Unexpected Harmony

2. Starting Over

Chapter 2

Starting Over

T he sound of waves crashing along the shore greeted Aspen as she opened the back door of her cottage. The unobstructed view of the Pacific Ocean met her as she smelled the pungent scent of seaweed.

Even after three days, the view still snatched her breath away. She wasn't ready to face the day, or any day for that matter, but the self-imposed break was already doing wonders. Even without the fallout from the disastrous “proposal,” there had been signs that a time-out was needed, much to the chagrin of her team—especially Morgan.

The soothing melody by the composer Marcus Estrada played through speakers hidden throughout her house. It was the only type of music that Aspen could listen to at the moment. Estrada’s famous orchestra piece brought a sense of tranquility, which right now was hard fought and easily lost. She'd take what she could get.

The calmness she'd been able to cling to for a few short minutes shattered when her phone lit up with a photo of Scar from The Lion King . Rolling her eyes, Aspen sent Lexi's call to voicemail and poured another glass of wine.

“Yeah, that's not happening,” Aspen mumbled when she saw a text from Lexi asking if they could talk.

The doorbell rang. It took a second ring for Aspen to remember she didn't have anybody to do things like answer the door, and she'd need to do it herself. How quaint.

Peeking through the peephole, even though only a handful of people knew she was there, Aspen relaxed when she saw Andi with an armful of groceries.

“Hi, come on in.” Aspen opened the door wide and waved her assistant inside the house. She took a wide berth of the piano in the living room, not enjoying the reminder of her lack of inspiration, and instead sidled up to the counter in the kitchen, ready to help put groceries away.

“I’ve got this, Ms. Lake. Go ahead and sit down.” Andi waved her away.

“How many times do I have to tell you it's Aspen? Since you're still on the front side of your twenties, this Ms. Lake business makes me feel ancient.”

“But Ms. Lake, you are ancient,” Andi joked, dodging a dish towel that Aspen threw.

“I may be ancient, but at least my eyes still work. Why did you get shellfish when you know I'm aller…” Aspen’s voice trailed off when Andi held up cheese.

“What was that?” With a gloating smirk, Andi held her hand up to her ear.

“All right, smart ass. I'll leave you to it.” Aspen took her leave. She walked a professional and personal line with Andi, balanced through mutual teasing and a foundation of trust.

Trust was something she was holding tight to right now.

Wandering back to her living room, Aspen fiddled with her phone. After twelve years of constantly having people around, she was finding the quiet took some getting used to. Scrolling through her contacts, she tried to see if there was anyone she could talk to who wasn't on her payroll. Slowing down when she reached the Ts, her finger hovered over Therese. With a deep breath, she pushed the call button and waited for the signal to connect to her best friend.

“Well, pinch my butt. Is this the Aspen Lake? My best friend since third grade gracing me with a phone call?” The teasing tone transported Aspen right back to elementary school, when Therese had offered her half of her sandwich for the sticker Aspen had won earlier in class. It was an epic tradeoff for her rumbling stomach since she'd been sent to school without breakfast that morning.

“I'm hoping to pinch your butt tonight if you're available. I'm in Malibu and have a bottle of chardonnay ready with your name on it, if Brian and the kids can handle you being away for a few hours.” Aspen paused before going on. “I know it's last minute, but it's been forever, and we're hardly ever in the same town nowadays.”

“Don’t I know it. Hold on a second.” Therese must have put her hand over the receiver, but she could still hear everything. “Hey, Brian. I’m going to hang out with Aspen. Are you okay handling the kids?”

Aspen couldn't hear Brian's answer, but his calm demeanor and great personality didn't have Aspen holding her breath in anticipation. She was sure he wouldn't have a problem.

“Good news, Pen. I’ll be there in an hour. Does that work?” Therese sounded excited. She must have needed a break as well. Understandable with three kids all under the age of seven.

“Yeah, get your butt over here whenever you can. I’ll have a glass waiting for you.” Aspen hung up. A friendship that had lasted her whole life had different rules.

“Everything’s all set up. Do you need anything else?” Andi hovered in the hall.

“No. Go ahead and take a few weeks off. I'll check in if there's anything that's needed, but now I'm settled. You can just work from home for a bit.” Aspen felt her eyes get heavy but needed to rally for her friend.

“Are you sure? I'm not comfortable leaving you alone right now.” Andi straightened, showing a surprising amount of backbone.

“Of course I'm sure. Morgan will be around here and there. Plus, it will be good for me to figure out how to get groceries occasionally. There will hardly be any work for an assistant, especially one of your caliber.” Aspen stood, not wanting to fall asleep.

“I'm still on the payroll, though, right?” Andi asked. This time, a tentativeness snuck into her tone.

Aspen waved the question away like a gnat. “Naturally. Now go home, get some rest, and we'll stay in touch.”

Andi still hovered but took a step towards the door. “Okay, but only if you’re sure.” She ran her fingers through her long brown hair. “I’m sorry about what happened.”

“Thanks.” Aspen's voice was a whisper. She cleared her throat, trying to keep her voice steady. “I appreciate all your help in getting things settled here.”

“It’s not a big deal. Take care of yourself, Aspen.” Andi left without saying anything more, leaving Aspen once again with only her thoughts.

While she waited for Therese, Aspen took better stock of her home while there was still light. The rooms were compact compared to the sprawling ceilings and open concept of her home back east, but the cozy atmosphere was exactly what she needed to get her head back in the game.

There wasn't much to pick up since she'd only been here a few days, so instead, she stewed. She bypassed the piano in favor of the couch. Soon, she'd have to sit down at the instrument and try to clear the silence that now plagued her brain, but today wasn't that day.

Her phone beeped, indicating someone was in the driveway. Leaping to her feet, she shuffled to the foyer, grabbing the handle to yank the door open right before Therese knocked.

The sudden movement scared the shit out of Therese, who dropped a bottle of wine when the door burst open. Red liquid spilled down her leg before the shock wore off for them both and Aspen grabbed Therese into a hug.

“Damn, that went better in my head,” Aspen grumbled after she let go of her longtime friend. “Let me grab a few towels. Come on in, Tea.”

“You need to redo this front area anyway. A good landscape architect should be able to revamp this sad excuse for a front yard,” Therese joked. “Got a broom handy? I can sweep up this glass while you grab me a washcloth. I'm not sure you want me trailing red wine along your pristine floors now that you're all fancy.” Her eyes danced.

“I invited you here and scared the piss out of you. The least I can do is clean up the mess to my consequences.” Aspen had towels at the front door in case someone brought their dog to visit. Plus, having towels handy in a beach house was a necessity. “Here, come on in. I’ll get this cleaned up.” She stepped aside, holding out a green towel.

She grabbed a broom that was tucked away in the cleaning closet—a part of the house she so rarely used she’d forgotten was there. Her arm jiggled as she hurried to clean up the remnants of her poorly timed joke.

Sweeping up the glass, she saw Therese had a point about the yard. It was in a sorry state. Since most of her attention went towards the back of the house, with the fantastic view and an endless beach, she always seemed to neglect the front.

With a decision made, Aspen walked out to the bins to dispose of the trash. Already, she felt some weight lift off her shoulders.

Back in the house, she found Therese had made herself comfortable, clearly remembering where everything was since her last visit. She sat tucked on the couch with a glass of wine in hand and a refill already patiently waiting for Aspen's lips.

Therese jumped in right away. “Catch me up on the last few years.”

“Tours, singing, I probably got a haircut or two in there somewhere. Let's see, there were stalkers—plural, mind you—and, oh, you probably saw that a few days ago, I humiliated myself by proposing to my girlfriend live and catching her going down on some tramp in my bed.” Aspen took a moment before adding softly, “I'm sorry it's been so long.”

When a warm weight landed on her leg, Aspen looked down, having to fight the sting in her eyes at the first sign of contact of someone caring, and not anyone she was paying. Her eyes searched Therese’s, only finding compassion and understanding.

“It would be almost impossible to not hear about the proposal,” Therese said. “My heart broke for you when I saw it. But, Aspen, you don't have to apologize for living your life. It goes both ways, you know, and I wasn't knocking on your door to catch up. Let's put the guilt away for tonight and drink the night away.” She held her glass for Aspen to cheers.

“Or, more likely, we'll get tacos at six then pass out in a food coma,” Aspen amended with a laugh.

“True, plus my car turns back into a pumpkin at seven tonight, when I should help tuck the terrors into bed, but you have me for the next several hours.”

“I’ll take what I can get.” Aspen’s face was already hurting from the laughing muscles that had nearly atrophied since the last time she’d hung out with Therese.

The time passed in a blur. They were right back in familiar dynamics, which was precisely what Aspen needed to take her mind off everything. By the time she was waving her friend off at the front door, she felt like she’d lost a hundred pounds.

Bags littered the bed as Zoey took stock of the destruction. It happened to be the physical embodiment of how her life and mental state were turning out at this moment.

One step at a time, or the list would be overwhelming. Zoey unzipped the first suitcase. She wanted to slam down the lid, but if it wasn't taken care of now, it would continue to tease and fester. Grabbing the clean clothes on top, she opened her closet, pushing her fancier clothes to the back to keep from seeing them every time the closet was opened. There was no need for the constant reminder of her shortcomings.

One bag down, she paused, listening to the laughter that floated from downstairs. Her parents had thrown an impromptu party for their daughter's triumphant return. Nobody was bringing up the fact she wasn't a successful hero with a crisp degree in hand but instead a broken soul limping home to lick her wounds. Coming back was an odd experience, especially since she was four months early.

Four months.

Leaving school one measly semester away from graduation after pouring nearly six years into her music program had left Zoey feeling like a bruised peach.

A soft knock sounded on her door. “Hun?”

“Yeah, Mom. Come on in,” Zoey said, glad for a distraction from the mess on her bed.

Her mom peered into the room. “I'm sorry about the party. I did try to talk your dad out of it.” Erin stayed in the doorway, giving Zoey time to reject the veiled attempt to reach out. One of the many things Zoey appreciated about her mom was that she wasn't a hoverer, but she still checked in.

“I’m not feeling very social with the whole genealogical family tree downstairs.” She paused, grimacing when a hurt look crossed her mom’s face. “My immediate family, which includes you and Kelsey, doesn’t count, of course,” Zoey added, hoping to smooth over her blunt words as she pushed the remaining bags towards her headboard. “Go ahead and sit.” She swiped her hand in front of the newly created space.

Her mom stepped further inside, sweeping strands of her salt and pepper hair out of her eyes. She’d cut it even shorter since the last time Zoey had been home.

If someone looked at the two of them together, they would assume Erin was gay while Zoey was straight. Something about the patriarchal bullshit of hair length indicating queerness. The truth was her mom worked outside all day and couldn't be bothered with long hair that stuck to the back of her neck. At least that's what she'd told Zoey anytime her hair crept past her neck.

“I'm going to refrain from asking you how you're doing. But, uh, I will ask if you want to take that off.” She indicated to Zoey's wrist, which still held the hospital band, a visual reminder of her mental health.

“I forgot it was there.” Zoey picked at the hard plastic. “Yes, please.” She held out her arm. There was no need for a physical memento.

“Do you want to talk about it?” A calm, concerned tone came from Erin, who pulled a knife from her pocket and sliced through the band.

“Not right now.” Zoey held out her hand when she saw the dip of disappointment cross her mom’s eyes. “I promise I will, and you’ll be the first person I come to, but there’s just so much jumbled up in here right now that even if I wanted to talk, I don’t think it would sound like I was speaking English.”

“I’m pretty good at understanding the unspoken word, with your brother and everything. So, even if you don’t want to talk, know we’re here. We’re always in your corner.” Erin stood and opened her arms for Zoey to step into.

Her mom's arms wrapped around her, providing comfort Zoey hadn't felt in a year. Nothing was said, but Zoey still left the embrace feeling better. “Thanks, Mom.” She stepped back.

“Do you think you can come downstairs? I can help you unpack tomorrow, but there are a lot of people who want to see you.” Erin walked to the door.

“Yeah, I'll be down in a minute. Try to save me some of Dad's churros, will you? I know Uncle Thomas will have his eye on them.”

Her mom promised to try as she left with a smile. Zoey was both glad to be alone again and scared of the thoughts that might catch up to her. She walked to her desk, which was littered with half-finished songs, and picked up a photo of her and her grandpa.

Everything she'd worked for was an attempt to follow in his giant footsteps. Every missed party and excuse were pushes towards making him proud. Zoey put the photo down and slid her glasses back up her nose with a finger. Her eyes grazed a nearly completed orchestra composition partially tucked under a book on the desk.

Seeing the notes on the page, a song popped into her head. Before she could write the main notes down, it flittered away, not unlike a hummingbird zipping along after sipping from the nectar in a feeder.

Frustrated with herself, Zoey was ready to drown in the sea of loud voices from her family. Turning off the light, she closed the door to her childhood room and descended the stairs to the large group of bodies.

“There you are. I’ve been waiting for your sorry ass to come down from your tower since the start of this shindig. Come on.” Her best friend and sometimes annoying cousin, Kelsey, pulled her to the side and slipped a beer in her hand.

“Oh, I don’t think I should.” Zoey tried to hand it back. Years of refusing alcohol at school was ingrained in her response.

“Come on, don’t you want to live a little? You’ve drank before, right? I know I’m not as up to date on your day to day since you’ve been at school, but tell me you’ve at least tried alcohol.” Kelsey’s questions dug into Zoey’s skin as she dragged her through the house to the backyard.

In the distance, Zoey could see the sun reflecting off the ocean’s surface. In a few hours, she'd gone from the crisp, cold air in New York to the warmth of the Southern California sun. She tipped her head up, letting the rays accomplish something out of reach the past month—finding peace.

“Yes, Kelsey, I’ve had a few drinks here and there, but I don’t like how it dulls my mind.”

“So, let me get this straight. You’re twenty-five and still haven’t ever experienced the wonders of a hangover?” Kelsey slipped into the lounge chair next to Zoey, crossing her feet at the ankles as they stretched out on the porch, a sense of wonder touching her tone.

“I’ve seen more than my share of drunk people.” She shuddered, remembering the time she’d been sitting at her desk working on a song. Her college roommate came stumbling into bed, groaning before puking over the side. The splash made it all the way to Zoey’s bare feet. “It doesn’t seem like a good time.” She brought the beer to her nose, taking a healthy sniff. The yeasty bubbles made her sneeze.

“I feel like there is a huge hospital-sized elephant in the room, and I don't know if I should bring it up or not. So, I'll ask this as your favorite cousin—are you okay?” Kelsey reached over to squeeze her arm.

Zoey studied the backyard. It was on the smaller side compared to the other houses on the block, but her mom had utilized every inch to enhance the outdoor experience. She had lovingly created a mecca that attracted everyone when a party was in full swing. The fact that right now it was only the two of them was odd, but she had a feeling her dad was holding court at the door, letting her have a few more moments alone.

“I don't want to talk about it but let me just say I'm now a huge fan of self-care.” Zoey brought the bottle to her lips and sipped before spraying the pavement. “That's vile.”

Kelsey laughed. “Well, even though your meltdown brought you here, I, for one, am glad to have you back.”

Both their heads turned when the sliding door opened. The noise swelled from inside, disturbing the peaceful yard. Zoey could hear her dad, Mateo, calling for one of her uncles to come back. She couldn’t help but be grateful for her family running interference for her need to only deal with small groups. As the backdoor slid back shut, a kid slipped through the small opening and ran to her, throwing his hands around her middle, squeezing the life out of her.

“Theo! Hi, buddy.” Zoey wrapped her arms around her little brother. She couldn’t take a full breath but wasn’t about to be the first to break the hug. “It’s good to see you,” she added when he pulled back.

Theo settled to sit cross-legged at her feet on the lounge chair she occupied. He had stopped looking at her and instead focused on a ladybug crawling across the slats.

Although her twelve-year-old brother had only managed a few words in his life, they had developed an understanding together. One of the positives of getting sent back home was spending more time with him.

“We should probably get back to the party. I’m sure my dad can’t wait to regale the tale of the underwear he found stuck down a toilet pipe.” Kelsey stood, waiting for them.

Groaning, Zoey lifted herself off the chair and held her hand out to Theo, who shook his head and crawled up to the space she'd just vacated. “You need a break, huh? I can understand that. Do you want me to send out Dug?”

He nodded, curling up in a ball.

“One dog coming up.” Zoey ruffled his hair before walking back into the house.

Everyone turned when she went into the living room. Kelsey called to their golden retriever, Dug, leaving Zoey to handle the gauntlet of her family. Overwhelmed by the support, Zoey soaked in the affection. Her mom must have passed on the word that she didn't want to talk, and that was okay. They wrapped her in stories and allowed her to exist in a space without expectation, and that was the best gift her family gave.

Things would be all right. They just had to be.