Unexpected Harmony

23. Million Mirrors

Chapter 23

Million Mirrors

I n the reflection of the mirror, Aspen watched her makeup artist put on the final touches of her stage makeup. She was still there under the twelve pounds of foundation, blush, and various other products designed to make her face pop under the hot spotlights.

The pre-show jitters worked through her system as she tried ignoring the commotion outside her door.

It had been forever since she’d last been on stage, and the smaller venue was the perfect host for Aspen to dip her toe back into performing. An up-and-coming folk band out of Idaho was warming up the crowd, and if the cheers were any indication, they were doing a fine job.

“All done,” the makeup artist declared, putting down the brush before circling Aspen.

Geno, followed by Andi, slipped into the dressing room. Each had radios strapped to their belts, along with at least two phones. The noise increased as her manager and assistant put out last-minute fires before the show.

Aspen stood, thanking the woman before leaving the bright lights of the prep area and walking into the much more palatable, small, adjoined room where Geno and Andi were talking quietly.

“Good find with the Sand Witches . They’re killing it,” Aspen mentioned to Andi, who had come to her with the band a few months ago. She eyed the soft-looking couch but didn’t want to get comfortable right before the show. She needed to keep up a certain level of energy.

“My little sister loves them.” Andi sat where Aspen was eyeing, not even looking up from her phone.

“You’re up in ten,” Geno said after talking on the radio.

“Has anyone seen Zoey? I want to see her before I go onstage,” Aspen said, her eyes darting around the room, even though there wasn’t any place she could be hiding in the small area.

“I’ll ask Pia.” Geno talked briefly on the radio, leaving Aspen to pace.

“She can come too. Why would you stop them?” Geno huffed from his perch on a desk in the corner. “Bring them on back, Aspen’s asking for Zoey. No, Jesus, do I have to spell it out? Bring them both.” Rolling his eyes, Geno picked up a Starburst sitting in a bowl. “Thank you.” He grumbled under his breath, unwrapping the candy and chomping it with aggravated smacks.

“What’s wrong?” Aspen asked, sipping some tea that had cooled considerably since it first appeared.

“They were stopping Zoey because she had her cousin with her, who didn’t make it on the list. Zoey didn’t want to leave Kelsey alone in the backstage labyrinth. That wasn’t Pia, who is competent; that was her pissant assistant, who doesn’t know his ass from his face. Which is saying something since he can’t seem to drag himself away from a mirror long enough to catch a clue.” Geno crumbled up the wrapper of his treat and slammed the paper ball into the trash with all the effect of throwing a feather across the room.

“At least she’s on her way.” Aspen gravitated towards the door.

“Do you need anything before you go on?” Andi asked, even though she’d been with Aspen for seven years and knew her routine by heart.

“No, I’m all good. Just need to check in with—ah, Zoey.” Even in the crowded room with multiple sets of eyes watching, Aspen didn’t care how “uncool” she looked. She rushed over, hugging her. “I’d kiss you but I don’t want to smudge my makeup. Do you want Josey to do your makeup? Are you still okay coming on stage?”

“I—umm. No, I think I’m okay, and yes, of course. I wouldn’t leave you hanging five minutes before you need to go on. Speaking of which, do you need to head to the stage?” Zoey stepped aside, making room for Kelsey who came up beside her.

“I’ve got a wrangler who will come when it’s time. Nice to see you, Kelsey. I’m so excited for you to see the show.”

“This has been a dream come true. Thank you so much.”

Aspen couldn’t help smiling at the star-struck attitude of her girlfriend’s cousin. Even though they’d hung out multiple times, Kelsey still had endearing bouts of awe.

“Ms. Lake, please follow me.” Another person came to the room. This one wasn’t someone she knew, but she had been through the rodeo enough times to know not to ask questions and just follow the experts.

“Showtime.” Aspen grinned at her crew, holding her hand out to Zoey, who quickly slipped beside her. “Please take care of these two,” she called to Andi, who was staying in the wings. Aspen continued down to a lowered platform.

Stepping onto the platform that would rise to the stage, Aspen found her performing persona. The crowd roared as her head started peeking above. Waving to the different parts of the arena, Aspen’s smile grew and her eyes glistened as she took in the sight. Being back on stage was more emotional than she thought it would be. Not long ago, she’d struggled to put on her face for the crowd, wondering if she should continue. But finding Zoey and resetting in other areas of her life had reignited her passion, which she’d thought was lost.

Aspen let the crowd’s noise wash over her as the platform raised further. It was timed perfectly for it to settle at the first start of the lyrics. As the stage clicked into place, Aspen was ready, belting out the first words right on cue. The crowd went wild, and even though she was singing, Aspen took a beat to enjoy the moment.

Sweat pooled at her back as she hurried through the last outfit change, going from a shiny party dress to comfortable jeans, a plaid shirt, and switching out her heels for custom made Converse. It was a well-timed dance to finish it during the backdrop change which hid her from the audience view and required five different people to pull off in time. The outfit change was supposed to represent coming home, stripping off the performer persona, and stepping into her comfort zone.

“How are you doing, California?” she called into the mic, buttoning the last of her shirt and leaving the top three open to tease.

The screams hurt her ears, but she only soaked it up. “This year has been trying. I don’t know what I would have done without all your support. It means the world to me.” Aspen settled into a chair as if she was talking in her living room. The crew was bringing out a piano and switching out her guitars. “This album holds my heart. Not only because it’s the first I had after losing my creativity, but I worked on it with someone else. And through that process, I fell in love.”

If Aspen thought the screams were loud before, she was sure her ears would be ringing for months after the cheer that went up after her words settled over the crowd. It was another thing Morgan was wrong about. Her fans were ecstatic she’d found someone. The sales had proven it tenfold. They shot up most of her songs to the top of the charts, with “Million Mirrors” paving the way in smashing her single day download record by a good margin.

“I want to invite someone special up here for my last song. It will always hold a special place in my heart, along with the woman who helped make it happen. Zoey, come on stage.”

Aspen looked to the right, not able to see anything in the wings, but knowing Zoey was there.

The crowd surged when they caught sight of Zoey, who had changed into a similar outfit. They looked like a couple that belonged on Cottage Core magazine, sipping hot cocoa in front of a fire.

“Say hi to the crowd, Zoey.”

“Hi, crowd.” Zoey grinned, waving in each direction. Her natural stage presence was a pleasant surprise.

“Enjoying the show so far?” Aspen asked, brushing a wayward strand of wavy hair out of her face.

“Oh yeah, I’m a fan of the Sand Witches . ” Zoey nodded. “I guess you were all right, too.” She gave a cheeky grin to the crowd, which went wild with the response.

The final pieces were placed on stage, and the stage crew ninjas hurried back into the shadows.

“Are you ready?” Aspen motioned to the piano. “Don’t be shy. This audience is one of the best I’ve played for.” She winked at the crowd and walked Zoey to the bench, keeping her hand on the lower part of Zoey’s back. She could feel her muscles jumping at the touch.

When Zoey settled, Aspen leaned in to kiss the top of her head. The crowd had a mixed reaction of awws, screams, and a few groans for the overtly sweet gesture.

Sitting in the chair near the piano, Aspen picked up her guitar. She liked this little interlude, a break that allowed her to take in the moment. It was magnified with the love of her life sitting a few feet from her. Zoey was doing a fine job of hiding her nervousness but Aspen saw the slight tremor in her hands as her fingers hovered over the keys.

A moment before they started, their eyes met across the shimmering piano top. The crowd fell away as they took comfort from each other. With a tiny nod, Zoey started the first notes of the song.

Enraptured in Zoey’s playing, Aspen almost missed her cue to start singing. Strumming the cords, her fingers knew the way even if her brain hadn’t caught up.

When I looked around, all I could see was darkness filling the chasm

The room was loud and stuffed full of empty dreams I couldn’t even fathom

Everyone walking by, playing nice and ignoring the pain in my eyes

Then you burst through that front door

Chasing away the darkness that was there before

A room of mirrors, and all I saw was you

It was shiny and new, but what about forever?

I am standing right here saying I want a million years together

The darkness in the chasm now stuffed to the brim with light

Now, I can’t even fathom what it was like before when you burst through that door

Everything fades away when I look into your eyes. It feels so right

Our dreams swirling in the firelight

A room of mirrors, and all I see is you

It was shiny and new, but what about forever?

I am standing right here saying I want a million years together

The last of the cords fell away. Aspen could feel the vibration of the crowd’s exuberance, but she hadn’t taken her eyes off Zoey, who had a knowing smile on her face. Aspen watched as Zoey scooted from the piano and walked over to her. It happened in slow motion. Zoey leaned down, kissing her deeply and passionately right on stage for everyone to see.

It was the perfect end to a fantastic concert.

The last notes of the orchestra played out in Zoey’s headphones as the credits started rolling on the rough cut of the film she was working on. Lifting her arm, she smirked at the hairs standing on end—a visual display of the work she’d just finished.

Slipping off the headphones, Zoey stood from the desk chair. Thanks to Aspen and her thoughtfulness, the chair was a comfortable upgrade from the one in her childhood bedroom.

Stooping over the desk, Zoey sent the file to the powers that be on the movie, excited for another project under her belt. She had another interview lined up next week, this one for someone who wasn’t connected to the school.

Aspen knocked lightly on the door, peeking her head in. “Hey. Ready for a break?”

The gentle check-ins would have become annoying if they didn’t come from a place of love and worry. Zoey tried not to feel bad for needing them.

“Your timing is impeccable. I just finished up. Thanks for the use of your space.” Walking up to Aspen, she leaned in for a kiss.

“My space is your space, you know that. Or, should , since I’ve asked you to move in three times now.” Aspen wrapped her arms around Zoey in a bear hug, burrowing into her neck.

“That tickles. I need to get to my appointment with Dr. Bhandari—Nora,” Zoey corrected, knowing it was what her art therapist preferred, before willingly gave Aspen one more kiss before sneaking around her. She couldn’t help but tap her butt when passing her in the hall. “Love you,” she added, teasing Aspen with a sway to her hips as she walked away.

On the drive to her appointment, she thought about her reluctance to move in. It wasn’t like she wanted to live with her parents forever or that she didn’t know they were solid in their relationship. But moving in always felt like a big step, even though she stayed most nights and fifty percent of her stuff was already there. Maybe she didn’t want to be a typical lesbian moving in with her girlfriend after two dates, even though that thought was blown out of the water since they’d been together for months now.

Pulling herself from the cool car, Zoey’s mind was still on other things as she dodged a crying kid getting dragged to the store by an overwhelmed mom.

Her nostrils flared at the scent of brewing coffee as she checked in. Zoey didn’t have time to make a cup before Nora called her back into the room.

“Hi Zoey, it’s good to see you again. What medium would you like to work with today?”

The office was a perfect balance of comfort and warmth. After months of working together, Zoey finally felt comfortable opening up about the more challenging topics. “Let’s do oil paints today, please,” she said, keeping her fingers linked together.

“One oil set coming up.”

Nora placed the paints in front of Zoey before settling across from her.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about that splat,” Nora said kindly, getting up to wipe an errant blob flung from Zoey’s brush in a moment of frustration.

“Sorry again. I should’ve been more careful.” Zoey put the paintbrush down, trying to shake off the embarrassment that crawled along her cheeks.

The painting wasn’t coming out the way she was feeling, and in a moment of frustration, she’d flicked the brush. Most of the paint was contained on the already stained table, but a few drops made it to the carpet, and one blob made it as far as the lamp.

“If I was worried about a mess, I wouldn’t have become an art therapist,” Nora said after wiping up most of the floor. “Let’s talk about what you painted here.” She pointed to the abstract orange and silver blob.

“That was my attempt at a truck. Aspen’s been asking me to move in. I want to—I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in my parent’s house—but what if I have another episode? What if Aspen gets a glimpse of my mind and runs for the hills? I don’t want to be a burden or have her deal with any of my issues.”

“It’s interesting you used softer colors for this area. What is this part?” Nora indicated with a pen to the corner of the paper.

“Oh, that’s our house. See, the blob is trying to work its way to the home, but there are a few dark twigs and obstacles in the way.”

Nora sat back with a smile. “You just called it our house . I know this is a hard topic, and change is never easy, but I think subconsciously, you want to move in. Maybe you can work through this with Allison, but maybe it would be helpful to think of it this way… If the roles were reversed, and Aspen was the one who struggled with mental health issues, would you be scared to live with her? Would you not want to see if it could work between you two even if she might have a hard time sometimes?”

The words hit Zoey in the chest. Losing the battle with gravity, she sank into the sofa. Nora stayed silent, letting her digest the words in her own time.

“Well, Doc, I think you fixed me. No need for any more appointments,” Zoey teased with a grin. “Of course I wouldn’t be scared. I’d want to help in any way I could. I’d want to be the rock that she could lean on.”

“Good job. It will take some time to continue rearranging your thinking, and it’s something Allison can help with. That’s our time for today. Maybe next time we can talk about how the move went.” Nora smiled, walking Zoey out of the room.

“Thanks. I like this combination of therapy. It’s been beneficial. Sorry again about the mess.”

Nora waved off the apology.

Sometimes after an appointment, Zoey felt the weight of the world, and other times, like today, she was sure she could take on a bear and win. The thick oppression of depression lifted enough for her to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

On her way to the car, Zoey didn’t even notice the intense heat pounding into her skin. She was focused entirely on how she would handle the conversation about getting Aspen to ask her to move in again.

Maybe this time, she could ask. That would be a surprise. In the car, Zoey cranked up the AC, turning towards the market for a special home sweet home themed dinner she could make for Aspen.

Dinner was a disaster. Zoey couldn’t figure out any house-themed food puns she could make on such short notice and ended up slipping a novelty key into the dessert.

“I liked the deviled eggs, but we’ll have to try again on the brisket.” Aspen laughed now that the smoke had cleared from the room.

“It wasn’t the brisket. It was the cornbread muffins. I set them at the wrong temperature and forgot to set a timer.”

Zoey wanted to dive for the pudding and yank it away, convinced today wasn’t the day. The smoke billowing out of the kitchen showed they weren’t ready.

When she was about to suggest going out for ice cream instead, Aspen lifted her spoon. “What’s this?” She dug in the pile, pulling out a key that Zoey had just realized now was a perfect choking hazard.

Jeez, that would have been the topper. I’m sorry I tried to kill you, Aspen. Can you ask me to move in?

Wiping the object with a napkin, Aspen cocked her head to Zoey, holding up the pudding-covered key.

“Okay. This whole dinner has not gone as planned, which shouldn’t be surprising since it’s clearly the universe’s way of saying we’re not ready.” Zoey slumped in her chair, pushing her own bowl away.

“Walk me through it, Zoey. What is this?”

“Symbolism wrapped in irony,” Zoey mumbled, not looking at Aspen. “I wanted to make a perfect meal to show you I’m ready to move in. When that didn’t come together, I found this key—oh, don’t worry, I washed it—to see if the offer was still on the table to move in. It’s silly, though, since there isn’t a key to this place. It’s all codes and fobs. Still, I thought the thought would be nice, but it’s been one disaster after another. I just realized how thoughtless it was to put something in your food that you could choke on. Especially with how this dinner is going, it wouldn’t have surprised me. I just thought?—”

Aspen grabbed her arm. “Zoey, for God’s sake, stop talking. How can I ever ask you to move in if you won’t take a breath?” Aspen slid from her chair, hustling over to Zoey, and sat on her lap. “I’ve been wanting this for ages, you goof. When are you moving in? Right now? It’s all semantics, anyway. We’ll get your stuff sometime this week.”

The smoky room and ruined dinner became background noise as they kissed at the dinner table. Zoey tightened her arms around Aspen, never wanting to let go.