Unlawfully Yours (Lawless MC #1)

3

I pull off my kutte and toss it onto the back of the couch before dropping onto it, heaving a breath.

“Oh. Hey, Myles.”

I look up to the woman in the doorway and offer a smile. “Hey, Shell. You okay? Kit in his room?”

Shelley nods. “Finished up his homework a few hours ago, last time I checked he’s killing zombies on his Xbox.”

Shelley’s been babysitting Kit for years, filling in for the times I can’t be there to pick him up from school or have to leave on short notice. Despite the fact that Kit’s old enough to be home alone, I still like to know he has someone responsible looking out for him, much to his displeasure.

“Sorry I’m later than usual. Did you both eat?”

She nods. “I ordered pizza. Hope that’s okay?”

“Of course.”

“There’s some left overs if you’re hungry.”

“None of that crap with pineapple on the top I hope.”

She laughs. “Of course not. I might not live here but I know there’s only one weirdo in this house that has pineapple on his pizzas and it’s definitely not you.”

I chuckle. “Thanks again for keeping an eye on him. I appreciate it how late it is, sorry.”

Her smile widens. “No problem. Anytime. You know I’m always here for you if you need anything .”

I don’t miss the connotations attached to that last part. I’d be a fucking idiot not to notice the crush she has on me, the guys have hinted at it often enough. Maybe crush isn’t the word, it’s not like she’s a teenager. She’s twenty-four and a lot more mature than other women her age. Thing is, she’s also my guy, Alex’s little sister and that’s a line I won’t cross.

Shelley takes a seat beside me. “You seem stressed, you okay?”

“Just club stuff, the usual. Those fucking Cobras…” I scrub a hand over my face. “They’re after us, and I have no idea why.”

“You’ll figure it out, you always do.” She lays a tender hand on my bicep. “But you know you don’t have to take the weight of everything on your shoulders, right? That’s too much for anyone to bear on their own.”

“It’s called being the President, everything is my responsibility.”

“Then you need to find a way to take the load off sometimes.” She shimmies closer, her denim-covered thigh pressing up against me and before I realise what’s happening, her lips are on mine. They’re soft, her tongue hesitant as it skims the seam of my lips.

I shouldn’t be entertaining this. Maybe it’s out of curiosity that I’m not pulling away, or maybe it’s the loneliness that wraps around my heart, squeezing, suffocating , that make me kiss her back.

Her fingers dive into my hair as she manoeuvres herself onto my lap, her knees tight at my hips as she straddles me. It’s a foreign feeling to have a woman in my arms. It’s been so long I’ve forgotten what a woman’s body feels like. In fact, I can’t even remember the last time I so much as kissed a woman, let alone touched one.

Fuck, I sound so pathetic.

I will myself to feel something, anything as she deepens the kiss, her tits pressed up against my chest, the warmth of her pussy seeping through my pants, but no matter how hard I try, I feel nothing.

I break the kiss. “Shelley—”

“It’s okay, I’m yours if you want me.” She leans back in but I hold her at a distance.

“Shelley, I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Her face falls, rejection taking over her features as she climbs off me, clearly embarrassed. “I—It’s okay, I get it.”

I stand, shoving my hands into my pockets. “Hey, it’s not you, please don’t ever think that. You’re beautiful and I like you, but I can’t be what you want me to be. You deserve better.” She deserves a better man than me .

She nods slowly, avoiding my eyes as she swipes her bag off the floor, her cheeks aflame. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Myles.”

A few seconds later the front door slams shut behind her.

“Fuck,” I grumble. The last thing I wanted was to embarrass the girl.

What is wrong with me?

Forcing down the guilt that claws at me, I go in search of my son. I find him exactly where I expected to, sat on his bed, eyes glued to the TV screen with his headphones on, though he might as well not be wearing them seeing as how I can hear everything.

He sees me standing in the doorway and pauses the game, slipping off his headphones.

“Hey, bud. Good day at school?”

He shrugs. “School’s school.”

“Listen, I uh… I don’t want you walking home by yourself anymore or playing soccer over the park and not getting home until after dark.”

He frowns. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then why?”

I perch on the edge of his bed and sigh. “There are things going on right now with the club and I don’t want you getting mixed up in it.”

I’ve done my best to keep my son out of the life and away from the unavoidable dangers that come with not only being a member of a motorcycle club, but being the President of one. And it’s becoming increasingly clear that keeping the two most important parts of my life separate is becoming near-on impossible. Somewhere down the line, they’re bound to crossover.

“I’m eleven, Dad. I can take care of myself, you know?”

“I know, but I’d rather be safe than sorry. At least for now. It’s just temporary. I need you to trust me, okay?”

“Okay.” He nods.

I rise from the bed, making my way to the door. “Lights out and TV off at ten, okay?”

“Fine.” He rolls his eyes and I don’t bother hiding my smile.

An hour and a half later, I’m nursing my third beer of the night watching shitty TV but not really paying attention. I can’t stop my mind from thinking back to what happened between Shelley and I earlier.

Why didn’t I feel anything for her? She’s young, sexy and was ready to tear off her clothes then and there and my dick didn’t harden even a little bit.

I’m thirty-six years old and I’m starting to think that I’m broken.

I can’t remember the last time I was attracted to a living, breathing woman in the flesh and not through a screen. That’s not strictly true, I do remember, and it’s that memory that holds me prisoner.

The last woman I gave my body to was the same woman I planned to spend the rest of my life with. The woman I gave my heart and soul to until she figured me and my son weren’t enough for her, that power and money were more important than her family.

The mother of my son.

Anger floods my veins when I think to all the shit that went down back then. The fights, the lies, the neglect of her son. It was fucking toxic, but the one thing that kept me grounded was my baby boy, my reason for living.

That was the moment I vowed to never give a woman that much power over me ever again. To never be blinded by a beautiful woman so much that I don’t see the shit-storm that follows. But as much as I hate to admit it, a life without love and companionship is a lonely one.

And as pathetic as it makes me sound, I am lonely. I long to find the love that my parents shared, the kind of love you fight for and never let go of, the kind that’s unconditional, but can I risk my heart getting trampled on again?

I’m not sure I can.

So, doing what I do best to help fill that void, I tip my beer back and drink until her face fades into a distant memory and the alcohol fills the hole in my heart.