Twins for the Mafia Heir (The Warwicks #3)

24. Emma

Chapter 24

Emma

T here’s been many times over these past few weeks that I’ve lain in bed wondering what it would be like to fall asleep in Achilles’s arms. Now that I finally have the chance to do it, though… I can’t sleep a wink.

His naked body is so warm and solid against mine, and the rhythm of his breath and heartbeat is a gentle lullaby. I try to hold my eyes shut, try to melt into him.

But guilt is eating my stomach whole, and I just can’t.

I came so close to telling him who I really am today. He stood up to Fantasia for his daughter, yes, but he did it for me too. It would’ve been easier for him to leave me with her- it probably would’ve soothed the rift that’s quickly becoming a canyon between them. Instead he kept me by his side, knowing it was the safest place for me.

Would he still do that if he knew who I really was?

Would he still want to kiss me if he knew I’m not the mafia princess he thinks he’s married to?

I don’t know the answer to that question, and the what if is bearing down on me like a bullet train. Up until this point, having sex with this man was about compliance and survival. I can’t possibly deny that I’ve enjoyed it every time it’s happened, but enjoyment wasn’t the reason I let it happen.

Well, not the only reason.

But now Achilles has made a decision that draws a clear line between Fantasia and him, with me by his side. This is good for me. I’ve made myself a resource to him, either by being a friend and protector of his daughter or… a pleasurable companion for him. Or both. Logically, I know I’m making smart decisions that will make my captivity more bearable. That I’ve sown seeds that will make my future escape easier.

Emotionally, though… having sex with Achilles while he thinks I’m someone else doesn’t feel right anymore. Despite being one of my captors and having secrets to hide, he’s shown his sincere feelings time and time again, even when he didn’t want to. And when he’s wronged me, he’s apologized and done better.

Of course, how much of that hinges on the fact that he thinks I’m Raleigh Warwick and that I’m capable of providing his family with something they need? Fantasia needs to maintain her fortune, but she’s been crippled by the shunning of one family and the disrespect of another. And because she has no legal way to get at Achilles’s money, she needs Thomas’s. Despite their many, many, many disagreements, it’s still in Achilles’s best interest for Fantasia to have what she wants, so even if he’s pulled me to his side for now, he might not be willing to do that anymore once he learns I’m worthless to them both.

I can’t risk that… right?

Achilles shifts against me, his brows furrowing in sleep. He turns over, removing his arm from around me, and I take a real breath for the first time since we laid down. The late afternoon light has become moonlit darkness while I’ve agonized over my safe lies. I’m grateful for the chance to escape, and I take it.

Carefully, I inch to the edge of the bed and lever myself out of it. Achilles shifts again, but doesn’t wake as I put on my clothes and scavenge a thick robe out of the bathroom to ward off the chill. In the hall, I debate where to go to clear my head. It’s far too cold outside to walk the gardens, even though I can imagine how magical they would look in the moonlight. We definitely slept through dinner, though I don’t think it’s too late at night for a snack-

“Raleigh?”

I almost jump at the quiet sound of Sidony’s voice at my elbow. Her hair is mussed from sleep- it seems she just woke up herself. And unfortunately, from the lilac penguin under her arm, I think I can guess why.

“Hey sweetheart,” I say softly, kneeling in front of her. “Everything okay?”

She doesn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around me, crushing poor Lilac between us. “I saw the scary men again.”

My heart breaks at the tired fear in her voice. I wish I could tell her just how much I understand it, just how alike the two of us are, but I don’t dare. Instead I hug her back, brushing my thumb over her temple.

“They’re gone, kiddo,” I whisper. “Your dad got all of them. There aren’t any here, right?”

Sidony nods against my shoulder, and I gently tug her braid. “I’m pretty hungry,” I declare, hoping I can change the subject to something more productive. “We missed dinner, didn’t we? Want to grab something yummy from the kitchen?”

Sidony nods again, pulling back so I can stand up. Her free hand immediately weaves into mine, and I give it a gentle squeeze. “Let’s go.”

I’m surprised to find, once we get to the bottom of the stairs and pass a large grandfather clock in the hall on the way to the kitchen, that it’s not even nine o’clock. We all slept through the afternoon, but not the night.

There are still a couple staff working in the warm glow of the kitchen when we wander in, but the atmosphere is very relaxed. The cook is sipping some tea at the table as she waits for the pastries to cool on the stove. Two girls are giggling and chatting while they go through the pantry checking expiration labels. When they see Sidony and me, they all straighten, and I blush at the sudden attention.

“Ah, don’t mind us,” I say. “We missed dinner, so we’re just-”

“Oh, everything’s in the fridge, love,” the cook says immediately, and I feel a new layer of guilt at almost wasting food she made for us. “Let me just heat it up for you. Do you want some warm milk, sweetheart?” she asks Sidony, who shyly nods.

I sit out of the way with Sidony at a long table on one side of the room. She’s still seeking comfort, and climbs into my lap to get even closer to me. I undo the tie on my fluffy robe and tuck her into it, which makes her giggle.

“I like this house,” I tell her. “It makes me feel… peaceful, I think.”

Sidony nods, her cheek pressed into my collarbone. “The other place is sad.”

I expected her to describe Wesley Hall as scary, considering everything that’s happened there. But sad?

Is she saying she was sad? Or Achilles, maybe? Fantasia? I hug Sidony a little tighter, wishing for the thousandth time that a four year old didn’t have to experience so much trauma.

The cook brings us two plates of hot chicken and steamed vegetables, both of which are swimming in spices, butter, and gravy, along with cups of tea, of course.

“I brought you chamomile to help you sleep, since I wasn’t sure your preference,” she says. “Miss…?”

Oh right, they still have no idea who I am or why I’m here. I blush hard, wondering how to describe myself, but I don’t get the chance. Sidony puts her arms around my neck and squeezes me tight.

“This is Raleigh,” she announces. “She’s my friend, and I love her!”

That might not clear it up for the cook or the two girls obviously eavesdropping, but to me…

My eyes prickle, my chest aching. She said it so simply, so honestly, so… easily. I’m loved by a little girl who doesn’t love or trust easily, and who’s haunted by demons I’m all too familiar with. I can’t stop myself from wondering if I’d had a kind woman to hold me in my darkest childhood moments, would I have come out less cautious, less conniving, less alone? And then I’m helpless to keep my tears from falling, because I get to be that person for Sidony.

“I love you too, Sidony,” I say, trying to keep the tremble out of my voice.

I love her… and I don’t want to lose her.

This second blow threatens to knock me over, but Sidony’s arms around my neck keep me anchored. I don’t want to lose this little girl I share so much with.

A much quieter voice inside my heart says that I don’t want to lose her father either, whose love feels like it’s enveloped me as well, just by virtue of its strength.

What a dangerous little thought. I push it away quickly, only to be faced by another. That I can’t really be connected with either of people… if they don’t even know who I am.

Just like I never actually held power as Silver because I existed under a false identity, I can’t really be loved by the family I’ve been swept up into while they think I’m Raleigh Warwick. If I want to keep Achilles and Sidony and the tentative bond between us… I have to come clean.

Of course, the second Achilles finds out I’ve lied to him, he could cut me out just as easily as he brought me in. Maybe he’ll be more understanding considering I hid my identity for the sake of protecting someone else, something I think he might do himself, but I can’t be sure.

The longer I wait to speak the truth, the more I risk breaking something I’ve grown to love. But if I don’t speak at all, I lose them for certain.