Twisted Tides (Forged Hearts #2)

Chapter Eight

EVIE

“Cherry Waves” by Deftones

I knew I should have left him alone. There were so many things that I should have done, yet I don’t regret a single thing. I don’t regret taking him up on his drink offer at the club. I don’t regret having mind-blowing orgasms with him. I don’t regret making sure he got home okay after I pretended to be unaffected by his touch while I left him there wondering if I was coming back.

However, I do regret not being able to keep him.

Leaving him there was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, and considering all I lost, that is saying a lot.

I can’t believe he waited for me all that time, knowing I would probably not return. I stared at him, holding myself back from returning, but I knew it would be a mistake, so I forced myself to put one foot in front of the other and numb myself to the repressed emotions that threatened to resurface after spending only one evening together.

I’ve never had that kind of connection to anyone before. Following Jameson to work, and then to the bar afterward, was wrong, but no one said I was normal. I’ve accepted that I wasn’t an ordinary girl long ago. I was made this way out of deception, lies, and abuse. I was forced to develop my own form of coping skills.

So here I am, at the bar Emma frequents, watching Jameson meet his friends sitting at a high-top with him in my line of vision.

Emma left as we arrived, sitting with her usual coworkers, but he didn’t notice. I took a seat, sipping my seltzer water and watching from my spot in the corner with a view of the whole bar. Mateo was put off by my new obsession, but for someone who looks out for the same things I do, he’s one to talk.

As fucked-up as I am, I didn’t feel that way last night with Jameson. I felt seen. After hiding and pretending I was dead along with my parents in that fire, I must remain invisible to everyone. I rarely talk to anyone besides Mateo, and have never had a relationship.

After Mateo saved me from being attacked long ago in that alley, I was traumatized, but with the help of a therapist, I was able to pull myself from drowning in flashbacks of that night. Even though I was just bruised, my injuries were invisible—and my spirit was broken. I had to learn how to take back the control that was taken from me that night. I did that by speaking about my anxiety, and self-defense classes to combat my fears. I swore I would never let anyone have that kind of power over me again. I will be the only one in control of every aspect of my life.

I have held true to that, even when it comes to being intimate with someone.

Let’s be honest. There is no intimacy with the one-night stands that I have. Sex for me is an act used to release tension that has built up to the point of rage. I have had sex with men in the past, but never anything more than that—except for last night. I felt seen and treasured when he looked into my eyes like I was someone who mattered to him. I wasn’t just Evie, the sister who died and stayed unseen to protect Emma.

I was an actual person who sought the things all women want. I want to be the center of someone’s world. I want to be held and cherished as if I am the most essential thing to their existence. I felt that possibility for a small amount of time, and even if I never have that again and all our plans go to shit, I can say that without a doubt, for that moment, I mattered to someone. I felt cared for and treasured, which is absolutely absurd, since we were both at a sex club. I’m sure we won’t be telling this story to any grandkids.

Finding him on that app was pure luck, but once I saw his profile, I knew that I had to reconnect with him again. Maybe just one more time to indulge myself in something I can’t have. So I threw caution to the wind and decided to send him a private message.

I want to explain to him that I didn’t want to leave but that it was for the best. It’s a mistake to talk to him and get him involved any further than he already is, but I can’t stop wanting him. He’s like a drug, and I need my fix. I pick up my phone and hit send.

Eve

I want to see you again

One small phrase that should get my point across.

I’ve never been a jealous type, but when I saw that girl push up against him at the bar, I wanted to scream in her face that he is mine and rip her hands off him. They had a familiarity of having been intimate. I’ve never felt so many emotions at once: anger for touching what’s mine, jealousy that someone else knew him in a similar way I had, and a longing that makes me want to be held the way I imagined he would have night—the night when I walked away from the one thing I wanted to be selfish with.I drive home where I reside with my brother Mateo. The traffic here is insane, and I wish for a simpler life. I’d like to pick a place I want to live versus someone dictating where I have to live. Living in Houston isn’t the best, and I loved the simplicity of living on Padre Island, but Julian found Emma, and Adrian convinced her to move here with Liv, so here we are. The timing was perfect, and the reason held true—to be a friend to Liv and help her with her transition to a new city after the accident at the beach. I can still hear the screaming.

I remember that day and the first time I saw Jameson at the beach.

I blended in with the crowded beach area, pretending to be any girl indulging in the moment. I hid behind my sunglasses and hat while Mateo hung out with girls wrapped around him. He said it helped provide cover, but it sure looked like something else from where I sat.

I watched my sister with her friends and felt a twinge of sadness that I couldn’t tell her that I was there. Instead, I watched from afar and bided my time—all to keep her safe.

Day turned into night, and the party continued. The crowds had lessened, and Mateo and I were farther away from where we originally sat, closer to the shore. We had the van parked farther back now as the tide came in, but we were still close enough that I could keep an eye on Emma.

A thump startled me from my thoughts, followed by a high-pitched wail, and finally muffled sounds all coming from the van. Thank God he shoved his hand over that bitch’s mouth.

Just when I thought I could get a moment of reprieve, it started rocking, and I snorted, “Fuck this.” I put on my Van sneakers and walked in the shadows when someone called out my sister’s name.

“Emma?” I heard a voice call out. She looked zoned out until she realized someone was calling her. “Do you have to pee or something? You can’t keep still?”

I looked to see where she was and turned to talk to a guy with brownish-colored hair, average height, and a toned body.

Her laugh carried on the humid coastal breeze. “What gave it away?” she asked playfully, and my lips turned up in a smile.

“Oh, I don’t know. It looked like you had ants in your pants,” he retorted, displaying a beautiful smile across his chiseled jaw. He was handsome and anything but average in my eyes.

Emma threw her hand around. “Ha! I hope not. What do you think about escorting me to the bathrooms? I need to pee, but I don’t like that it’s so secluded over there and...” I saw her throat bob as she formulated her following words. “Dark.”

My heart broke hearing that she was still acutely aware of the dangers that lurk in the dark. I wanted to go to her. To shout, ‘I’m here, Emma.’ Instead, I stood silent and continued to watch over her.

He smiled at her and reached for her hand. “I’d be happy to escort you.” He swung her arm back and forth playfully. “Come on. Let’s go.” They walked hand-in-hand, like school-aged children, to the portable bathroom stall closer to the sand dunes.

I walked behind the dunes, watching and waiting to see if I needed to intervene.

“Do you want me to wait here?” he asked respectfully. “I’ll give you some privacy.”

Emma chuckled. “Nope, no privacy needed,” she retorted. “Can you wait right here, right here?” She said it twice for emphasis as she pointed to the spot in front of the stall before stepping in to relieve herself.

“Of course,” he replied, standing there waiting for her. I heard the stall door close. Then I saw them coming my way, but before they got to the sand dune to cut back to their friends, I saw him stop and face her, bringing her into him. He placed both hands on her cheeks, staring down at her. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I could feel the desire he felt for her radiating off in waves.

I swallowed in anticipation of what she’d do. I couldn’t help but feel a longing. I saw myself there with him. I envisioned him gazing down at me. I felt his hands on my cheeks, and he watched me with the same longing desire, but this time for me, burning me up inside. My clit pulsed, and I saw him pick her up. Her legs wrapped around him. I sucked in a breath, begging for them to silently stop. I wanted to throw up.

One arm went to grab her ass, holding her up, and my face turned red. The other arm reached across her back, and he looked intently at her as if he saw no one else.

Has anyone ever looked at me that way?

I felt it when their lips touched, and I touched my lips as they tingled from the sensation that mocked me. He deepened the kiss, kissing her passionately. I watched them through blurred vision. Wetness coated my eyelashes, and I’ve never wanted anything so bad. The ache in my heart widened as the need for this man took hold of my heart and squeezed it painfully—a reminder that I couldn’t have him. Their kiss ended as fast as it started, and he stared at her in confusion.

He dropped her legs from his embrace, and Emma righted herself. She looked around, then back at him awkwardly. “Um,” I heard her say. “We should get back. They will wonder where we went soon.”

He nodded and held her stare as she looked anywhere but at him. “Sure,” he said, rubbing his hand at the back of his neck. I’m sure he wondered what the fuck just happened.

“Me, too,” I said aloud to no one in particular. Just then, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I stiffened. “Pfft, took you long enough, asshole.” I didn’t have to look around to know that Mateo had seen me staring at this guy. I watched them walk away, and before I could give Mateo hell for fucking someone in the van, we heard a scream.

“Help! Someone help!” Mateo and I followed Emma, who ran alongside Jameson, to where a large crowd had gathered.

The sound of my phone interrupts my intrusive thoughts. I lie there staring at the ceiling. I got tired of waiting for a response, but then I thought maybe he hadn’t seen the message yet.

I hesitate to pick up my phone. A series of questions float through my mind. What if he doesn’t want to see me? What if he is already dating someone from the app? What if I didn’t really matter to him, and he is this way with everyone? What if I’m not that special?

I pick up my phone and hover over the little pinkish square of the dating app. I see a message from Jameson and let out a breath before opening it.

Jameson

Sure. Coffee?

I look at the cuteness of the place he wants to meet. Unfortunately, I can’t meet him for coffee. Maybe not ever.

Eve

I have a better idea. I’ll come to you.

His reply is instant, and his confusion is apparent. I smile, thinking about how that night will go.

Jameson

What? When?

I hover over the text and type out a reply before I can second-guess myself.

Eve

I’ll come to you—your place. I’ll be in touch soon.

I’m about to click out of the app before another message with his address comes through. I can’t help the laugh that escapes me now.

“Cute, he thinks I don’t know where he lives.” I shake my head at his innocence and feel like I have something to look forward to for the first time in forever.

I get under the covers. This time sleep comes the easiest it has in a very long time, and I dream of Jameson smiling up at me as I come undone, riding his thick cock.