Tyrant (Satan’s Angels MC #1)

Chapter 16

Lark

T he dark is so absolute in the bedroom. I know it’s past midnight because I checked my phone not long ago, the light washing over the room before I set it back down on the nightstand. Penny’s breaths right beside me are soothing. I reach out and stroke her silky hair.

The house has been so quiet the last few days. Wrong in every way.

No one has touched my mom’s things. We can’t even think about what we might want to save or donate. My dad hasn’t moved out of their room or anything, but he walks the place like a glassy-eyed ghost.

As much as I’ve been suspended in the painful amber of a new reality without my mom in the world and my inability to truly grasp that or think about moving forward, I’ve thought about Gray.

Jesus, I’ve thought about him.

Endlessly.

There’s not always time to be brave. I don’t know what I’ll be getting into if I agree to step into his world. I know it’s not the way some other clubs operate. There isn’t that level of depravity and evil or danger. Hart isn’t New York, LA, or Miami. His life is still rough, dangerous, and dark, but Gray has worked tirelessly to build a world that is as free of violence as it can be. It’s because of the club’s power and ownership over the city that they can take a breath.

Gray’s life still scares the shit out of me, but I don’t want to spend another five years, let alone five minutes, denying what I truly want.

I’ve trusted myself to protect Penny in a world far larger and scarier and more unpredictable than Hart, and I could learn to trust myself to do it here too.

I want to believe that I could dig down and find the queen in me. Maybe that queen isn’t a biker babe and maybe she won’t live the life hard, maybe she isn’t even close to knowing what it means to be the president’s old woman, but I’d have Gray with me, by my side, teaching me.

We’d have to get everyone to accept us and that’s going to be a hard road, but the last few days have proved to me that I can’t just assume we’ll have time to walk it, let alone step onto it.

Something bangs downstairs suddenly. I realize that Raiden hasn’t gone to bed yet. He was so quiet down there for hours that I assumed he had. He was either sitting quietly or he’s up making a midnight snack.

I reach for it and type in Gray’s number with shaking fingers. The bright light scalds my eyes.

Me: Are you at the club?

Maybe that’s not even his number? I certainly won’t go downstairs and ask Raiden what it is. If he hasn’t kept the same one, and why should he all these years, then I just texted someone else in the middle of the night.

My heart jumps when I see the three dots on the screen.

Gray: My house, going to the club shortly. What’s happening? Are you okay?

My next breath comes out hard, fanning over the pillow. It’s half relief, half tension. I’m going to do this. I have to do this . I’m doing it tonight. Now.

Me: I’m fine. Can you stay for a bit? Watch for me?

Gray: What do you mean?

Me: I need to talk. Will you wait for me?

Me: I know you’ve been waiting a long time already.

Gray: I’ll be on the side of the highway on my bike, so you know where the turn is. You’ll miss it otherwise.

Me: Is that safe?

Gray: For me it is.

Me: I’ll be there in twenty. I’m bringing Penny.

Gray: Okay.

Gray doesn’t question my choices, the time of night, or my ability to properly mother our child. He’s just going to drop everything and be there for us because we need him. He might not be a hero, but heroes are overrated. They’re too selfless. They have the good of the world on their mind and they’re willing to sacrifice any individual for the benefit of many. Penny and I wouldn’t even matter to a hero.

We matter to Gray.

I bundle Penny up with her favorite blanket and haul her out of bed as soon as I’ve changed into jeans and a sweater. Not the sexiest outfit, but this isn’t about seduction. Gray forgave me. He’s been waiting for me for years. It’s time that I truly came home.

Penny doesn’t even stir. I grab her favorite soft gray bunny just in case she wakes up in the car. I creep downstairs and find Raiden in the kitchen, where I knew he’d be. I can smell pepperoni and cheese and realize he’s put a pizza into the oven.

He narrows his eyes when he sees me, searching for bags, and my heart crunches like someone has stepped all over it with heavy soled boots.

“I’m only going out for a drive. I can’t sleep. I- I haven’t done a lot of sleeping at all. I need this to breathe.”

He rubs his hand over his buzzed hair. “I was thinking about getting a tattoo for mom. A rose, on my throat.”

He’s trying to tell me that physical pain is his version of breathing. A moment of silent understanding passes between us.

“I can watch her,” he says, nodding at Penny.

“It’s okay. I want to take her with me. I wasn’t there for part of the funeral and even though she said it was fine and you all said she was okay, I just don’t want to leave her alone again. She probably won’t even wake up.”

“There’s a gun in the glovebox in case you run into any trouble.”

“What the… what?” I whisper-hiss because Penny’s face is tucked on my shoulder. “Are you… why?”

“It’s been there for ages. I just didn’t tell you about it. I’m telling you now because it’s the middle of the night. Do I expect trouble? No. Do you now know how to shoot, or at least basically? Yes. So, it’s there.”

“I’d be just as likely to shoot my own hand off as I am to get the bullet where it’s supposed to go, which is nowhere. I could never shoot someone!”

“You don’t have to shoot them. Sometimes you just need to threaten. It’s loaded. If you need to do more than use it for show, aim to maim, not to kill.”

I’m speechless. In the end, all I can do is nod. If Raiden thought there was a real threat out there, he wouldn’t let me leave the house and we’d be under guard. Gray never would have let me leave. Half the club would be lined up the length of this street keeping watch.

I still feel beyond unnerved as I get in the car. I settle Penny in her booster seat in the back, buckling her in. She kind of wakes up, but goes back to sleep when I smile at her and let her know everything is fine. I get behind the wheel, hesitating with the key hovering by the ignition. I set them down and open the glovebox. The sight of the firearm makes my stomach hurt. It seems ironic that I’m bothered by this when I’ve overcome the fact of what my brother and the man I love are both part of, have done, and could possibly do in the future.

Gray killed his own father and I’m still going to drive there. I’m going to tell him that I want to be his woman, and I know that means I’ll have to learn fast and burn the world down with him if he requires it.

My hands are unsteady getting the stupid key in, but everything else is smooth. The car purrs, the garage door opens with a click of the button on the visor, and soon I’m turning out of it and down the back alley.

Driving at night never bothered me. I always found it more soothing than frightening, but the dumb gun in the glovebox is giving off sinister vibes and I’m half consumed by nerves, which makes it hard to sit still.

By the time my headlights sweep off the highway and over the glinting, huge chrome outline of Gray’s bike and I see him leaning against it, wearing a leather jacket, a white t-shirt, and jeans, I nearly burst into tears.

I pull up behind him, but he doesn’t waste time or words having us on the side of the highway, even though there’s almost no one on the road. He revs his bike and the loud rumble as it roars to life vibrates right through the ground and up into the car. That familiar sound immediately soothes me. I was only ever afraid of it when I first got back to Hart and had no idea how or when I’d see this man again, or what I could ever possibly say to him. The growl as he turns onto the highway brings back a whole host of childhood memories that swamp me in the most nostalgic way. Bikes have always been a part of Gray’s life, so in a way, they’ve always been a part of mine.

When we enter Gray’s yard through the backroads and the break in the trees surrounding it, my heart gallops with the fear of finally living. The white farmhouse stands above us, not judgmental, but comforting. The last time I was here, I promised Gray my life. I’m here to do that again, but this time, only death will separate us. I couldn’t be here if that wasn’t my oath. Gray deserves nothing less.

He dismounts his bike, body flexing under the leather and denim. I’m momentarily distracted by him before I notice the security cameras on the house. I try not to panic, hoisting up my sleeping daughter and carrying her inside behind Gray instead. I wait until he has the front door shut, just in case that security can pick up what we’re saying.

“Is someone monitoring those or is it just you?”

“Wizard sees everything from the control room at the clubhouse.”

I nearly sway on my feet. “What… but- they’ll know I’m here. I told Raiden I was going for a drive.”

“I’ll say I found you out there and was worried. I got you to follow me back to make sure you’re okay.”

I can tell how much he hates having a ready answer for this. One day soon, we’ll figure out how to admit the truth and then we won’t have to hide.

“Do you have a room where she can sleep?” I indicate Penny, her angelic face resting on my shoulder.

“The guest room upstairs. It’s not far from mine.”

I want to be the queen I thought I could be, not a scared little rabbit following Gray upstairs.

His guestroom is typical farmhouse, with an antique bed, white metal bedframe, a washbasin with a blue and white pitcher and a patchwork quilt on the bed. It’s so far from how I’d expect a biker to live, that I ask him what I did the first time I was here. “Did these get left behind?”

He doesn’t answer me this time either, just quirks his scarred lips in the golden hall light slanting over the wide floorboards from the hallway. He looks longingly at Penny when I set her down on the bed. “Can I touch her?”

Oh, Gray . “Yes. Yes, of course you can.”

He strokes her cheek with one inked knuckle. “Every time I see her, I’m just in awe.”

“Loving us so much could ruin your image as a big, mean badass.”

“People can think whatever they want. There’s nothing wrong with loving your woman and kid. Anyone fucks with her, and they’ll see the terrifying side of me then.”

“Will she be okay while we talk?”

He’s so close, but he leans even closer, hot breath on my cheek. “My room’s right across the hall. You’ll hear her if she wakes up.”

I drop my eyes, needing to tap into adrenaline and not anxiety. “Okay.”

He carried me up here last time. His room is different. The furniture has been replaced with an immaculate mid-century modern set in amber hued wood. The walls are hung with paintings, mostly landscapes in gold frames.

“This has changed, so you did buy the furniture. How did I never know that you liked antiques?”

An impossibly faint blush appears above his beard. I see it when he flicks the light on. “I like to save the chrome and leather for me and my bike. These matched the house.” I can tell that’s not the reason. I wander over to the built-in bookcase on the far side of the room, floor to ceiling, painted and distressed white to match the walls. “I didn’t know you loved reading this much either.” Not enough to fill up a whole wall. I’m not here to discuss books, but I can’t help but run my fingers over the spines. So many of them are classics. Old, but not for show. Gray doesn’t like useless clutter. He’s never worried about impressing anyone.

He stays on the other side of the room, near the door, to give me space. I have the feeling that he’d leave if I needed him to. He won’t press me to do this if I’m not ready, but I am.

“I was wrong. That’s all. If I was listening to someone else describe my life, but not knowing who they were talking about, I’d be judgmental. But… it’s not someone else. I did all those things. I made you suffer. I did it to myself and Penny. I have a long way to go before I can be the woman you deserve, let alone your queen.”

He wants to interrupt me, but I silently plead with him not to. He sees my struggle and he waits. “If you’ll have me, I want to start now. I need more friends in this town, and I’d be grateful if any of the old ladies would have me. I don’t deserve your forgiveness and I certainly don’t deserve your love and trust, but if you’ll put it in my hands again, I swear to you that I will work every minute of however long it takes, to be worthy of being the one who stands by you.”

I worked on all of what I would say the whole drive. The last few days. The last five years. He’s studying me with a fierce, unreadable expression.

“I’ll earn it. Your trust, your love, your friendship, your hope, your cock.”

“Birdie!” A low rumble of laughter works its way up his throat. “I keep telling you, you don’t have to earn my cock.” He loses the smile and grows serious. “I know you had an idea of me before, but Raiden and I kept a lot of our lives from you. That’s half the problem. I understand you’re seeing this as no life for a child. There’s not a brother at the club who doesn’t worry about how his choices might affect his kids, but show me a father who doesn’t worry.” He thumps a fist over his chest. “I’m not the devil or the grim reaper. Everyone knows I have a heart and when it comes down to it, I’m pretty damn soft. But I am a member of Satan’s Angels MC, and I’m always going to be until the day I die. It’s my code. I live and I love and breathe by it.”

I know what he’s asking me. Can I accept that fully and truly? Can I love him as the man he is now? “I know I left, but I never did get over you. I couldn’t breathe without you. I dated to try and get out of your shadow, but the truth is, I’ve never been with anyone but you. Penny’s yours. I’m yours. We always have been. It’s a huge fucking risk and I’m scared to death of what’s coming, but I love you with all of me.” I’m nothing but a bleeding heart and a whisper now.

Gray widens his stance, ready to fight off any invisible threat. He’s so fierce and beautiful, my fallen angel. I want to do this with him. The hard living and the easy, for as long as we have. I want to be as fierce as he is, a warrior inside and out.

He lets out a ragged sound, like bones and muscles, his very heart being torn in half. “I have zero plans of ever letting you go. I was trying to be polite about it, but I wasn’t ever going to give up. I didn’t doubt it since that first moment I knew you were back in Hart. I love you and I swear to you I will build a world of happiness and joy for you and Penny. I’ll kill anyone who gets in the way, anyone who even thinks about hurting you, or my daughter. I love you, Lark Anette Joy Gardiner. My Birdie.”

I’ve been running to Gray in one form or other since I could walk. He opens his arms and I fly at him, the years and the betrayal, lies, silence, and pain cracking wide open and splitting apart in the room, drenched in the lightning of our desire, in forgiveness and promise, love and peace.

He picks me up after I crash into him, letting me tangle my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. I fist his hair brutally, driving his mouth down to mine. Gray whips us around, pressing me hard against the wall. He brutalizes my mouth, his tongue stroking mine into a storm of lightning that whipped straight between my legs. I’m drenched so fast that all I can do is whimper. My desperation to have Gray inside me hurts about the same.

I put my hands up, planting them behind me, palms flat to the wall for leverage. I try to writhe against Gray, taking what I need, but he keeps me pinned between his hard body. I’m going nowhere, taking nothing until he’s willing to give it to me.

He drags his teeth over my neck and sucks my earlobe, his breath hot and feral against my skin. It’s been five years. Five. Fucking. Years. The universe decided we were never supposed to be together, but we’ve been it for each other all this time. To me, that says a thousand times more than flowery words of romance. There’s been no one else. There will never be anyone else.

“How wet are you, Lark?”

“W-wet,” I stammer. If I haven’t soaked through my jeans already, I’d be shocked.

“Maybe I should let you down and you should check.”

I don’t want him to let me down. I’m shaking my head, but he’s already dislodging me, setting my feet on the floor. I’ve never been so desperate for anything as I am to get us stripped out of our clothes and get his cock inside of me. I growl in frustration as he bats my hands away from his belt.

“I want this moment worse than I’ve wanted anything. Will you undress for me? Show me your sweet body, the body that I’ve been dreaming of and longing for all these years? Will you let me touch you, love you, remake you and be remade by you, me, and no other man?”

“Gray,” I choke. Hot tears well up in my eyes. He’s never going to write poems for me, but he doesn’t need to. His poetry is his desire, hard and stark and utterly naked, imprinted into his very being.

I’ve never taken my sweater off so fast. My black sports bra is hardly sexy. I’m awkward as fuck getting it over my head because now that Gray’s eyes are on me, I’m shaking so hard it makes me clumsy.

I run my hands over my breasts, touching myself without taunting. I just need hands on my body. Mine. Gray’s.

“Please, Gray. Write your name on my body with your lips and your tongue. Write me a forever born of your love.”

He groans, capturing my breast with one rough palm. He rolls my nipple between his fingers, pinching so hard I gasp. He drops to his knees, so tall his face is still pretty much level with mine. He pinches one nipple while he licks and bites the other. He scrapes his beard over both of them, tickling me, but also drawing a straight line of pleasure right down to my throbbing core. “Beautiful.” He sucks my nipple again, letting it pop loudly out of his mouth. “Tastes like sweet strawberry candy.”

“You don’t even like strawberries.”

“I do now.” He reaches around me and grabs my ass firmly in both hands. “You still have these jeans on. Should I take them off? Unwrap you like the gift you are? The most beautiful gift I could ever imagine?”

“Yes. Yes, yes, please, god, yes.”

He’s much quicker than I would have been, stripping me down to my white cotton panties. Gray spreads my legs apart and kisses me over the cloth. He sucks my clit through the cotton and licks my slit so hard that the fabric clings to the outline of me. Seeing his big head bowed between my legs while I stand here leaning against the wall for support, is the headiest dream.

“Even sweeter than strawberries,” he groans.

He pushes my underwear aside and licks straight from the source. I almost scream before I remember to bite down on the sound, so I don’t wake up Penny. She’s just across the hall. If she wakes up, she’ll have no idea where she is or where I am.

“Can you be quiet, Birdie, or do you need to bite down on your hand?”

I twist my hand to the side and sink my teeth in.

“You’ll need to stay silent, my sweet strawberry queen. I have every intention of plundering this glorious pussy until you’re coming all over my face.”

He shoves me up harder up against the wall, lifts my legs onto his shoulders in one swift move, and delves straight to the center of me. His tongue is sweet. Sweeter and darker than any sin. If this is sin, then I don’t want to go to heaven. I don’t want redemption. I don’t want the light and the goodness. I want the dark. I want Gray.

“Hold yourself open for me, Birdie, while I devour you.”

I’m going to die. I’m going to die. I’m sure of it when I part myself, showing him all the glistening tiny beads clinging to my folds. I watch him lap them up, cleaning me with his tongue, humming as he tastes me. I didn’t think someone’s tongue could be so perfect or could feel so good inside, but Gray’s does. When he thrusts it inside of me, I don’t feel half as empty.

I bite down on my hand and pant through my nose as his tongue teaches me what true sin is. My legs start to shake, and that’s when he decides to attack my clit.

He stops licking me when I need him most and takes his hands away. I’m so far gone that all I can do is melt boneless against the wall and wait for whatever glorious thing he’s going to do to my body next. I finally clue back in to the fact that he hasn’t moved. I look down and when I see what he’s doing,

He’s not doing anything. Just looking at me.

The hot caress of his eyes, appreciating me, seeing all of me, is the most beautiful thing I have ever known.

“Gorgeous,” Gray praises.

His praise makes my legs tremble and my empty pussy ache. I clench my thighs together, realizing that there are fresh beads of moisture slicking down them.

“Get up on the bed, queen.”

Queen. Oh my god.

He doesn’t tell me where to position myself or how to do it, but I’m the one that catches my reflection in the huge mirror mounted to the dresser. I want to watch him behind me. I want to see every single thing he’s doing. Not just because it’s kinky or erotic, but because I’ve dreamed about him, ached for him, missed him beyond words and comprehension for years.

I look at myself in the mirror, flushed and as wild as a beast.

I grasp the sleek wooden footboard. I can see Gray behind me, whipping off his t-shirt and undoing his belt. Watching him undress with that dark, feral promise in his eyes makes my empty walls clench hard on themselves.

“Are you on the pill?” he asks.

I shake my head.

Once he’s naked, he pulls out a condom from the nightstand and rolls it down the length of his swollen, veiny cock. I want him raw, but we’re not ready for another child. We need time to become a couple, he needs to get to know Penny. The whole club has to accept that I’m his queen. I have to learn what that even means. I want us to be a family as we are, because we need that right now.

Gray strokes his cock over the condom. I want to do that. I want him doing that inside of me, not wasting it on his hand. I want it so bad I nearly see double.

He gets up on the bed behind me and I’m so eager for him, I bend forward and put my hips and ass straight up in the air. He grasps my hips and dives down, licking along the length of my slit with his hot tongue. “Glorious.”

I let him do it, shamelessly wanton.

I’m drenched, but he spreads my apart and spits on me anyway.

Holy god. I am going to die.

His hands curl into my hips as he notches himself to my entrance. He pauses just for that second and it nearly kills me. I don’t want him to hesitate. I want there to be no doubt.

“Gray. Yes. Please. I need you. I’ll always need you. I always have.” He fills me unbearably full, thrusting inside of me with a single movement. I’m forced to stretch to take him, his delicious thickness filling the ache I’ve been unable to fill with my fingers for years alone.

I watch him lose himself in me. His eyes are closed, and his face is a tight mask of pure bliss. The sight of his huge body looming up over the top of me, plunging in and out rhythmically, makes me moan almost as forcefully as the sheer pleasure lighting me up does.

I’m so full that the pleasure careens through my body. I want to hold on, to wait, but my muscles are screaming. Gray leans over me and commands thickly, right near my ear. “Come for me, my queen. Come apart for your king.”

I follow his instructions perfectly, literally breaking part and crying out with muffled sobs. My fingers clench into the footboard, using it to brace myself while Gray goes mad behind me. He’s wild, banding an arm around my middle, bowing almost in half as he strokes into me with long, brutal thrusts.

He growls my name when he comes, chanting it into the sudden silence of the sticky bedroom. His arm is locked around my waist and while he’s still inside of me, I take his hand and press it to my chest so he can feel the hammering of my heart.

I clutch his hand hard to my sweat slicked skin. “I missed you. I love you.”

He pulls out of me and rearranges me, tucking me into his clean, wind-scented cotton sheets. He’s line-dried them. I know that scent. He kisses my forehead. I nearly weep at the way his arms feel wrapped around me.

“Missed your smile, Birdie. Your heart, your soul, your laughter. Every fucking thing about you. I love you.”

I cling to him, a little in disbelief that I’m here right now. This is real. This is Gray’s bed and from this night on, I belong in it. I belong in his life. He’ll carve out a world for us. This is our reality. Us, as a family. It’s everything I was terrified to believe in, but love has to be bigger than terror. Love has to be bigger than everything.