited to have Christmas Eve breakfast. She would want to know what had caused my appetite to sour.

“Catherine?”

Her voice was closer now. I didn’t answer until she was in my doorway.

“I think I’ve lost my appetite,” I said meekly.

“Well, that’s unusual. You’re usually the first one in the kitchen when I have freshly made whipped cream ready for waffles,” Mom said. “What’s got you all up in a huff that you can’t eat?”

I sighed. I didn’t know if Mom would have any advice for me, but I decided that it was at least worth seeing what she would say. If I didn’t, there was no telling how long my heart would hurt. I didn’t want it to hurt for very long at all, especially considering that I would no longer be considering coming home to stay permanently.

“Last night, at the dance, a woman showed up and started to dance with Noah,” I said. “Her name’s Tiffany. She introduced herself as Noah’s ‘special’ friend. When I looked out the window this morning, I saw Noah and Tiffany on the front porch, holding hands .”

I couldn’t keep the rage from showing in the words, but I was sure my mother would know why. The least she could have done last night was wait until the song was over to cut in and have a dance with Noah.

“Well, did he tell you anything about Tiffany before she arrived?” Mom asked.

“Only that he had dated a woman named Tiffany so I’m assuming it’s one and the same. He seemed as shocked as I did that she was there, honestly,” I admitted. “But she cut into our dance, and she was so sure that Noah would choose her. He basically shooed me away until the end of the song… except when I returned, he was gone. Had just vanished!”

“Catherine, I’m sure that he had every intention of being honest with you,” she said as she sat down on my bed beside me. “It sounds like he was just as caught off-guard as you were last night. There’s no reason to hold that against him, especially because there’s been no official declaration that you two are dating. And he would have told you if he was dating someone, right?”

The more Mom talked, the more I realized she was being rational about it all. It hurt to admit, but yes, he would have absolutely told me if there was a reason that we couldn’t date.

“I was even thinking about moving back to Indigo Lake. For him,” I said softly. “We had talked about the logistics of everything and were sure we could make it work. To see him with Tiffany, and especially where we used to share our goodnight kisses… I’m not sure that it can anymore. I don’t want to open myself up to that kind of hurt again, especially from someone I was so close to once.”

I picked up one of the pillows off my bed and hugged it to my chest.

“Catherine, you’re overdramatizing it,” Mom said firmly. “I’m sure he was there for a good reason because he came and asked after you when he returned to the dance.”

I looked up from the pillow. After returning to the auditorium where the dance was being held, I simply asked for the car keys. Mom and Dad had sensed that something was up, and they had decided that they were going to come home with me instead of letting me drive myself home and trying to get a ride home themselves. I was thankful they hadn’t asked why I wanted to leave last night, as I had been doing my best to keep my tears at bay.

Now, they were spilling freely down my cheeks.

Mom wiped them away quietly.

“He wanted to know where you had gone to. You hadn’t left, but when you came to get the keys, I was sure we should have asked you what was going on. Something was bugging you last night. Was it this woman coming to dance with Noah?”

I nodded slowly as Mom dug deeper into the root of the problem.

“Well, when you’re ready for breakfast, it’ll be there on the counter for you,” she said. “I know better than to try and force you to eat when you’re not hungry. I can’t promise that the fresh cream will stay the whole day, though. Chris will eat anything you don’t, so you better act before he gets home if you want any of it.”

“Why not just put some in a container in the fridge for me? A smaller one and tell Chris he can take from the larger one?” I asked.

Mom laughed.

“See? Even when your heart is at the brink of breaking, you can think things through,” she said. “I’m sure if you were to think it through a little more, once you’re calmer, you would come up with something that would make you feel like you could accomplish anything you put your mind to. I’ll go put some cream aside for you.”

With that, Mom left my bedroom. I lay back on the bed, not entirely sure how else I would let the tears spill out except to do just that. I closed my eyes, letting it all out into the pillow I had been cradling to my chest.

When my tears had ended, I heard the telltale sounds of ice breaking. They were probably done talking on the porch, which iced over more than any other porch in the neighborhood. I quietly cursed the snow for making things quiet enough to hear that. I couldn’t hear what they were saying – if a conversation was going on – and I was at least thankful for that.

I decided to try and get my mind off the way my heart ached by going downstairs to at least eat something. Mom and Dad both gave me a soft smile as I sat at the dining room table. Before me was a plate with a singular waffle, eggs, berries, and a hash brown patty. I didn’t want to push it with a sausage patty, but if I was still hungry, I was sure that a sausage patty would do me well. There was even some cream on my waffle because that was how I wanted it this morning.

No one spoke as we ate breakfast, which was fine with me. I didn’t need any. Mom may have filled Dad in, but he didn’t say anything about Noah to me. I was thankful for that.

“Do you want to go with me to pick up Chris this afternoon, Catherine?” Dad asked.

I pursed my lips.

“You know what? Why not? I think that’d be a great way to welcome him home,” I said. “What time will we need to leave?”

Dad gave me all of the details. I then looked at the clock. That left me at least a couple of hours to shower and get ready. If only a shower could wash away my heavy feelings.