Until the World Falls Down

Chapter 1

1

N estled in my trembling arms, a pile of books spanned from my hands to my chin, precariously balanced against my torso as I maneuvered my way up to the library’s checkout desk. With every unsteady step, my heels clicked on the old wooden floor, and a few people threw curious glances at me as I struggled. I figured it wasn’t the number of books I carried that drew their attention, but rather the tight, short black dress and three-inch heels I wore—not the usual attire for a visit to the public library.

Liana, the middle-aged librarian with greying hair and kind eyes, raised an eyebrow as I approached. I nearly collapsed against the counter, causing some of my books to slip off the top of the pile and fall to the floor.

“I see you’re at it again, Nell,” she commented.

I bent down to pick up the fallen books, blushing faintly. “Sorry. I even came with a list this time and still found more. I think I went a little overboard.”

“A little?”

“I’m on vacation from work this week,” I explained with a sigh. “Finally. I plan to spend the entire time reading. ”

“Not going anywhere?”

I shook my head. “Being away from that place is enough of a vacation for me. They fired a lead designer and then made me take over their work. If they didn’t pay so well, I’d be gone. I’ve been pulling near twelve-hour days, and I’m over it.”

“And now you’re going to read for ten hours straight instead,” she said jokingly.

“I am,” I replied seriously.

“What type of book has you in a chokehold this time?”

“Marriage of convenience,” I admitted sheepishly. “Maybe an arranged marriage thrown in there, too.”

She checked out my books, glancing at my outfit of choice. “Dressed for the occasion?”

A bubble of excitement rose in my chest, and I leaned closer to her, lowering my voice. “Actually, I’m getting engaged after this.”

Her eyes widened, and she nearly dropped the book in her hand. “You are?”

“Yes!” I said, unable to contain my excitement, and the smile on my face grew to a size that made my cheeks ache. Saying it out loud to someone sent a thrill through me. “I can’t even believe it! I had no idea Julian was even thinking of proposing!”

Her eyes crinkled as she smiled warmly at me. “Congratulations, Nell. Be sure to show me the ring when you come back to return these. How long will it take you to read them all? Two days?”

I laughed. “Let’s say three. I might be busy celebrating with Julian.”

“Now I understand why you picked out these books this time. How romantic.”

“It’s even better than in the plot in these books, though, because he chose me,” I said, warmth spreading throughout me. “Not because it would benefit his company or because his parents forced him to. ”

He chose me .

The thought alone was enough to make my head spin. No one ever chose me.

But Julian had—and he’d chosen me forever. Instead of reading about happily ever after, I would have one. I would no longer be left behind or tossed to the side. Someone wanted, loved, and chose me.

I rocked on the balls of my feet, resisting the urge to hum, and scanned the area behind Liana, seeing her ever-growing collection of owl figurines.

“Oh, right,” I said, digging around in my purse for a moment before retrieving a small ceramic owl reading a book. I held it out to her. “I saw this at the store the other day and thought you’d like it.”

“You didn’t have to do that, Nell,” she said, taking the owl from me and smiling down at it. “It’s absolutely adorable. Thank you.”

“No problem,” I answered, thrilled by her response and pleased by the satisfaction that settled over me. It felt good to see her happy. “Thanks for always dealing with me.”

“It’s my job,” she told me.

My smile faltered. Right. She only talked to me because I was a patron of the library. She didn’t really have any other choice but to deal with me. I was just?—

“But it’s always a pleasure,” she continued, winking.

I managed a breathy laugh, trying to let the tension go, but it clung to me. “Right.”

She finished checking out my books and pushed them closer to me. “Alright, you’re all set. Congratulations again, Nell. I hope you have a great engagement! Let me know how it goes.”

And that was all I needed to hear to send me soaring again.

I stacked the books in my arms again, refusing her offer to help me bring them out. Somehow, they didn’t feel as heavy anymore. My body was weightless as I returned to my car, spilling the books into my back seat, the sight of engagement rings on the cover sending a shiver of excitement through me.

I held out my jewelry-free hand and imagined the ring I’d found in Julian’s sock drawer adorning my finger. Imagined the diamond resting there that I would look at every day, reminding myself that Julian loved me—that someone loved me enough to spend their entire life with me.

I grinned to myself, turning on my car. I still couldn’t believe it. It didn’t feel real. But here I was, driving to the five-star restaurant Julian asked me to meet him at. I was going to say yes to a proposal. To my happily ever after.

My phone lit up with a text message as I went to type in the restaurant’s address, showing a text message from my mom: Eleanora, send me $300. I need to get my hair done .

My smile almost faded. Money? Again?

I hesitated. I’d just sent her a few hundred the other week. Where was it all going? I wanted to ask, but I also didn’t want to threaten the fragile relationship we were rebuilding. It was only recently that we’d started talking again after years of silence. If I questioned her now, what if she shut me out again? I didn’t want to risk that.

I opened the money transfer app and sent her what she wanted before pulling up the directions to the restaurant, trying to keep her from my mind. I wouldn’t let this ruin my good mood. Nothing could.

As I drove, my heart raced a mile a minute, thoughts of my mom completely forgotten and replaced by what kind of wedding dress I wanted to wear. Something with long sleeves? Lace? A ball gown type? My hands shook as I parallel parked on the street. The shops were always too crowded at this time of day to find a spot in the free parking lot. I dug around for change, trying to calm my nerves, but they only grew worse as I stepped out of my car, the cool October air nipping at my exposed skin. I’d forgotten to bring a jacket, too preoccupied with thoughts of Julian and our future together.

I slipped a few quarters into the parking meter, catching my reflection on the rusted metal. My roots were coming in. I regretted not getting them touched up first, having opted to save money instead. I wanted this to be perfect. I wanted to look perfect.

My hands smoothed over my hair, careful not to mess up the curls I’d added to my natural waves, and then glided over my dress, adjusting it lower on my thighs.

Then, I took a deep breath and headed for the restaurant.

Julian caught my gaze immediately as I turned the corner, my heart leaping into my throat at the sight of his blond hair. He wore a button-down shirt and jeans, attire that seemed too casual for such a fancy restaurant, but he still looked as handsome as ever. I opened my mouth to call out to him when someone else caught my attention.

My sister.

I halted, staring at the pair of them. They stood close to each other, talking quietly.

Suddenly, my nerves were for a different reason. Why was Veronica here? Had Julian asked her to be a part of our proposal? Why? Had he assumed I wanted her to be here?

I didn’t dwell on it, forcing my feet forward. Veronica and Julian had always gotten along, even if Veronica and I hadn’t. Their conversation dropped when they saw me approaching. Veronica gave me a strange look, one that caused a wave of insecurity to wash over me.

“What are you wearing?” she asked.

“What do you mean?” I replied, hating how small my voice sounded.

“Don’t you think that dress is a little bold for a coffee shop?”

“Coffee shop?” I asked, looking at Julian. “I thought we were getting dinner. ”

Julian nodded toward the cafe we were standing in front of, his expression unreadable. “No, we’re getting coffee. I have something to tell you.”

They walked inside before I could respond, and I followed, my stomach churning. The coffee shop didn’t seem as romantic as the restaurant, but then again, Julian was never one to care about things like that. He was the practical type, which could explain why he wanted Veronica here. It was a celebratory moment. She was probably the only person he could think of with whom I would want to share it.

But I would have rather had Liana here over Veronica.

We ordered drinks, and they went to sit down while I paid. As each second passed, I grew more and more confused and uneasy. The earlier excitement I felt was replaced with an odd, sick feeling.

I carefully carried our drinks over to the table, and I hesitated, noticing that Veronica had chosen the seat right next to Julian, leaving me to sit across from them. Veronica reached for her macchiato and a flash caught my eye. Something glittered on her finger and she yanked her hand back.

“Is that a ring?” I asked, her fingers now hidden behind her drink.

“Sit down, Eleanora,” Julian said.

The use of my full name made me freeze, but when my eyes met his, I obeyed, sitting in the wooden chair. “What’s going on?”

Veronica and Julian shared a look and then she placed her left hand on the table for me to see. “We’re engaged.”

“We?” I studied the ring on her finger. It looked exactly like the engagement ring I’d found weeks ago. The one I was sure was meant for me. “Who are you engaged to, Veronica? I didn’t know you were even dating anyone.”

“Me,” Julian said, placing his hand on top of Veronica’s. “We got engaged last night. ”

His words knocked the breath out of me, my heart stuttering. “What…?”

“Come on, Nell, let’s not make a big deal out of this,” Julian muttered.

“You and Veronica?” I said, my mind grasping for any explanation that didn’t lead to my boyfriend admitting he was cheating on me with my sister. There was no way. They wouldn’t do that to me. This had to be some kind of prank. “You’re not proposing to me?”

Julian scoffed. Actually scoffed. “Why would you think that?”

I swallowed, the sound so loud it startled me. My entire body was stiff, aside from my shaking hands that were cupped around the iced latte I’d ordered. Across from my latte was Veronica’s caramel macchiato, and next to it was Julian’s black coffee. Their entwined hands rested between the drinks that I’d paid for. I didn’t know why my mind caught on that fact—that I’d paid for their drinks. They knew they were coming here to do this, and they’d still let me pay for their orders.

They’re engaged.

He’s breaking up with me.

The world seemed to fall from under my feet, leaving me dangling in the air, and I struggled to hold on to anything that would keep me from plummeting. My hands tightened around my latte, trying to anchor myself, my knuckles shining bone-white through my pale skin. What had I done wrong? Why was this happening?

“You should have seen this coming,” Veronica said, her voice loud and sharp. Defensive. The accusation in her voice threw me—like it was my fault for being blindsided by this. She flipped her chestnut hair over her shoulder. “You can’t ever make a relationship last, Nell.”

I hadn’t even said anything for her to justify herself over yet. My eyes finally lifted from my hands to her face, so similar to my own, but I could barely recognize the resemblance now. Her blue, almond-shaped eyes narrowed as if daring me to speak back to her. Her lips formed a flat line, and the burgundy color of her lipstick served as a brutal reminder that I had gifted it to her for Christmas last year after Julian had said it would suit her.

Had it started all the way back then? December of last year? That couldn’t be. That would mean it’d almost been a year. How would I have not noticed?

I couldn’t even bring myself to look at Julian. My gaze went back to my latte, focusing on the way condensation slid down the side of the plastic cup in tiny droplets.

A to-go cup. Because they thought this would be a brief conversation.

“Don’t you have anything to say?” Veronica asked after another moment of silence.

“No,” I managed to get out, trying not to hunch in on myself, trying not to fold into nothingness.

“I told you she wouldn’t care,” Julian said, and I tensed again, the warm voice that once set my blood alight now sending ice through my veins. “Why doesn’t anything affect you? Am I nothing to you, Nell?”

My chest tightened, but I refused to look at him. “You’re seriously asking me that right now?”

“This wouldn’t have happened if you were capable of showing even an ounce of love toward anyone or anything,” he said, his words as accusing as my sister’s. “You can only go through the motions. Did those stupid romance books you always read really never teach you anything?”

His question stung, and I found I didn’t have a response. “They’re not stupid?—”

“You never learned from your past failed relationships how to be a better partner, did you? But Veronica was there for me through all your selfishness. ”

“Selfishness?” I repeated, my grip tightening on my cup further, the plastic starting to cave in. “You’ve lived off me for the past two years. I did everything for you. I forgave so much?—”

“I knew you’d throw that in my face one day,” Julian snapped, and I finally looked up to find him glaring at me.

“I’m not throwing it in your face, I?—”

“You let me do whatever I want,” he said. “You willingly forgave me every time. If you hated providing for me so much, why didn’t you say so? Why didn’t you tell me to leave? You were the one who always said you’d rather me stay home with you than go to work.”

My mouth opened, but my words died in my throat as I caught sight of the ring again. Julian didn’t have a job. He had my credit card.

He’d bought that ring with my money.

My boyfriend bought an engagement ring for my sister with my money. And I’d thought it was for me. I’d thought he’d asked me out today to propose to me . I’d worn the dress he always begged me to wear—too short, too tight, too black, but his favorite—only to be made a fool of.

My cup finally collapsed as I squeezed it even tighter in a jerk reaction. The liquid sloshed out as the top popped off, splashing over all our hands, coating that stupid ring, and spilling across the table. I stood then, ignoring Veronica as she cried out and jumped up from the table, my latte gushing over the edge and dripping onto her white dress.

I froze as I finally recognized that dress. It was mine. One she’d complimented me on before. One that I hadn’t been able to find in months.

Anger surged within me. “How could you—” I started, but cut myself off, the anger fading as quickly as it overcame me. Why had I expected anything else? Why had I let myself believe Julian truly loved me? What was so wrong with me that he felt the need to do this? Was it really all my fault?

“Don’t be overdramatic, Nell,” Veronica snapped. “It’s just a breakup. Aren’t you used to them by now?”

Did anyone get used to having their heart broken over and over again? Did anyone ever get used to not mattering enough for anyone to stay? To being the last priority? The one always left behind?

I turned to Julian, hating the question I needed to ask. The one I already knew the answer to. “Did you ever even love me? At all?”

“No,” he responded, not even hesitating a second. “I never loved you. I tried Nell, but I couldn’t. You can’t blame me for this. But you also don’t really care, do you? It won’t be hard to replace me. You’ll just throw yourself at the next person who offers you the smallest amount of affection. That’s how it went with me, wasn’t it? Because it was never me you actually wanted. Anyone would have done. At least Veronica chose me for me.”

And he chose her.

I stared at him for a moment, feeling like I was looking at a stranger. “Why didn’t you just tell me when it first started?”

“We couldn’t do that,” Veronica said, sounding exasperated.

“Why not?”

“You had that big design project due,” she told me. “The one you did for the healthcare company.”

“The healthcare company? But that was…” I couldn’t finish my sentence. That was over a year ago.

She jutted out her chin. “We didn’t want to mess it up. Then too much time passed, and there was never a good time to tell you.”

My mind couldn’t comprehend it. Julian had been cheating on me for over a year, and this was their excuse for it? I hated my job. Veronica knew I hated my job. I would have rather been fired than cheated on.

I opened my mouth to ask why , but my voice caught as the answer hit me. I paid Julian’s bills. And if my project had gone south, so would have my income. They didn’t tell me because they didn’t want to lose my money.

“Mom agreed,” Veronica added, and I thought I might choke.

Mom? Our mom knew about this, too? Knew that Julian was cheating on me with Veronica? Was okay with it?

I tried to remember when she’d first reached out to me saying she wanted me back in her life again. It was nearly a year and a half ago. When I’d bought Veronica a stupidly expensive purse after finishing that healthcare company project. Had they all been in on it even then?

I didn’t want to know the answer.

“Is that all?” I eventually got out, my voice hollow.

A muscle in Julian’s jaw feathered. “You’re not even going to attempt to fight for me?”

“Even I’m not that pathetic,” I said, and although I intended the words for him, it sounded like I was trying to convince myself.

“Even if I promised I would go back to you?” he asked.

My traitorous heart leaped at the thought.

Julian huffed out a breath. “Not that pathetic, huh?”

Shame flooded me. “I don’t understand. I love you?—”

“No, you don’t,” he said, cutting me off, sounding so sure, so cold. So final.

“I do,” I whispered, my eyes beginning to burn, and although I didn’t want to say them, the next words slipped out of me. “I did everything for you. How could you do this to me?”

“It was never love between us, Nell. Why can’t you understand that?” he snapped, and his words sliced right through my heart. “You’re desperate for something you don’t even understand. You can blame me for this, but it isn’t the first time it’s happened to you. Ask yourself why this keeps happening— why you can’t find someone to love you. You’ll find you’re the common denominator.”

I fell back a step, my gaze falling to Veronica. Her brows knitted together, her lips pinched. “I told you,” she started quietly. “I told you when Dad left us. I told you when Mom cut ties with you. When Emmy left you. It’s you , Nell. You’re the reason you can’t be loved.”

“No, I—” the words choked out of me, and I couldn’t finish them because, deep down, a cruel part of me whispered that what she said was true. That I wasn’t good enough. Not for Julian. Not for my mom or dad. Not my ex. Not for anyone. I should have fought against their accusations. I should have demanded they tell me why they would do this to me. Why my sister would betray me this way. But I didn’t.

I could only do what I was best at.

I ran.

A tear escaped down my cheek as I twisted on my heel, hurrying out of the cafe. My body was on autopilot as I returned to my car, started it, and began the drive back to my house. I clung to the steering wheel, trying to concentrate on the road, trying not to let my thoughts wander. A lump appeared in the back of my throat, but I swallowed it back.

I wouldn’t cry. I knew this would happen one day. It always did. This was nothing new. I had nothing to be upset about. I’d already accepted it.

I entered my house, immediately struck by the scent of Julian’s cologne. It clung to me as I kicked off my heels. I used to love the woody scent, but now it made me sick. I wanted it off me. I didn’t feel like I was in control of my body as I stripped off my too-tight dress and threw it onto my bed before going into the bathroom and stepping under burning hot water. It scalded me, but I stood there, letting the steam suffocate me .

I couldn’t be upset. I couldn’t.

Sinking down to the shower floor, I brought my knees to my chest, wrapped my arms around them, and let the water pelt down on me.

I stayed in that position until the water turned cold and my skin wrinkled. Shivering, I finally climbed out, swathing myself in a towel and exiting the bathroom. The house was silent around me. Julian hadn’t come back. He probably wouldn’t. I approached my bed— our bed?—

wanting nothing more than to crawl in and sleep, but I froze at the sight of the messy sheets. They were exactly how we’d left them after we woke up together this morning.

A sob lodged itself in my throat. I forced it back. No.

I couldn’t sleep in our bed. It would smell like him. Like us. Everywhere in my house did. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t stay here.

I threw on the first pair of underwear and bra I found in my drawer, then slid back into the black dress, not wanting to stick around and find something new to wear. I grabbed my keys and headed back out. My car was chilly as I climbed back into it, making me wonder exactly how long I’d zoned out in the shower.

Out of habit, I checked my right, ensuring that my second car—the one Julian usually drove—wasn’t parked too close to mine. The empty spot stung, but the sight of my books scattered across my backseat hit me like a physical blow to the chest as my gaze swept over them. The diamond rings on the covers were a brutal reminder that this was real while the stories I read were fake. That the promise of happily ever after was now out of my grasp. The tears I’d held back spilled then, my throat tightening, and I gripped my steering wheel, sucking in sharp breaths. A cold settled over me, deep in my bones, and it made me shake, rattling me to my core .

Why? The question kept repeating in my head. Why me? Why always me? What do I do so wrong?

Why did everyone always leave me? Why did I always have to be alone? Why couldn’t anyone love me?

“I just want to be loved,” I sobbed, curling in on myself. “Why? Why…?”

The fact that Julian cheated on me with Veronica hurt less than him revealing he’d never loved me. I shivered, biting my lip hard, whimpering as I tried to hold back my sobs. I’d fooled myself into thinking someone wanted me for the past two years.

No. I’d fooled myself into thinking I could ever find someone who wanted me.

No one did.

No one ever would, no matter what I offered them.

I turned the car on, tears still streaming down my face. There had to be someone out there that wanted me. Even just a small part. There had to be. I backed out of my garage, heading downtown. If Julian didn’t want me, I would find someone who did. I didn’t care who.

I parked at the busiest club I found, shucking off my jacket and heading to the doors. The bouncer checked my I.D. briefly before allowing me inside. When I stepped inside, the scent of sweat and alcohol blasted across my face, and a moist warmth enveloped me, fending off the cold from outside. The bass from the music rattled my ribcage as I walked toward the bar.

Julian always said he didn’t like women who drank, so I hadn’t touched alcohol during the two years we’d been together. A lump formed in my throat again, and I forced it down as I waved the bartender over. “Can I have…” I trailed off, realizing I didn’t even know what to order. “Um, your strongest drink?”

She gave me a pitying look before nodding, procuring a clean glass, and filling it up with alcohol before sliding it over to me. I took it gratefully, paying for it with a twenty and telling her to keep the rest. The scent of the alcohol met my nose as I raised the glass to my lips, making my eyes water, but I pressed ahead, swallowing down a large gulp—only to choke on it as it slid down my throat. I coughed loudly, my eyes watering even more than before. This earned another look from the bartender, and I turned away, the heat in my cheeks having nothing to do with the alcohol.

My eyes scanned the dark club, zeroing in on the multiple couples making out on the dance floor. The sight had my chest tightening, and I second-guessed my decision to come here. But maybe these people were here for the same reason I was—to find someone who wanted them, even if only for a night.

I steeled myself, marching myself onto the dance floor, joining the others. My limbs were tense and unfamiliar with the rhythm of the music pounding through the speakers. I attempted to replicate the movements of everyone around me, but only managed to crash into someone, causing my drink to spill all over the floor.

My cheeks flaming, I moved further into the crowd, being jostled along as I did so. Self-consciousness crept in as the other club goers danced effortlessly around me while I stood still. Some gyrated on their partners, sharing kisses under the dim lights, hands exploring each other. For a moment, an image of Julian and I flashed through my mind, his breath on my skin, the way he always seemed to hesitate before he kissed me. I hadn’t thought much about it before, but now…

I turned away, my chest constricting, but it was too late. More and more memories flooded my mind. How I’d forgiven him for cheating on me not once, but twice before. How my girlfriend before him had told me how she hated how pathetic and desperate I became when she was upset with me. How my first boyfriend would try his best to hurt me, to try to get me to become angry with him because he hated how I never reacted to anything.

I placed my drink down on a nearby table, balling my shaking hands into fists. Was I the problem, after all? Because I just wanted a partner who cared for me? Because I would put up with anything just to believe someone actually loved me? Was I so desperate in their eyes? Was that why everyone left me in the end? Why, no matter how much I gave in a relationship, no matter how hard I tried , no one loved me in the end?

My eyes burned as tears crested again, making the club and dancers blur into a watery and distorted haze.

“Why?”

I couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’ll do anything,” I pleaded into the dark, my words lost in the music, my eyes closing as a tear rolled down my cheek. “I’ll give anything.”

I just wanted to be loved.

“ Please …”

A cool touch on my throat had my muscles tensing. Long fingers curled around my neck, and a rough palm grazed my skin, sending a shiver down my spine. I opened my eyes again, my breath snagging in my throat as I caught sight of the stranger towering over me. Although the darkness of the club cast shadows over him, it did little to blanket the sharp angles of his jawline and the way his broad shoulders tapered down to a slender waist. Inky black hair curled around his ears, starkly contrasting his pale skin. A few errant strands fell into his eyes as he leaned down, his dark gaze pinning me in place as much as his grip on my neck.

There was something strange about the way he looked at me. Piercing, as if he saw right through me. Knowing, as if he understood my pain and yearning. And predatory, as if I were prey for him to exploit.

A trickle of fear spread through my veins, but then his lips curved up, revealing a languid, enticing half-smile. Pressure on my neck urged me closer to him, and I inhaled his scent—amber, vanilla, something heady and warm. Our gazes never lost connection, even as his chest pressed against mine, our proximity sending my pulse racing. His hand slid from my neck into my hair, fingers tangling in the strands, pulling gently, forcing my chin to tilt up toward him as he moved his face closer, his warm breath fanning across my lips.

My lips parted, but no sound came out, my mind clouded by his intoxicating presence.

“Have I left you speechless? How sweet,” he murmured, his voice low and sultry.

He closed the distance between us with a soft kiss to the highest point of my cheekbone, making me jolt at the intimacy of the action. He repeated the action on the other side, and when he pulled away, he moved his hand to cradle my cheek, wiping away my drying tears with his thumb.

Blood rushed to my cheeks, and warmth bloomed throughout my body, pooling in my stomach.

His head tilted, a glint of amusement dancing in his charcoal-colored eyes. “Are you not just perfect?” he asked, his thumb swiping over my lips now, applying enough pressure to part them, sending another thrill through me. “What is your name?”

“Eleanora,” I responded, my tongue brushing against the tip of his thumb, which still rested between my lips.

His gaze darkened before he pulled his thumb away and released my neck, taking a step back. I immediately felt cold at the loss of contact and took an unwitting step forward, my hand reaching for his waist, trying to get close again.

A smirk graced his features as his hand caught my wrist. “Patience, Eleanora,” he said, my name on his lips making my heart skip a beat. “We have all night. And you have certainly caught my attention. ”

My eyes roamed over his body. He wore a black button-up shirt tucked into black slacks. The first two buttons of his shirt were left undone, hinting at the expanse of skin underneath, and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, showcasing his lean muscle and prominent veins. A silver belt buckle gleamed under a passing strobe light, drawing my attention to it for a moment too long.

“And I have apparently caught yours,” he whispered into my ear teasingly.

My head snapped back up, flushing again, our faces so close together I would barely have to move to kiss him. “Sorry—” I began, but my words died as his lips ghosted across mine.

“No need to apologize for anything,” he told me, his hands going to my waist. “You are exactly what I have been looking for.”

I caught his gaze again, sensing a deeper meaning to his words but not understanding it. I didn’t care to understand it, either, when he released my wrist and pulled my hips flush against his. A soft gasp escaped my lips as his belt buckle pressed into my stomach, sending a wave of desire through me.

“And am I? What you have been looking for?” he asked in a low voice, his hand rising to my jaw again, grasping it gently.

My mouth went dry, and I had to swallow before I could answer. “I…” I didn’t know. I could barely think straight. His presence seemed to muddle my thoughts. It overwhelmed me with attraction but also raised the hair on the back of my neck, making my muscles tense as if I needed to be ready to escape at any moment.

And then self-reproach hit me. How could I be doing this when Julian was?—

When Julian was out there fucking my sister.

“Fuck it,” I said, my hands curling into the front of the stranger’s shirt, drawing him closer as I stood on my tiptoes to crash my lips against his .

His breath came out in a sharp exhale, and his fingers dug further into my skin, making my lips part in another gasp. He wasted no time in slipping his tongue into my mouth, the hand on my face now moving back into my hair to angle my head in a way he preferred as he deepened the kiss. His other hand moved from my hip to my lower back, guiding me impossibly close to him as his tongue tangled with mine, causing another ripple of desire to course through my body.

I forced myself to release the grip I had on his shirt, flattening my palms against his chest. His muscles rippled under my touch, and my hands moved lower, feeling the firm expanse of his abdomen as his hand on my back slid lower to rest lightly on my ass. I made a noise of contentment as his lips moved from my mouth to my chin, then down to my neck, kissing and nipping at my skin along the way. I tilted my head to the side to give him better access, and he placed hot, open-mouthed kisses on me that made my skin erupt into goosebumps.

“You are precious,” he breathed into my neck, punctuating his words with another kiss. “So beautiful.”

“I’m not,” I said, my voice shaky as my hands moved from his hair to his shoulders, clinging to him as my knees grew weak. “Otherwise, my boyfriend wouldn’t have cheated on me.”

“You are,” he murmured. “Your face.” He kissed my cheek. “Your body.” His hand trailed along the line of my spine, leaving behind a wake of fire. “Every inch of you.”

I hid my face in the crook of his neck, unable to face him, the praise making my heart beat faster and faster. No one had ever said things like that to me.

“So perfect for me,” he said, leaning in to kiss my neck again, this time softer, more sensually.

My eyes closed, and my nails dug into his shoulder as I let myself be swept away in the moment. The bass of the music reverberated through my chest, matching the tempo of my heartbeat. I moved in closer, pressing our bodies flush together again. I froze as something hard pressed against my thigh. The stranger noticed my hesitance and moved away, planting a small kiss on the corner of my lips.

“I apologize,” he said, his voice low and raspy. “I cannot control that. You are quite tempting.”

For a second, I couldn’t comprehend his words. Julian could barely ever get it up and blamed it on me. It always took a blow job to get him decently hard enough. But this man was saying just a kiss was enough?

He stepped back again, and I realized he misunderstood my silence. I gathered my courage, dragged him to me once more, and purposefully ground myself against his erection. A low moan sounded in his throat, and our mouths melded together again.

“Were you looking for something more tonight?” he asked, his breath hot against my lips. “I was not, myself, but now…” His touch grew more demanding, more commanding as his hands skimmed down my sides, gripping my hips again, securing me against him. “Now I am.”

Arousal shot straight to my core, his every word filled with allure, but I went still again, my mind spinning with conflicting thoughts. Could I do this? Sleep with a stranger? The same day I broke up with my boyfriend?

Were we even broken up?

Would I willingly take Julian back if he apologized and said it was all a mistake? If he had a change of heart? If I could be a better girlfriend, if I could convince him to stay?—

I never loved you .

My lungs constricted as Julian’s voice echoed through my head.

You’re the common denominator.

“Can we get out of here?” I breathed.

The stranger’s lips curved up into a smile. “I would love nothing more.”