Twisted Deceit (Deceit #3)

Chapter 15

“There’s no need to pout.” Dawn’s remark wasn’t mean, but I still shot a glare at her before returning said look to the crappy weather outside.

It’d been raining all day, thunder rumbling in the distance off and on during the afternoon hours. The sky was dark and gray, which wasn’t helping my mood at all.

I wanted the sun. I wanted to be outside instead of being stuck inside with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders, trying to ward off the chill that wouldn’t leave my bones.

“You can sit on the porch.”

Yeah, no thanks . The cold breeze that wafted once in a while through the covered portion wasn’t going to help the soreness that was inside of me.

Resigned to the fact that I was stuck inside for the entire day, I shuffled towards the island where Dawn was mixing something in a metal bowl. Music was on low from the small radio she kept in the corner.

“Wanna help?”

I shrugged when Dawn’s eyes met my own.

Over the past few days, even weeks, she’d been offering to let me help her more and more with cooking or baking. The cooking part wasn’t as fun as making cookies and cakes. Even though too much sugar didn’t agree with me, I enjoyed helping. It gave my hands something to do.

“Here. You can keep stirring while I dig out a pan.” She pushed the bowl towards me. When I started to stir the red mixture, Dawn moved around the kitchen like always. Pulling out pans from one place, only to bounce to the other side of the counter to grab something else.

I wondered, not for the first time, why she didn’t just get everything out before starting.

“So, I have a question for ya,” Dawn continued after a few minutes after having me pour the red mix into a cake pan. “I like to kinda plan ahead, when I can. I want to mentally make a list of what I need to do, or what appointment I need to make for you. Either tomorrow, or years later.”

I blinked at her, waiting. It didn’t take her too long to get to the actual question.

“Can you talk? Or is it just that you prefer not to? I don’t care either way, nor will I ever care one way or another. I just want to make sure I have the support lined up for you where it needs to be in the long run.”

That was a hard question to answer.

Could I talk? I’d gone so long without speaking a single word. I couldn’t remember the last time I even made a noise.

All I could do was lift a shoulder, because I really didn’t know.

“Do you want to talk? I know it could be just a mental thing, and considering everything you’ve been through, I won’t hold it against you to not want to. But I’m sure there’s doctors out there that could give us both some answers on it. Of course, we’d bring it up to Dr. Shaw first. She may have some insights that I haven’t found yet.”

I lifted both shoulders this time. I didn’t want to tell her flat out I didn’t want to. Right now, I really had no reason to talk, even if I wanted to. Writing things down worked well enough for me. Plus, who even knew if my voice would work. Not just because I’ve gone so long not uttering a single syllable, but from the injury I know I suffered years ago.

Before I knew what was happening, my hand gently rubbed against my neck where my voice box was. I could still feel the fathom pain of a tight grip against my skin, squeezing the muscle and little bones into a death grip. All because I couldn’t stop crying.

My voice may have been forced to no longer work, but it did nothing to stop the tears I still shed today. It wasn’t something I’d ever be able to control.

“Someone hurt you, didn’t they?”

I dropped my hand as her gaze flickered to where I had been rubbing my neck. Her smile turned a bit sad for a moment before she masked her thoughts.

“I’m assuming some sort of ultrasound and other tests would need to be done to know about any damage. But that’s only if you want to try. I won’t push. But it is something that needs to be brought up with Dr. Shaw.” She paused long enough to put the dish into the oven.“Speaking of her. She’ll be doing a bit of the pre-testing to know where you are at in school. That part I’m not sure where to start and any of the homeschool programs I’ve looked into need some sort of educational background from you to join. Which we don’t have, given the circumstances.”

I huffed a breath.

“Dr. Shaw is more than qualified to do it, and it seems like she’s a good fit for you.”

I guess going for a little over two months to the same person counted as a good fit . I still wasn’t sure what was expected of me there, other than to answer some things with greater detail. But even then, nothing went that deep. But that didn’t mean I was looking forward to going to school. Even if it was homeschooled or with a lot of other kids my age.

Dawn shook her head, a smile gracing her lips like she could read my mind. Actually, I was pretty sure she could do just that.

It was almost scary in a way.

“There are moments where you appear so much younger than you are, but then there’s times when you are fifteen years old, if not older. It’s strange to see, but yet refreshing.”

I had no idea what she meant. Men had told me many times that I appeared younger than I looked, which is what they were attracted to.

“Don’t give me that look,” she squinted her eyes and pointed a single finger my way. I widened my eyes, not sure what look I had given her. “Oh, Koda.”

Once more, I was confused. I may be an open book, but Dawn wasn’t making it any easier on me.

***

I was no stranger to pain, but the headache that had been bothering me for weeks now wasn’t getting any better. If anything, it was worse as the sun slightly blinded me through a window.

As Dr. Shaw rattled off things I didn’t care to keep track of, a yawn forced my eyes to water.

I was tired in a way I hadn’t experienced before. My head was silent, yet full of questions I’d never ask. But Dawn would ask them, if only I could follow along with the answers that were given.

It’d been a long four weeks. I didn’t think time could have ever passed more slowly while Dr. Shaw went over a million and one things. Most of the stuff I didn’t know.

I still felt like I failed a huge test.

I couldn’t do anything right lately, either.Either I was crying at the most random of times, which even for me was bad, or I was lost in thought.

Too many times had the food gone cold at dinner. The couple of times Dawn had me help; I nearly started a fire with a simple pot of water.

I even broke some of the plates when I was helping clean up.

To say that Dawn was at the end of her rope with me wasn’t saying much.

I was a failure. Stupid, too.

“…More testing should be done to determine the level, but I don’t think he’s up to that any time soon. Right now, it’d be best for Koda to just learn what he’s comfortable with doing. Pushing him the past few weeks hasn’t helped, and any of the online programs you were looking at won’t work for him. Not with his levels all over the place.”

“I figured as much,” Dawn agreed from beside me.

I wasn’t sure if it made me feel better or worse that they were talking about me like I wasn’t in the same room. On the one hand, I wanted to be left alone. No, what I really wanted was to be wrapped up in bed with blankets. But on the other hand, I knew this was my life. I should have a say in what happens, but I just couldn’t find the care in me.

“He’s never been to school, but can read fairly well. I’d say he’s between a fifth grade and sixth grade level there. But the level for math is maybe second grade, if that. I’m assuming Koda’s awareness of the world is a mix of a ten-year-old and fifteen-year-old, just because of what he’s been through. But that could also all go towards the idea of him being autistic. His mannerisms, and selective muteness can easily be written off for that.”

“Is there anything I should be doing differently?” Dawn asked, shifting in her seat and causing me to look at her. It took a lot of work to turn my gaze from the window.

“No. Being there for him, setting limits and keeping appointments is the best thing right now. Just add in learning throughout the day. Like cooking, budgeting, documentaries, even. He’s overwhelmed enough right now; we don’t want to add too much at once.”

Dawn had already done most of that in a way. I was helping to cook, when I wasn’t burning food or trying to set the kitchen on fire. I did laundry once a week, too. And I finally figured out how to find something to watch on the tablet that she’d given me. And lots of things to read.

It was just too bad that it was hard to see outside, even in the shade. But at least on the porch I could read if I turned up the light far enough on the device.

“He does watch documentaries,” Dawn mused.

“Good. I don’t think anything else needs to be done or changed right now. I know you mentioned getting him around more people, but I think that should be a few weeks out. Let him settle again or it could do more harm than good.”

Whatever Dawn asked next was lost on me as I stood from the couch, wrapping my arms around my waste. I went to the window, looking out into the brightness, even though there wasn’t much else to see.

I wanted to go home.

I don’t know how long I stood there, lost in my own thoughts, yet floating away in nothingness. I was pulled out of wherever my mind was by a hand on my shoulder and I jerked away before settling.

“Sorry,” Dawn apologized, dropping her hand. “Ready to go home?”

I quickly nodded. I was more than ready.

“I’ll see you next week, Koda. Unless you need to see me sooner.”

I dipped my head, letting Dawn lead the way out of the office, then the building. My hands didn’t move from being wrapped around myself until we made it to her car, and that was only so I could get in and buckle.