Unspoken Obsession (Casino King #4)

13. Frankie

FRANKIE

D amion and I are walking through the park, feeding the ducks, and enjoying the sunshine. I always get him a little packet of sweet corn kernels when we come here because he loves the noises the ducks make, and it makes me smile to see him so happy.

But today - I am here, but my mind is in a million different places. I am struggling to be present which bothers me because I don't want to upset my son. But he seems oblivious to my distance.

The night I shared with Dan at that gorgeous mountain restaurant was two nights ago - and I still can't stop thinking about it.

Being with him this time - it was so intimate. The connection was so much deeper than before - and it seems like every time I am with him, I get pulled closer to him whether or not I am ready for it. Our relationship is shifting and growing into something else. I just can't figure out what that something else is.

And it's not something I really want to ask the man - because I've got too many secrets to keep.

I watch Damion run across the grass towards an angry-looking goose.

"Baby, leave the big ducks alone. Feed the little ones."

He turns to look at me, the expression on his little face says, "I can do this."

I chuckle and shrug. "He's going to chase you back," I warn him, sitting down on the wooden bench near the pond. I've learned with my son that sometimes he just needs to try for himself. Sometimes it doesn't matter if I tell him it's not a good idea - he needs to give it a go, anyway. And it's not like the goose is going to do any damage. He'll just scared if it nips at him or chases him.

Damion grins, continuing his path toward the goose. I sit watching, waiting for the drama - but to my surprise, when he's close enough, he squats down and starts talking to the goose, throwing corn towards him - and the goose wanders over, not threatened at all and showing no signs of agitation.

I'm impressed. He knew how to handle the large animal with calm confidence.

My little boy is so gentle.

I grin, shaking my head and when he looks back to check if I am watching I throw him two thumbs up and a massive smile.

I am doing the best I can as a single mom - but I really think he deserves to have a father in his life. He's a boy and boys need men to look up to.

Not my father. Definitely not.

Dan seems like such a kind and giving man.

But that doesn't mean he would be a good dad.

Although - I believe he would.

I look around me at the other couples enjoying the park today - some walking their dogs, hand in hand, and looking very in love. Others with baby strollers or two kids running between them. Some look thrilled, others are pretty damn miserable.

I'd rather be alone than miserable. I learned that when I moved away from my father. It was so difficult being alone after being under constant watch with him - but the peace and the freedom were worth it.

So, when I meet a man who I feel safe introducing Damion to - he will need to prove himself first.

It's going to take a lot to encourage me to let my guard down. Trust doesn't come easy.

I choose peace over drama and stress any day.

Although, even though I am very single and alone at the moment I am still stressed.

My father won't leave me alone. He is a constant presence, breathing down my neck, and watching every move I make.

His men are even here at the park today. Maybe I need to see him again and have a conversation that won't be easy. I need to stand my ground and tell him to back off.

I sigh, rubbing my hand over my face. Yeah, right? That will never happen.

My father is not the type of man you tell to back off.

He does what he wants - regardless of what you ask. In fact, if I told him to back off it would trigger him to be more aggressive about his tactics.

No - talking to him is not the solution, unfortunately. There is no reasoning with that man.

Maybe running away again is. I can go somewhere further away. I can go somewhere where he will never find me.

But then I won't even see Dan again.

That thought causes my heart to pull tight with anxiety.

No - that isn't what I want either.

Whatever is happening between Dan and me - it is something unique and I want time to explore it.

I'm just terrified of what will happen when he finds out who I am and that I kept the truth from him - that I believe he is the father of my son. Secrets always come out in the end.

And, I can't hide the fact that I've got a son forever. He will find out.

Damion is running towards me with a proud grin on his face. He made friends with the goose, and you can see he is now the happiest little boy on the planet.

I stand up and scoop him into my arms as he reaches me, and he squeals with delight.

"The big duck my friend." He shouts and I spin him around tickling him.

"Does this big boy want a hot dog? The man over there is selling them and they smell fantastic? We can put mustard on it. Do you remember mustard, the yellow sauce that you like?"

"Mm. Popcorn please, Mommy." He replies with a serious expression.

"Damion, popcorn is not a lunch food. It will not give you any vitamins and minerals. It's not healthy. Do you remember we chatted about this already? You can choose a hotdog, or a burger, or…"

"Burga." He shouts and I breathe a sigh of relief. He can be a bit of a picky eater sometimes and when he gets a certain food in his head, it's hard to get him to want something else.

The last time I let him eat popcorn for lunch he wanted to eat it for breakfast lunch and dinner for a week straight. That was when he discovered chicken nuggets and we moved off the popcorn craze. I am not in the mood to kick it off again.

"Burgers it is." I sling him over my shoulder and start walking towards the food trucks.

I've been avoiding texting or calling Dan since our night in the mountains. I really want to talk to him. I just I need to at least try to back off - a little. To calm my heart. Slow things down.

Because it's scary how much I am thinking about him and scary how much I am craving him.

I am on dangerous grounds with that man.

"Can we get two burgers please - one with no garnish?" I say to the man inside the food truck and Damion leans forward in my arms to see what is going on inside. I pull him back and hold him tight.

"Of course, here you go; you can swipe or pay cash."

I tap my card against the machine, then step back to wait for our order.

Damion is relaxed in my arms, tired after a fun morning.

I sigh. My thoughts drift back to Dan while we wait.

I'm also really worried about how many times I have to avoid answering his questions. I feel so guilty the entire time I am around him because I know I am not being honest with him and it's not fair.

That's why I should. If I was a decent person, I would choose to either stay away from him - or tell him the truth - at least about his son.

If I tell him about his son, then I have to tell him about why I left when I found out I was pregnant and why I've been scared to let him find out the truth.

Damn it. I can't tell him anything without telling him everything.

I've really gotten myself into some trouble here.

"Ma'am—" the man in the food truck bellows at me. I turn towards him. "Were you daydreaming?" He asks with a chuckle, handing me the burgers.

"Yes, sorry, I didn't hear you calling me at all."

Damion and I head over to the bench again where I unwrap his burger for him and he sits eating it, watching the ducks again.

I pick at mine, chewing slowly. I yawn, exhausted just from my thoughts.

That evening I am pacing around my apartment like an animal trapped in a cage. Damion is fast asleep, and I told myself I was going to just stay home - not go play cards - and not contact Dan. But I can't sit still, and I can't stop pacing and I am driving myself crazy.

So, I give in and call Clarissa. I am going to go to the casino - spend a little time playing cards - enough to clear my mind. Otherwise, I will get no sleep, and I will keep driving myself crazy.

I am living three secret lives that I've got to keep separate, and it's overwhelming me with worry.

In one life I am a mother. This is the real me. The me I would never give up. The version of me I wish I could be all the time with no worry.

In the other life, I am a daughter on the run - trying to protect her child from a father who might claim the boy as an heir and steal him away. If my father did that, I would have no power to stop him, and that thought terrifies me more than anything else in the world.

In my third life, I am Frankie - the mysterious card counter, who has met the man of her dreams and wants to explore all the amazing things that path might lead to.

I want to get close to him, and I want him to see the real me. But the real me - and the girl who counts cards at the casino - are not the same person.

Will he even like the real me - the single mother with more baggage than Louis Vuitton?

I need to get out of here.

My head is crammed full of stress and worry. I've got to clear my mind.

I catch an Uber to the casino, hoping it will stop the goons from tailing me, but they've caught on now, and at least half the time they follow me even when I don't take my car.

At the casino, I want to just focus on the game and nothing else, but I scan the crowd for Dan. The chances of seeing him are so low. I mean he isn't even staying at this casino. He's staying somewhere else. Why would he be here - there is no reason for it? There isn't a big game on or something to watch.

I sigh and turn my attention back to the cards. I am not even focused enough to follow what is going on. I'm not even counting.

I take a deep breath. Start again. Relax. Clear your mind.

An impossible wish. A clear mind.

"Hit me." I tap the table and the dealer places a card in front of me. Shit. I need to pay more attention. I'm losing and not on purpose.

The next time he deals I am hyper focused.

And before long I am back in the rhythm of the game, relaxed. The worries about my father, and whether Dan would be interested in me if he found out the truth - they all slip away and all that matters is the cards - the game - the focus.