Undeniable You (Sapph in the City #4)

Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

Jo

The next few days were busier than I anticipated. Larison split her time between getting things done at the bookshop and going over to her parents’ house to help. Lara and Allison had both told her that she didn’t need to come over as much, but Larison wouldn’t listen.

While she was handling all of that, I held down the fort with Juniper. I brought her over to see her grandparents and made sure that she ate and was entertained and every night I made dinner for Larison. She kept telling me to stop doing it, but I refused. Guess we were both bad at listening.

On Friday, I spent most of the day making several meals to go in the freezer for the weekend so she wouldn’t need to cook.

“Are you serious?” she said when she came home and found out what I’d done.

She obviously wasn’t sleeping much, and she’d even been a little short with Juniper. It was clear to anyone with eyes that she was doing too much and needed to stop and slow down. I hoped the weekend would give her that opportunity, but I wasn’t holding my breath. That was why I’d made the meals. If I couldn’t force her to sleep, I could at least keep her and her daughter fed.

“Yes,” I said, pretty much ignoring her. “I had the time. Juniper helped.”

“Yeah, Mama, I made lasanna!” I’d corrected her on the pronunciation, but did it really matter? It was cute.

Larison glared at me and for the first time I wondered what it would be like to be on the other end of her wrath.

Then she sighed and rubbed her forehead. “Josephine.”

She drew my name out and I let out an extremely embarrassing noise as a response.

Fuck me. She could not say my full name. It was far too much. Larison saying my full first name was pure sex in that husky voice of hers.

“Sorry,” she said quickly, and I watched as her cheeks turn pink. My face was redder, but at least we were both blushing.

“Mama, can we have lasanna?” Juniper said, smashing through the awkward barrier that had popped up a moment ago.

I was really grateful for that kid sometimes. She seemed to know when the best time to interrupt us was.

Larison cleared her throat and looked down at Juniper.

“Sure, baby. We can have lasanna.” So sweet to pronounce it that way.

It was absolutely time for me to go back to my own apartment and let them get back to their lives.

“Please let me know if you need anything this weekend. I’m not doing much.” Way to confirm to her that I didn’t have a very active social life. Whatever. She was too busy dealing with other things to worry about me.

Larison nodded and leaned against the counter.

“You really didn’t have to do this.”

I grabbed my bag and put it over my shoulder before giving Juniper a huge hug and telling her I’d see her on Monday.

“I know I don’t have to. I want to,” I said with my hand on the doorknob. “Have a good weekend you two.”

“Bye, Jo Jo!” Juniper waved both hands at me as Larison met my eyes and stared at me as I closed the door behind me.

Fucking hell. What was that ?

I did my best not to replay the moment when Larison had practically growled my name in her rough voice, but I couldn’t. It echoed through my mind as I got in my car and with every step as I went back to my apartment.

It was true I didn’t have much going on this weekend, but Reid had invited me on a hike. Sophie said she was going over to Larison’s to help out, which was a relief that she’d have someone to help when I wasn’t there.

Sophie would take care of them during the day, and I’d already taken care of dinners. Even so, I hoped they were going to be okay and I had plans to check in. I’d have to make sure that I didn’t do it too much or else I’d look like some kind of overbearing clinger.

Since I’d spent so much time cooking for Larison and Juniper, I had zero energy left over to make anything for myself, so I just went ahead and ordered Chinese and got a double order so I could keep it in the fridge and have leftovers. I also caved and ordered some donuts to have on hand. A dangerous thing to do, but I didn’t care. It had been a long ass week and I needed some damn donuts.

My classes were starting next week, and I’d have to learn how to juggle work with them. Fortunately, they were both online so I could just do all my work when I got home and maybe even during the day if Juniper let me. Probably not. That kid was a big ball of energy and I wanted to give her all of my attention.

My food arrived and I looked at the time on my phone. It had been two hours since I’d left Larison and Juniper and realistically I knew they were fine, but the desire to check in on them was strong.

Josephine .

I’d never heard anyone say my name quite like that before. All I wanted to do was ask her to say it again and then record it so I could play it over and over like some kind of auditory pornography.

Wanting to take care of Larison and wanting to see her naked should have felt more dissimilar than they did. I could take care of her while she was naked. Sex had been low priority for me for a long time and even when I’d been dating and seeking people out, it had always been very “wham, bam, thank you ma’am.” Quick and efficient. Just a chore, almost. Something to do that felt good and was fun but nothing to get all that worked up about.

It had been very easy for me to stop doing that and switch to exclusively masturbating. At least with that I could guarantee that I got off every time. My vibrators and grinders never let me down. And sex could have messy complications that I just did not have the time to deal with.

This was just a time in my life for solo sex and I’d accepted that and went along with my day.

And then I’d walked into a café and saw a stunning woman and met her daughter and then she’d said my name in that way and now I had an itch that I couldn’t seem to scratch on my own.

I tried not to let myself fantasize about Larison. That at least seemed wrong, but it didn’t necessarily work. Brains were gonna do what brains were gonna do, and once I was seconds away from an orgasm, all I could think about was Larison no matter how hard I tried to stop.

I sat on the couch and set aside the rest of my food and started reading, but my eyes wouldn’t focus on the words or the story.

Josephine .

“Fuck,” I said, unzipping my jeans and sliding my hand under the band of my underwear to find my pussy already wet and aching. I’d been throbbing since Larison spoke my name and it wasn’t going away anytime soon. I’d have to rub one out and hope that took care of it.

Usually I liked to use a vibe or a grinder and draw things out a little, but this was definitely a quickie situation. Get in, get off, get out.

“Oh shit,” I gasped as I rubbed circles around my clit, already so close that it wasn’t going to take long at all. After only a few more moments of focused attention, my orgasm detonated and swept through my body, leaving me wrung out and trembling.

“Fucking hell.”

The images in my mind faded, but they’d all been of Larison. Smiling at me and gazing up at me from her bed while she touched herself and I pictured the ecstasy on her face. I wanted to get her off so much. Never in my life had I been desperate to beg someone to sit on my face, to suffocate me with their pussy, but I would absolutely beg Larison for everything.

Not a good thing to think about the woman who was paying you to watch her child. Lines had already been crossed, but that was one that absolutely could not be. I’d have to quit first if I even got close to any of that. The complications were simply too much to consider.

I’d have to just keep those fantasies locked up and far away from my hours at my job. Preventing myself from thinking about Larison in a sexual way wasn’t going to happen, so I’d let myself do it, but only during certain times. Schedule my lust. That would be fine, right?

As long as I could keep things from escalating and threatening my job, I’d do whatever it took.

“Can we stop for a second?” I asked for the third time.

Reid nodded and didn’t make any comments as I walked toward a large rock and sat down on it. This wasn’t supposed to be a difficult hike, but for some reason it was still kicking my ass. I gulped down some water and looked up at the completely cloudless sky. It was an absolutely gorgeous day, and not too hot, thankfully.

Reid looked at her phone, smiling softly as she typed out a message.

“How’s Sophie?” I sang.

“Shut up,” she said, not looking up from her phone until she was done with her message.

“Oh come on, we both know you totally and completely adore her.” And vice versa.

Reid rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”

I snorted. Reid was so funny now that she was completely in love. She hadn’t planned on it happening which made it all the more satisfying.

“Is she with Larison?” I asked, even though I knew perfectly well that she was.

“Yup. She forced Larison to take a break and go to the beach. She’s been trying to keep Juniper busy so Larison can sit and chill out for a while.” That sounded like a perfect idea. Larison definitely wasn’t going to do that, but maybe Sophie could beg her until she did.

How’s my favorite girl? I sent to Larison.

What? She asked and then I realized how the message looked.

I meant Juniper. How’s my PJ? Oops. Larison kind of was my favorite girl, but in a different way obviously.

She’s good. Currently making a sand mansion with Sophie. The message was sent with a picture of Sophie and Juniper on the sand laughing together. Adorable.

Are you relaxing? I asked.

Her answer was a picture of an open book on her lap. I could just see a tiny peek of leg but that little sliver of skin was enough to give me heart palpitations.

I needed to get a hold of myself.

“You okay?” Reid asked and I realized I’d been staring at my phone for a while.

“Oh, yeah. Good. Uh huh.”

I got up and Reid gave me a weird look.

“Let’s keep going,” I said, taking off at a fast walk and almost immediately tripping over a tree root. Reid snorted as I caught myself and kept plowing ahead.

Reid didn’t know about all of my secret longings for Larison and I didn’t want her to. It would be great if I had anyone to talk to about it, but Reid would probably tell Sophie, and I couldn’t take the chance that any of that could get back to Larison. I would perish from mortification. It would definitely kill me. And then I’d never get to finish my degree.

“How is the job going?” Reid asked.

“It’s great,” I said, my voice too loud. “Juniper is so funny and she’s rarely in a bad mood. We’re working on her reading and she’s been doing a great job. Some days it’s hard to believe that it’s a job because we have so much fun every day.” As far as jobs went, it was a damn good one.

“That’s great. It’s important to actually enjoy your job,” she said.

“Oh, is it?” I asked, and she glared at me when I looked at her over my shoulder. “Didn’t I tell you the exact same thing for ages when you were working at Sapph?” Reid had not enjoyed that job and I’d had to see her being miserable about it until she got her head out of her ass and did something else. She was now helping out with Cade’s author assistant business and she’d also finally started seeing a therapist to deal with her family trauma. I was so damn proud of her for taking that step.

“Yeah, yeah. How long are you going to rub that in my face?” She pushed at my shoulder gently and I laughed.

“Oh, probably for the rest of our lives. You’re stuck with me, baby.”

She snorted. “Fine. I guess.”

We kept walking and then Reid asked, “and how are things with Larison?”

Hearing someone else say her name made my stomach swirl with something like jealousy, which was truly ridiculous. I wasn’t jealous that Reid had said her name .

“Good. She’s got a lot going on with her mom’s surgery and the bookshop and everything.” There, that was pretty neutral.

“It’s opening soon, right?”

“Yeah, in about a month. She’s really stressed out about it, but it’s going to be amazing.” Larison had showed me pictures of the shelves now that they were in and had told me her ideas for the murals that were getting painted next week. There would be no doubt that this was an establishment that celebrated all kinds of romance novels and reveled in the HEA. My kind of place.

“Sounds like it,” she said, and there was something in her tone that made me look at her.

“What?”

Reid shook her head and I had to focus to not trip on an exposed boulder in the middle of the path. “Nothing.”

“Oh come on. What is it?” Reid almost always spoke her mind. Not when it came to herself, but definitely about everything else.

“Just the way you talk about her,” she said slowly. “I was just wondering.”

Shit. I hadn’t been as casual and breezy as I thought. No surprise. I wasn’t great at secrets. Never had been.

“Just ask what you want to ask,” I said. Guess we were doing this now. It had only been a matter of time, really. Reid had my number and I had hers. This was payback for all of my teasing about her and Sophie. Now the shoe was on the other foot and I was reaping instead of sowing. This sucked.

“You’re into her, Jo,” Reid said. It wasn’t a question.

“I’m not… not into her.” There. It was out now.

“Mmm, that’s what I thought. Must be tricky.”

I stopped walking and Reid almost crashed into me. “It’s hell, Reid. I thought I could handle it at first and it keeps getting worse, not better. I thought that over time my feelings would calm down, but they haven’t. I don’t even know what to do anymore.” All of my frustration and stress poured out of me and it was a huge relief to let it all out to someone I trusted. Reid might give me shit about some things, but she was an amazing friend.

“Well, kid, you’ve got yourself into a pickle,” she said while I panted as the trail got abruptly steeper.

“Yeah, no shit,” I said, wincing as my leg muscles burned. I guess chasing Juniper around at the park hadn’t made me a champion hiker.

At last the trail evened out again, but I had to stop and take a few breaths.

“So, what are you going to do?” Reid asked.

“I don’t actually know,” I said. “Because I can’t lose this job, and I can’t seem to make these feelings stop.” Not that I’d tried very hard. I mean, what was I supposed to do when Larison was so goddamn sexy? She didn’t even have to try. Her very presence was a shock to my system, a hazard to my libido. Like kryptonite. Clitonite? Was that a thing? If it wasn’t, Larison had created it.

“You there?” Reid asked, waving her hand in front of my face.

“Yeah, sorry,” I said, very glad that she couldn’t read my thoughts.

“Do you think there’s a possibility she might feel the same way?” Reid asked.

“Honestly? I have no fucking clue. I’m terrible at reading signals and I have a hard time telling if someone is just being nice to me.” It had been an issue for me before, especially when I’d been younger. Girls were generally nice to each other and what was the difference between being nice and flirting?

“Mmm, I know what you mean. Okay, next question: if she did reciprocate feelings, what would that mean?”

It would mean I didn’t have a job anymore, that’s what that would mean. I’d be screwed.

“Well, that’s not an option. Honestly, I think I’m going to have to ride it out. It’s just a crush. I can keep a handle on it.” I’d just wear out my vibrators and spend all my spare time getting off. No big deal.

Reid nodded. “You should definitely talk to Cade.”

God, why hadn’t I thought of that? Cade had been in almost the exact same situation with Eloise. Except when they’d shared their feelings, Cade had been able to just work for someone else, so it wasn’t weird. I couldn’t exactly do that. No one was going to hire me to work for part of the summer for decent pay.

I was committed to this job. And it wouldn’t be fair to Juniper either. If I stopped being her nanny, Larison would have to find someone else and what if the new person didn’t get along with Juniper? The idea of someone else taking care of her made me sick to my stomach.

That absolutely was not on the table as a possibility.

“I’m going to tough it out. It’s just for the summer. Then I can move on.” And the chances of Larison having similar feelings were slim. Sure, she liked me as sort of a friend and a person who looked after her kid, but other than that? She wasn’t going to be declaring her feelings or ripping my clothes off.

“Let’s just keep going.”

I was in a bad mood when I got back from the hike and not just because my body was sore. I just hated this limbo I was in with Larison. Liking her so much and having to hide and suppress it sucked. It sucked hairy unwashed ass.

The whole thing made me want to throw a tantrum and scream and maybe break something.

Instead I fumed on the couch and angrily ate leftover Chinese. Figuring I couldn’t be too miserable in the bathtub, I went ahead and added some stress-relieving bath salts to the water and got in with my waterproof ereader and a book I’d been holding off on reading because I figured I would save it for when I wanted to be cheered up. Like now.

The book didn’t necessarily help because my problem wasn’t going away. On Monday I’d have to see Larison and I’d have to deal with my attraction to her and it was going to be awful.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I chanted as I tried to breathe deeply and put away all of those unpleasant thoughts.

Getting out of the tub, I put on a robe and crawled into bed.

I feel bad for contacting you on your day off, but my daughter will not leave me alone. Of course, the message was from Larison. A second later a video came through of Juniper doing a little dance in the living room and singing offkey at the same time.

My heart did a little squeeze as I watched it three times in a row. I shouldn’t miss that kid as much as I did.

Tell her I miss her and I can’t wait to see her. I responded.

Larison sent me another video of Juniper talking to me.

Great. She’s now requesting her own phone so she can talk to you whenever she wants. I already lost the tablet war, but I refuse to get my child a phone.

I laughed. Juniper did have a tablet for games and videos, but she wasn’t too addicted to it, thankfully.

You don’t have to get her a phone. She has Mozzarella.

That little dragon had been a good idea. I wasn’t going to tell Larison that the reason I had it was because it had come as a free gift when I’d ordered a custom dildo and grinder online. She definitely didn’t need to know about that.

Okay, I’m going to have to cut her off or else she’s going to sneak into my room and steal my phone. The idea that Juniper was so obsessed with me felt pretty damn good. Like I could run through a brick wall.

I wanted to hear her voice and I almost video called her a few times, but it was late. And I’d just seen her yesterday. Talking to her so much wasn’t going to do anything about my inconvenient crush. I needed to keep myself from falling into those long, deep conversations with her that made me smile and caused my heart to pound and generally wreaked havoc.

It was up to me to not prolong our interactions, and that started now.

I didn’t respond to her message and she didn’t send me anything else. I hated it, but this was best in the long run.

I just had to get through this damn summer in one piece.