Tyrant (Satan’s Angels MC #1)

Chapter 8

Lark

F or two excruciating days, I tackle the flower gardens during the daylight hours with very little sleep. Even if my mind would let me have a moment of peace, which it won’t, my mom’s soft moans and whimpers of pain keep me awake. Penny sleeps in my old bed with me. It’s a double, so there’s room. She goes down at eight and sleeps until around six or seven and between those hours, she’s lost to the world.

I’m glad she doesn’t hear her grandma trying to deal with pain that is barely controlled because my mom wants to be present with us and too many painkillers make her groggy and disoriented. She wants this time with us so badly. I don’t care how ironic that is, given how many years have been wasted. We’re together as a family again.

Between the lack of sleep, my exhaustion, my mom’s illness, and Gray’s immediate suspicions and threats about Penny, I’m extra jumpy.

Every time I hear a bike I nearly tear out of my skin.

“Holy shit, Lark, relax.” Raiden bites off a piece of licorice with his teeth. It’s some weird flavor. He used to like the thick grape ones, but now he only eats sour kinds.

I settle back in my chair and study my cards, my face heating. We both hear our dad walk through the house and settle in the living room. He’s probably picked up a book and will be staring at the same page for an hour, wishing he could lose himself in it. He just came back from the garage. He’s been out there for a few minutes. I’m not sure what he was doing. Staring at the wall? Cursing god? Crying? Both Raiden and I heard him go out, but we stayed where we were in the kitchen, playing cribbage to give him privacy.

It’s Raiden’s crib and I pick out two cards from my shit hand and toss them down. He adds two of his own. We cut and draw. Cribbage is my parents’ favorite game. Despite all my fears and the secret hell I’ve been living coming back here, I haven’t taken a single second of this for granted. Being home, having my family around me, being with Raiden again. Prison changed him too. He’s harder on the outside and inside, but not scary. He’s leaner now and seems even taller, but he still smiles just the same and has the same kindness glowing in his eyes. I haven’t had a single second of doubt about him.

The cut produces a seven, which, based on what I just tossed into that crib, is exactly the card I need to lose this hand about as badly as I’ve lost all the others.

“You did a great job on the flower gardens in the front. I barely recognize them.”

It was easy to rip and hack at those weeds, even the thistles and the thorny ones. I just pretended they were Gray’s face as I demolished them and when I slipped into near exhaustion under the heat, I didn’t have to think about him at all.

The roar of a bike thundering up the street makes me freeze. Raiden immediately notices. I’m being far too transparent. The sound used to make the hairs on my body prick up in excitement. Now it sounds like a war drum thundering in my ears.

“Lark?”

“What?” I slap my cards down, trying to breathe past the way my heart has just leapt into my throat.

“You have nothing to be afraid of. You know that I’d rearrange the whole of the earth to keep you safe.”

The roar intensifies. I glance furtively to the window, even though we’re at the back of the house and the street is in the front.

I pray it goes past, but whatever god may or may not be out there doesn’t bother with me, because its roar shuts off right in front of the house. It feels like the blade of a knife slicing across my throat.

“Who’s here?” I rasp.

Raiden’s frown lines cut harder into his forehead. Most bikers have long hair and a beard, but not him. He hasn’t grown out either. “Gray.”

I try very hard not to act like I’m in obvious distress, but my brother knows me too well. He reaches across the table, takes my cards, and folds them into the deck. He resets the pegs on the board carefully, putting them back to the start. It’s kind of him, really, since he was set to skunk me. At the same time, there’s a brutal finality about what he’s doing.

“Gray told me that you guys had some heated words a few days ago when he was waiting for me to get here. He says he said some things about mom and dad, and you took offense.”

Gray hasn’t told him the truth. He loves Raiden. He wants to protect him from what we did.

I hoped this day would never come. My day of reckoning. I have to face the decision I made, and I’ll have to face it with Gray before anyone else. There’s a small sliver of me that just wants to get it over with, but the larger part of me knows it won’t be a relief. It will be a painful fight every step of the way.

“Yeah,” I mumble, throwing myself out of the old wooden chair. I walk to the fridge and get out a bottle of water. I drain half of it and feel so sick that I might throw it back up.

“He might have changed, we all have, but he’s still the best man I’ll ever know. He doesn’t look like the man you knew, and I told you that, but I couldn’t really prepare you for it. Underneath that new gruffness, he’s still got the same good heart.”

Acid burns up my throat. I don’t mention Gray’s father. I heard that from my own dad as he blandly recited rumors from the past five years without any heat and a fair bit of frightening numbness. “Okay.”

“He wants to take you for a ride and apologize. Go with him.”

I whip around, the water in the bottle in my hand sloshing up violently. “What? Penny’s in bed. I can’t just leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere until late. I’m trying to keep up with work and the club, but everyone is working hard to try and force me not to. They all want me to be here. My brothers are good men. Rough as heck, some of them, but hearts of biker gold.”

“You’re so over the top.” I roll my eyes, trying to figure out a way out of this. “Gray brought his bike. I can’t ride back there. You know that- that means…”

“It’s Gray,” Raiden snorts. “No one is going to think you’re his girl.”

I close my eyes, whip around, and shove the water back into the fridge. I’m trembling all over and sick with shame. I have to confess to Gray. He already knows and it’s been eating me up like a monster dining on my internal organs since he was here. It’s inevitable. We won’t be able to lie to Raiden any longer. It’s going to hurt him and hurting him will destroy me, but Gray? There’s a very real possibility that Raiden might literally try and kill his president. What would that mean for the club? I can’t let my brother go back to jail. Not over me. Not over anything.

That’s the only thing that makes me agree. I have to see this through. When I decided to come back here with Penny, I knew there was a very real possibility this would happen, and I chose to come anyway. Maybe I was just done hiding. Maybe I thought I could get away with it. Maybe, after all this time and the life I struggled to build, I knew that my heart was still here in Hart. I haven’t known a real moment of peace since I ran.

“Hey.” Raiden’s hand lands on my shoulder and I gasp before slowly turning to face him. “Gray has done things. I’ve done things. We still have hearts. We love big, live big, ride hard. It’s not that kind of a ride, Lark. If you don’t trust him, trust me. He would still protect you with his life. We all would, even the brothers who don’t even know you, because you’re a part of me and that’s what they do.”

I have doubts about that, but I’m not going to voice them. Out of sheer stress, I choose the dumbest question instead. “What if told you I love him?”

Raiden tosses back his head and laughs. I look up at him incredulously. “Of course you do. We all love him. We might be criminals, we might be rough, we might have done too much living. As for hell, we might have seen it, raised it, lived it, and come back from it, but Gray? He’s our light. He’s our leader. Everyone knew he’d be prez one day.” He thumbs me under the chin like he used to do when I was so much smaller.

“It seems very much like he wants to live up to his club name.”

Raiden laughs again. I haven’t heard the sound enough, and I’m just glad he still can. With so much heartache in the past and still coming for us, I hope he still will when it’s all said and done. “Nah. He’s still our Gray.”

Our. Gray.

Once, I dared to dream he could be mine. That dream still lives in me and gnaws at my insides. I have constantly questioned myself every step of the way. Every foot I put in front of the other as I walked away has felt like the longest, darkest road.

Maybe it was always meant to wind back around, a circle I didn’t know I was treading. How could I ever fully walk away when I have a part of him with me constantly?

No, we’re not a circle. We’re the ouroboros, the snake that eats itself.

“If you don’t want to go, I’ll tell him that you’re not up to it. He’ll find a way to apologize to you somehow, or he’ll try again in a few days.”

That battle cry of the silenced bike still echoes in my soul. It gets louder and louder until it feels like it’s splitting me apart, splitting my world. Before. After. Before Gray. After Gray. Before absolute destruction.

I blink back tears. I’m betraying my brother right now. I am so unworthy to be standing here in front of him.

“It’s okay. I’ll go. I’ll tell him wherever we end up, it has to be close by. I’ll have my phone on. If Penny wakes up or if you need anything, let me know and I’ll tell him to bring him right back.”

Raiden’s face shines. The guilt nearly knocks me over. I turned my back on misery, but it found me anyway. It’s not just raining. This is a straight downpour. I doubt there will ever be sun again. “Most people wouldn’t trust their kid around an ex-con.”

I launch myself at my brother and wrap my arms around him tight. I soak the front of his t-shirt with my silent tears. “I’d trust you with anything,” I whisper in a shuddering breath. “My life. Penny’s. I love you, Raiden.”

He’s not the problem. I’m the one who can’t be trusted.

“Get a jacket. It’s not cold out, but you’re going to be on that bike. Wear jeans and boots so you don’t get burned.”

I roll my eyes at his overprotective tone but punch him lightly in the shoulder. “Okay, bro, I got it.”

He shakes his head. To him, I have no real idea what I’m talking about. I’m still his baby sister in his eyes. Even as a grown woman and a mother. That’s going to be a problem. I stumble around the house, changing into appropriate clothing, tugging on jeans and my leather jacket, my boots which are more for fashion and nothing else. I’d ridden with Raiden back when I was a teen, but I hadn’t been expecting to get on a bike while I was here, so those boots would have to do.

Raiden waves me off, tight lipped, not smiling anymore, but also not enraged. It’s Gray taking me. Gray is safe. Gray is his best friend, his brother, his prez.

As usual, our block is quiet in the evening. My steps on the porch seem to echo in an evening already fading to black. My heart thumps loudly until I set eyes on Gray through the damn hedges and then it arrests completely.

This is the man I told myself firmly to stop loving, but that’s not a thing that one can command, and I’ve failed in every way. This is the man that I’ve wanted since the dawn of time. As long as I’ve been self-aware, he’s been it for me. It’s the same every single time I lay eyes on him for that first moment. The thrill of it hits me like a fork of lightning.

I wasn’t fair the other day about how he’s changed. He could never be ugly and no matter what he’s done, I want to find whoever marred his face and carve them with the same knife. He’s a beast of a man, raw and dark, but it only makes him more thrilling. He’s got his hair tied back, low to fit under his brain bucket. I laughed so hard the first time I ever heard Raiden call a helmet that. A few strands pulled loose from the wind flutter around his face.

My knees go annoyingly weak, and I have to take one halting step forward so I can clutch the porch railing. This is ground zero of making my peace with this man.

His wild green eyes bite through me, promising dark things, nailing me to the porch with their intensity.

I can almost feel his strong hands on my skin, tracing a line to the back of my neck. I have never wanted to be someone’s property, and I’m strangely disappointed when he turns, leaving me hot and prickling under my clothes, anxiety and anticipation, disgust, reproach and excitement sparking through me in equal measure.

Gray produces a second helmet, plain matte black, just like his. He holds it out into the air, a challenge and a peace offering. Nothing this man does can be simple.

Half of me wants to dash back into the house, to hide and keep hiding from him forever, but I know it’s not possible. I might be trembling, but I hold my chin up high as I walk through the yard and snatch the helmet from his hands. I slam it down on my head and tighten the chinstrap.

He gets on the bike, balancing it easily with his massive, muscled body. Every single bit of him is outlined by his clothing, just like the other day. Black t-shirt, leather vest with his patches on the front and the huge Satan’s Angels MC bowed angel logo on the back.

Watch over all of us fallen sinners and keep us from harm.

I’ve ridden on Raiden’s bike so many times. I know how to mount one and I do it with practiced ease. The beast is all power, chrome and leather, just like the one who watches me with a twinkle in his eyes. I want to snap at him that I don’t belong here, that this is a one-off, but I shut my mouth. My words will only be used against me. Gray is far too clever by half.

He turns and starts the bike. The rumble blasts through the silent neighborhood, probably rattling windows and pissing off all the neighbors. Not that they’ll ever do a single thing about it. They’re either connected to the club in some way, or they fear them too much to ever open their mouths.

The seams of my jeans dig into my oversensitive skin as I brace with my legs, straddling the massive iron horse. The vibrations roll through me, gathering straight between my thighs. I can feel the dampness there.

I’d rather die than put my arms around Gray, but it’s either that or probably die for real. I’ve held him so many times, hugged him, touched him in so many ways. Piggybacks, wrestling, play fights. That night, when he swept me bridal style off the hood of his car and into his house. He was lithe like an athlete, all quilted muscle, but he’s all man now and I can barely wrap my arms around him. I’m thankful for my leather jacket, so my bare skin doesn’t brush against his. I still shiver violently as I wrap my arms around him and turn my face to the side, my cheek only an inch from his broad back.

He smells like fresh air, leather, motors, and laundry. The garage, the compound, the open road, himself. I fill my lungs with him, and I know what’s coming is inevitable. This was my path, however far I tried to deviate, however fast I ran. I don’t believe in fate, I believe in choice, but every choice I’ve made has led me to this bike and back to Gray. I was made for him, shaped for him, my own personal demon.

He possessed me long ago.